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Joined: Jun 2009
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I can supply a vocal track to work off of for this one but I want it to be uptempo and I'm not very good at that, lol. If anyone is willing to help let me know please. I also still have a lot of writing and re-writing to do on this.
Kiss You Back
Hard day of work sittin at the bar sippin' on whiskey to a steel guitar He bought me a beer and said "What's your name?"
Minutes turn to hours and hours turned to beers everything else seemed to disappear
Pre Chorus:
when he said "What would you do if I kissed you?" And I said "Ooh I'd kiss you back."
Chorus: I'd kiss you back til the sun begins to rise I'd kiss you back til its time to say goodbye I'll kiss you a million times til all the reason runs out of rhyme Ooh I'd kiss you back
A few months later and here we are Can't believe we got this far Lovers in love until the end of time
Days turned to months and months turned to years everything else seemed to disappear
Pre Chorus When he said "What would you do if I kissed you?" and I said "Ooh I'd kiss you back."
I'd kiss you back til the leaves begin to fade I'd kiss you back til the sun soaked up the shade everyday til the end of time til all my reason runs out of rhyme Ooh I'd kiss you back
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Joined: Jul 2010
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You've got a pretty good start on the pre-chorus and chorus. This shows promise.
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Hi Naomi I'd love to help out as I've been listening to your SC page and I really like your style. There's a touch of Norah jones in your vocals and that's cool. If you can email me what you've got so far I'll see what I can do. Very nice lyrics by the way "sippin' on whiskey to a steel guitar" that's a cracker !
mork1976@gmail.com
Kind regards Andy
Work for hire Producer. I will also produce and master any old/new work tapes up to demo standards. :-) Just PM or email: Email -- mork1976@gmail.com
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Hi Naomi, I agree with Mork the steel guitar line is great!. There is something there alright. I think getting the up tempo track going with it will help. The line of minutes turn to hours and hours turn to beers, well is she a bit 'merry' after sitting in a bar all day by the time she is talking about the first chorus? I would rethink the 2nd last line of the chorus (the 'till all my reason runs out of rhyme') .. that's just a personal opinion, in fact everything in this post is my personal opinion. There is something cool here though and it does have a breezy poppy style especially the 2nd verse. Cheers Alan
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Wonderfully-Well-Written Words, Mz Naomi-S!
"Minutes turned to hours/ & hours turned to beers/ Everything else seemed to disappear" has gotta be One of The BEST Set-Ups I've ever read!
Your Chorus is a GEM.
The "Feel-Good Feeling" feels GREAT by Song's End.
"KUDOS" for a reaaaally GOOD Lyric here...& Good Luck with the Musicating & all that follows-after!
Best Wishes & Big Hugs, Stan
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Hi Naomi.
These lyrics are really good and I can't wait to hear the finished song.
God Bless Roy and Helen
Minutes turn to hours and hours turned to beers everything else seemed to disappear
Great
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http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=994403Mork, Here's a little sample of what it sounds like in my head. Like I said I'm still working on it so I'll post more as I progress. Thanks everyone for the feedback. Naomi Sue
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Thanks Naomi the sample sounds good and I like where you're going with the melody it's given me plenty to be getting on with I'll post something back in the next day or two for you to have a listen to.
Rgds Andy
Work for hire Producer. I will also produce and master any old/new work tapes up to demo standards. :-) Just PM or email: Email -- mork1976@gmail.com
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Dear Naomi, If you and Andy don't mind, I wanted to lend a hand as well. I've been listening to your the sample that you posted and first I just want to say "What a beautiful voice!!" I could listen to you sing all day! And I like the song as well. I have listened to the sample several times and something about it has been giving me difficulty. I will try to convey my findings with you, so that hopefully you can let me know what you're really looking for. When you go from the verse to the pre-chorus, it's as if you're changing to a new key and while that might be ok, the new key doesn't map back to the verse again. I've made some recordings of me strumming a very basic chord along with your a'capella vocal sample, so that I can illustrate this: http://www.churchfieldsolutions.com/cyberjam/kissyouback-orig.mp3And then I raised the pitch of your voice (up 4 half-steps) and tried it again. (sorry for making you sound like a munchkin) http://www.churchfieldsolutions.com/cyberjam/kissyouback-chorus-up4.mp3While the second one is not perfect, it does stay in the original key and leave us in a much better place for the next verse. Both recordings have verse-chorus-verse, with vocal on left channel, guitar on right channel. I separated the guitar and vocal, so that you could use my recording to sing with for your next sample if you want. The next time you post a sample (hopefully soon) please be sure to do part of the second verse, so that we can be sure that the chorus resolves ok to the next verse. Also, get back to me on any details of what you think the music should sound like and any instrumentation you think would be best. I really like this song and I don't think it would take much to make it sound fantastic.
