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#888570 - 03/28/11 04:07 PM I See Now--Revision...4/5  
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
KimberlyinNC Offline
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KimberlyinNC  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
North Carolina
Hi guys, this one did really badly on the lyrical contest on the muses muse.. Oh well...it sounded good in my head, but then again, my head is probably a mess lately anyways....please comment, suggest..thanks.
I hear it in the style of Jason Mraz. Such as this style,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mMs718dh7I

Where did I mess up so badly?

I See Now---Revised version 4/5 any better, worse? I have a collaborator, but need to get these lyrics there...

I was gaining the world, hand over fist
Starving for a reason to exist
This treadmill left me temperamental
And love offered nothing monumental/that special


I was thinking life was good as it gets
Blinded to my need for love in it
‘til your touch changed my cynical mind
And I opened up my heart just in time


Chorus
I see now
There’s no price tag
On the better things in life
I see now
I deserve
More than just getting by
You worked a miracle
Come on, take your bow
‘Cause I see now

I’m lying with you as the sun descends
Watching day come to a perfect end
I see it was all elementary
That Love is life’s admission fee

Chorus

Bridge
Because of you,
I have a clue to what the hype’s all about
feeling a little wild and foolish
Wanna climb on the rooftop and shout…
Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah!

Chorus

Outtro
I see now
Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah
(fade out)

© Kimberly Kime
I See NowOriginal

I was gaining the world, hand over fist
Starving for a reason to exist
Life left me temperamental
And love stopped short of monumental

I was thinking that life was good as is
Blinded to my need for love in it
You changed a determined mind
And cupid’s arrow aligned, just in time

Chorus
I see now
There’s no price tag
On the better things in life
I see now
I deserve
the better things in life
You worked a miracle
Come on, take your bow
‘Cause I see now

I am watching day come to a perfect end
Lying with you as twilight suspends
Now I know it’s elementary
and love is life’s admission fee

Chorus
I see now
There’s no price tag
On the better things in life
I see now
I deserve
the better things in life
You worked a miracle
Come on, take your bow
‘Cause I see now

Bridge
Because of you,
I have a clue to what the hype is all about
feeling foolishly sentimental
Wanna climb on the rooftop and shout…
Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah!

Chorus
I see now
There’s no price tag
On the better things in life
I see now
I deserve
the better things in life
You worked a miracle
Come on, take your bow
‘Cause I see now

Outtro
I see now
Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah
(fade out)

© Kimberly Hales Kime


Last edited by Kimberlyinnc; 04/06/11 12:05 AM.

*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
http://www.littleikepublishing.com
Email for Song Business Only
littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
#888643 - 03/28/11 11:00 PM Re: I See Now [Re: KimberlyinNC]  
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,268
Michael LeBlanc Offline
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Michael LeBlanc  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,268
Louisiana
i see where ya goin' here but maybe just too many BIG words.Not to fun to sing [for me].

#888700 - 03/29/11 10:20 AM Re: I See Now [Re: KimberlyinNC]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,901
Colin Ward Online content
Colin Ward  Online Content

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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,901
Saint Petersburg. FL
Your Jason link is broken.

Your lyric is not conversational if that is important......

I will take a shot at offering suggestions below.

Originally Posted by Kimberlyinnc

I See Now

Climbing the ladder, hand over fist
Looking for a reason for a man to exist
Some said I was acting temperamental
'Cos the love I found never felt essential

I thought that life was good all alone
My need for love had become overgrown
Somehow you changed a stubborn mind
Cupid’s arrow came in the nick of time

Chorus
I see now
There’s no price tag
On the best things in life
I see now
I really needed
the best things in life
You worked your magic
Come on, take a bow
‘Cause I see now

I am watching the day come to a perfect end
Lying with you as the sun descends
I finally learned, it’s elementary
Life without love is a life that's empty

Chorus
I see now
There’s no price tag
On the best things in life
I see now
I really needed
the best things in life
You worked your magic
Come on, take a bow
‘Cause I see now

Bridge
Because of you,
I found a clue to what the hype is all about
Feeling crazy and a little bit wild
Wanna climb on the rooftop and shout…
Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah!

Chorus
I see now
There’s no price tag
On the best things in life
I see now
I really needed
the best things in life
You worked your magic
Come on, take a bow
‘Cause I see now

Outtro
I see now
Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah
(fade out)

© Kimberly Hales Kime



Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#888735 - 03/29/11 01:05 PM Re: I See Now [Re: KimberlyinNC]  
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
"Tampa Stan" Good (D) Offline
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D)  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
Tampa, Florida since 1973
G'Mornin' Mz Kim!

