JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum Ever wonder what would happen if you called 911, and got an answering machine?

Here's a humorous country lyric that probably needs a lot of help. suggestions are welcome. It's sort of a Willie and Waylon feel. Rough mp3 is abailable at www.mp3.com/larry_hunt. Thanks for any suggestions you can offer. Regards, Larry

Lawrence W. Hunt 2000
911 (Can You Help Me?)

[telephone ring – Caller’s perspective]

Recorded Message (female voice):
I’m sorry, all of our 911 operators are currently busy. Please remain on the line, and the next available representative will assist you.

[Muted Guitar Vamp Leading to Male Vocal]

Verse 1:
Well, I woke up this mornin’ with those post-partum blues,
‘Cause my baby she done parted in the night.
My eyes are red, my throat’s so sore that I can’t even chew,
But I just won’t give up without a fight . . . so . . .

Chorus:
911 can you help me?
I think my heart’s broken again.
I’m showin’ all bad vital signs, and I’m about to lose my mind,
So won’t you talk me through this if you can.

Verse 2:
Well, I got down some coffee and some stale cigarettes,
But I still don’t hear her knockin’ at my door.
My stomach’s all tied up in knots, but I’m not quite gone yet,
So help me out that’s what I called you for . . . so . . .

Repeat Chorus:

Verse 3:
Well here it is noon-thirty and I’m really fadin’ fast.
My fever blew the merc’ry off the scale.
I think that you could help me, is that way too much to ask.
So come on back and let me tell my tale.

Repeat Chorus:

Tag: Oh, please talk me through this if you can.
Oh, you gotta help me through this if you can.

Hey, Larry, pretty funny song, but I'm betting you'll be hearing groans rather than laughs from the female side of the audience on those "post-partum" lines!

But, hell, good luck with this. Linda

Hi Linda,

Thanks for the read. Oddly enough, when I've done this song live, the ladies seem to laugh about the post-partum blues line about as much as the guys. I'm not sure if it's because they're thinking they wish guys could really experience what PPB is like, or if it's just the kind of ladies that hung out in the bars where I've played it!

Appreciate you looking in!
Larry

Hey larry. good song. I liked it.

Hi Larry,

Pretty good overall, but I'd like to see a punch line at the end of each verse. The verse and chorus are entertaining except for those lines which are being used to lead in to the chorus. They're a little weak by comparison and I think you could inject something more into the song by making the last line of the verses more punchy.

JMHO natch
hobes

Good thing I wasn't betting the rent money! Linda


[QUOTE]Originally posted by teletwang:
[B]Hi Linda,

Thanks for the read. Oddly enough, when I've done this song live, the ladies seem to laugh about the post-partum blues line about as much as the guys.

Hi unwanted_guitarist,

Glad you liked the song. Thanks for dropping in.

Hey Linda,

I never bet money anyway, and I CERTAINLY wouldn't have wanted to see you out on the street.

Larry

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Hobart:
[B]Hi Larry,

Pretty good overall, but I'd like to see a punch line at the end of each verse.

Hi Hobes,

Glad you liked it, and I'm interested in the punch line comment. Do you mean in place of the final line of each verse, or an additional line. Maybe you could shoot me a suggested first verse to get me on track with your idea???

I appreciate your input.
Larry

Hi Tele!
I like the idea of what you have going on here.

I really think though that it would have worked better had you actually connected with 911. For, parts of the lyric (chorus/v2) reads like you did. Had you worked a way in for leaving a message it may have worked too. But, in my mind I see someone holding a phone waiting to be assisted? Am I reading it wrong?

Take care!
Ron

Hi Ron,

Thanks for the read. You read it right. The song originated from watching "Emergency 911" episodes where they responded to stupid calls like "my cat's up a tree." Around the same time I was seeing news reports about 911's inability to handle call volume because of all the non-emergency calls. The singer here only thinks he has a real emergency and is just singing about his woes while he is on hold. I do like your suggestion about finally getting through or leaving a message though. I've always felt there was something missing in this song, and maybe you have the missing piece. If you didn't get a chance to listen, you can check it out at www.mp3.com/larry_hunt. It's a fun little song to do in bars.

