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Hey all! I'm REALLY proud of this! I wrote it, melody and all and sang it AND played on it! I SUCK at guitar (as most of you know) but just had to play on my own song. My wonderful guitarist from our all female band played mandolin on it (she's not used to the mandolin but I love what she did). It's a country waltz song, please tell me what you think (I already know we should have played to a click track and I should have played a guitar with easier action. This one killed my fingers.)

www.soundclick.com/pollyhager


Sit This One Out
copyright 2011 by Polly Hager
all rights reserved

Saturday night my friends come to get me
They're smiling, excited, a night on the town
We walk in the barroom, a place I need not be
I'm just a sad misfit alone in the crowd

Once was a time I was happy and smiling
The jokes that you told me kept me aglow
I still feel your soft breath, your arms wrapped around me
Sadness surrounds me, where did love go?

My friends hit the dance floor, they motion me over
They shake and they shimmy, they sing "Twist and Shout"
But I've found good comp'ny in a bottle of whiskey
Me and my bottle gonna sit this one out

There's a man selling flowers, comes up to my barstool
His smile turns to worry when he looks in my eyes
He hands me a long stem, says "A rose for the lady"
Pulls out his kerchief, says "Honey, don't you cry!"

Oh, I can't get over
The pain that still holds me, you won't leave my mind
My heart has been shattered, and I'm barely breathing
It's all I can do not to break down and cry

There's a man on the dance floor, he motions me over
Wants to know if I'd care to take a spin around
But the last thing I want is a poor substitution
Me and my bottle gonna sit this one out
Me and my bottle gonna sit this one out.

Well Polly. When I first checked the lyrics, they seemed pretty slight to me. Except for the cool line about "me and the bottle gonna sit this one out." I liked that.

Then I clicked on the link and you opened your mouth.

Well, the tune and your performance made that song lyric sound like Hank Williams or John Prine to me. Suddenly what looked ho hum on the computer screen shined and sparkled like a country classic.

So congratulations. You made doubting Thomas believe.

Polly this was surprisingly good!

you should be proud of this for sure.......I could hear this song being played in Layla's Bluegrass Inn by JYPSI and gettin a good round of applause.......I think your singing was great......the guitar and mandolin arrangements were simple yet steady/harmonious and melodic......for your first solo effort this is mighty fine and you dam well better play this one for me someday when you and the gal's play the tonks on Broadway.......really enjoyed it!

Tom

Well I have always said to Helen that to my ears you are my fav singer on JPF and you have proved me right and she agrees.

A lesser person would have spoilt that song but you bought it to life.

We like the lyrics as well.

We will get you to do another one for us soon, if you will.

God Bless Roy and Helen

OK, I'll say right off the bat that I liked the words from the get go, your voice sounded wonderful and I am a fool for good waltzes (this sounds closer to a 6/8 feel -- but what do I know?). So, you have done super, super great.

If you want to take this over the top -- you gotta have a full chorus that repeats so folks can sing along. Something like (taking your words)

Yea, me and my bottle gonna sit this one out
some folks can say "ain't it a shame"
so while they're on the dance floor screaming "Twist and Shout"
me and my bottle gonna sit this one out

I am super proud of you for writing some good stuff like this!!!

Kevin

Good story, and a really nice vocal performance, Polly.
Well done.

If I may mention one tiny thing: This line -He hands me a long stem, says "A rose for the lady" - sounds a wee bit rushed. I think if you drop "he" at the beginning it'll give more space for you to slide into "says 'A rose for the lady' ".
Just a thought.

(Kevin's suggestion for a chorus is good. Would add dynamic variation and get listeners really involved. )

Donna

Polly, I love this and it's really, really good, I agree with Kevin all it needs is a chorus to push it over the top...love the lyrics and your singing..and hey you're good on that guitar, I can't come close to this....

glyn

Polly,

I'm with Kevin on the chorus. If you add a chorus, it will be a good bar anthem type song. The guitar sounded good and I liked hearing that mando too. Loved your voice on this. Wish your band would come to Atlanta.

Polly: Have to agree that your voice really makes the tune, it's as if you'd had experience along this line! Really enjoyed your singing! I'll take a closer look at the lyrics, a suggestion wants to pop out, but I haven't formulated it yet (yeah, I know that made no sense). Definitley like the sentiment of the lyrics.
Ott
p.s. Have you considered using a click track & a guitar with easier action?

Polly,

You put this one over the top for sure!

There were a couple of small spots in there where I thought I heard a bit of hesitation in the guitar but they were very small.

My hat's off to you for sure.

You go girl,
Danny

It is obvious that this song is written by someone who is a singer/musician because it has excellent meter and phrasing. The story is good too. You do a good job of showing as well as telling the story......a clearly painted picture.

