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I came up with this one today. I know some folks enjoy offering suggestions and revisions on the lyric forum, so I thought I'd post it here and let anyone who wants to have at it. It's just kind of an exercise in writing a seasonal song. In that spirit, I threw in a 3rd verse. Feel free, if you like, to add your own polish to this one.


IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR
copyright 2011 Dan Sullivan

Carolers are singing
They've gathered all around
A brightly lit Christmas tree
In a snowy park downtown
Stores are full of Santas
And shoppers in good cheer
But it doesn't feel at all like Christmas this year

It doesn't feel at all like Christmas this year
There's nothing to look forward to now that you're not here
Snowflakes aren't as pretty when you're seeing them through tears
And it doesn't feel at all like Christmas this year.

I listen to the radio
And all those Christmas songs
I hear Salvation Army bells
Ringing all day long
I see the happy faces
As Christmas day draws near
But it doesn't feel at all like Christmas this year.

It doesn't feel at all like Christmas this year
There's nothing to look forward to now that you're not here
Snowflakes aren't as pretty when you're seeing them through tears
And it doesn't feel at all like Christmas this year.

Radio stations
Are playing Christmas carols
Down at Duffy's Tavern
They're rolling out the barrels
Christmas rapping full of
F-bombs re-appears
But it doesn't feel at all like Christmas this year

It doesn't feel at all like Christmas this year
There's nothing to look forward to now that you're not here
Snowflakes aren't as pretty when you're seeing them through tears
And it doesn't feel at all like Christmas this year.


Write from your heart, not what you think others want to hear.

https://dansullivan2.bandcamp.com

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Howdy Dan,
From one Michigander to another let me wish you a Merry Christmas,lol. Hopefully that song is not from experience. in all honesty--everything was rolling along fine--until the 3rd verse for me. I think you could leave it out all together. Ya kind of lost me with the f bombs line,lol. And it even kinda had a different feel to it in relation tho the other verses--might just be me. sad thing is I'm sure there are many who have actually lived that and for them this Christmas isn't vey merry at all. SO put me down for dropping the 3rd verse and keepin the rest and take care,
roger


Roger Sosnowski
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Roger, Thanks for your take on it. I smiled as I read your comment on verse 3. I kinda threw that in because I wanted to rhyme carols with barrels and make a horrible pun on christmas (w)rapping. But its all true about those Christmas rap songs with the F-bombs. Just google it!


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You could add touch more of emotion by telling why the partner is gone.

V3 doesn't relate as well as the other verses to ...
"There's nothing to look forward to now that you're not here
Snowflakes aren't as pretty when you're seeing them through tears"

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Neil, Thanks for your take on it. You're probably right. Times have changed. People don't like anything left to the imagination. They want graphic details. Might be why rap music is popular. I could toss in a bridge somewhere like this:

This Christmas, I'll think back to the happiness we knew
And leave a dozen roses in the snow for you

That ought to explain it.


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Hi Dan,

You captured the feeling of loss during the Christmas season nicely! I like how we can see the guy wandering around, feeling like everything is surreal.

For me, the "F-bombs" sort of bring in an almost comical element that doesn't SEEM to fit in with the rest of the piece...

Lisa


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Thanks, Lisa. I think you hit the nail on the head about that last verse. There's always the danger of being self-indulgent, too clever for the song's own good and I probably crossed the line in the last verse. Let's toss it in the waste basket.


Write from your heart, not what you think others want to hear.

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Hi Dan.....I really like the flow of the verses with the exception of the last verse. I would agree with Lisa on that point. The chorus is good but maybe a little wordy. I'm not sure how it would sing out. It's nit pickin' but this is quite good. Arealrush

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"From the heart" lyrics. I think many people will relate to this Dan.

Best, John smile


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Very well done Dan. No "nits" from at the moment green north.

Douglas


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Doug, John and Rush, Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I dashed this one off real quick and didn't know what kind of reaction, if any, it would get. Based on the fact that commentators seem to like it some, I thought I'd add a little tune to it and post it on the MP3 board while the iron is hot. These Christmas songs don't have much of a shelf life. Thanks again for the kind words.


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The gift of love is the greatest treasure ever crafted for another and when it is worn out or taken away suddenly it makes for a dismal Christmas. Love this one dan....so many can relate to it. ~~~MFB III

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I know how it feels not having your loved one with you, theres' always that first Christmas without, the first Thanksgiving without, but i've learned to look back when my husband was alive
and how he loved these holidays, and I can see his smiles and how funny he always was, and I can't help but stick the bad feeling behind me and pick myself up and be happy, he could always bring out the best in me and always make laugh..so, with him in mind, I may still feel a bit low, but seeing his smiles in my mind, changes it all and gives me the inner glow of Christmas all over again,,

Now onto the lyric, I love it, and yes, I too, feel you could do without the last verse....but loving the song..

glyn

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Glynda, Thank for your thoughts. And you're right about how memories can lift us up and renew the true spirit of the season. You're also right about that last verse. The more I look at it, the more self-indulgent and awful it appears. It's gone in the recorded version. God Bless you and have a Merry Christmas.

Last edited by Dan Sullivan; 12/24/11 12:42 PM.

Write from your heart, not what you think others want to hear.

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MFB, Thanks for taking a look and your comments. I think you're right, probably every one has thought "It doesn't feel like Christmas this year" at one time or another. Maybe for a different reason, maybe not. It's a sad song, but have a Merry Christmas.


Write from your heart, not what you think others want to hear.

