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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 28
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 28 |
Draw me in like flies to honey, Too fast for me, to notice, Artificial sweeteners. Sing me a melody, You know will lull me to sleep, And soon you’ve got, A walkin’ talkin’ love zombie, Following your every command. Because, I have no will to demand, Acting any way, other than what you say…
You have me, your love zombie, Truly and totally, Empty of anything, Other than your “requests” coercing Coercing my mind, So you could find, Your way around walls, That kept the stronghold safe. But as each falls, You pushed your way, Creating a new sense of security, Securing your love zombie. Securing the intelligent part of me. I am your hollow, love zombie.
I am walkin and talkin But I don’t know, My own words, My own steps, My own face…. I just know yours…
It’s like a message is engraved in my brain, “Liberty is for the mundane. You are special; You are here for a bigger purpose, Than all of your rebellious dreams.” You know, darlin’, I am meeting at the forked streams, One leads to where I need to be, The other to where you want me, At your side, a marionette Whose movements are, Your only foolproof bet.
You have me, your love zombie, Truly and totally, Empty of anything, Other than your “requests” coercing Coercing my mind, So you could find, Your way around walls, That kept the stronghold safe. But as each falls, You pushed your way, Creating a new sense of security, Securing your love zombie. Securing the intelligent part of me. I am your hollow love zombie.
Why do you want me? Words, saturated simplicity, Yet, they contradict themselves, Having heavy conations, From previous commiserations. I used to understand, That you’re only demand, Was for me to be, Quirky, undeniable, certifiable, me. Now I am questioning, Was it me you wanted at all? Did you just want me to fall, So you could earn my trust, And kill your inner demons with lust?
You have me, your love zombie, Truly and totally, Empty of anything, Other than your “requests” coercing Coercing my mind, So you could find, Your way around walls, That kept the stronghold safe. But as each falls, You pushed your way, Creating a new sense of security, Securing your love zombie. Securing the intelligent part of me. I am your hollow love zombie.
I am walkin and talkin But I don’t know, My own words, My own steps, My own face…. I just know yours…
Peace and Love<3 Dani
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 28
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 28 |
P.S. I've been told that I should make clear that I write in a jazz variant, so that is why I dont have structure.
Peace and Love<3 Dani
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 576
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 576 |
Jazz variant...free-verse alt...lyrical prose
All basically lead up to the same thing:
Lyrics that are only good to those whose intellects can absorb and understand it.
On JPF, you'll get that; that's what makes young songwriters who've found it lucky. You get that lyrical wisdom. This lyric (or any of your others) in a less intelligent situation would falter and crumble.
That being said, you're lucky I'm smart.
I liked the lyric, but not only because of the zombie reference. There were times where I felt it got a touch rambley (kettle, meet pot), but with proper melody, I'm sure that's a non-issue.
Okay.
LedgeBocs has spoken.
Wrong forum........
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,373
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,373 |
very creative write. I know a few people like this...in a relationship but losing themselves...only "living" for that other person.
Jennifer (Jinx) Shaner
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490
Top 20 Poster
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Top 20 Poster
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490 |
Hi Dani,
This is a very relatable, creative piece.
It would be nice to get some little hint that the zombie has a way of escaping!
I especially love the honey/artificial sweeteners reference!
Lisa
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 28
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 28 |
Thank you Lisa! That's one of my favorite parts of this song!!
Peace and Love<3 Dani
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