JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 You Ain't Hank

V1 (ELVIS- style)
Well, it's a-many years since Elvis died, but man he ain't forgotten
A million imitators, some great, some downright rotten
I never understood why no one does an Opry legend
Been almost sixty years since he moved into country heaven

V2 (Slower:HANK-style)
People say I favor country music's late Hank Williams
I'd never tried to sing or write, but I'd like to make some millions
So I bought an old guitar, got to pickin' and a-grinnin'
To my surprise, my country twang was gettin' smiles from women

(Spoken)
Went to a cheapo studio and played

(Sung to the tune of Jambalya)
"Jambalaya crawfish pie," there I stumbled
"Need to sing songs I write", technicians grumbled

(Spoken)
So I left and went to the libary...yes, libary and checked out The Craft of Writing

V3
I got a gig in Westerfield, I had to pay the owner
I billed myself as Singin' Hank from Concho, Arizoner
A talent scout had come to watch an act that followed me
I could not believe the standing O that I received

(Spoken)
Afterwards that scout walked over and introduced hisself

BRIDGE
Said "Son, you look and sound a lot like Hank
Course, I've had a lot to drank
Your lyrics seem very fresh and new
Course I've had peyote, too
But I'm right here to tell you exactly who you ai....ain't
And you sure ain't Hank!"

CHORUS
You ain't Hank, you sure ain't Hank
So what, all the people cheered
And I'm closer to a Driftin' Cowboy
Than the Son of a Pioneer
Well, there's guys who sure ain't E'vis
With big bucks in the bank
Yet I can't cash in on Hank because I ain't...
I ain't Hank

You ain't Hank, you sure ain't Hank
Yeah, but one thing's mighty clear
I'm closer to a Driftin' Cowboy
Than the Son of a Pioneer
Well, there's guys who sure ain't E'vis
With big bucks in the bank
Yet I can't cash in on Hank because I ain't...
I ain't Hank
No, I ain't Hank
I sure ain't Hank
I ain't Hank
(Shouted)
Hayell's bayells, you ain't neither!

Hi Frank,

Funny, clever one -- and well done! One thing -- in the first verse, last line, where you say, "he" -- it still feels like you're talking about Elvis. I thought maybe mention Hank's name in the first verse, just to be sure everyone is clear on that!

Lisa

Hey Frank
I like the story and it's well written but as a song it seems to be all over the place.I guess like most songs you'd have to hear it to understand it properly.

Peace
Joe

Well, thank you Shaynk...err... Shayne! (I need to pick up one of those battery chargers you got...critiquing until late nite and back at it in the wee hours !! )

Lisa

Thank you. The last thing I changed was the 1st line where it said "Been 35 years since Elvis died." It was too much like line 4, but might be needed to clear it up, though I figured "Opry star" & 60 years would eliminate EP. Not sure why, but I didn't want to mention Hank until the 2nd V. Appreciate your comments.


Joe,
You're right. A lyric alone is hard to sing sometimes. I have all the bits - most ripped from Hank & his son! - except the 3 verses. Thanks for your thoughts.

Hi there Frank.
Looks good to me apart from being a little disconnected in a few areas like the part about the talent scout being behind him. Good luck with it though.
Vic

Vic,
This line-

"to watch an act was right behind me" is country for "the act that followed mine." Further, it is writer for "I can't work that darn act that followed me into the meter so I'll have to use ridiculous and confusing grammar and call it country!"

Thanks for your comment.

Hi Frank,

You could replace that line and the one below it with something like:

A talent scout was there to watch some singer called Dad Paisley
His act followed mine, though I'm sure the crowd's cheering was for me

I don't know -- just a thought!

Lisa

Frank, it's not so much the line itself as how it fits the next line. For instance, if you said
"A talent scout had come to watch an act was right behind me".
You could then say
"He listened to my song and the crowd that cheered so kindly". (I'm not saying this is a good line though)
That way the two lines are connected and flow together.
Vic

This is good stuff- like having couchgrouch* back on this forum.

*couchgrouch- Robert George, the best writer on this forum. He left a few months ago.

To elaborate:

The rhymes are clever and catchy- forgotten/rotten; the soft rhyme legend/heaven, Williams with millions, grinning/women etc. you definitely have a gift for rhyme.

Your story was unique and clever and I think it would be interesting but maybe a little difficult to hold the song together moving through various Hank melodies- but if you could pull it off, you could win a bar room or concert audience over easily.

I didn't think the chorus was as strong as the verses and if you want to put some more work into this, that is where I think you should concentrate.

It's hard to believe that Hank Williams never lived to celebrate his 30th birthday. He was a song writing machine.

It is definitely a thought, Lisa. Made a whole bunch of other thoughts kick in. Thanks!

Vic,
You make a great point. I do want to mention the scout, but also have him get a nice reception. Maybe what I have now won't distract too much? Thanks!


Samuel,

THAT is some heady stuff. That guy can write! By saying that, you have given me the added pressure/incentive to try harder. I thank you for that!!
I think it will work out fine if I can come up with a decent ORIGINAL tune for the verses. I will have another look at the chorus to see what might be improved. I appreciate your thorough review.

PS I had a line I in the second line of the chorus that I much preferred, but decided it would not be well-received ("Of course I ain't you q........)

A funny lyric Frank,we had a guy over here on a TV show doing a tribute to David Bowie.He was a joiner by trade and was billed as Ziggy Sawdust lol
It would really go down well in a bar with the right melody and a cheeky grin
Travis

FRANK--

YA HAVE A REALLY GOOD HANDLE ON THIS LYRIC--IT COULD HAVE A WAYLON STOMP BEAT, CROSSED WITH HANK A TRADITION SOUND--IT WOULD MAKE A GREAT VIDEO!

WRITE ON--

Mackie

Hey Travis. Ziggy Sawdust, gotta love it!!:)
What I have in mind probably can't be pulled off, and I'm no musician, but I wanted to open with an Elvis vibe, Jail House rockish in V1,then go to a medium tempo Hank sound in V2. Doesn't sound half bad on my $5 V-Tech mike!

Thanks.

I appreciate it, Mackie. I hadn't even thought of that, but there sure would be some interesting visuals for a video in there. Thank you, sir!

hello Frank. great comments and suggestion already. just wanted to tell you I enjoyed the read and thought the idea very original. was and am a HW fan so this one definetly worked for me.

doug

You have great taste, Douglas. Hank will live on as long as there is country in this country! Thanks for your comment.