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#863759 - 12/11/10 04:48 AM That's All It Is  
Joined: May 2007
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Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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I have some questions about this lyric:

Does the chorus make sense to you? Too ambiguous? Would it make more impact in first person? Where are the weak partsÖ..all comments and suggestions welcome!

EDIT: December 11, 2010 I did some revisions and put it in 1st person to see it that way. Still working on it...thinking about it...but wanted to post what I worked on today from the feedback given. The original is below this version.

Thatís All It Is
©2010 Kristi McKeever----REVISON #1 - FIRST PERSON

Another day to walk the dog
Fly a kite or GO FOR a jog
The lines ON the road will fade over time
But I know the way I know the signs

Another night to dream away
CALL A FRIEND OR GO ON A DATE
The lights in the sky will fade OVERNIGHT
But IíVE got faith when the sun starts to climb

[lift]
OH THEREíS ALWAYS MORE TO LOOK FORWARD TO

[ch]
Thatís all it is ALL I NEED
ITíS TOUGH SOMETIMES BUT I BELIEVE
And as time divides
Hours here and moments there
I KNOW
THE LIFE I HAVEÖDEPENDS ON ME
Thatís all it is
Thatís all it is

Another way to say goodbye
Shed a tear or dry MY eyes
The love IN THE AIR wonít fade over time
Cuz itís part of the rhythm and all of the rhyme

[lift]
Oh I breathe fresh air when someone cares AND

[ch]
Thatís all it is ALL I NEED
ITíS TOUGH SOMETIMES BUT I BELIEVE
And as time divides
Hours here and moments there
I KNOW
THE LIFE I HAVEÖDEPENDS ON ME
Thatís all it is
Thatís all it is

[br]
Pick up the penny from the ground
See if it turns your life around

[lift]
Oh if I lead the way, itíll be okay CUZ

[ch]
Thatís all it is ALL I NEED
ITíS TOUGH SOMETIMES BUT I BELIEVE
And as time divides
Hours here and moments there
I KNOW
THE LIFE I HAVEÖDEPENDS ON ME
Thatís all it is
Thatís all it is


Thatís All It Is ----ORIGINAL - 2nd PERSON
©2010 Kristi McKeever

Another day to walk the dog
Fly a kite or take a jog
The lines in the road will fade over time
But you know the way you know the signs

Another night to dream away
Turn in early or go out and play
The lights in the sky will fade over time
But youíve got faith when the sun starts to climb

[lift]
Oh you roll up your sleeves and get what you need

[ch]
Thatís all it is
And as time divides
Hours here
And moments there
You decide
Thatís all it is
Thatís all it is

Another way to say goodbye
Shed a tear or dry your eyes
The love you find wonít fade over time
Cuz itís part of the rhythm and all of the rhyme

[lift]
Oh you breathe fresh air when someone cares

[ch]
Thatís all it is
And as time divides
Hours here
And moments there
You decide
Thatís all it is
Thatís all it is

[br]
Pick up the penny from the ground
See if it turns your life around

[lift]
Oh if you lead the way, itíll be okay

[ch]
Thatís all it is
And as time divides
Hours here
And moments there
You decide
Thatís all it is
Thatís all it is

Last edited by Kristi McKeever; 12/12/10 01:19 AM.

A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#863911 - 12/11/10 06:39 PM Re: That's All It Is [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
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Dottie Offline
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Hi Kristi,

Another day to walk the dog
Fly a kite or take a jog
The lines in the road will fade over timeóI donít understand this line
But you know the way you know the signs

I like the 1st verse, but I feel like its leading somewhere and I donít feel like verse 2 is taking it there. What Iím getting is, itís another day to do something and then the chorus says thatís all there is. Maybe Iím missing the bigger picture, itís quite possible, and it wouldnít be the first time.smile

Dottie

#863925 - 12/11/10 07:18 PM Re: That's All It Is [Re: Dottie]  
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Michael LeBlanc Offline
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Michael LeBlanc  Offline
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the meaning of 'that's all it is' should be more powerful in the chorus to me.i understand the verses well but hoping that the chorus would bring it to a better place.I like the story line Kristi!

#863934 - 12/11/10 07:30 PM Re: That's All It Is [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
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DonnaMarilyn Offline
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Kristi, I like where (I think) you want to go here - and the build up from low key to higher key in the emotion - but feel the lyric needs to be fleshed out more. It sounds cryptic/abstract in places. Some of the poignancy is lost.

