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#954744 - 04/13/12 08:01 PM With You (pop/rock)  
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Kolstad Offline
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I wrote this for my daughter, sort of to be comforting, once I'm not around anymore cry grin

Hoping the lyrics are universal enough to work for the licensing market, though. Trying to keep it simple..

Still have some work on the mix.
Any thoughts from you JPF'ers?

With You
http://snd.sc/HAOaAH

Lyrics:

With You
© 2012 Magne Kolstad

It's been a while
Since your last smile
It's hard to be strong
At times you feel
You don’t belong

But I'm with you
Please hold on
I'm still with you
In your heart and soul

It’s ok to cry
And sometimes look to the sky
Believe in the good
And don't do things
I never would

Cause I'm with you
Please hold on
I'm still with you
In your heart and soul

When darkness comes
Let it come

Cause I'm with you
Please hold on
I'm still with you
In your heart and soul

I'm still here
With you


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#954779 - 04/14/12 01:53 AM Re: With You (pop/rock) [Re: Kolstad]  
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Bobby Wayne Offline
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Hi Song Cabinet. First of all let me tell you how much I appreciated the emotion, sincerity and message of this song. I have two daughters myself and it's really quite touching. The production is solid as well with the dreamy quality of the music and the very believable vocals. I could tell that you had a genuine connection with this song by the manner in which it was sung. I also really was pleasantly surprised by the guitar solo about midway through and found myself sucked right in to it's groove. Very nice.

Lyrically, I loved the first verse and it drew me immediately into the song with it's strength, just the way that it should. The chorus, however, disappointed me a little, mainly because it lacked a strong rhyme at the end. I would consider changing this but I'm a real rhyme-oriented kind of guy and that's just my opinion.

In the second verse, the line "and don't do things I never would" didn't seem as strong as some of your other lines. I might change it to something like "and only do things that you know you should." Again, just an idea.

Overall this is an excellent song with a great sound and inspiring message and I really liked it a lot. Good luck with it.

#954786 - 04/14/12 04:39 AM Re: With You (pop/rock) [Re: Bobby Wayne]  
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Hey Mags...

Yours is a very personal song....and it is tender and heartfelt..

The guitar solo is stellar...but you got me to thinking about my own daughter and I wrote this...you just inspired me to do the same thing...that's all.
Hope you don't mind..Not trying to re-write yours as these kind of tunes are personal to the ones who wrote them....Already wrote the music to it....Just kinda piggybacked onto yours...

Mags...This is just my version on what your wrote...it really is nothing more than that....You wrote it and this is just my weird way of how I heard it....nothing more....it is your work...

Larry


Hold On


It's been a while
Since I saw your last smile
I know it's hard to be strong
When you feel you don’t belong

But I'm always with you
With everything that you do
Every breath that you take
Every heart you may break......

When you look to the sky
Let the tears in your eyes
Find the good in your soul
Never let it go

And hold on.....
Hold on...
To every precious moment
Reach the clouds
Until you own them
Remember every day is golden
When you...
Hold on....

When darkness finds the ones you knew
Please know my arms are holding you
There's nothing more you have to do....
Hold on...

Hold on
To every precious moment
Reach the clouds
Until you own them
Remember every day is golden.....

When you...
Hold on....

Last edited by in2piano; 04/14/12 05:01 AM.

Can't find the stairway to 'heaven'...but I know where the elevator is.

Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us" - Albert Schweitzer.
#954808 - 04/14/12 07:20 AM Re: With You (pop/rock) [Re: in2piano]  
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Vicarn Online content
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Really strong production and melody.
I do think the lyrics are the weak part here IMO.
More imagery needed (in2piano has some good lines).
Otherwise, not much needed here.
All the best with it Magne.
Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

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#954880 - 04/14/12 05:15 PM Re: With You (pop/rock) [Re: Vicarn]  
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Bobby, Larry, Vic,

Thanks guys! Some good things to ponder. Imagery is definitely not my strongest spot. I went for conversational and simple, but realize the added intrest the images evoke.

I probably will try to get a singer for it, before submitting it anywhere.


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#955020 - 04/15/12 12:14 PM Re: With You (pop/rock) [Re: Kolstad]  
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E Swartz Offline
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This is a beautiful song. Great arrangement, nice melody, good lyrics. I found myself especially early in the song feeling a little impatient for the song to gather pace - I'm thinking you may want to speed the tempo just slightly or experiment with it. Another consideration that might be worthwhile to try is inserting a key change late in the song. I was digging the guitar solo! Not sure I liked the accentuated cymbals starting off the song, a little too busy for this song's start. I think you have a great song, good luck with it. steady-eddie.

