Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/04/24 12:47 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 454
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 454 |
A new sexy tune wondering if anyone has any comments on it cuz that would be awesome especially crits would be cool. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I appreciate everything Thanks everyone. How We Grind V1 Girl you got it going on Girl you're-o- so fine Got me going crazy Shakin' up my mind Baby we're turning heads They likin' how we grind They likin' how we grind They likin' how we grind C1 OoooOh so sexy OoooOh so sexy This is how we do Grindin' to the groove Grindin' to the groove V2 Girl ya got me throbbin' Girl you're-o- so bad Turnin' up the heat The curve down your back We dont need the sheets I'm likin' how we grind I'm likin' how we grind I'm likin' how we grind.. Bring it down B1 (this part slows down and you hear girl sexy sounds and it slowly builds back up to an orgasm sound) C1 Outro This is how we grind 4x Let me know what you think and once again thank you
Last edited by Aaron Johnson; 06/14/11 03:23 PM.
Aaron Johnson
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 454
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 454 |
Is it really that bad??
Aaron Johnson
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,271
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 4,271 |
Is it really that bad?? No Aaron, its not that bad, just myself and others may be too old to relate to it anymore. I wish I understood dance/pop then I could make some real relevant comments and sound clever. Unfortunately I don't really understand Dance. I suspect that you have an idea of what it will sound like when finished, so I will come back then and have a listen. May be better than Viagra... God Bless Roy and Helen
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 454
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 454 |
hey thanx Roy this is kninda what I was waiting for on the crit part cuz I know with dance the music is the most important people dont care about the words if the music isnt there to entice them. Thanx Roy your a champ
Aaron Johnson
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 1,441
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 1,441 |
Howdy Aaron!
Well, I gotta say it fits the genre! With Dance/Pop you kinda have to hear it to know if it's working or not. It's much, much less about the lyric and much, much more about the vibe. In fact you could probably sing about fruit flies or cinder blocks and nobody would care, as long as the groove is cool and the production is there. That bein' said, maybe you could post the MP3 on the MP3 board and see if you get any takers. Prolly more folks who are knowledgeable in the genre also. Just a thought.
Hope it brings you fame & fortune!
-Uncle Chuck
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275 |
HiDee Young Aaron!
Yeah, Roy's prolly right..most of us here are Older Writers..a bit jaded, since we've lived thru The Twist..& Dirty Dancing Eras..& the longer-you're-married, the less Copping A Feel from/with Your Significant Other seems "overly-exciting."
Don't feel like The Lone Ranger, crit-wise, Amigo. (I, too, penned one.."FIRST TIME"..about Such Feelings..& only got in 2 Crits.)
Reality Is...People like Sex and All there IS about it (or Porn Sites'd die an overnight-death) BUT most folks avoid commenting on The Very Spicy Offerings because we're trained Not-TO at a very early age here in America. We're SO hung-up here, we've only recently begun allowing women to breast-feed their babies in-public.
But I digress...let's get back to Your Song:
Being An Older Guy, I was amused, but not drawn-in TOO-strongly, by your choice of Titles. Just KNEW there'd be a "Generation Gap"..& yep, there was/is..not much we can do about it. DID know, at least, that "Yeah..It's a Dance Style"...thanks to a St Pete Times article mentioning that the Principal of some local school has BANNED "The Grind"ing at all future School Dances...partly 'cuz they were having a hard time getting adults to Chaperone the events of-late, owing to Embarrassment on the Chaperones' Part/Severe Alienation on the Kids' Part.
So...as far as Alienating Oldsters/"Connecting" with a Younger Audience, this Lyric works well, right off the bat.
Lyrically, it uses only Eight 2-Syllable words in the whole she-bang. It's flavored to sound like today's mostly-black Rap & Hip-Hop Artists (Whose wares are 70% bought by White Kids)..so you got your Demographics all-figured-out.
V1, opens with 3 "Stock Phrases" (meaning they sound "Cliche") and Line 4 was the first with Something (almost) New to it. Line 5 IS pretty-catchy, & the Dance Crowd'll love it. You lost your Black Dialect in the last line..with "They're" insteada "They"..but only 30% of your Buyers'll ever catch it. I'd sug losing the middle "They're" in those 3 Repeats at the end of V1.
C1 is Oooh so-Cliche. But what the F, it's "What's Sellin'." (I'm remembering when "Baby-Baby-Baby" well-repeated worked like Magic for James Brown...)
V2 seemed More-Inspired. "Girl you're oh-so bad" reminded me of the '60's, when Black, then White Folks, turned that Bad word around on its ear, never to be Easily-Translatable Again.... (As an Old Guy, I took relief that at least a few of OUR Cool Expressions ARE still Hangin'-Around, even to this day.)
OH..the Old Proofreader in me wanted to mention it's "you'RE" in that line...(A contraction of You and are).
"The curve down your back"..(NOW you're getting somewhere...nice Description/Image going there, and it's HEAT where ya want some, methinks.) "We don't need the sheets" (Sizzler/the Chaperones' Eyebrows just got singed-off/Job Well-Done!)
As Chuck mentions, the MUSIC is the Master in this kinda Genre, but what's here, lyrically, should work Pretty Dern Well to create that sense of Hotness & Throbbing. (I'm not sure if the Orgasmic Moaning'll raise this up a notch or not. It's long-ago "been done"..1967 to be exact, by Frenchman Serge Gainesbourg's Lover, Jane Birkin..released in 1987/Big Hit.."Je T'aime..Moi Non Plus".) BANNED from Airplay for Quite Some Time...but that's how Most Older Folks React when threatened by Overt Sexuality.
Things haven't changed all that much in 40+ years..though the Internet brings Porn to ya lots-faster/no further need for Plain Brown Wrappers. Good Luck with your Lyric(s), Amigo, Best Wishes & a Big Guy-Hug, Stan
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 454
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 454 |
Hey Chuck thank you for stopping by and leaving an encouraging comment. Please come again lol
Aaron Johnson
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 454
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 454 |
Stan! What an awesome comment and crit shows a wealth of experience of someone who has really paid attention I made those corrections on it and thank you thnak you thank you for putting that much time into writing a comment *high five*
Aaron Johnson
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,689
Posts1,160,840
Members21,469
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"I left my home, only to find a new home, full of heart, soul and dreams. Then, I left that new home, heart intact, but much stronger and energized from the experience" -Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|