I See Now--Revision...4/5

I See Now--Revision...4/5 #888570 03/28/11 05:07 PM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 5,210 North Carolina KimberlyinNC OP Top 50 Poster
OP KimberlyinNC Top 50 Poster Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 5,210 North Carolina	Hi guys, this one did really badly on the lyrical contest on the muses muse.. Oh well...it sounded good in my head, but then again, my head is probably a mess lately anyways....please comment, suggest..thanks. I hear it in the style of Jason Mraz. Such as this style, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mMs718dh7I Where did I mess up so badly? I See Now---Revised version 4/5 any better, worse? I have a collaborator, but need to get these lyrics there... I was gaining the world, hand over fist Starving for a reason to exist This treadmill left me temperamental And love offered nothing monumental/that special I was thinking life was good as it gets Blinded to my need for love in it �til your touch changed my cynical mind And I opened up my heart just in time Chorus I see now There�s no price tag On the better things in life I see now I deserve More than just getting by You worked a miracle Come on, take your bow �Cause I see now I�m lying with you as the sun descends Watching day come to a perfect end I see it was all elementary That Love is life�s admission fee Chorus Bridge Because of you, I have a clue to what the hype�s all about feeling a little wild and foolish Wanna climb on the rooftop and shout� Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah! Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah! Chorus Outtro I see now Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah (fade out) � Kimberly Kime I See NowOriginal I was gaining the world, hand over fist Starving for a reason to exist Life left me temperamental And love stopped short of monumental I was thinking that life was good as is Blinded to my need for love in it You changed a determined mind And cupid�s arrow aligned, just in time Chorus I see now There�s no price tag On the better things in life I see now I deserve the better things in life You worked a miracle Come on, take your bow �Cause I see now I am watching day come to a perfect end Lying with you as twilight suspends Now I know it�s elementary and love is life�s admission fee Chorus I see now There�s no price tag On the better things in life I see now I deserve the better things in life You worked a miracle Come on, take your bow �Cause I see now Bridge Because of you, I have a clue to what the hype is all about feeling foolishly sentimental Wanna climb on the rooftop and shout Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah! Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah! Chorus I see now There�s no price tag On the better things in life I see now I deserve the better things in life You worked a miracle Come on, take your bow �Cause I see now Outtro I see now Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah (fade out) � Kimberly Hales Kime Last edited by Kimberlyinnc; 04/06/11 01:05 AM. Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!* BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com

Re: I See Now KimberlyinNC #888643 03/29/11 12:00 AM
Joined: Jan 2005 Posts: 13,325 Louisiana Michael LeBlanc Top 10 Poster
Michael LeBlanc Top 10 Poster Joined: Jan 2005 Posts: 13,325 Louisiana	i see where ya goin' here but maybe just too many BIG words.Not to fun to sing [for me].

Re: I See Now KimberlyinNC #888700 03/29/11 11:20 AM
Joined: May 2006 Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 Saint Petersburg. FL Colin Ward Top 30 Poster
Colin Ward Top 30 Poster Joined: May 2006 Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 Saint Petersburg. FL	Your Jason link is broken. Your lyric is not conversational if that is important...... I will take a shot at offering suggestions below. Originally Posted by Kimberlyinnc I See Now Climbing the ladder, hand over fist Looking for a reason for a man to exist Some said I was acting temperamental 'Cos the love I found never felt essential I thought that life was good all alone My need for love had become overgrown Somehow you changed a stubborn mind Cupid�s arrow came in the nick of time Chorus I see now There�s no price tag On the best things in life I see now I really needed the best things in life You worked your magic Come on, take a bow �Cause I see now I am watching the day come to a perfect end Lying with you as the sun descends I finally learned, it�s elementary Life without love is a life that's empty Chorus I see now There�s no price tag On the best things in life I see now I really needed the best things in life You worked your magic Come on, take a bow �Cause I see now Bridge Because of you, I found a clue to what the hype is all about Feeling crazy and a little bit wild Wanna climb on the rooftop and shout Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah! Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah! Chorus I see now There�s no price tag On the best things in life I see now I really needed the best things in life You worked your magic Come on, take a bow �Cause I see now Outtro I see now Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah (fade out) � Kimberly Hales Kime Colin I try to critique as if you mean business..... http://colinwardmusic.com/ http://rosewoodcreekband.com/

