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Here's the final mix. Rob and I hope you enjoy it. Thank you all for the feedback. Donna http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=10487072Take Off The Noose(v1) Your wife’s been cheating You miss your best friend You wonder if the madness Will ever end (v2) Your daughter’s pregnant Her boyfriend’s in jail You don't have a job and can’t Help with bail Pre-chorus But don’t push ‘panic’, don't go manic You can get a grip, get on top of it Chorus Take off the noose Put on the kettle Show the world You’re a man of mettle You’re gonna stop rollin’ Like a runaway caboose Hey put on the kettle Take off the noose (v3) The weather’s insane More species are gone You ask [yourself] how long can This go on (v4) Politicians once Did their best to lead Now they’re like jackals closing In to feed Pre-chorus But don’t push ‘panic’,don't go manic You can get a grip, get on top of it CHORUS Bridge It’s true that life can cramp your style But it’s harder to frown than it is to smile And nothing works better, take it from me Than a little lie-down and a nice cup of tea Pre-chorus But don’t push ‘panic’, don't go manic You can get a grip, get on top of it CHORUS © 2010 Donna Devine (lyrics) & Rob Bersan (music/guitar/vocals)
Last edited by DonnaMarilyn; 04/15/11 10:16 PM.
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Hello Donna and Rob.
From a production point of view, musically and vocally I see no problems. Everything fits well IMO.
But your words, or out-look at the lyric, is interesting. I can see some of the lightness but the fact that the "singer" is thinking about killing himself seems a tad dark.
IMO this could go either way.
Douglas
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I just don't hear this as carefree. I hear it more with a bit of an alternative edge...jmho:) and I had to look up with mettle. I am not sure if that word will come across as what is supposed to mean, unless it's a common word where you are from..never heard that expression.
Kim
Last edited by Kimberlyinnc; 04/05/11 11:56 PM.
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Doug and Kim, thank you for your feedback. Doug, I take the point about the 'mood' going both ways. Perhaps better to let it stay in its current mood, as that's what Rob does so well. His voice and style lends itself less to 'lighthearted'. Kim, the term a 'man of mettle' is an idiom. In fact, I have it wrong in the lyric: it should be 'of' and not 'with'. Silly me, I'll need to change that. I realise some folks might think 'mettle' is 'metal', but perhaps it won't matter so much. I really need to keep that rhyme. Interesting that you see the lyric as having an alternative edge, which is, I think , what Rob has given it. Donna
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Hi Donna/Rob, Yeah, it sounds EDGY to me too, and that's cool ! Liked it pretty well, especially this part.... And nothing works better, take it from me Than a little lie-down and a nice cup of tea and the words - MAN OF METAL, would also work. Good song. Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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Donna, I love the musical approach in this song. I think it is great and really catchy. I think the lyrics are well done as well. I am not sure that they are a good marriage together. I think your instinct is correct.
Tracy
Last edited by Tracy Harris; 04/07/11 01:31 PM.
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Calvin and Tracy, thank you for listening. Glad you enjoyed the song. Tracy, to date, it looks like you and I are in the minority. Everyone else (elsewhere) feels Rob's lobbed onto the right direction - kind of edgy. Donna
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Donna, I think Rob wrote a great piece. And I agree with the edgy part to. I definitely am not hearing a ballad for this one. I wish I could put into words what it is that is bugging me, but unfortunately I haven't figured it out yet. It could be something that I need to listen to a couple of times, maybe it will grow on me. I think the lyric defiinitely lends itself to edgy and catchy, but not bright. Not sure I was any help...sorry.
Tracy
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Hi Donna, I know you said you're happy with the lyric but I can't help but mention my thoughts here. This doesn't make sense to me. Chorus Take off the noose Put on the kettle I may be taking this all wrong! You're saying put on the kettle, like make a pot of tea and then that he's a man of mettle (vigor, strengh)I don't get the it. Or is this the wrong meaning for kettle?Show the world You’re a man of mettle You’re gonna stop rollin’ Like a runaway caboose Hey put on the kettle Take off the noose I like it, I just don't understand that part. Dottie
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Tracy, thanks for giving this as much thought as you have. The consensus seems to be edgy and catchy, which Rob has captured. So we'll run with that. He's hoping to re-track shortly, so I'll post a new mix when I have it. Dottie, hope I can clear it up for you. The intention was to set up a tongue-in-cheek contrast: The idea of a brave man putting on the kettle to make a cup of tea. But remembering that the brave part refers back to him deciding not to kill himself but to face life and deal with problems. And often this type of decision can begin with something as simple as having a cup of tea and thinking things over. And nothing in the lyric actually says he was planning to take such an extreme measure. It's the singer who refers to it in the chorus, and in a kind of lighthearted, almost teasing, way. (Which is why, when I wrote the lyric, I actually heard the song as more bouncy and sing-along, though Rob heard it differently. ) Donna
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Hey Donna,
The performance has a lot of energy and is musically great. The verses flow really well into a cool pre chorus and then into a decent chorus. The chorus didn't set my world on fire melodically but I think it's a grower rather than a non goer! It a good story song and isn't bad at all. I like it. Thumbs up to you both.
JD
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Hey Donna I think it sounds great for a start and heading in an interesting direction. I know you said the lyrics are basically locked in but I have to make a point if only for my sanity. I saw your explanation to Dottie about the Kettle. I most say that's a heavy burden for such a small word to bare. since the noose and moose metaphor is used at the end of the chorus anyway maybe the beginning of the chorus can be rewritten to sum up the point you made to Dottie and resolving back to the kettle and noose lines, at the end of the chorus. Chorus Take off the noose Put on the kettleShow the world You’re a man of mettle You’re gonna stop rollin’ Like a runaway caboose Hey put on the kettle Take off the noose Hey, you can disregard that. Just had to get it off my chest.
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Nelson, I'd hate to think I was driving you nuts. Perhaps I've misunderstood what you wrote, but in fact the chorus is already exactly what you've indicated. The kettle/noose lines are at the beginning as well as at the end, though the lines are switched around. Is this what you meant? Donna
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HiDee Mz Donna & Friend!
Like The Lyrics, Guitar & Vocs here...somehow it's a very pleasant & uplifting song...about some of the worst-possible stuff that has to be somehow dealt-with.
I'd sug "time-off" insteada "lie-down" (which reminds me of Nursery School Rest Period.)
Quite-Interesting (& rather Graphic) Hook ya gots there!
Good Luck with a nicely-Quirky One, M'LadyChum! Best Wishes & Big Hugs, Stan
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Glad you like this one, Stan. Rob did a fine job. And our Mike Caro has done a lovely job cleaning up the track, which had a lot of buzz and hiss on it. Thanks, Mike. Donna
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Definitely a grower. Just revisited this. Nice song. Good vocal delivery. Still like it.
JD
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Very interesting. Unique title too !! I totally get the suicide inference. Thanks for sharing !!
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James and Darrell, thanks very much. Glad you both liked this. Donna
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