Last weekend I went to LA and had a one-hour session with well-known Hollywood vocal coach Steven Memel.

WOW!!! He had so much insight for me -- and it was more like a counseling session than voice instruction at all I HIGHLY recommend him, if you are in the LA area and looking.

I came out of that one hour a changed person from the inside.
Forever!

It's hard to describe exactly what did it, but I came away infused with something like good karma and a glimmer of growing new confidence that just feels GREAT!!

I sang first, shaking in my boots. It has ALWAYS been difficult for me to sing to only one person (or two) -- freaks out my anxiety to the MAX and ruffles EVERYTHING inside me. Nevermind that I am extremely aware this person is the same coach for Maroon 5 and Drew Barrymore +++ many others. (Nah that didn't make it harder at all -- NOT! lol)

Then we talked about "OK. Linda. WHERE does all this anxiety come from? Tell me." and wow - I found it - yeeeeeeeeeaaaahhhhhh ouch - just REACH right in my gut and PULL why don't you - !!! but there it was. (getting knocked down over and over from childhood {{by my own family no less}} told all my vocal weaknesses never any strengths, told "don't you dare go into music - EVER - it's a corrupting business" told I "shouldn't" sing solo or "that high note" or don't sing this song, don't sing that, etc etc etc ad nauseum - most parents are proud when their kids sing, right?? no, mine always *seemed* or it *felt like* they cringed and/or worried or otherwise discouraged it {{now I'll be fair here and say that may or may not be an accurate perception on my part!! - but to *me* any praise from them *seemed* just the pat on the head -- you know -- the one you give when you can't tell if your kid's drawing is a dinosaur or a flower vase}}). WRENCHING but oh so necessary to face dead-on and slaughter.

Oh man. So much still in there I thought I'd brushed away ... nope.

Then we went through my song line by line (Bridge Over Troubled Water) and picked apart the meaning of each word .... which my English-major brain absolutely LOVED, lol.

Then I sang again - and he MADE ME stare right into his eyes and "DELIVER THE MESSAGE" as I sang -- stopped me the one time my eyes wandered off! Do it again!

OH MY GOSH! I have NEVER been able to do that - never even THOUGHT to do that or that I COULD stare into ONE person's eyes and SING to just those eyes (of either a total stranger OR an intimate close friend!) -- I'm always - off looking somewhere else -- YIKES!!! -- but by that point - I just DID and it was EASY .... something in the conversation flow had just snapped all my anxiety & nerves straight down to ZERO.

And I delivered the song much more the way I WANTED to from the beginning. The way I sang it by myself in my room.

When I finished, he smiled a pleased half-smile, looked me right in the eye & told me something I'll never forget.

I'll tell you what it was -- caveat first - some of you MAY comment this could have been a slightly "unprofessional" thing to say but (and y'all know I'm Mormon and don't swear much either, but I was NOT AT ALL OFFENDED by it and IMHO these words were EXACTLY, exactly what I needed to hear!!!!) = and there's really no way to rephrase.

(hope he doesn't mind my quoting this in public, um)


He goes, "You know what? F* 'em."


...




I laughed out loud!
I said, "Thank you!"
I cried.

And I can't even define in ANY words the paradigm shift I've experienced.

I feel FANTASTIC.

If this is inappropriate or unprofessional to share (please someone tell me straight up!!!) I'll edit this away.

Just thought -- there could be those of you out there reading along that this counsel might help too. hahaaha

Linda

Hi,

I enjoyed hearing this story.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Linda

I' m convinced that if you can't please yourself first -- then how can you expect to please others ?-- so I think that you got some good direction : )

Thank you Calvin!

Thank you Joice!
Yes, that's exactly the feeling I walked away with - I DO please myself and [fill in the blank with whatever LOL], I'm gonna do what I WANT TO DO.

