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#840470 - 08/28/10 01:49 AM Angel (Daytona's Song)  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 601
NaomiSue Offline
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NaomiSue  Offline
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Posts: 601
Just a rough MP3 with my usual mess ups. This didn't get much feedback in the lyric forum, thought it would make more sense with somewhat of a melody.

Angel - Daytona's Song

Eyes of blue
a smile that shines
Since the day you were born
I knew you were mine

A blessing from God
sent from above
to change my life
and fill me with love

CHORUS
With wings that are hidden
from everyday stares
a halo that glows
in the midnight air
I thank the lucky stars above
that you were sent to me
and i'll be here for you
through every little thing

Unselfish and strong
right from the start
a love that runs deep
straight to my heart

Yeah, you are my angel
sent from above
to change my life
and fill me with love

Chorus x2


I do custom myspace pages! Check out my work http://www.myspace.com/naomisuemontgomery and http://www.myspace.com/nashvilleapril email me at nmontgomery1984@yahoo.com for mor info or message me on JPF!
#840473 - 08/28/10 02:50 AM Re: Angel (Daytona's Song) [Re: NaomiSue]  
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,650
WriterTomYeager Offline
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WriterTomYeager  Offline
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Harrisonburg,Virtginia
its a nice song Naomi-your singing is great........as usual


had you come to Nashville you would have been one of the towns top demo singers-in my opinion.....

your guitar pluckin is comin along right well too


Tom

#840498 - 08/28/10 08:44 AM Re: Angel (Daytona's Song) [Re: WriterTomYeager]  
Joined: Feb 2007
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Tony A Offline
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Tony A  Offline
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Ireland
Hey NaomiSue, you have a beautiful voice and your guitar work
is good, I like this, there's a nice sentiment in the lyric
and the melody is good, nice one,

Tony.

#840508 - 08/28/10 09:36 AM Re: Angel (Daytona's Song) [Re: Tony A]  
Joined: Dec 2005
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Joice Marie Offline
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Joice Marie  Offline
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Cornish Flat, NH, USA
Hi Naomi

Nice to hear one from you again -- lovely song and sentiment - you are improving all the while.. Keep singing and practicing - you are developing a nice style for yourself. ; ) jm


perfection is unattainable, excellence is totally within reach

http://www.youtube.com/joicemarie
http://www.myspace.com/lemonmcfartney
#840511 - 08/28/10 09:46 AM Re: Angel (Daytona's Song) [Re: Joice Marie]  
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 734
Andy Kemp Offline
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Andy Kemp  Offline
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UK Wales
Hi Naomi

Really enjoyed this track, you've got a very warm tone to your voice and you guitar playing is very good with some very cool chord choices. I will now go and listen to the rest of your tracks.

Rgds
Andy


http://soundcloud.com/m0rk
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/ajk-ep/id926329402

Work for hire Acoustic/Electric studio quality guitar tracks. I will also produce and master any old/new work tapes up to demo standards. :-)
Just PM or email:

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#840544 - 08/28/10 01:04 PM Re: Angel (Daytona's Song) [Re: Andy Kemp]  
Joined: Aug 2009
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Janet Snow Offline
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Janet Snow  Offline
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Naomi......nice melody and you sound really good.



Janet

#840550 - 08/28/10 01:39 PM Re: Angel (Daytona's Song) [Re: NaomiSue]  
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,608
Nelson Offline
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Nelson  Offline
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Baltimore, MD
Hello Naomi

Nice job.

Love the sentiment and the performance.
What mistakes... do you mean the little hesitations? Please...

You vocals have a really authentic quality, that some folks lose by trying to sound like their favorite artist or recreating a generic style that fits their genre of choice.
Please continue to develop your own unique sound.

I think it's great that you're developing your singing and playing at the same time and you're doing a great job.

Nice, strong and thoughtful lyrics...what's left to say but
Great Job..

Nelson

#840584 - 08/28/10 04:53 PM Re: Angel (Daytona's Song) [Re: NaomiSue]  
Joined: Jul 2004
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Jan Petter Offline
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Jan Petter  Offline
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HAUGESUND,NORWAY
Naomi , I really enjoyed the listen and vocal performance .

