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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: May 2004
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Hey, All! This is a country music work in progress and I'm looking for sugs for the second verse where the 'Angel To Be' succumbs to, cancer? Stroke? Something else? Different tact? She leaves two kids behind? Interested in 50/50 co-write? Thanks in advance!
-Dave
An Angel To Be - <c>2012 David Arthur - Drifter
V1
A waitress down at the diner Where I eat lunch ev'ry day She never made a lot in tips And She sure didn't get much pay Eyes'd pass Her by on Sundays When it came to collection time She couldn't give as much as them Scraped by on nickels and dimes
Ch1
There was so much more to Her Than the blind at heart can see Those who think too highly of themselves Felt above an angel to be
'Cause no grave was going to hold Her And a tombstone's just a rock Yeah I know it marks one's place in life But I heard parishioners talk They said She wouldn't live life their way But why would She walk their walk? 'Cause no grave was going to hold Her And a tombstone's just a rock
V2 ?
Ch2
There was so much more to Her Than the blind at heart can see Those who think too highly of themselves Felt above an angel to be
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Bump in the rump
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Oh...forgot to mention. I have music in mind for this one and I say the word music only because I hate the words 'musicate', 'musication' etc. It's like fingernails raking a chalkboard to the tenth power. lol
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 11,534 Likes: 28
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Not big on these sad kinda lyrics, but this is stellar....
'Cause no grave was going to hold Her And a tombstone's just a rock
If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop
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Joined: Jul 2010
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Hi Dave, There is SO much I love about this! A few comments below. An Angel To Be - <c>2012 David Arthur - Drifter V1 A waitress down at the diner Where I eat ate lunch ev'ry day It looks like this line needs to be past tense.She never made a lot in tips And She sure didn't get much pay Eyes'd pass Her by on Sundays Folks frowned at her on Sunday I get this but maybe make it a litte clearer.When it came to collection time She couldn't give as much as them Scraped by on nickels and dimes Cause she needed every dime I like the old line better. [color:#CC33CC]I read this yesterday but didn't have time to give it my full attention. [/color] Ch1 There was so much more to Her Than the blind at heart can could see Those who think too highly of themselves Felt above an angel to be LOVE LOVE LOVE this!!!'Cause no grave was going to hold Her And a tombstone's just a rock I suggest changing this line and saving this, for the last line of this verse. Actually it's such a GREAT line you could write another lyric with this title! You know what, maybe save it for the bridge and that would lead really well back into the chorus! Yeah I know it marks one's place in life But I heard parishioners talk They said She wouldn't live life their way But why would She walk their walk? 'Cause no grave was going to hold Her And a tombstone's just a rock Excellent writing here!V2 ? I thought the part starting with "no grave" was v2?Ch2 There was so much more to Her Than the blind at heart can see Those who think too highly of themselves Felt above an angel to be I think with a little more work on v2, and adding the lines mentioned above for a bridge you'll have an awesome lyric! Dottie
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Not big on these sad kinda lyrics, but this is stellar....
'Cause no grave was going to hold Her And a tombstone's just a rock
Hey, John! Thanks for your input and the 'thumb's up' on that couplet.! Sorry you see this as a sad lyric. I do 'get' what you're saying though but point out that, in the end, this woman has escaped her tormentors.
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Hey, Dottie! Thanks for your comments! I'm going to have to take some time out of my evening 'kickback' hours tonight before I respond to your sugs. TY for them!:)
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ya got a pretty good one here Drifter.Money don't get you in Heaven anyway,i think she'll find her way.
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Joined: May 2004
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Hi Dave, There is SO much I love about this! A few comments below. An Angel To Be - <c>2012 David Arthur - Drifter V1 A waitress down at the diner Where I eat ate lunch ev'ry day It looks like this line needs to be past tense.She never made a lot in tips And She sure didn't get much pay Eyes'd pass Her by on Sundays Folks frowned at her on Sunday I get this but maybe make it a litte clearer.When it came to collection time She couldn't give as much as them Scraped by on nickels and dimes Cause she needed every dime I like the old line better. [color:#CC33CC]I read this yesterday but didn't have time to give it my full attention. [/color] Ch1 There was so much more to Her Than the blind at heart can could see Those who think too highly of themselves Felt above an angel to be LOVE LOVE LOVE this!!!'Cause no grave was going to hold Her And a tombstone's just a rock I suggest changing this line and saving this, for the last line of this verse. Actually it's such a GREAT line you could write another lyric with this title! You know what, maybe save it for the bridge and that would lead really well back into the chorus! Yeah I know it marks one's place in life But I heard parishioners talk They said She wouldn't live life their way But why would She walk their walk? 'Cause no grave was going to hold Her And a tombstone's just a rock Excellent writing here!V2 ? I thought the part starting with "no grave" was v2?Ch2 There was so much more to Her Than the blind at heart can see Those who think too highly of themselves Felt above an angel to be I think with a little more work on v2, and adding the lines mentioned above for a bridge you'll have an awesome lyric! Dottie An Angel To Be - <c>2012 David Arthur - Drifter V1 A waitress down at the diner Where I eat ate lunch ev'ry day It looks like this line needs to be past tense. Guy still eats there but could be confusing. Changed all tenses where suggested in lyric suggested. She never made a lot in tips And She sure didn't get much pay Eyes'd pass Her by on Sundays Folks frowned at her on Sunday I get this but maybe make it a litte clearer. Folks frowned awkward to sing. People would not meet her gaze, kind of a visual shunning. Also need quickening of music here and "eyes'd" works to a T. When it came to collection time She couldn't give as much as them Scraped by on nickels and dimes Cause she needed every dime I like the old line better. I read this yesterday but didn't have time to give it my full attention. Okay, the old line it is then. Ch1 There was so much more to Her Than the blind at heart can could see Those who think too highly of themselves Felt above an angel to be LOVE LOVE LOVE this!!! TY! 'Cause no grave was going to hold Her And a tombstone's just a rock I suggest changing this line and saving this, for the last line of this verse. Actually it's such a GREAT line you could write another lyric with this title! You know what, maybe save it for the bridge and that would lead really well back into the chorus! I like your idea of using this couplet for a bridge -- think it would be most effective there and would lead nicely into the chorus. TY for pointing it out. Yeah I know it marks one's place in life But I heard parishioners talk They said She wouldn't live life their way But why would She walk their walk? 'Cause no grave was going to hold Her And a tombstone's just a rock Excellent writing here! V2 ? I thought the part starting with "no grave" was v2? Have a good idea where to go with V2 now. Ch2 There was so much more to Her Than the blind at heart can see Those who think too highly of themselves Felt above an angel to be I think with a little more work on v2, and adding the lines mentioned above for a bridge you'll have an awesome lyric! Dottie you're a peach! Will post the revised lyric below later -- think you deserve a 'co-write' if you'd like. Let me know...Thanks again! Dottie
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Hi Dave, I sent you a PM. Dottie
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