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Nelson Offline OP
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Thanks for your time Guys.
I'll let this marinate for a while before I go at it again.


I’ve been trying to write a title track, to draw folks to the Voodoo Smile album. (which does not exist)
I want it to be the kind of song that's fun to play.
Give the drummer some… give the axe man some etc.
I may have to get serious about my guitar work for this one.
Especially in the chorus, I think the strength of the song may depend on it.
I'm sure you'll get the general idea of what I'm going for.

[Linked Image]

Voodoo Smile remix 7/22/12
by MisterNelson
©2012


Last edited by Nelson; 08/01/12 11:46 AM.
Nelson #966482 07/03/12 07:44 PM
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hey i like this Nelson!I could go with this rocker but i guess for me would be a slower bluesier swamp vibe to it.I think your vocal would be a much better fit with that style on this song anyway.So i guess i made it a little bit harder for you,LOL,heck you know what you want,This one does kick butt though!Mike

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Hi MISTER NELSON,

THIS song makes me smile real big.
NICE JOB.
Sooooo many good lines in it.
This song rocks & has "cool" written all over it.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Calvin #966555 07/04/12 10:53 AM
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Could do with more contrast between verses and chorus either or both, rhythm and melody.
The bridge was refreshing.

Last edited by Neil Cotton; 07/04/12 10:53 AM.
Nelson #966561 07/04/12 11:18 AM
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Oh I found me a new Nelson song! I love it! I hear a couple of very, very minor things lyrically that I'll throw at ya. smile

Verse 1
I heard a little birdie say,
Mister; you don’t want to go that way
Mark my words you will rue the day.
That sexy little woman came your way.
She’ll treat like you’re the last man alive.
And the way she moves can make a grown man cry
Don’t mistake there’s danger in her eyes.
Like dancing with the devil, you’re playing with fire I wonder if there is another word you could use here instead of devil. The coaches at Song have drilled in my head that it's not a good idea to repeat words especially words from the chorus. Perhaps you could say satan?

Chorus
I know it’s all wrong and I know I should care
I know I’m on the devil’s train and going nowhere.
And though, I’ve been working on good bye for a while.
I lose control when she shows that…
That Voodoo Smile
Her Voodoo Smile
My heart can’t oppose it and everyone knows that I wanted to hear "everyone knows it" I think oppose it/knows it would sound cool, just an idea that I had while listening. smile
I’m hanging from a cliff of denial. AWESOME line!!!
Verse
She’s wicked as medusa but hid the signs.
Her spell has me hooked, pole sinker and line.
Her every desire, I’ll walk the earth to find.
When down to her last breath. She’s welcomed to mine. Another awesome line!
I got to get a grip because I’m tripping through time.
Sexy little mama got me losing my mind.
Trying to let go, while holding on tight. Love this.
How can this be so wrong, when it feels so right?
Chorus
I know I’m doing wrong and I know I should care
I know I’m on the devil’s train and going nowhere.
And though, I’ve been working on good bye for a while.
I lose control when she shows
That voodoo smile…
Her Voodoo Smile..
Don’t know if I will survive
Bridge
People always telling me, the bill of goods she selling me, is gonna ruin my life.
I say people take it easy, for the way she’s pleasing me, another roll of the dice.
Repeat Chorus
Bridge #2
I’m sick of people always telling me, the way they think things aut to be and how I’m ruining my life.
So people take it easy, when you fucking see me, because I’m the one rolling the dice.
I think it’s all wrong but not really sure. I’ve been on this train for a while.
Every time I make up my mind to head for the door she hits me with that Voodoo smile
Voodoo Smile
Voodoo Smile

There are so many great lines and as I said the changes I suggested are very minor and kos of course. I love this! smile

Dottie

Dottie #966613 07/04/12 08:30 PM
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Mike
Thanks a lot as if it isn't hard enough.
Seriously the other version is a bit mellower. (is that a word)
The problem is the bridge here doesn't go well with the other version, so I'll have to figure something out.

Calvin
So glad you're diggin this one.
Honestly just trying to write a really kick ass song.
Something FUN. Fun to sing along with and fun to play.

Neil
Thanks for stopping by. I changed the bass line in the verses to increase the contrast to the chorus. Actually just decreased the number of notes.

Dottie
Glad you liked it.

For me, Satan lacks the punch of, "the devil's train" and "dancing with the devil".
Be careful of coaches and those songwriting rules.
You must determine the value of each word, of every line, in every verse or chorus.

My heart can’t oppose it and everyone knows that I wanted to hear "everyone knows it" I think oppose it/knows it would sound cool, just an idea that I had while listening.
I’m hanging from a cliff of denial AWESOME line!!!

"Everyone knows that I'm hanging from the cliff of denial". is one single thought. I didn't want to chop it up, for the easy rhyme. I challenged myself to sell the fact that the words "it and that" sounds exactly alike. grin grin maybe I've been hangin from that cliff too long.

Truth is I stressed the words oppose and knows instead of it and that.

Sugar, I hope my ramblin made some sense. smile





Nelson #966692 07/05/12 04:58 PM
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Mr. Nelson

I like the retro feel. Good tune, works for me as is.

Cheers
Paul


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1016904

Complacency is failure's mentor.
Book of Paulverbs
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Nelson Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Paul H. Gaines
Mr. Nelson

I like the retro feel. Good tune, works for me as is.

