JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 Double Rainbows

Hi Guys, this is one that I wrote for the lyric contest for May for the muses muse.
It is a very personal one, though something I think any parent could relate to when a child has grown up and is leaving home, for school or marrying. It is not exactly where I want it to be, but I would love suggestions/comments on it, on how to improve it for flow, etc. thanks so much for any input.~~~ Kimberly

Double Rainbows are somewhat rare, and mean good luck as well as insight into the future.



Double Rainbows

Suddenly, yesterday’s so far away
And goodbye is very hard to say
But as for the memories, I’ll hit replay
Yes, as for the memories, I’ll hit replay

Myrtle Beach, fireworks, castles in the sand
Tonka Trucks, paintball wars, sticky face and hands
Happy Meals, Captain Crunch, Sesame Street
Bad hair cuts, first loves, and pajamas with feet

Yes, I remember…

Bible school, golden rule, baseball, PTA
Roller skates, birthday cakes, and video games
Achy Breaky Heart, E.T., Vanilla Ice
Butting heads, unmade beds, waiting up all night


Chorus
Now that you’re leaving
I hope you know
You’re someone I believe in
And I love you so
Faith will guide the way
Sunny skies will keep you warm
And I pray behind the storm clouds
You’ll find double rainbows


Bridge
The world became wonderful
Baby boy, so fine
When you took your first breath
Did you know you took mine?

Chorus
Now that you’re leaving
I hope you know
You’re someone I believe in
And I love you so
Faith will guide the way
Sunny skies will keep you warm
And I pray behind the storm clouds
You’ll find double rainbows


Suddenly, yesterday’s far away
And goodbye is so very hard to say
But as for the memories, I’ll hit replay
And find my double rainbows along the way

Yes, as for the memories, I’ll hit replay
And find my double rainbows...
along the way

© 2011 Kimberly Hales Kime
BMI All Rights Reserved

Hey Kim,

This looks pretty good to me. The only thing that pops out to me is repeating this line;

But as for the memories, I’ll hit replay
Yes, as for the memories, I’ll hit replay

since this is not your chorus, I’m not sure that line should be repeated. Of course I could be wrong!

It’s very sweet with some great images.

Dottie

I'm likin' it Kim! Very sweet.

I hope it takes you very far! Best o' luck!

-Uncle Chuck

hey Kimberly,maybe "I'll Hit Replay" should be the title.But really for me when someone says it's a personal song i really don't like to give much of my thoughts out as to change anything.This is a very heartfelt song to your son and you should have the say in what you want to say.I like it!

Hi Kimberly,

Cool title & a GREAT bridge !


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Kim, how are you? I haven't been on here much. Cool idea and I like the chorus and bridge a lot. Do you have 3 verses before the first chorus, though? That seems like a lot. I like the concept of "double rainbows."

HiDee Mz Kim!

I'd sug "Son" in-place of "Suddenly" & suddenly we're instantly tuned-in to What This'n's all-about..at Line One.

Otherwise, it takes a WHILE...while all the Memories are rapid-fire listed, to make deeper sense. KOS, & yep, it's a Fine Lyric/Song in the making. Great Hook, Too!

Good Luck with it, M'LadyChum!

Best Wishes & Big Hugs,
Stan

Hey Kim
A very nice lyric, I think I agree with stan, opening with son
would add more instant impact. anyway good job.

Joe

Hey Kim
A very nice lyric, I think I agree with stan, opening with son
would add more instant impact. anyway good job.

Joe