Can't get the You-Tube site, so here's what I've gleaned to find Correctable in your lyric, all JMO.

"Cupid's Arrow" stuck out at me, since it's VERY-Dated Symbolism & kinda Cliche in songs these days.

Your 2-verse Setup doesn't reflect an Average Guy's Mindset. "Starving for a reason to exist"? Naw..most guys are starving for Next Weekend...for Fishing/Poker/or maybe askin' some gal for a date. Any of which IS "Reason-Enough".

Chorus: "The Better Things in Life" was fine, One Time. 2nd Time, it wasn't TOO fresh-an-idea anymore.

V3: "..as twilight descends" is a line no self-respectin' Straight- GUY would ever sing. (Tiny Tim..perhaps..if he were still breathin'...)

Bridge: "..feeling foolishly sentimental" (See Above Comment.) The "Hey-Hey-Yeahs" that-followed seemed overmuch, tho I've yet to hear this.

"I sse now/I deserve/
SOME better things EACH NIGHT" would be a Sug on your Chorus, KOS, but of course.

I think perhaps mentioning "price tags" might also mar this one's sentimentality-in-progress. Real Love's frankly "Price-Less"..or at least, is so..in Song Lyrics.

Good Luck with it, M'LadyChum..I'm gonna try to get the Music again. Best Wishes & Big Hugs,
Stan

#888749 - 03/29/11 01:28 PM Re: I See Now [Re: "Tampa Stan" Good (D)]  
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,411
bholt Offline
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bholt  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,411
Highlands, NC
Hi Kim,
The verses don't seem conversatiional to me, but the chorus seems to work well. I think you've gotten some good suggestions here, so I won't repeat!


Betty J. Holt
#888865 - 03/29/11 11:56 PM Re: I See Now [Re: bholt]  
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 18
Larry Seger Offline
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Larry Seger  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 18
SoCal
Kim,

It's Larry (from FAWM). Do you have music for this yet? If not, I may...

#888909 - 03/30/11 08:54 AM Re: I See Now [Re: Larry Seger]  
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 347
JamesDF5 Offline
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JamesDF5  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 347
London UK
Hey Kimberley,

I had a very quick ad-lib Jam to your song and this is what I came up with. Cheesy chords on my £20 childs 3/4 guitar but you can now get an idea of how the words flow. I sang some of the words in the wrong order. Apologies for that. Have fun.

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/23201924/I%20see%20now.wav

JD

Last edited by JamesDF5; 03/30/11 08:54 AM.

My Band Northfield
Our Videos
#888929 - 03/30/11 12:14 PM Re: I See Now [Re: JamesDF5]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,901
Colin Ward Online content
Colin Ward  Online Content

Top 25 Poster

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,901
Saint Petersburg. FL
The Jason Mraz link is working now - very cool.


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#888958 - 03/30/11 02:34 PM Re: I See Now [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 108
jodyWayne Offline
Serious Contributor
jodyWayne  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 108
Texas
Well... I like it! It looks like everyone has given some good suggestions. My suggestion: Just keep playing with it until you are satisfied. I think the chorus is very strong. You have some really good thaught here. Fine tune the play on words and I think you might be supprised just how good this (didn't do so good in the contest) song might be.

Good luck girl

#889751 - 04/02/11 11:26 PM Re: I See Now [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
KimberlyinNC Offline
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KimberlyinNC  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
North Carolina
Michael, Thanks for checking it out. I suppose I was going for a Jason Mraz style and he uses lots of usual ways of expression...

smile

Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
http://www.littleikepublishing.com
Email for Song Business Only
littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
#889764 - 04/03/11 12:08 AM Re: I See Now [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
KimberlyinNC Offline
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KimberlyinNC  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
North Carolina
Originally Posted by Colin Ward
Your Jason link is broken.

Your lyric is not conversational if that is important......I guess I was going for a man's voice that is somewhat analyical

I will take a shot at offering suggestions below. thanks Colin!!
Originally Posted by Kimberlyinnc

I See Now

Climbing the ladder, hand over fist
Looking for a reason for a man to exist
Some said I was acting temperamental
'Cos the love I found never felt essential

I thought that life was good all alone
My need for love had become overgrown
Somehow you changed a stubborn mind
Cupid’s arrow came in the nick of time

Chorus
I see now
There’s no price tag
On the best things in life
I see now
I really needed
the best things in life
You worked your magic
Come on, take a bow
‘Cause I see now

I am watching the day come to a perfect end
Lying with you as the sun descends--this sure makes more sense than as twilight suspends...
I finally learned, it’s elementary
Life without love is a life that's empty

Chorus
I see now
There’s no price tag
On the best things in life
I see now
I really needed
the best things in life
You worked your magic
Come on, take a bow
‘Cause I see now

Bridge
Because of you,
I found a clue to what the hype is all about
Feeling crazy and a little bit wild
Wanna climb on the rooftop and shout…
Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah!