Cee-lo's "Forget You" ROFL been running in my head, hahahahahahaaaa



PS SIDE NOTE: I am VERY LIKELY to edit out the part above re: my family junk in a week or less because that will NOT stay up forever for them to find.

He also said "Lose the apology!"

-- which I've felt and been seeking to do for some time --
but somehow when I walked out of that session - yep, now that's GONE. I think FOR GOOD.

Whoa!
I dunno if I've ever had a more major musical epiphany.
I'm just so amazed.

Great story! I feel like he just gave you permission to believe in yourself. I like him and never met him at all.

Do what he says, maybe not repeat what he said, but it's good advice.

Sounds like a fantastic experience! Great for you.

A lot of us here (I can be the worst offender) seem to go out of way to point out all the problems in the songs we post. I don't know if it is a bad thing here at a peer to peer reviewing site -- but it is a bad habit if we continue to do that with everyone.

Good luck on the first day of the rest of your singing career.

Im thinking the Knicks should hire a vocal coach, it might help their chances of winning some games.

No basketball coach has been able to.

Thanks Caroline!! YES, EXACTLY!!!
That's a permission that has been so hard for me to find and/or accept. GREAT FEELING.

I liked him before I met him in person too - which is why he got my attention and my business.

**ALSO** I was grateful that while it was somewhat pricey for an hour's time - (but not considering his clientele) it was within range - less than a typical song demo!!!!

VERY good place to plunk my music investment dollars. What I've come away with = PRICELESS.

Satisfied customer!!
I'll definitely meet with him again when I can.

Thanks Kevin!!

And IMHO - well we are HERE for critique and review and learning, study, to REVISE and become more marketable, etc. That is a major reason most of us spend time here!

Personally - your reviews, to me, are insightful and right on the money. Problems come when we ONLY tear down and forget to build back up. You have, and do, build me up.


I just saw a Tweet out there that may relate ... (stated slightly sexist IMO but it applies to both genders equally, I think) ==== "Tell a girl she's pretty, she'll remember you five seconds. Tell a girl she's ugly, she's remember you FOREVER."

hehe......
I for one definitely believe negative critique to be true so much faster than I'll ever believe compliments - why that is I have yet to fathom out ... but perhaps we're all like that.

They say in parenting classes that you have to give out at least 10 praises to counteract every one negative.
Hard to remember or count or do or keep in action - in family life or professional life! I'm a parent too & I know I forget stuff myself... nobody's perfect & my intent is not to pass off blame or judge anyone, only to describe consequences - and my attitude & feelings about myself are MY RESPONSIBILITY, regardless what anyone says or thinks!

I've had just as many friends & total strangers tell me to keep going and they like what I do -- & while that's terrrific and balances the negatives -- facts remain, *I* have to be good enough FOR ME and no one else, FIRST.

L

LOL!!!!!

Linda what an inspiring experience for you. Sounds to me that this guy was genuinely interested in doing what was best for you...

God Bless Roy and Helen

Linda:

Thanks for sharing your experience. Break a leg, lady friend. We're all in your corner.

All the best,

Dave

Hahaha - I would have laughed too

Great story, Linda - and one that resonated too.

I've had people tell me in the past that I was no good at music. I never let it stop me from making it but I'm sure it's affected how I've shared it.

I'm glad this gave you a boost (which seems to be putting it mildly) because a voice as lovely as yours is meant to be heard.

Scott

This thread makes me very happy.

Great story, and I'm going to give a link to this topic to
a girl who I work with, she has natural abilities to sing, but
with a right coach she could make wonders

That's way different from the vocal exercises most of us get from a voice teacher! He sounds like psychologist as much as a musician. Way to go and I love hearing you so excited!!

Good for you Linda.Sometimes we are own worst critics.I figure I am a poor singer but others have said they like my singing. I figure they are just being kind. I only hear myself when I put my voice on cassette tape using a real cheap mic.When one sings they only hear in their head what it sounds like,others hear actually what it is. Good singers are the first to put you down, I've never had a good comment from those that are pro singers or think they are. Anyway I'm not trying to be a singer, just a writer.

