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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 27
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 27 |
Tony was a promising actor The critics all said he'd go far Now he's 42, a drunk, broke and screwed Just another has-been shooting star
Bobby was a gritty musician Producers all said he'd go far But he o.d.'d at a ripe 23 And became another shooting star
Warhol had his fifteen minutes George Burns had some 80 years There's something irresistable About public-eye careers Well, money's like a good whiskey And fame is an open bar But life is such that fate's the crutch That cripples a shooting star
Lila was a beautiful model Photographers all said she'd go far But they cut her down when she put on 5 pounds And made her another shooting star
Michael was a playground legend The coaches all said he'd go far But busted again, and back in the pen Another "could have been" shooting star
Warhol had his fifteen minutes George Burns had some 80 years There's something irresistable About public-eye careers Well, money's like a good whiskey And fame is an open bar But life is such that fate's the crutch That cripples a shooting star
[This message has been edited by Doc (edited 03-12-2001).]
[This message has been edited by Doc (edited 03-12-2001).]
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,918
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,918 |
Hi Doc....some real truth in these verses. This is a good song...it flows well. The only problem I had was the use of the word "like" twice in the chorus. I'm sure you could change one of those with no problem....George Burns had 'bout 80 years...or some such thing. Keep writing and posting!
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 3
Casual Observer
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Casual Observer
Joined: Aug 2002
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I like it. Not good enough yet myself yet to crituque it, but I'd say you have a winner here. Keep it up
Blake Betts
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 37
Casual Observer
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Casual Observer
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 37 |
Doc, This is one of the best songs I've seen. Keep tweaking it, but don't change anything major. I love it, I just wish I had written it. Awesome stuff, man.
Matthew
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 27
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 27 |
Thanks Sunny, PL, and Matthew. I appreciate the input. You're right, Sunny. I changed one of the "like"s in the chorus. I wrote this one in about 45 minutes early this morning while in bed, so I didn't catch that. Thanks again, folks.
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,232
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
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Posts: 2,232 |
Hi Doc, gee this is different and really flows nicely, great writing, hope we see more. Love "Well, money's like a good whiskey And fame is an open bar". Judy
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 86
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 86 |
Good stuff! I second that "open bar" line...brilliant. I'm not sure about having the second line of each verse virtually identical. Sometimes this kind of device can tie things together nicely, but sometimes it can become annoying and I feel like you're right on the line here with this one. I guess it would depend on the music whether this works for you or against you in this piece. Anyway, I like your concept and I like the little vignettes and the references to Warhol and George Burns. Nice work!
------------------ Capt. Tom-Luc
Capt. Tom-Luc
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240
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Top 10 Poster
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Hi...Doc
This was really great...chimin in late... but well written and wanted to tell you.
Welcome
Kaley
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 8,389
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Apr 2001
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Doc,
the last two lines of your chorus are one of the best damn couplets I've read in a while.
Fine job.
dawg
Wisdom does not always accompany age. Sometimes age just shows up alone.
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 165
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 165 |
What dawg said.
If you don't like your reality~~change it.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 2,125
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jan 2001
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Oh Yea, Good words here. Those last four lines do it all for me. Why didn't I think of that. Fate gave them to you, now run with them. Should be a hit. Idamarie
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 286
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 286 |
Hi Doc, Really nice writing here! Love that chorus!
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 27
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 27 |
Thank you everyone for the kind words. Tom--yeah, I'm still not too sure about the second line in each of the verses. I guess I'll see how its sounds when I put music to it.
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Top 30 Poster
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Top 30 Poster
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George Burns and Bob Hope made it to 100.
Kirk Douglas and Olivia de Haviland are 100 and still kicking as I type.
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 329
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Posts: 329 |
nice write, all the best,john
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 19,579 Likes: 13
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Top 10 Poster
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Posts: 19,579 Likes: 13 |
Brian Austin Whitney Founder Just Plain Folks jpfolkspro@gmail.com Skype: Brian Austin Whitney Facebook: www.facebook.com/justplainfolks"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney "It's easier to be the bigger man when you actually are..." -Brian Austin Whitney "Sometimes all you have to do to inspire humans to greatness is to give them a reason and opportunity to do something great." -Brian Austin Whitney
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Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 134
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Feb 2018
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Too many gone the way of the rapid downward spiral, some self inflicted some driven by influences beyond their control your story touches on the ills of the rising and quickly falling stars that fill the media with endless tales of woe to feed an endless demand for tales of the celebrity.
Just a writer of words
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Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 134
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 134 |
Too many gone the way of the rapid downward spiral, some self inflicted some driven by influences beyond their control your story touches on the ills of the rising and quickly falling stars that fill the media with endless tales of woe to feed an endless demand for tales of the celebrity.
Just a writer of words
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 1,082
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jul 2001
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Good structure - solid rhyme Bad Company did a tune called "Shooting Star" and it was a similar story I like how you incorporated all different "celebrity" categories.
Good luck, thanks for sharing
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"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
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