Hi Y'all,

Another old song, but I re-orchestrated this from the ground up, as the home studio has been improving.

Hope you enjoy...once again, my apologies to Joe South...

http://michaelzaneski.bandcamp.com/track/the-clam-song

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=908328&songID=11697890

The Clam Song
(C)1994 and 2006 Michael Zaneski

I hate bein' a clam
A foot and a mouth are about all I am
Stuck in my shell, this is no inner sanctum
And out of all this food around
All I can eat's plankton

But make me an oyster
And I'd make great pearls
And mussels seem to have the knack
For pickin' up girls
But this water's so dirty
From your garbage and spills
That almost gettin' beached is all
I ever do for thrills

And I drift with the tides
That's why this march of I'd's
I'd rather be a seahorse
Hey that's no charge for the ride
At the bottom of the food chain
You don't much give a damn
Oh I guess I'm just unhappy as a clam

Makin' love the clam way means
That you never touch
And the thought of shells collidin'
Never turned me on much
I'm a failure at clam love but
God knows I've tried
When I do I just get so
Scallopy inside

And I drift with the tides
And this ain't no sea of bliss
I'd rather be a starfish
Hey that's no charge for the wish
Sea life gets so boring
How much more can I stand
Oh I guess I'm just unhappy as a clam

They slung a rope 'round my family
Hauled 'em off on some ship
Turned my mom into chowder
And my dad into dip
Now if you're happy as me
Then you must be in hell
But before you abuse, analyze, and accuse me
Drift a mile in my shell

And I drift with the tide
And I'll drift away real soon
I'd rather be a blowfish
Hey that's no charge for the tune
At the bottom of the food chain
I'm right below the spam
Oh I guess I'm just unhappy as a clam

Hi Michael,

This sounds so crisp! That home studio is working very well; or rather you're working it very well.

The lyric is quite original. Nice song all the way around.

Dottie

That is a very creative song. It had me smiling.

"Drift a mile in my shell" very cute lyric as well as the whole concept of being "unhappy as a clam".

Actually, the melody was quite nice and there was a lot of
interesting variation in your music.

Doug

Michael--

The LOWLY CLAM now has character--THE PRODUCTION IS GREAT--I can see this one becoming a GREAT KIDS song at their level!

Good Luck with this one!

Mackie

they should be proud to take part in a clambake!Cool fun write Mike and i just happened to eat quite a few of his cousins the mighty oysters last night on the half shell.

Haha, do the Clam, Mike! Great mix. Song sounds quite Broadway, Imo :-)

Michael,
This could be a perfect kids show theme song. I can see it now "Cliff the Clam" thinks life is so bad as a clam until he meets a magic mermaid who changes him into whatever other type of sea life he wants. Only to find out in the end that Sea Horses and starfish have their own troubles. And in the he goes back to being a clam but he is now "happy as a clam".
Your only thing Michael keeping you from the hot new kids cartoon series is the word Damn in there. But alas I guess there are only so many words that rhyme with clam . . .


But I digress.
So do you have some significant songwriting chops or what? This is actually stunning. Witty, unexpected, entertaining and an excellent melody. That chorus is killer.
You are very good Michael.

Tom

Hi Dottie,

I appreciate the kind words. I feel like a clam, myself, most of the time, so the lyric came easy.

Mike

Haha, "drift a mile in my shell" I deliberated on for a long time -- that's why I apologize to Joe South, cuz though I am protected by the "parody clause" of copyright infringement, I felt weird about taking "yeah before you abuse, criticize and accuse/walk a mile in my shoes" and turning it into what I did...what can I say? My little clam dug the Southpaw...

Thanks, Doug!

Mike

Hi Mike,

VERY FRESH SOUNDING/REFRESHING AND CooL


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

enjoyable... quite a buffet of sounds

Jeez, I really feel sorry for clams now Mike! Clever lyrics and solid sounding back-up tracks. The whispery voice pulls the listener in.