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Hi Dan,

Hey I know the rap and f-bombs happen--I just meant I didn't think you needed that verse in your song,lol. And it looks like we persuaded you to drop it. I just think the song is a whole lot better with it out that's all. Hope ya got all your Christmas stuff in order--time's a running out,lol. Have Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year,
Roger


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Roger, You're advice was right on the money. That last verse didn't belong in the song. Thanks and Merry Christmas. I think I hear Santa on the roof right now!!!


Write from your heart, not what you think others want to hear.

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Originally Posted by Dan Sullivan
I came up with this one today. I know some folks enjoy offering suggestions and revisions on the lyric forum, so I thought I'd post it here and let anyone who wants to have at it. It's just kind of an exercise in writing a seasonal song. In that spirit, I threw in a 3rd verse. Feel free, if you like, to add your own polish to this one.


IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR
copyright 2011 Dan Sullivan

Carolers are singing
They've gathered all aroundROUND
A brightly lit Christmas tree
In a snowy park downtown
Stores are full of Santas
And shoppers in good cheer
But it doesn't feel at all like Christmas this year

It doesn't feel at all like Christmas this year
There's nothing to look forward to now that you're not here
Snowflakes aren't as pretty when you're seeing them through tears
And it doesn't feel at all like Christmas this year.

I listen to the radio
And all those Christmas songs
I hear Salvation Army bells
Ringing all day long
I see the happy faces
As Christmas day draws near
But it doesn't feel at all like Christmas this year.

It doesn't feel at all like Christmas this year
There's nothing to look forward to now that you're not here
Snowflakes aren't as pretty when you're seeing them through tears
And it doesn't feel at all like Christmas this year.

Radio stations
Are playing Christmas carols--You mentioned christmas songs in the last verse...
Down at Duffy's Tavern
They're rolling out the barrels
Christmas rapping full of
F-bombs re-appears-- I think this is out of place...maybe talk about the couples at the tavern, dressed in their best, under the mistletoe? But it doesn't feel at all like Christmas this year

It doesn't feel at all like Christmas this year
There's nothing to look forward to now that you're not here
Snowflakes aren't as pretty when you're seeing them through tears
And it doesn't feel at all like Christmas this year.



I think you have lots of good things in this one, I feel that maybe since you have the chorus so often, maybe don't have the end of each verse repeating thc hook too...maybe use that space to tell us why she is gone or how empty things are...maybe how you saw the perfect gift for her but then remembered you wont be seeing her...or you miss her choc. cake she made, give us some tradional things you did as a couple....I offered some trimmings along the way that may make it tighter..? Good luck on this...:) Kim

Last edited by Kimberlyinnc; 12/30/11 06:54 PM.

*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
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Kimberlynn, Thanks for having a look at this one and offering some trimmings and suggestions. You were right on the money about that "F-bombs" line. And others agreed with you. So I pitched that whole verse. It didn't belong there. I don't know what came over me to make me even try to sneak it in there.


Write from your heart, not what you think others want to hear.

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DAN--

THERE'S A CERTAIN SADNESS AT CHRISTMAS WITH SOMEONE MISSING, FOR WHAT EVER REASON--MY WIFE'S MOTHER IN HER 90'S, WASN'T ABLE TO BE WITH US--IT WAS A KINDA LET DOWN FOR HER--A FRIEND IN AFGHANISTAN COULDN'T BE HOME EITHER--IT DIDN'T FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR--A WELL THOUGHT OUT LYRIC!

LATER,

Mackie

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Hi Dan,

I read the comments and saw that you said you've gotten rid of the bombs, good. My other concern is that the hook is overused. If you want to keep it at the end of each verse (which I do like) maybe drop it from the 1st line of the chorus. That would not only cut down on the use but then you wouldn't have that line back to back. You have plenty of images, plenty of emotion I think all the pieces are here and I'm sure it will make a nice song. smile

Dottie

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Mackie, Thanks for weighing in with your thoughts. You said it well.

Dottie, You hit it on the head. When I added a tune to the lyrics I deep-sixed the 3rd verse and changed the chorus into a bridge by dropping the first and 4th lines - the overused hook. If you care to take a listen, it's here:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=1087633&songID=11309802


Write from your heart, not what you think others want to hear.

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Hi Dan, I like your song. I know it's a Christmas song so reapeating every 1st line of the vs you can get away with it. I pesonally would like to hear just the last line remain the same each time, as if you were "summarizing" each vs. in that manner. My reason is not just to minimize the repetition, but to also better keep the listener's interest in hearing the story. People will only remember the one line anyway until they have heard the song a few times. Just an alternative thought.

steady-eddie

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Steady Eddie, I've pared the song down to just 2 verses and a bridge and eliminated the chorus which repeated the title at the beginning and end of the chorus. Thanks for giving it a listen and the thoughtful comments.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=1087633&songID=11309802

Last edited by Dan Sullivan; 01/09/12 06:34 PM.

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I don't have my headphones with me right now so can't hear the tune. Will it get to market before next holiday season? You'd have to hope so. Everyone's sensitivity should be impacted quite heavily under the spell of this lyric. For me personally the last several Christmases haven't been that well but for financial rather than lost love reasons.

Peace,
Brian

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Brian, Thanks for having a look and your comments. I doubt this song will ever make it to the Christmas song market. I don't have access to the commercial marketplace. It was a spur of the moment song. It showed up a couple days before Christmas. So I wrote it down and made a rough recording of it.


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https://dansullivan2.bandcamp.com

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