You are doing pretty well on guitar and the recording sounds excellent.

I think this line, "a place I need not be" might be better as "a place I should not be" - KOS.

I am OK with the variation in the choruses - the singalong is "Me and my bottle gonna sit this one out".

Good one!

Dan Sullivan, thanks! I kind of liked the lyric because I tried to put some original ideas into it...and it's all true-to-life.

Tom, I totally had Jypsi's sound in mind when I wrote this!

Roy, thank you so much! Hi to Helen!

Kev, I would LOVE if you played on this! I guess I thought the climb actually was the chorus?

Donna, thanks and you're right, that line is rushed!

Sister G! Thanks for the listen! I'm going to record "Step" as soon as I can!

Wendy, maybe one day our band will play Atlanta! That would be so cool!

Thanks, Ott! Yes, click track and easier action next time!

Danny, thank you! Yes, there were hesitations. The guitar I was playing was bulky, neck too fat, yada, yada, yada.

CALVINATOR! Thanks for the listen!

POLLY...POLLY...

As Ed Sullivan used to say on his TV Show--"WE'VE GOT A REALLY GOOD SHEW, FOR YOU TONIGHT"

I LOVE WALTZES AND THE WAY YOU SING THIS ONE--YOU CAN ALWAYS GET SOMEONE TO PLAY GUITAR ON A HIT!

GOOD WORK, GIRL--

WRITE ON--

Mackie

Hello Polly.

What can I say.

Brought a smile to my face as I fell in love with your vocals. You should be very proud of this.

This works straight across the board. Melody, vocals, lead everything.

Cannot say all that I want to, have to much.

Go get them girl!

Douglas

Colin, thanks so much for all the compliments! I don't know why, but I like the line "a place I need not be". It sounds "Southern" to me.

MACKIE! Thanks for stopping by!

Doug, thank you so much for your kind words!

Yep, it's John Prineish. The simplicity of the instrumentation, story line etc.

I listened twice and can hear some potential harmony in there, but still can't put my finger on where it should be. It's an unusual structure, so harmony should be strategically placed into certain lines and not patterned into the song.

Don't change the soul and feel of the vocal. That's fine. The guitar and mandolin seem to drag along. John Prine does that. Do it differently from the way John does this type of tempo.

I played along. It's in A. I can help if you want.

You're really coming along Polly w/your guitar playing and good for you!!! A great job all the way around w/lyrics and melody. I just wanted alittle more of a breathe which could be remedied with some kind of instrumental right after your third verse, which may make you have to skip that brief instrumental you have near the end of the song or just move that instrumental up alittle from where you have it now. Simple fix. While the mandolin is a big plus, not sure you need the mandolin the whole way through. Maybe introduce it alittle later in the song or have in come in and out at times, because sometimes less is more. Great job!!!

Best,
Lynn

Ya SHOULD be Proud, CincyMiss...this is well-penned & well-Sung (think I'm a-hearin' Stevie Nicks..here&there~!) and BRAVO on the Guitar Mastery, M'LadyChum!

I'd sug a more stretched-out final singin' of that Great Hook, last TAG. & a soulful fiddle..or two..too..t'
go with that fine Mandolin.

Good Luck with a Good'n'! Best Wishes & Big Hugs,
Stan

Ben, thanks! We should do a song together!

Lynn, thanks, I'll consider the mando sug.

Stan, thank you...I have heard a fiddle all along as I wrote this...would LOVE to have one on this!

Nice concept, Polly.

It's not bermuda, but definitely blue-grassy sounding to me.
Reminded me of my trips to the Ozarks in Oklahoma and Arkansas.

I could hear a banjo and fiddle fitting in there also.

The music got better as the song went along.

Doug

Polly,
The song is good but the voice is what makes it happen! Good job!
Ricky

Doug, I agree Sir!

Ricky, thank you!

Polly,

Loved hearing you sing again! I liked the song and think if you had a bit more confidence with the instruments, it would be stellar, you are one talented gal!!

Tammy

Polly,
Great vocal. I liked this song a lot. I could hear a fiddle as well, as someone mentioned above. I would re-record with a click track to polish it, and consider bumping it up in speed just a touch? Great write.

Tracy

Wow! You shd be proud, this one is stunning! LOVE your voice!

Why aren't you in Nashville knocking em dead?

Stan

First of all get that mandoliner a double shot of gentlemen Jack, on me. Wonderful job

When I heard the first 2 lines I knew it was real life.
Plus it's so long with no repetition, which is so easy to do when something is really personal. A nit to some, a plus in my book.
I can hear some serious power lurking just beneath the surface in your vocals. This is such a great write, if one of your bands don't jump on this, you need new band mates. What are you in 2 or 3 bands... if shouldn't be a problem flushing this one out.
Look if you work out some harmonies and a kick ass chorus.
This one's a wrap.

