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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 301
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OP
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 301 |
First time I've posted anything in ages. I put this song up about two years ago and got some good advice. I had strings in there at one time, but I've taken them out and replaced them with organ. Last time around, Moker suggested using more guitars--which I did, and I think it was a great idea. I also had my friend mix it for me because I've found that I can't be nearly objective enough to mix my own stuff. Ha ha. Been hacking away at this tune for a couple years now and still haven't released it. Hopefully, its day will be coming soon. Ha ha. http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=10776022Clandestine Angel (c)2011 Eric J. Baker V1 October skies, bleak and gray as I sat in my room all alone Scared that night, harvest moon and a feeling both desperate and cold CHORUS Clandestine Angel, left my love on a dead-end street You flew as I fell, took some time for me to get back on my feet V2 I had to cry as I drove in a daze, left forgiveness behind Can't say why, had to look though my heart feared what my eyes might find CHORUS Clandestine Angel, Delilah walking in the autumn breeze At that moment I felt my soul get up, put on his coat to leave INSTRUMENTAL V3 Winter time, three am, watched the snow fall as night lingered on Pale blue light from the TV kept vigil with me until dawn CHORUS Clandestine Angel, never dreamed that you'd betray me But you were someone else, behind your smile there was so much left unseen INSTRUMENTAL CHORUS Clandestine Angel, last Sunday bet you thought of me Wise men say time tells, just prayin' that I'll find peace finally
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,171 Likes: 8
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Posts: 4,171 Likes: 8 |
Eric,
I like the melody and music for for this.
The sing/lyric holds it back a bit. It needs some words trimmed to fit and some phrasing help because right now it doesn't sound like you are going along with the beat, it sounds rushed.
It sounds good so far, just think it needs a little touch up.
Tammy
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Joined: Apr 2008
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OP
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Thanks for the visit, Tam. Yeah,I agree--I have a tendency to get a little wordy sometimes. I've struggled with this song for years and still haven't quite got it nailed down to my liking. Thanks again.
Eric
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 4,507
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some songs bug you forever! the music is coming together...the lyric is a rewrite candidate...sometimes thats just a word here a word there and it flows on delivery better, sometimes its just changing the way you phrase it...for example on verse 2 where there's too many words, drop the "had to look though"...and try singing that line without it...still a great hook...like the guitars enjoy the 4th.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 487
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I would have re-emphasized the hook Clandestine Angel with all harmonies at the end of the chorus. It's a great hook--drive it home--you had room to do that there. Agree about the vocal approach with trying to fit in words/phrasing but that will come when you "own" the song.
My biggest nit, and this is HUGE, is that there are timing issues all over the place. You absolutely have to get this corrected or it's unlistenable. Tammy touched on it a little but can't anyone else hear this?
Zeek
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 301
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Moker--thanks for the visit. Yeah, some songs do bug ya forever. This one is probably going on the ten year mark of bugging me. I've recorded it several times but never officially released it--just never been happy with the outcome. I'll mess with dropping the words you suggested and see what happens.
Zeek--yeah, you're absolutely right about the timing issues. I used midi drums on it (which I'll never use again--colossal pain in the butt). I'll use a real drummer when I finally record it for real. I also like your idea about the end of the chorus. I'll give it try and see how it works.
Thanks to both of you, Eric
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