Re: I See Now KimberlyinNC #888735 03/29/11 02:05 PM
Joined: Jul 2010 Posts: 29,275 Tampa, Florida since 1973 " "Tampa Stan" Good (D) Top 10 Poster
"Tampa Stan" Good (D) Top 10 Poster " Joined: Jul 2010 Posts: 29,275 Tampa, Florida since 1973	G'Mornin' Mz Kim! Can't get the You-Tube site, so here's what I've gleaned to find Correctable in your lyric, all JMO. "Cupid's Arrow" stuck out at me, since it's VERY-Dated Symbolism & kinda Cliche in songs these days. Your 2-verse Setup doesn't reflect an Average Guy's Mindset. "Starving for a reason to exist"? Naw..most guys are starving for Next Weekend...for Fishing/Poker/or maybe askin' some gal for a date. Any of which IS "Reason-Enough". Chorus: "The Better Things in Life" was fine, One Time. 2nd Time, it wasn't TOO fresh-an-idea anymore. V3: "..as twilight descends" is a line no self-respectin' Straight- GUY would ever sing. (Tiny Tim..perhaps..if he were still breathin'...) Bridge: "..feeling foolishly sentimental" (See Above Comment.) The "Hey-Hey-Yeahs" that-followed seemed overmuch, tho I've yet to hear this. "I sse now/I deserve/ SOME better things EACH NIGHT" would be a Sug on your Chorus, KOS, but of course. I think perhaps mentioning "price tags" might also mar this one's sentimentality-in-progress. Real Love's frankly "Price-Less"..or at least, is so..in Song Lyrics. Good Luck with it, M'LadyChum..I'm gonna try to get the Music again. Best Wishes & Big Hugs, Stan

Re: I See Now "Tampa Stan" Good (D) #888749 03/29/11 02:28 PM
Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 1,411 Highlands, NC bholt Top 200 Poster
bholt Top 200 Poster Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 1,411 Highlands, NC	Hi Kim, The verses don't seem conversatiional to me, but the chorus seems to work well. I think you've gotten some good suggestions here, so I won't repeat! Betty J. Holt

Re: I See Now bholt #888865 03/30/11 12:56 AM
Joined: Mar 2011 Posts: 18 SoCal Larry Seger Casual Observer
Larry Seger Casual Observer Joined: Mar 2011 Posts: 18 SoCal	Kim, It's Larry (from FAWM). Do you have music for this yet? If not, I may... http://www.reverbnation.com/larryseger http://members.soundclick.com/larry+seger

Re: I See Now Larry Seger #888909 03/30/11 09:54 AM
Joined: Dec 2009 Posts: 348 London UK JamesDF5 Top 500 Poster
JamesDF5 Top 500 Poster Joined: Dec 2009 Posts: 348 London UK	Hey Kimberley, I had a very quick ad-lib Jam to your song and this is what I came up with. Cheesy chords on my �20 childs 3/4 guitar but you can now get an idea of how the words flow. I sang some of the words in the wrong order. Apologies for that. Have fun. http://dl.dropbox.com/u/23201924/I%20see%20now.wav JD Last edited by JamesDF5; 03/30/11 09:54 AM. My Band Northfield Our Videos

Re: I See Now JamesDF5 #888929 03/30/11 01:14 PM
Joined: May 2006 Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 Saint Petersburg. FL Colin Ward Top 30 Poster
Colin Ward Top 30 Poster Joined: May 2006 Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 Saint Petersburg. FL	The Jason Mraz link is working now - very cool. Colin I try to critique as if you mean business..... http://colinwardmusic.com/ http://rosewoodcreekband.com/

Re: I See Now Colin Ward #888958 03/30/11 03:34 PM
Joined: Apr 2010 Posts: 108 Texas J jodyWayne Serious Contributor
jodyWayne Serious Contributor J Joined: Apr 2010 Posts: 108 Texas	Well... I like it! It looks like everyone has given some good suggestions. My suggestion: Just keep playing with it until you are satisfied. I think the chorus is very strong. You have some really good thaught here. Fine tune the play on words and I think you might be supprised just how good this (didn't do so good in the contest) song might be. Good luck girl

Re: I See Now Michael LeBlanc #889751 04/03/11 12:26 AM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 5,210 North Carolina KimberlyinNC OP Top 50 Poster
OP KimberlyinNC Top 50 Poster Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 5,210 North Carolina	Michael, Thanks for checking it out. I suppose I was going for a Jason Mraz style and he uses lots of usual ways of expression... Kim Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!* BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com