Chorus
I see now
There’s no price tag
On the best things in life
I see now
I really needed
the best things in life
You worked your magic
Come on, take a bow
‘Cause I see now

Outtro
I see now
Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah
(fade out)

© Kimberly Hales Kime



Colin, you offered some nice suggies and I will consider them all with my collaborator, James, thanks so much, you are a good friend...~~~ Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
http://www.littleikepublishing.com
Email for Song Business Only
littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
#889766 - 04/03/11 12:26 AM Re: I See Now [Re: "Tampa Stan" Good (D)]  
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
KimberlyinNC Offline
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KimberlyinNC  Offline
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Posts: 5,210
North Carolina
Thanks Tampa Stan.

I am working on a re-write, I hope to make it more conversational and "guy" language..

Thanks for your suggies:)

Be cool..

Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
http://www.littleikepublishing.com
Email for Song Business Only
littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
#889767 - 04/03/11 12:30 AM Re: I See Now [Re: bholt]  
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
KimberlyinNC Offline
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KimberlyinNC  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
North Carolina
Thanks Betty, how are the NC mountains treating ya?

Be good, and have a good day:)

Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
http://www.littleikepublishing.com
Email for Song Business Only
littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
#889768 - 04/03/11 12:31 AM Re: I See Now [Re: Larry Seger]  
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
KimberlyinNC Offline
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KimberlyinNC  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
North Carolina
Larry, thanks for asking, James sent me some music and I am kinda digging it so I think we will cover this one, but I look forward to the others we are working on....now, If I can just catch up...

grin

Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
http://www.littleikepublishing.com
Email for Song Business Only
littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
#889770 - 04/03/11 12:43 AM Re: I See Now [Re: JamesDF5]  
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
KimberlyinNC Offline
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KimberlyinNC  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
North Carolina
James, thanks for the idea on the music, and I have messaged you in regards to that smile

Looking forward to the collaboration..

Now, time for me to do some revisions...omg....I am getting so freaking behind...

crazy

or getting too slow, one or the other..

LOL..don't answer that!

Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
http://www.littleikepublishing.com
Email for Song Business Only
littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
#889775 - 04/03/11 01:15 AM Re: I See Now [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
KimberlyinNC Offline
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KimberlyinNC  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
North Carolina
Thanks Colin, actually, I meant to show his other song, to show how he uses unusual words..I have changed the link if you want to check it out.

Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
http://www.littleikepublishing.com
Email for Song Business Only
littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
#889777 - 04/03/11 01:17 AM Re: I See Now [Re: jodyWayne]  
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
KimberlyinNC Offline
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KimberlyinNC  Offline
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Originally Posted by jodyWayne
Well... I like it! It looks like everyone has given some good suggestions. My suggestion: Just keep playing with it until you are satisfied. I think the chorus is very strong. You have some really good thaught here. Fine tune the play on words and I think you might be supprised just how good this (didn't do so good in the contest) song might be.

Good luck girl


Thanks Jody... grin
I hope once put to music it will blossom a bit more, though I am doing some work on the lyrics..thanks for checking this out.
Kim

Last edited by Kimberlyinnc; 04/03/11 01:18 AM.

*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
http://www.littleikepublishing.com
Email for Song Business Only
littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
#890082 - 04/04/11 02:33 PM Re: I See Now [Re: KimberlyinNC]  
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Posts: 3,427
Dottie Offline
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Dottie  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,427
Hey Kim,

I love Jason Mraz too, so I can hear this working with the right music. Don't feel bad about the contest, heck if Jason posted his lyric, it wouldn't do well either. smile

Dottie

#890359 - 04/05/11 04:10 PM Re: I See Now [Re: Dottie]  
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Posts: 5,210
KimberlyinNC Offline
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KimberlyinNC  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
North Carolina
Dottie, you are right. Sometimes one can not tell how a song will turn out just reading words..

smile

Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
http://www.littleikepublishing.com
Email for Song Business Only
littleikeproductions@hotmail.com

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