#955173 - 04/16/12 09:13 AM Re: With You (pop/rock) [Re: Kolstad]  
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Hi Magne,

Long time!

This a really beautiful song. I think your lyric, and your phrasing is great.

There's two things I think could be improved. One is that I'd consider letting the arrangement breath a little. Consider an "experimental remix" where you nix the +6 Limiting or vintage warming, and try a mix where the levels just naturally creep up to 0 by the final couple choruses. I do realize the difficulty of this when you have pumping drums and bass.

I like your vocal, but it feels too reserved, for the lyric. The singer needs to break out, like John Hiatt does in "Have a Little Faith In Me" ...little by little...'til, by the last chorus, he is a pure gospel singer, full of the holy spirit...

Or...method two...lacking that...since this song is real Roy Orbison-y, may I suggest simply taking the vocal up an octave at some point. That "I'm...still...here..." at the end NEEDS IT, it REALLY needs to be up an octave!!! ...and I know you can hit those notes!... You would probably be good to set that up in the preceding chorus, somehow. up a third, first line, up a fifth by the third line...or just up an octave, in that preceding chorus...

Both my ideas (volume levels, singing) revolve around the same issue: the song needs to feel like it is getting more intense as it goes on. As it is, it is flat, that way.

Good to see you!

Mike

Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 04/16/12 09:28 AM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#955231 - 04/16/12 02:17 PM Re: With You (pop/rock) [Re: Kolstad]  
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Hi Magne,

This is very pretty and very personal so I will just say that I enjoyed your song and I'm sure your daugher does too. smile

Dottie

#955255 - 04/16/12 06:36 PM Re: With You (pop/rock) [Re: Dottie]  
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Kolstad Offline
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E, Michael, Dottie,

Thanks guys! Great pointers.

E, I need to work more on the drums up to the first chorus. I agree the accentuated cymbals is too much. Pulls away from the vibe.

Michael, I think you're right about the octave. I'll go look for a singer. With the changes and a new singer, I need to remix, and will be testing some of your suggestions. Hoping I can push the production values up a notch.

Maybe I need some odd instrument in the start to hook folks in. I'll experiment with that.

Dottie, yeah it's personal. But so is everyone of my songs. The trick is to make the personal universal, I believe. If I haven't set the song up by telling the backstory, I believe the lyric could sustain other interpretations as well.. my daughter love everything with a four on the floor dance beat and a synth, so she might listen to this as dad's "oldie".. in 40 years..lol


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#955546 - 04/18/12 11:10 AM Re: With You (pop/rock) [Re: Kolstad]  
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E Swartz Offline
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Ohio
Songcabinet, I was looking at in2piano's lyrics with the 1st chorus. I do like his 1st chorus lyrics as I think they invoke a bit stronger meaning emotionally yet convey your same message--a little less vague. However on the last line of his chorus, perhaps you could say somthing like: "Every joy and heartache" My reasoning is--you are showing that you're there for her through (good and bad) which brings more reality to your daughter's life and doesn't seem to dwell on just the sad parts. A song that make's our "heartstrings dance a little" is more interesting--that's why movie's like to make you "laugh before you cry."

THE CHORUS LYRICS are your song's exclaimation, so be sure your happy with there final verbage).

Just a quick after thought--steady-eddie

#955774 - 04/19/12 04:31 PM Re: With You (pop/rock) [Re: E Swartz]  
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Kolstad Offline
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Thanks for sticking with it, E!
I will give the lyrics a rewrite.
The aim for my music is tv/film, though, so the lyrics need to be vague. However, still not cliché'd, which I think some of the lines are. I'll try to focus on writing some emotional imagery, without making it a story. Sometimes that's hard..


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#955782 - 04/19/12 06:00 PM Re: With You (pop/rock) [Re: Kolstad]  
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E Swartz Offline
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Ohio
Songcabinet, I get what you're saying. It sounds like you know what you want and and need, that is a good thing. Good luck. steady-eddie.

#955791 - 04/19/12 07:54 PM Re: With You (pop/rock) [Re: E Swartz]  
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David Write Offline
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Mn
Nice song!
I also checked out the other songs you have up nice job!



Peace.


Spellin? whats that? like magick or sumpin? ;\)

http://foggymind.com
#956285 - 04/22/12 07:12 PM Re: With You (pop/rock) [Re: Kolstad]  
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Jen Shaner Offline
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Appomattox Va
I really enjoyed this! It is heartfelt and sounds great! I think your daughter will be pleased...very sweet.


Jennifer (Jinx) Shaner
#956417 - 04/23/12 01:28 PM Re: With You (pop/rock) [Re: Jen Shaner]  
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Kolstad Offline
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E, David, Jen,

Thanks for listening and your comments. Much appreciated!


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