Re: I See Now Colin Ward #889764 04/03/11 01:08 AM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 5,210 North Carolina KimberlyinNC OP Top 50 Poster
OP KimberlyinNC Top 50 Poster Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 5,210 North Carolina	Originally Posted by Colin Ward Your Jason link is broken. Your lyric is not conversational if that is important......I guess I was going for a man's voice that is somewhat analyical I will take a shot at offering suggestions below. thanks Colin!! Originally Posted by Kimberlyinnc I See Now Climbing the ladder, hand over fist Looking for a reason for a man to exist Some said I was acting temperamental 'Cos the love I found never felt essential I thought that life was good all alone My need for love had become overgrown Somehow you changed a stubborn mind Cupid�s arrow came in the nick of time Chorus I see now There�s no price tag On the best things in life I see now I really needed the best things in life You worked your magic Come on, take a bow �Cause I see now I am watching the day come to a perfect end Lying with you as the sun descends--this sure makes more sense than as twilight suspends... I finally learned, it�s elementary Life without love is a life that's empty Chorus I see now There�s no price tag On the best things in life I see now I really needed the best things in life You worked your magic Come on, take a bow �Cause I see now Bridge Because of you, I found a clue to what the hype is all about Feeling crazy and a little bit wild Wanna climb on the rooftop and shout Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah! Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah! Chorus I see now There�s no price tag On the best things in life I see now I really needed the best things in life You worked your magic Come on, take a bow �Cause I see now Outtro I see now Yeah, hey, hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, hey hey, yeah, yeah (fade out) � Kimberly Hales Kime Colin, you offered some nice suggies and I will consider them all with my collaborator, James, thanks so much, you are a good friend...~~~ Kim Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!* BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com

Re: I See Now "Tampa Stan" Good (D) #889766 04/03/11 01:26 AM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 5,210 North Carolina KimberlyinNC OP Top 50 Poster
OP KimberlyinNC Top 50 Poster Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 5,210 North Carolina	Thanks Tampa Stan. I am working on a re-write, I hope to make it more conversational and "guy" language.. Thanks for your suggies:) Be cool.. Kim Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!* BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com

Re: I See Now bholt #889767 04/03/11 01:30 AM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 5,210 North Carolina KimberlyinNC OP Top 50 Poster
OP KimberlyinNC Top 50 Poster Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 5,210 North Carolina	Thanks Betty, how are the NC mountains treating ya? Be good, and have a good day:) Kim Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!* BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com

Re: I See Now Larry Seger #889768 04/03/11 01:31 AM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 5,210 North Carolina KimberlyinNC OP Top 50 Poster
OP KimberlyinNC Top 50 Poster Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 5,210 North Carolina	Larry, thanks for asking, James sent me some music and I am kinda digging it so I think we will cover this one, but I look forward to the others we are working on....now, If I can just catch up... Kim Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!* BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com

Re: I See Now JamesDF5 #889770 04/03/11 01:43 AM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 5,210 North Carolina KimberlyinNC OP Top 50 Poster
OP KimberlyinNC Top 50 Poster Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 5,210 North Carolina	James, thanks for the idea on the music, and I have messaged you in regards to that Looking forward to the collaboration.. Now, time for me to do some revisions...omg....I am getting so freaking behind... or getting too slow, one or the other.. LOL..don't answer that! Kim Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!* BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com

Re: I See Now Colin Ward #889775 04/03/11 02:15 AM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 5,210 North Carolina KimberlyinNC OP Top 50 Poster
OP KimberlyinNC Top 50 Poster Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 5,210 North Carolina	Thanks Colin, actually, I meant to show his other song, to show how he uses unusual words..I have changed the link if you want to check it out. Kim Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!* BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com

Re: I See Now jodyWayne #889777 04/03/11 02:17 AM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 5,210 North Carolina KimberlyinNC OP Top 50 Poster
OP KimberlyinNC Top 50 Poster Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 5,210 North Carolina	Originally Posted by jodyWayne Well... I like it! It looks like everyone has given some good suggestions. My suggestion: Just keep playing with it until you are satisfied. I think the chorus is very strong. You have some really good thaught here. Fine tune the play on words and I think you might be supprised just how good this (didn't do so good in the contest) song might be. Good luck girl Thanks Jody... I hope once put to music it will blossom a bit more, though I am doing some work on the lyrics..thanks for checking this out. Kim Last edited by Kimberlyinnc; 04/03/11 02:18 AM. Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!* BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com

Re: I See Now KimberlyinNC #890082 04/04/11 03:33 PM
Joined: Jul 2010 Posts: 3,427 Dottie Top 100 Poster
Dottie Top 100 Poster Joined: Jul 2010 Posts: 3,427	Hey Kim, I love Jason Mraz too, so I can hear this working with the right music. Don't feel bad about the contest, heck if Jason posted his lyric, it wouldn't do well either. Dottie http://www.reverbnation.com/dottiecorley...nue&kick=524819

Re: I See Now Dottie #890359 04/05/11 05:10 PM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 5,210 North Carolina KimberlyinNC OP Top 50 Poster
OP KimberlyinNC Top 50 Poster Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 5,210 North Carolina	Dottie, you are right. Sometimes one can not tell how a song will turn out just reading words.. Kim Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!* BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com

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