HiDee Mz Linda, & CONGRATS...Sounds like Ya found The Perfect Coach!!!

Biggest Obstacle any Singer ever faces is Themselves.

I'm a Believer in "Practice Makes Perfect"...(Once You're over the Insecurity Issue)... Got over MY Fears by singin' in a Biker Bar on Karaoke Night...(Quite a Memorable Occasion)...

So..The MORE Ya sing in front of an Audience, the LESS You'll be Afraid of Their Reactions.

Your Pro gave Ya some Great Advice...& it's SO True!

Best Wishes & Big Good-Luck Hugs,
Stan

So awesome.

A friend of mine once had some good advice from another vocalist who was coaching him.
He asked my friend to sing something to him and when he finished he said, "Now sing it like you love me".
Sounds similar to your experience.
Vic

Linda,

I can't thank you enough for your story. It really helped me. I always enjoy following your adventures when you share them here. But I swear to God, I was just Googling "performance anxiety" and "self-sabotage", and reading articles about it when I decided to see what was happening on JPF today...and it is like something led me right to your post. I know exactly what it's like to be able to sing well, and then don't. (I even have some similar parental baggage...ever notice how the great ones started young, and usually had support at home? )

So I have to continue my own self work. Thanks for the mirror, Linda. Please leave every word of that post right there. It's perfect just the way it is.

Ep

People have told me to find a vocal coach for quite some time - and I have looked around - this is "trial #4" and, the others all had something to offer for sure but for this reason or that it didn't work out quite (though maybe could have).

For me -- I'd rather pay a little more a lot less frequently for high-quality coaching, than pay less for a weekly lesson with a lesser "match" to what I need. I'll definitely go back. He works by Skype too. FYI. :-)

PM if anyone wants his contact info.

For your friend - best wishes to her as well!

Ack! I lost an entire post!!! urgh brb...

THANK YOU Roy, Dave, Scott, Mike, Alek, Colin, {{this is reminding me of the hostess of Romper Room way back when with her magic mirror LOL!!}} Everett, Stan, Mark, Vic, & Ep.

Stan - I *have* been doing exactly that - getting out to karaoke nights - I'm a junkie, I love them. LOL hehehe

And yes it really does help! it's so much less stressful than open mic nites, at least for me, and easier to find.

Everett -- hugs!!!
Vic - yup! exactly!

Ep!!!! I am so glad this helped you! How very cool!! I love those moments where we are led to and find exactly what we needed to hear.

Oy the baggage - tell me about it - yeah!

Gotta add tho.... the real young ones who make it while they usually DO have parental support ALSO have a really rough road ahead as they reach adulthood. I'm not sure I know of _any_ "child star" or very young star who isn't later on going through a mess anyway!! Sooooooo...... hmmmmm, things to think about....

"The industry" really is looking for that AMAZING 15-year old ... or other child prodigy... But the human voice doesn't mature till age 35 in the first place. Eh well.

Funny thing is, I haven't sung since Saturday because I've been too freakazoid busy. LOL but!! I can look into your eyes now and sing it like I love you

oh dear

....this is likely to bring out the weirdy groupies LOL

HAHAHA

"getting knocked down over and over from childhood {{by my own family no less}} told all my vocal weaknesses never any strengths, told "don't you dare go into music - EVER - it's a corrupting business" told I "shouldn't" sing solo or "that high note" or don't sing this song, don't sing that, etc etc etc ad nauseum - most parents are proud when their kids sing, right?? no, mine always *seemed* or it *felt like* they cringed and/or worried or otherwise discouraged it" - Linda Adams

I hear you...my family was the same was and your right F'em...This is a great post and I really didn't have to post at all but wanted to say I enjoyed reading about your experiences and had a similar family reaction to my music...