This could be your signature song.

Hell, I can hear the boots on the dance floor, as I'm typing.
Seriously... Get UR Done Gurl

Hey Polly,

I love this! When I heard this I couldn't help but wonder why you don't write more? Maybe you just don't have time? Anyway you can rest well knowing that you wrote a good song!

Dottie

Polly, I really enjoyed this - great lyric and vocal.

Bob

Hi Polly. I took two listens to this after I read the lyrics. I liked your song idea while reading the lyrics and so I decided this would be worth further time. I had trouble determining the structure so I took two listens and what I came up with was AABAACB - which was a concern when I read the lyrics - and it still is. Musically there's little contrast between "A" and "B".
There definitely no emotional climax to this song.
Kevin made a good point about a repeating chorus in order to make this more commercial. You also had a 30 sec intro to a 3:45 song. So you have some additional time if you want to make changes. If you want to apply Kevin's sugg., you may want to go AABABCB with a lyrical bridge instead of the musical one you have. Yeah I know you got a lot a compliments on the mandolin, but if you're not tugging the heart strings, you're not selling the song. Right now, IMO you're not selling the song. Another structure you could use is AABA - ending all your "A" sections with your hook and using your "B" section to acquire the emotional lift. Musically you're flat - but with a few adjustments that's no big problem. The song's worth some more work. So you go girl. Best wishes.

Tammy, thank you! I love hearing you sing too. Yep, practice makes perfect on the instruments!

Tracy, thanks! I agree, click track, fiddle, maybe bumping the tempo a hair.

Stan, thanks! I LOVE Nashville to pieces, but I'm afraid the talent down there way outshines me! Fun place to hang out though and I do plan on going back to Doak Turner's songwriter gathering soon, hopefully with Bob Cushing.

Nelson, thank you! I love your "Blue Sky" song! You know, I'm having a hard time with the whole "chorus" concept, as I kind of "heard" the climb/hook as the chorus. Harmonies would be sweet! My acoustic duo with Tanja will perform this song, my two bands I'm in are rock.

Dottie, I write here and there. A lot of times, something like this just "falls into my head" and I'm scrambling for a piece of paper and pen as it comes flooding in.

Summeoyo, I really appreciate your crit! The structure is A,A,D,A,A,A,A,E,A,A,D,A,A,A,E,A for the verse and D,D,D,A,A,A,A,E,A,A,D,A,A,A,E,A for the climb/chorus. I kind of thought the bridge was an emotional climax? I think the intro is too long, myself. Yeah, musically we're flat...I'm new at performing guitar and the one I played wasn't well suited for my little, short fingers. I can actually hear this done with fiddle, banjo, mando, and guitar. Harmonies on the climb/chorus would be nice. I think a fiddle lead after the bridge would REALLY add to it! Will work on it more. Thank you for your time listening and critiqing.

Sounds really good Polly, the recording is clear and present. Nice job!

It's great that you did all those things yourself, and you's are both playing on this

You already know about the timing. I like your voice as usual, would like to hear more dynamics from you. Adding more dynmics to your vocal really makes an impact..

All the best
Mike

Hi Polly. The structure symbols(A,B etc.)apply in the case of your lyric, to four-line sections of the song. Each of those sections as defined by the letter (ie. "A") has the same chord changes. (The reason I had to listen twice is that I was wondering if what I called a "B" section was truly different from what I called the "A" section in chord changes) I think repetitious would've been a better choice of words than flat in reference to the music. The flatness was more with regard to the emotional flow of the song. You managed some fluntuation with your performance - but not enough IMO - nor was there a dramatic point, that one finds in most hits, in this song. One can be more dramatic with their vocals than with an instrumental section.

Thanks, Mike! Appreciate the listen. To both Summeoyo and you: I'm not sure how I could be more "dynamic" with my vocal? It's a country waltz song...I don't often hear one that gets that dramatic? I tried to put little variations and (what Haze calls) "Polly curls" on the vocal. With a country waltz song...the charm is in the 3/4 timing, right?

A poignant lyrical bridge followed with a dramatic pause could be done with your waltz. Don't underestimate the value of dead air.

Hi Polly,

I enjoyed this...it's well-written and tugs at the heart. Good vocal. I like the idea of repeating the chorus to get people to sing along. It's already in a good place, and there's some good suggestions here to polish...good luck with it!

Kristi

Polly!!!
This is soooooo good!!Definitely reminded me of Hank Williams song "I'm so Lonesome I Could Cry",mixed with "Did I Shave My Legs For This"...Two of my favorite songs..Your voice is amazing lady!!
Love ya,Michelle