Cheers
Paul

Paul
I appreciate your time and the listen.
Glad you liked it.

Nelson #967170 07/10/12 01:16 AM
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MISTER NELSON--

I USED TO KNOW THIS VOO DOO GAL TOO--I'M GLAD YOU HAVE HER NOW!

SHE CAN STICK A PIN IN THE DOLL--A PAIN IN THE GROIN--SHE JUST SMILES--

A GOOD ONE BROTHER!

Mackie

Mackie H. #967199 07/10/12 11:11 AM
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You have improved the contrast

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Nelson,

OOOH, I love the ending on this, it leaves me wanting MORE!!

You've hit on something really good there at the end, it is really good.

Great song again and I want my Nelson cd!!!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




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Hey Nelson! I like your style. I have a couple of opinions that I'll throw at you that you can take or ignore. I agree with Neil Cotton about the verse and chorus needing to be a bit more distinct. I just worked on a song with a co-colaborator where we had a similar issue. I don't think you need to re-write the music, there are a lot of songs especially in "pop" music, where the chorus and verse music is very similar. You might look at a couple things: 1) Use the last chorus tag line only in the last chorus to give it more power at the end. 2) Experiment with a quick musical or drum interlude before jumping on the chorus; (it may or may not work) but when you do jump on the chorus, RAISE the intensity with your vocals to let people know we're here baby at the chorus, so to speak if you get my drift. Also make sure the last vocal line of the verse before the chorus doesn't come across too bold to even better contrast the dynamics of the chorus.

I'm not sure about this thought, which was maybe to shorten the verses a line or two to allow for the last chorus to tag even longer. These are more of "producing" ideas. I didn't delve into the lyrics, but nothing bad jumped out at me. I always prefer not having "four same vowel rhymes" as you do in the first verse (say, way, day, way) -- but I I can live with that. I really like the music -- very nice job, I think you can improve it with a few tweaks.

eswartz - steady-eddie

E Swartz #967688 07/14/12 08:04 PM
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Circling the drain and loving every minute. smile

Not enough people write that kind of thing anymore - my kind of song!

Love it, Nelson!

"When down to her last breath. She’s welcomed to mine." - One of many great lines. smile

Scott

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Fast Steady Eddie
Pleasure to meet you and thank you for taking the time to listen.
I appreciate your suggestions.
Well see how it goes.

Scott
"Circling the drain and loving every minute."
Now that's a new one for me... and me likes it.

As for the lines...They keep coming and I'll keep jotting them down.
I have such high hopes for the eventual music for this song that I think the lyrics really have to have some kick ass lines to compete or at least hold their own.
We'll see

E Swartz #968067 07/17/12 12:41 PM
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Originally Posted by E Swartz
RAISE the intensity with your vocals to let people know we're here baby at the chorus, so to speak if you get my drift.


Though I'd like to think I'm becoming more comfortable with my vocals, it's obvious I'm not because I still find it unnerving to as you say, "raise the intensity of my vocals", through out a song. especially on faster more upbeat songs.
Yet another fear to over come.
But, I'm working on it.

Thanks for the input

Nelson #968846 07/22/12 11:37 PM
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Took another shot at this one. Well the plan was to replay some of the parts and redo some of the vocals but nothing felt good so I decided to try to squeeze more from the song, through the mix.

I removed somethings, added a little, muted some, turned somethings up and some down. Still trying for more contrast between verse and chorus. Tried to kick the 2 bridge sections up a notch with tambourine, cymbal and cowbell.

Baby steps... eh?

Nelson #968871 07/23/12 01:38 AM
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Man, Nelson...how on earth did I miss this...

Great, Great, Great...loving it.....wow......can't stop listening...

you man, are Great....................


glyn

glynda #968885 07/23/12 05:54 AM
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Hey there Nelson....I didn't warm up to this right away.....but after the first 30", I fell into the track and was reliving the late 70's and all those smoke filled teen parties that I, at the time, thought I invented.
Good stuff! -Tom

IronKnee #968962 07/23/12 04:00 PM
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This is really cool, Nelson! You have so many great lines here that really make it a strong piece! I enjoyed my listen from beginning to end! Lisa

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Glynda
Thank you Thank you Thank you so much for putting up with my
Rock & Soul.

Tom
I get that quite often.
As long you come around, I am thrilled.

Parties....Yeah wild times they were.

Lisa
I wanted a cool line overload with this song.
The title intrigue me so that I thought it was a necessity.
So glad it worked out.
Thanks for the kind words.

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Nelson , I love the vibe of this song . You make me believe everytime You sing .

To me the guitar solo panned left steals to much of the attention trueout the song . Sometimes , less is more !!!

All the best
Jan


"You have to react to what's around you in the moment, whatever the music is.
Just think of it as some place you have to enter and you need to find the key."

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Nelson Offline OP
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Hi Jan
Good to hear from you on this one.
I get the Less is more, thing, for sure but I'm experimenting on mixing some noodling in under the verse of a song.

It's something I love and now trying to learn to do it.
I've been told to drop the highs and bring up the lows could push it back a bit from the vocals.
Not totally working so, for the time being I removed it from the 1st verse and panned it over to the right side in the 2nd verse. Let it screw up the harmonies and not so much the lead vocals. lol

Again, good to hear from you.


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