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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 237 Likes: 11
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 237 Likes: 11 |
Here is one of my songs. Any comments are welcome. Basic arrangement Midi file Rough demo: my voice + Ukulele Chew Up My Ooh-Ooh ------------------------------------------------------ Words and music: © Guy E. Trepanier, 2010. All rights reserved by Guy E. Trepanier. Intro: 8 bars (key of E) Baby, if you let me hold your hand I'm gonna let you play with my Yeah-Yeah Ooh, but if you ever break my heart You'll never get to chew up my Ooh-Ooh Never get to, Never get to, Never get to chew up my Ooh-Ooh .... .... .... .... Baby, if you gently bear with me I'm gonna let you play with my Yeah-Yeah Ooh, but if you try to hurry me You'll never get to chew up my Ooh-Ooh Never get to, Never get to, Never get to chew up my Ooh-Ooh .... .... .... .... Birds travel in the sky Birds always need to fly And when they share out food They feel their brotherhood I won't give you a shove I want to feed our love Let's play it, day by day, And run it our own way Instrumental: 8 bars Baby, as you let me hold your hand I'm pleased to let you play with my Yeah-Yeah Ooh, and as long as you cheer my heart You get the right to chew up my Ooh-Ooh Get the right to, Get the right to, Get the right to chew up my Ooh-Ooh Get the right to, Get the right to, Get the right to chew up my Ooh-Ooh .... .... .... .... .... .... .... .... - Guy E. Trepanier #156 Melody: jan-feb 2010. Lyrics: jan-feb 2010.
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,186
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,186 |
Hi Guy
Welcome to jpf
Catchy melody and the chew ooh ooh is also contagious -- I listened to the uke version --- felt a bit out of tune - but may be that's the way they are/sound? but nice rhythm
the bird verse does not feel real grounded in the rest lyrically -- but as a goofy love song I think anything kind of goes...... but you could connect the 'birds' better somehow.
Best regards jm
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,941 Likes: 3
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,941 Likes: 3 |
Might be best to just post one link, it gets confusing to figure out what you are trying to get us to evaluate. ... and, of course, I would vote for the vocal/uke version. The uke did sound a little out of tune, but it really didn't bother me while you were singing.
Fun tune, I have no idea what is going on, but that's OK. Welcome to the JPF and I look forward to more of your offerings.
Kevin
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275 |
Bonjours & "Welcome to JPF" New-Guy Guy!
Your Vocals are pleasing, I'm jealous of Anyone who can play Any Instrument, & your lyrics are Fun! (Tho a bit Sophomoric.)
Check out Chuck Barry's "My Dingaling"...has a lot more Plotline to it... & I agree with Mz Gem, that the Bridge just needs some Serious Revision to really FIT IN to the rest of this song. (& the "shove/love" rhyme...it's SO "Tiny Tim"...methinks...&..he's been gone a Long Time....)
Somewheres I read that only around 20% of American Wives DO give their Hubbie's regular Oral Sex...so this'n might just have A Limited Market..heh-heh!
Good Luck with it tho...& again, "Welcome Aboard!" Best Wishes & a Big Guy-Hug, Stan
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