Put a smile on my face.

Best, John

What an imagination. your one creative guy.. Disney should come knocking..

Enjoyable song full of puns. As a former sax guy, I really liked the tenor sax. The song flowed true from beginning to end. I like the Joe South reference.

Thanks, Mackie!


It might work as an adult cartoon like "Family Guy" cuz this clam is a little jaded, and says "damn" and talks about "makin' love the clam way"...

not that I wouldn't re-write it in a heartbeat, if I actually had a connection, or an inclination towards a kid show...I am totally lost, as to that market.

Thanks, my intention was to give my clam some dignity, and attitude...I appreciate that!

MIke

Hi Michael,

Ah yes...self-consciousness and being a clam make strange bedfellows. My clam is destined for a clambake--he's just too damn jaded and smart to enjoy his clammyhood.

Thanks again.

Mike

Hey Magne,

Well Broadway these days can mean anything from Cole Porter to 'Green Day' so you know...

Actually, I did refrain from 'inner rhymes' in this one, as it would have been too much.

'Do the clam' ...actually, my proudest thing was the "musical pun" of having castanets carry the rhythm section for several bars. Think about what they look like, and you'll understand...

Thanks again,

Mike

Hi Tom,

There is actually a lot of me in the clam. I always feel like I put my foot in my mouth, so I could relate to a creature that was ALL foot and mouth.

Actually your synopsis for 'Cliff the Clam' looks quite doable. I love "the Point" that Harry Nilsson did the music for, and low tech cartoons like 'Family Guy' ...hmmm...maybe...maybe...now you got me thinking...

Thanks again for the kind words; you know I regard your writing skills with the utmost respect.

Mike

Cute, cute, CUTE!!!!

Not a kids song though, lol.

I love these lines...

Now ifyou're happy as me
Then you must be in Hell

Very nicely done.


Musically speaking, it's a good fit for the lyric, sounded right, IMO.

Hi Mike !

Ha Ha Ha --- well I'm smiling right through -- VERY entertaining!

I do remember the earlier listen and all I can say is WOW -- you've out done yourself even and I was always impressed with you mixing, singing, playing, writing, subject, style….etc etc….before

lots to enjoy with repeat listenings as it goes by so fast --- the effects and adds are fun and playful -- the lyric thoughtful and humorous. I REALLY love when the sax enters - Shorter-esk ? - juicy and pleasing. If I tried to break it down for a learning tool - ha - i'd be lost for days….

back to it going by fast …. could stand listening to a slightly slower version sometime… not much --- but my slower thinking brain could stand to wallow more : )

Anyway Applause -- it would be a crowd pleasing even if this were performed live with a full band. Clam Bake anyone?

Peace and Cheers
jm

fun catchy song!!
I keep 3 seahorses

but I don't have a clam.
I think that's actually a scallop in the photo maybe??? LOL
anyway fun - good luck with it - cool wordplay.


L

Hey Shayne, thanks!

Yeah, a modified version for the kiddies, or as is for the "Family Guy" set...or maybe I'll just sing it, myself, introducing it as "autobiographical" or something, lol...

Thanks again...

Mike

Hi Calvin,

Thank you.

"Fresh" ain't easy sometimes, cuz I don't listen to the radio much, and just follow the trail of artists I like...I think there's a trail from Harry Nilsson's "The Point" to this, but sometimes I just don't know where this stuff comes from.

Thanks again...

Mike

Thanks, Neil, it makes me happy to know you enjoyed the listen.

Mike

Hey John,

Thanks! Yeah, from years of apartment living and being told to "sush!" I have as bad case of bedroom voice, and I can literally feel my vocal cords tightening up, when I need more volume, cuz a little voice in my head is telling me I'm gonna wake up the neighbors--and this of course is in the middle of the day when no such thing is going to happen. So, I am trying to unlearn that, for those needed louder parts in every song...but you know what is interesting? Brazilian singers. Caetano Veloso, Joao Gilberto, Ellis Regina, Gilberto Gil, etc...They seem to have such amazing control, and passion, that they hit these beautiful high notes with hardly ANY perceptible change in volume, and I find that fascinating, in that it seems to fly in the face of "voice theory."

