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#842128 - 09/05/10 03:15 PM Demon In My Soul  
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 611
Bobby Wayne Offline
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Bobby Wayne  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 611
This is another song I've written from my experiences as a Corrections Officer. Every inmate I ever worked with had three things in common. They felt they were misunderstood, they loved their mama's and they always had some kind of woman waiting for them on the outside who stuck by them regardless of what they did. As always, I've got music for these lyrics but looking for a musical collaborator to help out.


Demon In My Soul
(By Bobby Wayne; Copyright 2010)

v1
I woke up in a cold sweat, thought I heard the demon call,
Saw the shadows of barred windows hangin' crooked on the wall,
Right away I knew that once again I'd been misled,
Prayed for sleep to come and save me from the voices in my head.

v2
Now the demon first appeared in me when I was just a child,
I took up with a restless crowd and started runnin' wild,
Now every jailer here's become familiar with my name,
I've made a shambles of my youth and the demon is to blame.

Chorus:
I've wasted too much time inside these god-forsaken cells,
Payin' for my crimes and feelin' sorry for myself,
Because I'm not all bad there's just some things I can't control,
Got an angel in my heart but a demon in my soul.

v3
Now I love my mother dearly and she means the world to me
Even though I broke her heart and filled her life with misery
And daddy ran out years ago and not much of him is known
But I remember grandma sayin' he had a demon of his own.

Chorus:

v4
Outside a woman waits for me and she prays for my return,
She knows the demon well by now but I guess she'll never learn.
In spite of all I've done I know her love for me endures
And if it takes me my whole life I'm gonna make it up to her.

Chorus.

#842138 - 09/05/10 04:41 PM Re: Demon In My Soul [Re: Bobby Wayne]  
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 284
Jan Johansen Offline
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Jan Johansen  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 284
Korcula, Croatia
Hi Bobby, I think this is a very well written story song which kept my attention all through. The rhyming scheme is the same in the verses and chorus and perhaps it would improve an already very well written lyric a little if you had different rhyming scheme in the chorus.

I thoroughly enjoyed this
Jan

#842204 - 09/05/10 11:38 PM Re: Demon In My Soul [Re: Jan Johansen]  
Joined: Aug 2010
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Bobby Wayne Offline
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Bobby Wayne  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 611
Thanks Jan. I agree that the rhyming scheme could use a little tweaking. I'll see what I can do. Thanks for the feedback.

Bobby

#842327 - 09/06/10 10:44 PM Re: Demon In My Soul [Re: Bobby Wayne]  
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,828
Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,828
USA
Hi Bobby,

I think this is well written and has a nice flow and rhythm. The story is clear. Something that struck me as I read this, I'll just say, is I am wondering who he is talking to. I was thinking it could be tweaked throughout so it's like a letter/promise directly to this woman who is waiting for him and so then that last line really hits home....ex:
"And if it takes me my whole life I'm gonna make it up to YOU."

Just thinking out loud...there are always tons of creative options for any song...just passing along one idea!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#842352 - 09/07/10 02:12 AM Re: Demon In My Soul [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 611
Bobby Wayne Offline
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Bobby Wayne  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 611
Hi Kristi. To be honest, he's talking to me; the Correction Officer. I had countless conversations with inmates just like this one where I just sat back and let them tell their story. That's why they liked me because I was a good listener. I certainly could make this a little more apparent in the lyrics but I'm not sure I want to. To me, that sort of makes it a little gimmicky. Thanks for taking the time to read the lyrics and offer me your advice. I really appreciate it.

Bobby Wayne

#842362 - 09/07/10 05:38 AM Re: Demon In My Soul [Re: Bobby Wayne]  
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 81
Captain Lifeboat Offline
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Captain Lifeboat  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 81
Burbank ,Ca
hey bobbie,
i liked this. I've done a month or two.
I'm bettin' you could tell a story or two.
I remember one or so officers being cool w/me.
It must be wierd. your not supposed to treat'em
nice, but, once and a while your gut must tell you
"hey, THIS guy seems ok,he's not a monster"
yet, he most likely is.
tough gig bob.....
stay safe,
peter


"For all the words,,there ARE no words"
#842388 - 09/07/10 09:00 AM Re: Demon In My Soul [Re: Captain Lifeboat]  
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 41
sparrow Offline
Casual Observer
sparrow  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 41
I like it. Very good hook too.

#842522 - 09/08/10 12:09 AM Re: Demon In My Soul [Re: sparrow]  
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 611
Bobby Wayne Offline
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Bobby Wayne  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 611
Hey Captain. I truly enjoyed my time amongst the inmates and for the most part they were just ordinary people who had come up against unfortunate circumstances. It was only the rare exception that seemed "criminal" or "dangerous" to me. The reason that I finally retired had more to do with the ineffective administrators that I worked for and the way that they continually turned their heads while guards harassed and, occasionally, assaulted inmates. It made me wonder sometimes on which side of the bars the real criminals were. I guess that's another song that I'll get to someday. In the meantime, thanks for the look and good luck with your own stuff.

Hey Sparrow. Thanks for flying by and dropping me the positive vibe. I'll try and return the favor.

#856091 - 11/08/10 01:30 AM Re: Demon In My Soul [Re: Bobby Wayne]  
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,929
MFB III Offline
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MFB III  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,929
ohio
hey Bobby, I like this one, a redemption perhaps or maybe just a temporal peace in his soul till he hits the streets again. but the power of love is strong and might just overcome the demon that feeds on hate. great write.~~~MFB III

#856092 - 11/08/10 01:35 AM Re: Demon In My Soul [Re: MFB III]  
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,427
Dottie Offline
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Dottie  Offline
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Hi Bobby,

I like this very much. I think it'a good story with strong hook and well written. I honestly like it just the way it is:)

Dottie

#856103 - 11/08/10 02:06 AM Re: Demon In My Soul [Re: Dottie]  
Joined: Aug 2010
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Bobby Wayne Offline
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Bobby Wayne  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 611
Thanks Dottie. I'm currently working on the recording of this song and I kept it pretty much as it appears above. I hope to have a link available to it soon. Thanks for the kind words.

Bobby


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