Thanks for the idea.
Larry

Hi Larry!
Yep, fine job on the singing! I enjoyed the visit very much.

If it were me, I'd simply change the intro to:
This is 911 What's you emergency?"

I have to say I was concerned about your meter too in reading! Lol! But, your rendition took care of it. But, out of curiosity; did you change the music a tad for v2/3? Or, is it me?

I'll stick around and listen to some of your others as well.

Wanted to mention too that I'm originally from Natchez. Where is Olive Branch?

Take care!
Ron

Hi Ron,

The only reason I used the long recorded message (like you usually get when all the operators are busy) was to set up the guy singing about his personal "emergency" while he was on hold. I could probably shorten it, but if I let him get straight through to a live body, then I probably have to involve them in the song, and I'm not sure I know how to handle a dialogue as opposed to the current monologue. I will give this some thought though, and I appreciate the feedback.

This was a very rough cut, so if I changed the music, it was an accident . . . quite possible . . . I'll have to listen to it again.

Olive Branch is really a bedroom community sort of town that snugs up against Memphis, Tennessee. We settled here when I was transferred to Memphis in 1998.

Thanks for the listen and the feedback. Hope you like the other songs.

Larry

Hey neighbor,

I live about 10 minutes from you just across the state line. My brother lives in Olive Branch.

The song is good. Brought back memories of marrying one of those pretty but wild Olive Branch women x amount of years ago. LOL She was fun while it lasted.

While listening to the lyrics, I kept picturing a wise cracking man hating 911 operator blaming you for everything. Then when you call back later the same day she is off wisecracking again. Just a thought.

Hope to see you at the showcase.

James

Posted same message twice

[This message has been edited by jdruss1 (edited 11-17-2002).]

Hi James,

Thanks for the listen and the comments.

I cruised back through some of your posts and ran across "Chances for True Love" that you posted in April. I like the song and would really like to hear it with music.

I also took a shot at a duet dealing with the instant attraction theme, but it was a completely different approach . . . much less romantic than yours . . . leaned more toward "we have the feeling and sooner or later we will act on it." The song is called "Some Other Place, Some Other Time." I posted it on lyric board 1 earlier this month.

I look forward to meeting you at the showcase. Hey, maybe since we live so close, we could take a crack at a co-write sometime.

Larry

Hey Larry,

Glad you liked the lyric Chances For True Love. I respect that you took the time to research my work.

I don't have music to this one yet. I did send it to one person but the melody didn't have the right feel to it and the song was almost 5 minutes long plus he didn't have a female to sing the female part.

Now I heard a female providing backup on your songs.

Would you and her like to put music to this and sing the lyrics? With the right music it could be a good cross over song.

I've since went back and revised the lyrics to shorten the length.

Taking a crack at co-writing with you sounds good to me. I think we could come up with something great

Let me know if you're interested in putting music to the lyrics and I'll send you the revised copy. I think the revised copy is better being condensed but I'll let you be the judge of that.

James

James,

I have to tell you that I've never tried putting music to someone else's lyrics, but I'll try almost anything at least once. If you'll e-mail me the new version I'll be happy to take a look. If I think there's a chance I could come with a creative melody, I can send you my phone number so we can discuss the kind of tempo, style, and feel the song should have. If I come up with something you don't like, no obligation. If you like it and it makes a million bucks, I'd view it as a 50-50 co-write.

As I'm sure you've noticed, my stuff tends to be pretty country, but like I said I'll try almost anything. Oh, by the way, the backup harmonies on my songs weren't female, they were the result of my feeble attempts to sing my own harmony parts through the wonders of home digital recording! I do have a daughter who has a fantastic set of pipes and a great ear for improvising harmonies. If I can ever get her past her mic shyness, maybe I can get her to help on this one and some of mine.

Look forward to hearing back from you on this.

Larry