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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/05/24 01:49 PM
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This music was something I came up with for Tammy and just didn't fit. So I came up with some lyrics and wonder what anyone thinks. http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=10587180Back to You Todd G. Strachan (C)2011 Stumblin down the road, carryin a heavy load. Pickin up the pieces, trying to get back to You.
I know You never went away, but instead of stayin right, I went astray lost in the wilderness, wandering dazed and confused.
Chorus The charms they are many, and they are hard to refuse. Now I find myself fighting to get back to you.
When I left the world took me in and it claimed it was my friend but it used me until I couldn't be used again
Then it turned its back on me and though I cried will you help me please You were the only one I found listenin.
Chorus The charms they are many, and they are hard to refuse. Now I find myself fighting to get back to you
You reached out when I was in need and you got me back on my feet You saw in me something I could not see.
Chorus The charms they are many, and they are hard to refuse. Now I find myself fighting to get back to you
Chorus The charms they are many, and they are hard to refuse. Now I find myself fighting to get back to you
Stumblin down the road, carryin a heavy load..............
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Hi Todd, The music reminds me of Dire Straits, it has that kind of feel to it. They were one of my favorite bands so that is a huge compliment! It sounds good to me. Dottie
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Hey Todd Cool song. The smooth guitar under the verses, is a nice touch and the skins sound great.
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Thanks Dottie! That is a compliment I will take any day! I also got a vibe of Dylan and stones outta this, but Dire Straits hit me when I was putting these vocals to it. Thanks so much for the listen!
Todd
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Thanks for the listen Mr. Nelson! That underlying guitar is an acoustic git that I threw in to take up space but really added nicely to the song. It needs to be cleaner, got some string buzz now and again.
Todd
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I really like your Chorus Todd. The chord progression and melody are great and it really lifts.
Lyrically, I think you've got a problem. The hook of this song is about "The Charms".
What charms?
IMO that's what needs to be in your verses to make this chorus work... IE all the specific seductive charms that lured you away from God. I'm pretty sure you could make your lyric an order of magnitude better by talking about whatever specific 'charms' drew you in.
Just listen to your song. The hook is 'in your face'... "the charms they are many". But you don't even have a single example.
This is a great start IMO, but unfortunately I think it's only that because it needs a lyrical overhaul IMO... Sorry.
Anyway, if this is too much, let me know. I'll temper my remarks in the future if this is too much. The chorus IS extremely good. It lifts away from the verses with both and interesting chord progression and melody. This tune has a lot going for it!
Peace,
Ian
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Definitely a Dire Straits feel. Very nice. Though the first thing I thought of when I read lines 1 &2 was the Eagles song "Take It Easy" ("I'm running down the road tryin' to loosen my load"). Great music and performance, but I'm with Ian. The hook doesn't deliver. If you could beef the chorus and the verses up some (with specific examples/references), I feel the song would have more impact. Donna
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Thanks Ian, and honesty is never too much, as these are the things I need to know! Thats 2 I'e got to work on now. At least the music seems to work!
Donna, how did I not see that! Dang! Eagles it is......thanks for pointing that out!
Todd
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I like the overall edginess to this song and the sort of "Heard It Through The Grapevine" vibe that's going on here. The arrangement suits it perfectly. Nice job.
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Hi Todd, Well you've already got some nice suggestions on your hook thing. But I'd like to say I enjoyed your performance and I like this part a lot... When I left the world took me in and it claimed it was my friend but it used me until I couldn't be used again GOod luck with your song. Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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Hi Todd, I don't get over here much from board 3 ,but being as the consensus seems to be that the hook isn't working I'll venture a comment--- Probably need some hook backup in the 2 lines before the C but as a "quick fix" without "tearing up" too much, maybe stick into the 2nd C line, something like------ Chorus The charms they are many, SEX, BRIGHT LIGHTS AND BOOZE Now I find myself fighting to get back to you.
Just some thoughts KOS, use or lose Wy
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Todd,
So happy to see you, I've been missing you!! Glad this tune didn't get forgotten, I think you have done a wonderful job!! I do agree with Ian on his comments, but this really sounds great!!
Tammy
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Bobby thanks for the listen! Glad you liked it!
Todd
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Thanks for the listen Calvin! That is my fave line too.
Todd
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Wyman, cant thank you enough! That really helped me out. And that may save me from a complete rewrite! Thanks for the listen and the input!
Todd
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Good song, liked this verse especially -
When I left the world took me in and it claimed it was my friend but it used me until I couldn't be used again
If I could make just a small suggestion, maybe resolve the song after this verse -
You reached out when I was in need and you got me back on my feet You saw in me something I could not see.
with a changed chorus like, "...I FINALLY got back with you" or similar.
Best Regards and Aloha,
Charlie
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Tammy, its good to hear from you again! the lyrics are being retuned but the music, I owe you one! Been really busy with 2 kids playing soccer, work and life in general. schools almost out, so I hope to be around a little more.
Todd
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Thanks for the listen Charlie, and the comments as well. I am working on the lyrics now and do appreciate your suggestions. I really like the direction for wrapping the chorus up that you left. Thanks!
Todd
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