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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Feb 2012
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OP
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Sorry to post twice in quick succession, but I wrote something else very quickly that I wanted to show as well. There is a video here : http://youtu.be/OI_xLQ1AD-4 the fool in the mirrori don't really know him all that well most the time I wish he'd shuffle off and go burn in hell all the trouble and the worry casting shadows on my day are from that fool in the mirror making bets that i can't pay trouble trouble trouble I'm in deep i'm tired to the bone but i ain't got time to sleep my phone is ringing ringing ringing off the hook that fool owes money everywhere and he's hiding like a crook i saw him at the bar on saturday night he was talking up the girls and he got bloodied in a fight spending all the money i don't got it's that fool in the mirror who's put me in this spot he's boorish impulsive and suspect he's every flaw in character I refuse to accept he's everything i work and strive not to be but that fool in the mirror is me the fool in the mirror is me and i hope it makes a difference he's not what i want to be but that fool in the mirror's still me that fool in the mirror is me
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Joined: Apr 2010
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Hey Colin I think this is a good lyric,it's quite clever but reminds me a little bit of michael jacksons "man in the mirror". none the less I still liked it
Peace Joe
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Joined: Jul 2012
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I like it. Your voice is so relaxing to me. I subscribed to your YouTube.
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Joined: Mar 2009
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Awesome song Colin!
Sounds great!
Geneva
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Hi joe,
I was worried about the same thing, but I like to think it's different enough.
Thanks for subscribing Justin, I'm having trouble getting views and likes, shares, subscriptions etc. on my videos so anything that helps get them out there is greatly appreciated.
I'm glad to hear you liked it Geneva.
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Sorry to post twice in quick succession, but I wrote something else very quickly that I wanted to show as well. There is a video here : http://youtu.be/OI_xLQ1AD-4 the fool in the mirrori don't really know him all that well most the time I wish he'd shuffle off and go burn in hell all the trouble and the worry casting shadows on my day-- I think it is a tiny bit crowded lyrically and maybe drop the go? are from that fool in the mirror- I feel it would flow nicer to say the fool in the mirror instead of that...the use of that makes it cut off so suddenly..jmhomaking bets that i can't pay maybe say placing bets I can't pay? leave out that again...and use placing, to me it makes it stick out more..but cool verse...and nice voice too!!trouble trouble trouble I'm in deep i'm tired to the bone but i ain't got time to sleep my phone is ringing ringing ringing off the hook that fool owes money everywhere-- maybe this fool? or the fool if you want to keep yourself 3rd person...and he's hiding like a crook i saw him at the bar on saturday night= maybe leave off the ON...and just say I saw him at the bar Saturday night?he was talking up the girls and he got bloodied in a fight spending all the money i don't got it's that fool in the mirror who's put me in this spot he's boorish impulsive and suspect he's every flaw in character I refuse to accept he's everything i work and strive not to be but that fool in the mirror is me the fool in the mirror is me- I think in this bridge perhaps if you started it on a different note to make it stand out more would be nice...and maybe not sing it in the same cadance to make it stand out more..but nice lyric.and i hope it makes a difference he's not what i want to be but that fool in the mirror's still me-- that fool in the mirror is me You have loads of good things about this. I offered a few ideas to maybe tighten things up but good stuff...I wish you lots of luck with it Kim
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Joined: Feb 2012
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Hi Kim,
I've been looking over your notes and I agree with you on a lot of the changes. I'll have to post a new version soon.
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After some revision, this is what I have for the lyrics.
don't seem like I know him all that well most the time I wish he'd shuffle off, go burn in hell all the trouble and the worry casting shadows on my day are from the fool in the mirror placing bets that I can't pay
trouble trouble trouble I'm in deep i'm tired to the bone but I ain't got time to sleep my phone is ringing ringing ringing off the hook the fool owes money everywhere and he's hiding like a crook
i saw him at the bar saturday night he was talking up the girls and got bloodied in a fight spending all the money i don't got it's that fool in the mirror who put me in this spot
he's boorish impulsive and suspect every flaw in character i refuse to accept he's everything i work and strive not to be but that fool in the mirror is me the fool in the mirror is me
i hope it makes a difference he's not who i want to be but that fool in the mirror's still me the fool in the mirror is me
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Joined: May 2009
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Hey Colin, One of the first things I learned about songwriting for the market was to [color:#FF0000]put the singer in a favorable light. The theme of this song is negative and would probably only work as a singer/songwriter release; perhaps that is your intention.
Also, the melody is too "same-y" throughout. You could raise it by starting with a C and going to a D chord in this section:[/color]
i (C) saw him at the bar saturday (D) night he was (C) talking up the girls and got (D) bloodied in a fight (C) spending all the money i don't (D) got it's that (C) fool in the mirror who (D) put me in this spot
and I'd shorten that instrumental - a lot...with just an acoustic guitar, I found myself wishing for a quicker return to the lyric.
Good luck with it.
“I usually start with a title or maybe a little rhyme or phrase.” - Harlan Howard
Co-writing = Compromise!
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Joined: Feb 2012
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Hi Shayne,
That is my intention, I tend to only write things to perform myself. I can imagine it would be difficult to sell a negative song to someone else, but I obviously don't have that problem.
I think you might be onto something as far as changing the melody goes, and I'll play around with that idea. And as for the instrumental I agree completely, I've been learning the harmonica to try and add interest in instrumental parts.
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