First person would set up intimacy and have a greater impact, I think.

You have the bare bones of one of your usual fine lyrics. wink

I've made a few suggestions below. KOS. smile

Donna

Originally Posted by Kristi McKeever
I have some questions about this lyric:

Does the chorus make sense to you? Too ambiguous? Would this make more impact if it was in first person? Where are the weak partsÖ..all comments and suggestions welcome!

Thatís All It Is
©2010 Kristi McKeever

Another day to walk the dog
Fly a kite or take go for a jog
The lines in on the road will fade over time
But you I know the way you, I know the signs

Another night to dream away Verse 2 is less strong than verse 1.
Turn in early or go out and play To me, "go out and play" sounds a little childish in this context.
The lights in the sky will fade over time I think "over time" suggests a long period; much longer than simply the few hours it actually takes in the transition from daytime to night-time.
But youíve got faith when the sun starts to climb

[lift]
Oh you I roll up your my sleeves and get take what you I need

[ch] The chorus doesn't flow naturally from what's been said in the verses. Perhaps a connection could be made in the pre-chorus.
Thatís all it is Wondering whether "That's all there is" would be more appropriate.
And as time divides
Hours here
And moments there
You I decide
Thatís all it there is
Thatís all it there is

Another way to say goodbye
Shed a tear or dry your my eyes
The love you I find wonít fade over time
Cuz itís part of the rhythm and all of the rhyme

[lift]
Oh you I breathe fresh air when someone cares

[ch]
Thatís all it is
And as time divides
Hours here
And moments there
You decide
Thatís all it is
Thatís all it is

[br]
I pick up the penny from the ground
See if it turns your my life around

[lift]
Oh if you lead the way, itíll be okay

[ch]
Thatís all it is
And as time divides
Hours here
And moments there
You decide
Thatís all it is
Thatís all it is


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

http://www.reverbnation.com/donnamarilynrichblend




#863962 - 12/11/10 08:52 PM Re: That's All It Is [Re: DonnaMarilyn]  
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Calvin Offline
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Hi Kristi,

pretty heavy lyric and tt gets better after the first read.


this is my fav part...
[br]
Pick up the penny from the ground
See if it turns your life around


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart


#864001 - 12/11/10 10:34 PM Re: That's All It Is [Re: Dottie]  
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Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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Hi Dottie,

Hey, thanks for letting me know how this comes across to you. That "lines in the road" line you mention is actually meant to be both literally the lines down the middle of a road and figurative as well.

I sometimes get a bit abstract in my thinking, so that's why I wanted to post this to see how far I need to reign it in so it's understood.

Thanks again,

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#864003 - 12/11/10 10:38 PM Re: That's All It Is [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
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Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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Hi Michael,

Okay...gotcha. I know the chorus is sparse so yeah, it's not quite connected yet. I see that. I tried to connect it with the lifts, but will keeping thinking on it.

Thanks so much. I appreciate the input!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#864010 - 12/11/10 11:04 PM Re: That's All It Is [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,226
Douglas Murphy Offline
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Douglas Murphy  Offline
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Montreal, Quebec, Canada
I as well like what you are going for but question if the chorus brings us there. The imagery seems to flow in the verses, easy enough to understand, but again as you questioned yourself the chorus need work.

Just a thought.

Doug


"Is this a practice? They are all practices." John Denver

www.soundclick.com/dougmurphy

Skype Contact: douglas.murphy8
#864053 - 12/12/10 01:27 AM Re: That's All It Is [Re: DonnaMarilyn]  
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Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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Hi Donna,

Your thoughts and suggestions are really helpful. I do get a bit abstract sometimes! I don't know what it is, but I feel like if I spell it out, it's boring or something! Anyway, you have some really good suggestions and I put up a revision with them in mind. Still thinking it all through though...exactly what it is I want to say, etc...

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your help!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#864055 - 12/12/10 01:31 AM Re: That's All It Is [Re: Calvin]  
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,828
Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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Hey Calvin,

Yeah...lol...heavy. I am still thinking about what inspired this and what I want to get across exactly. It could go different ways...

I'm glad you like the bridge!

Thanks for stopping in with such nice comments.

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#864056 - 12/12/10 01:33 AM Re: That's All It Is [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
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Michael LeBlanc Offline
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Michael LeBlanc  Offline
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Louisiana
i like the rewrite but maybe add on the chorus=
"that's all it is,,,but i want more"or
"that's all it is,,,but i need more",
I dunno Kristi,to me that works okay but i do like your new changes also!

