JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Been Awhile g/v--Brown/Sosnowski/Hopkins

Here's a new one form the 3 of us. Any comments are welcome

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=1103122&songID=11549370

Been Awhile

©2012 Greg C. Brown/Roger Sosnowski/Janice Hopkins

Verse 1

She was rushed into emergency
On a frosty cold Chicago night
A victim of the elements
And the harshness of her life

A couple days in a hospital bed
Got her some rest and a little respect
Her story touched each nurse’s heart
They heard the words they’ll never forget

Chorus

It’d Been Awhile since she had a good meal
Or a soft warm place to sleep
It’d Been Awhile since anybody cared
She was far from home, living on the street
Been a long, long while since she felt their hugs
Been Awhile since she’d been loved

Verse 2

She’d been a fiery-eyed teen-aged girl
Determined to be in control
She left home one Kansas night
With no good-bye to her folks

Now they're home with two broken hearts
And asking now, did they do their best
Did they hold too tight or not enough
They hope she’ll call ‘cause they can't forget

Chorus

It’s Been Awhile since she’s had a good meal
Or a soft warm place to sleep
It’s Been Awhile since she knew they cared
She’s far from home, probably on the street
Been a long, long while since she’s felt their hugs
Been Awhile…..without her love

Instrumental break….

Bridge

The nurses chipped in to send her back
To her small town world and her Mom and Dad
When she walked in weary from the street
Their shock soon gave way to tears of relief…

(slower)
As she ran into their arms they said…

(go straight into last chorus with a soaring key change)

Chorus

It’s Been Awhile since you had a good meal
Or a soft warm place to sleep
It’s Been Awhile since anybody cared
Far from home living on the street
Been a long, long while since we’ve felt your hugs
Been Awhile since you’ve been loved

It’s good to see your smile; yeah, it’s Been Awhile.

BRAVO! Excellent storytelling and demo!

Hey Shayne, thanks for having a listen to our song. We're glad that it seems to be hitting you just right.

Greg

As someone who actually does cheesy demos of my little songs, I will take great personal offense if you ever dare to refer to something this fantastically beautiful and amazingly performed a just a "demo." If this is a demo, I'll have to quit music. An "unplugged" version? Yes, I can accept that for this. But, not "demo," not for this. Got it?!

Wow. Just . . . wow.

Hi Shanye,

Hey thanks for taking your time to give our song a listen. What --no nits--from you--well that is the best compliment you could have given us. Take care and have a great Easter,
Roger

Hobosage,

Actually it was just a guitar vocal demo,lol. But the singer--Jason adams--is great. And by the way--thanks a ton for your approval--and DON'T EVER QUIT MUSIC--it is the single most escape we can all have from life and stress. Thank you very much for your kind support. Have a happy Easter and take care,
Roger

One shameless bump--just looking for some ideas on how to make this one better. Thanks everyone,
roger

Sounding good to me.
I like the over all premise of the story.
The demo and vocals are good.

As for improving it lyrically, I'd just go through it line by line and make sure each line is making the point you're trying to make.

Good luck

Hi Nelson,

Thanks for giving this one listen. Glad you liked it. Take care,
roger

Hi y'all,

Great demo! Amazing how a nice reverb can make a guitar and vocals demo sound so big. Extremely polished vocals. If there was pitch correction, I didn't notice.

The story doesn't go overboard trying to get a tear out of me, it's simply tells an all too common story, and lets the story come to me.

Nice work, all the way around!

Mike

Hi Roger, Janice and Greg,

This turned out really good! I think it sounds very commercial.

I guess this is the final demo but in case it's not one thing I noticed.

Now they're home with two broken hearts
And asking now, did they do their best

If you record it again maybe change or delete one of the (now)s.

Dottie

Hi Mike,

Thanks for giving this one a listen. glad you liked it. Take care,
Roger

Hey Roger, great song about a homeless soul, loved every word,
they all point to the kindness in your heart. Nicely done~~~Matt

What a great story written with spot-on details and sang with just the right touch of emotional intensity. Whoever did your vocals and arrangement deserves a HUGE pat on the back. I loved this song and it sounded very "commercial" to me. I'm also sort of living a similar story with one of my own daughter right now and this song resonated strongly with me. Great job and thanks for sharing it. I loved it.

Hey Roger...really really nice work here. Lyrics and clever rhymes make this work. Story is concise, hearfelt, and never really gets into cliche.

Lovely guitar work, demo or not. Instrumental break was spot on, as well as his vocal.

What was cliche is the incredibly forced key change. These country key changes are so cliche now--it's the equivalent of together/forever rhymes. I would seriously consider doing away with it. Everything else is so good, eps the use of minor chording to tug the heart, that a key change is totally unecesary. Let the songs that aren't strong use the key changes for a bump, but not this one.

Zeek

Hi Dottie,

Wow--I'm really late on my feedback for this one. If we go the next step in this we will get rid of that repetitive "now" for sure. Glad you liked it. Haven't seen you post in awhile--hope everything is good with you. Take care,
roger

Roger, if you're looking for suggestions, I might offer this. "They heard the words they'll never forget" leading into the chorus would lend itself very well to making the chorus first person.

It's been awhile since I've had a good meal
Etc., you would know the pronoun changes and all. Just seems like it might tie in better because it's what the nurses actually heard her saying? Make sense?? I enjoyed it!! :))) scotty

Hi Matt,

Thanks for the kind words. Glad you liked this one. I really need to get more caught up on feedback and tings,lol. Take care,
Roger

fantastic storyline, good singing!

I like the instrumentation on the verses but seems to me the chords on the Choruses could be modified, they sort of get in the way of the vocals. Not sure how to describe this, but like using less chords while the bass notes move so if one listens in totality there are chord changes but there are some notes that are unchanging. Just an idea.

Raggy

Hi Bobby,

tryin to get caught up on my feedbacks,lol. Glad you liked this one and that it resonates with you. That's all we can ask for. Take care,
Roger

Youall--

This is your best so far--Good luck with it!

GREAT STORY AND LOTS OF EMOTION!

WRITE ON--

Mackie