So, I practice both ways...

I'm glad you liked it! Thanks again...

Mike

Haha, thanks Louis...I'd settle for something much more low tech and low budget, with an R.Crumb feel to it.

Thanks again,

Mike

Hey Ben,

Yeah, "walk a mile in my shoes" translates into any 'walk of life' or species of creature...a waiter might say, "serve a mile of dishes in my cummerbund," a caterpillar, "wobble a mile in my fourteen feet" ...caterpillar-waiter, "hey I can serve the entire room in one go!"

Thanks again...

Mike

A very create and entertaining write.

Excellent arrangement and pro production.

A wonderfully full sound scape.

Well done.

Michael, thanks for making me smile. Great creativity here... excellent work!

Mike D.

Hi Mike,

I remember hearing this song before...I thought it was so cleverly written then too! I enjoyed all the witty remarks the clam makes....lol...lines like:

And mussels seem to have the knack
For pickin' up girls

And it’s really fun because he doesn’t even see how clever he is! Some cool rhymes like....sanctum/plankton...it takes a lot of creativity to have those two words work together! lol

It sounds precise in every way and is very pleasing to the ear. The musical change in the bridge is really cool sounding.

I was entertained...you can’t help but smile listening to it!

Kristi

I actually had occasion to say that ("if you're as happy as me/then you must be in hell") in real life once...just can't remember...I think...ah...yes...I do believe I was shaving...looking in the mirror...

Thanks again, Caroline,
glad you enjoyed it!

Mike

Hi Joice,

I actually wrote this to be at about half the speed! It was originally a piece for voice and solo guitar. My Nashville friends would remember.

Yeah, my sax player is rather busy, but it goes with my clam, I think. Kinda clever, perhaps even shallow, no deep thoughts or notes from the sax, just a flurry to keep you a little discombobulated. I always think of Shorter as being more tasteful.

Thank you for the thoughtful comments, Joice. I hope your present isn't depriving you of time to be creative, cuz as creativity goes, you are up there with the mostest.

Mike

Hi Linda,

I would love to keep seahorses in an aquarium that looks like a race track, and then "call the races."

Is that a scallop? LOL....you got me, I just know it was originally orange and I messed with it in Paint Shop, cuz I am not a big fan of orange, for some reason.

Thanks again,

MIke

Thanks Nelson,

I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Mike

Hey Mike D,

Ah! Smiles are good.

Songwriters and musicians have lived on less!

I appreciate your listening and nice comments, Mike, thanks again.

Mike Z

Hi Kristi,

And I remember one of your nice comments from before, something something "...and he's a clever little guy"

I am probably in a class of very few, to rhyme "plankton" at all...Unless there is a Jacques Cousteau musical floating around, out there..

Yeah my clam doesn't know he's clever, yet he's not exactly humble...I guess the word is jaded? He's a jaded clam, then, yes!

You are always so generous and thoughtful with your comments, and I appreciate that, Kristi.

Mike

Well, it's about time that someone shines a little light on the clam - surely one of the most under-appreciated of creatures

LOL - this is great, Mike. Yeah, I can easily see it in a children's program too. In fact, I think it's so good that a children's program could be structured around it.

Great to see you back with one - sorry it took me so long to get around to listening to it.

Scott

Michael,

Loved the chorus on this, the lyric is so clever and your phrasing on this is very good as well, great production and a great listen!!

Tammy

Hi Michael,

I love it, especially getting scallopy in the chorus! I really enjoyed the production. It seemed like you were getting a bit of hissing on the esses. Other than that, it is very enjoyable. Stand out lyrics!

Nice job,
Danny