#864057 - 12/12/10 01:36 AM Re: That's All It Is [Re: Douglas Murphy]  
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Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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Hi Doug,

Your response is really helpful to me. I have worked on the chorus and changed it to first person (for the time being...lol). It's still a work in progress, of course...as I try to bring it all together!

Thanks for your input!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#864261 - 12/12/10 06:33 PM Re: That's All It Is [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
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nightengale Offline
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nightengale  Offline
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Eugene, Or USA
Hi Kristi,

I think you've made great revisions.

Geneva

#864323 - 12/12/10 09:58 PM Re: That's All It Is [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
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Beth G. Williams Offline
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Massachusetts
Hi Kristi,

I think the change from 2nd to 1st person made the lyric much more impactful.

I also like the addition of "depends on me" in the chorus, as it essentially gives you the reason for the lyric. At the end of the day...it's all up to her. The original, while full of great imagery, was a bit too vague. I totally get your concern about not wanting to hit people over the head with an idea...and it's hard to step out of the mind-set of knowing exactly what your intention is....but I think you've done that successfully now.

Finally, I'll agree with Calvin...this is a "heavy" lyric. It's poignant on a number of levels. As always, your writing is lovely. This phrase in the chorus I thought was especially strong:

And as time divides
Hours here and moments there


...and this lift is quite moving:

Oh I breathe fresh air when someone cares

I am curious about your thoughts for musication on this Kristi. There is definitely a pensive tone to it...but you could go in a number of different directions I suppose. So good luck with that.

In the meantime, thanks for sharing!
Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#864351 - 12/12/10 11:15 PM Re: That's All It Is [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
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Douglas Murphy Offline
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That's working it through. Like where you've gone so far and yes the 1st person perspective works better.

Doug


"Is this a practice? They are all practices." John Denver

www.soundclick.com/dougmurphy

Skype Contact: douglas.murphy8
#864381 - 12/13/10 12:57 AM Re: That's All It Is [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
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Kristi McKeever Offline
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Hi Michael,

Good to hear your feedback on the new ideas I put in...I feel like it may still need somethingÖ.yeah...I'm still thinkingÖand will keep your suggestions there in mind.

Thanks for coming back with some more ideas! I do appreciate it!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#864384 - 12/13/10 01:10 AM Re: That's All It Is [Re: nightengale]  
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Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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Hi Geneva,

Hey, thatís a good thing! lol I am glad you think what Iíve done is better than what I had.

Thanks for letting me know!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#864388 - 12/13/10 01:40 AM Re: That's All It Is [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
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Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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Hi Beth,

Great to have your perception of this lyricÖ

Iím glad to hear your thoughts on the 1st person/3rd person thing, so thanks for weighing in on that. And itís helpful to know what lines you think work, especially since Iím still pondering things. I do think that line with the ďdepends on meĒ is key, yesÖ.it could go other ways too...I do tend to get a bit abstract sometimes, so I see the need to get more specific in order to invoke anyone's emotions.

To answer your question, I havenít really had any thoughts on the music yet! But I can experiment with that by saying the lines over and over, at some point, and see what kind of melody arises.

Thanks for your input, Beth. Itís always very much appreciated!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#864389 - 12/13/10 01:45 AM Re: That's All It Is [Re: Douglas Murphy]  
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,828
Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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Hi Doug,

Another vote for the 1st person perspectiveÖgood to know. Thank you for coming back with your thoughts on the revisions. I am still playing the lines out in my headÖI think thereís more I can doÖlolÖso weíll see!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#864503 - 12/13/10 02:47 PM Re: That's All It Is [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
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Dottie Offline
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Hi Kristi,

I think this will make a very good song! I love the changes you made, I understand it now and I feel the hook/title much more than I did.

It's still a bit vague, but I like that in some songs it allows more people to relate. I totally get it now.smile

Dottie

#864719 - 12/14/10 02:21 AM Re: That's All It Is [Re: Dottie]  
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,828
Kristi McKeever Offline
Top 100 Poster
Kristi McKeever  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,828
USA
Hi Dottie,

Thanks for coming back to tell me that! (it's hard to know about revisions sometimes!) And yes, I am comfortable with being vague....lol. wink I do aim to spark an emotion, however, so if the writing is not really understood, then that is lost. It's a balancing act, I suppose! That's why feedback is so great! And I very much appreciate yours!

Thanks again!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist

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