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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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This one's serious. Unlike my last one. Came with its melody - it does meter out. Feedback welcome! Linda The Fight's Been Good by Linda Adams (c) 2011 yada yada ya I remember when you were a little boy of ten Last thing you had was any confidence Not before the day when you fell off that fence Broke your back and your mama at once She sent you to that home, and it tore you apart Every day went by so slow But that's when you started to grow Oh it's been hard Messed with your mind You tell me you're fine You won't look behind You tell me it's true The fight's been good for you Your life's been a puzzle that's missing some pieces You can't seem to find all the ones that you need Or the thing that'll bring you the needed releases Something to stitch you back up when you bleed So you do it yourself, you don't fall apart Every time you’re dealt a blow You just pick up your needle and sew Now, I know it’s hard Hard to pull through Eats up your time Worries your mind But you tell me it's true The fight’s been good for you And when my day's been long I think of you And I get along Singing your song You remind me The fightin is good for me So we fight the good fight We'll finish the race At the end of it all We'll go home with grace Cuz the fightin is good for me The fightin is good for you Edit: changed a line in red EDIT2: Added final chorus & a tag
Last edited by Linda Adams; 02/11/11 07:05 PM.
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I love this write, because I can tell it's heartfelt (those are the best kind, IMO) but I don't know what to say about it. It doesn't seem quite a song yet, but getting there!
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Thanks Polly! Lemme know what's missing Or where to stab at it... I'm not seeing what to do for it further but I'm sure there's stuff to be done...... shrug Linda
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Concerned it's all "telling" not showing........ 2nd verse confusing or lame... etc...
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Hey Linda...
I like the overall message here...
First impressions just as a listener:
1. Who is telling the story.
2. Is mama's heart broke or her resolve or inability to take care of the boy...financial problems maybe?
3. What is the home...a care center, foster home, orphanage, etc.
I'm just nosey...need to know why, why, why and what, what, what...lol.
You have the vox to bring the emotion in this to life.
Larry
Can't find the stairway to 'heaven'...but I know where the elevator is.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us" - Albert Schweitzer.
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good read, lotsa heart-felt emotions, i thought you described things very well, sometimes not telling specifics can be a good thing, leaves some to the imagination, allowing more people more space to relate to it. well done... peace. roy
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Added a final chorus & a tag ......... stronger? more "complete" story?
Linda
And when my day's been long I think of you And I get along Singing your song You remind me The fightin is good for me
So we fight the good fight We'll finish the race At the end of it all We'll go home with grace
Cuz the fightin is good for me The fightin is good for you
Edit: changed a line in red EDIT2: Added final chorus & a tag
Last edited by Linda Adams; 02/11/11 07:08 PM.
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Can't find the stairway to 'heaven'...but I know where the elevator is.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us" - Albert Schweitzer.
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Whoa, Larry, WHOA slow down on the smileys, bud!! hahahhaaha You're a riot! Also thanks for the vote of confidence on my voice. Linda
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Also what do you all think of changing the title to something like,
"Jeremy's Song"
???
Linda
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Hi Linda, You have some really good lines in here! I like the current title better than Jeremy's Song. I LOVE this part! Or the thing that'll bring you the needed releases Something to stitch you back up when you bleed Very nice! Dottie
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I like this one alot and I like your first title best..
glyn
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OK, I'll keep the title as-is then Dottie, thanks. I had some neg reviews on those lines/verses (before I wrote the 1st verse so, the story wasn't there then!) so, that's good to hear it's resonating all right now. Thank you! I'm also wondering about verb tense.... if I should use "fightin' is good" all the way through or "fight's been good" is stronger....... I haven't decided which is most effective. Linda
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Ab-soul-lute-ly beautiful song....so much feeling in it and raw reality exposed for families with such a condition to face. I was deeply moved. congrats on a great song Linda.~~~MFB III
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HIdee Mz Lin'~
"..broke your back & your mama at once"? Maybe "..broke your back & mom'S BUDGET BOTH at-once" perhaps? So-far it's a Tough Line to Decipher. Maybe something about his Back & His Mom SNAPPED at once?
I somehow don't understand the Relationship between Singer & the Boy here. Yeah, she's an "Older Observer"..but in what capacity...Sister/Aunt/Truant Officer...etc?
&..I didn't feel the "Completion" as far as The Boy Goes....is he OUT yet?
Good Luck with it...it's got good potential..just a few rough edges!
Best Wishes, Big Hugs, Stan
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Thank you MFB! I can tell you were deeply moved... as I rendered you speechless from making up a little verse about it Thanks - Linda
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Stan, Hi!
I always appreciate your feedback and your take on things.
I like the word "snapped" -- that may be more accurate.
The story I see in my mind is that she just couldn't handle it, mentally, emotionally, she quit. I see her as an unstable person to begin with and this accident just broke her.
As far as is he "out" -- I see that he's a grown man now; where he lives is irrelevant......... the relationship to him (in my mind) aside from childhood friend, or close friend... is also somewhat irrelevant... in my mind.
Because all of us could learn, and be lifted, from knowing someone who has struggled, hard, and keeps on carrying on.
It'll be dedicated to anyone whose life has been touched by knowing someone like this, who's been lifted by the bright spirit shining inside the life challenged by crushing adversity.
The 2nd verse, chorus, to me mean finding ways to be inspired and carry on when there really ARE no solutions. Whatever the challenge is, it's not going away. When the problem isn't something you can just turn back time on, go back, solve, or fix. Something that's not just going to be "better" someday.
You can become stronger. Keep an attitude that it all helps us learn, from each other.
That sort of thing.
Linda
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I'm so happy Larry knows how to smile now..lol glyn
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working with a guy on music for this one, he's got an "Achille's Last Stand" feel/flavor for it... we'll see if we ever get the collab done though... LOL still in-progress...
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I also realized my MELODY LINE on "I know it's hard" was ... near identical to Queen's newer single w/Paul Rodgers, "Say It's Not True" ... so that must change as well. I really haven't done any new writing since about this point. Been not well, but, so it goes L
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Linda,
and still you keep fighting on.... and it's a good fight, yes?
Write on. Fight on. Right on. Amen.
I like this one. I look forward to hearing it played.
Peace,
Dave
"Where there's a Gill, there's a way"
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