Last edited by Paul Churchfield; 09/18/10 08:20 PM.
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Hi Paul, You've nailed it man, I've been struggling for a couple of weeks with this one. It's mad because the first 3 chords in the verse are exactly the same as mine..spooky.
I'm happy for you to take this one on if that's ok with Naomi Sue. I'd been having a nightmare with a few chords in the chorus but it sounds like you've got it. I'll email her and let her know to come and checkout what you've done.
Great work Paul.
Work for hire Producer. I will also produce and master any old/new work tapes up to demo standards. :-) Just PM or email: Email -- mork1976@gmail.com
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Andy,
I'm not looking to take this over, just lend a hand.
I'd be happy to work with you in any capacity that I can.
I think that the main thing that we are dealing with is lack of accompaniment. I mainly want to be sure what she is looking for before laying down any accompaniment. From there maybe a simple guitar, bass, percussion accompaniment to keep the rhythm true and let her shine on the vocal.
I am still not altogether satisfied with the the way it is yet. It is closer but still not there yet. If you listen to the chorus to verse transition, it is still quite a leap. It's almost as if my ear wants to hear her singing a different interval of the same melody. But I really want be careful to keep all of this analysis on the down-low for now so as not to influence her original idea; which, I absolutely love. It's just the logistics of getting from chorus to verse that we're up against right now. My guess is, that this is what caused her to reach out for help in the first place.
Please stay on board with me if you will. This community has been a lot of fun for me and I'm really enjoying all of the fellowship. Have a great day! -Paul
Last edited by Paul Churchfield; 09/19/10 10:52 AM.
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If I could suggest an idea or so. Might be something to work off of or not.
iss You Back
Hard day of work sittin at the bar sippin' on whiskey to a steel guitar He bought me a beer and said "What's your name?"
Minutes turn to hours and hours turned to beers everything else seemed to disappear when he said .... "What would you do if I kissed you?"
"What would I do If he kissed me?"
the whiskey and the music of the steel guitar his dark eyes smiling from the light of the bar. made me say... "Ooh I'd kiss you back." " ooh I'd kiss you back" Chorus: I'd kiss you back til the sun begins to rise I'd kiss you back til its time to say goodbye I'll kiss you a million times til all the reason runs out of rhyme Ooh I'd kiss you back
This is just an idea and I hope it might help, let me know what you think. Wyndham
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Please consider my arrangement of this song. Here is my recording http://soundclick.com/share?songid=9678520I had to alter the melody of the verse, so that it resolves correctly to the chorus and the back. I also added a short intro, that follows ever chorus as well. I think it needs a bridge and/or instrumental ot two. I played the melody (on the left channel only) so that you can hear what I mean and then use my recording as accompaniment by muting the left channel. Let me know if this could work for you. Also, please give constructive criticism and I will use it to make subsequent takes. The melody that I played here is just for illustration. It is not really supposed to be heard. Thanks -Paul
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Hey Paul that sounds great. I like the upbeat tempo. Wyndham
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Thanks Wyndham! That was pretty much the tempo of the a'capella sample that she published.
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Hi Paul, Sorry for the late reply, I've just been very busy. I'll take a good listen when I get home from work. I'm sure it's going to be pretty cool, you've got a better ear than me I was having real trouble with the chorus.
If you need any help just ask.
Work for hire Producer. I will also produce and master any old/new work tapes up to demo standards. :-) Just PM or email: Email -- mork1976@gmail.com
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