You got a great sounding vocal !!!

Keep up the good work .

All the best
Jan


"You have to react to what's around you in the moment, whatever the music is.
Just think of it as some place you have to enter and you need to find the key."

#840609 - 08/28/10 06:46 PM Re: Angel (Daytona's Song) [Re: Jan Petter]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 601
NaomiSue Offline
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Posts: 601
Thanks everyone for the great feedback. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the comments on my picking I've really been trying to get better at it. I hope to be able to get a pro demo done on this song just to have as a keepsake.


I do custom myspace pages! Check out my work http://www.myspace.com/naomisuemontgomery and http://www.myspace.com/nashvilleapril email me at nmontgomery1984@yahoo.com for mor info or message me on JPF!
#840613 - 08/28/10 07:09 PM Re: Angel (Daytona's Song) [Re: NaomiSue]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,894
Ricki E. Bellos Offline
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Ricki E. Bellos  Offline
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Wisconsin
Hi NaomiSue,

Welcome back. Great to know you're still working it. Your style was always good but your guitar/vocal skills are coming along as well. Keep practicing and those hesitations will smooth out. I wish I could play and sing together but I can only concentrate on one thing at a time. Good for you!

As for the song itself, very sweet and personal so there's not much that can be said about it lyrically. I think melodically, you can take the chorus to a slightly different place, maybe experiment with some different chords or sing up a few notes like where you would go to do harmony, and it would make it soar.
You are singing about an angel after all! smile

Ricki

#840687 - 08/29/10 02:48 AM Re: Angel (Daytona's Song) [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 8,679
glynda Offline
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Princeton Texas
First, don't stay away so long, and love your voice, and wish I could play like you....this is good..glyn

#840702 - 08/29/10 06:42 AM Re: Angel (Daytona's Song) [Re: glynda]  
Joined: Apr 2002
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Calvin Offline
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Calvin  Offline
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Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hi,

Refreshing/beautiful/touching !

Thanks for sharing.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#840741 - 08/29/10 10:13 AM Re: Angel (Daytona's Song) [Re: Calvin]  
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 5,725
Louis Offline
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Louis  Offline
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Home of the Crimson Tide
Hi Naomi, voice sounds great on this. Need to work on making the chorus melody a little more different than the verse melody and it'd be killer smile


http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
#840761 - 08/29/10 12:05 PM Re: Angel (Daytona's Song) [Re: Louis]  
Joined: Jul 2009
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Michael W. Brown Offline
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Michael W. Brown  Offline
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Gun Barrel City, Texas
Naomi,

Louis chimed in first with the same suggestion.
You need a chord change at the verse to spruce it up a little.
I also agree with everyone else on the fact that this is some beautiful stuff.
Loved my listen.
blues


Write on, Man,
Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
Mahatma Gandhi
#840803 - 08/29/10 03:30 PM Re: Angel (Daytona's Song) [Re: NaomiSue]  
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 514
Puddleglum Offline
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West Yorkshire UK
Really nice song, good voice too.

#840838 - 08/29/10 10:01 PM Re: Angel (Daytona's Song) [Re: Puddleglum]  
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 12,071
Scott Campbell Offline
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Lakeland, FL, USA
Welcome back, Naomi. You've been working on your picking - really coming along. smile

If you get a pro demo done, I'd suggest that you still do the vocal. I'd suggest it anyway but the personal nature of the song calls for it.

I wonder how many different electronic formats it will undergo thirty, forty, fifty years down the line? Probably something we can't imagine yet but the song will still come out of it memorable and sweet.

Scott

#841081 - 08/31/10 12:15 AM Re: Angel (Daytona's Song) [Re: NaomiSue]  
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
KimberlyinNC Offline
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KimberlyinNC  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2008
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North Carolina
Originally Posted by NaomiSue
Just a rough MP3 with my usual mess ups. This didn't get much feedback in the lyric forum, thought it would make more sense with somewhat of a melody.

Angel - Daytona's Song

Eyes of blue
a smile that shines
Since the day you were born
I knew you were mine

A blessing from God
sent from above
to change my life
and fill me with love

CHORUS
With wings that are hidden
from everyday stares
a halo that glows
in the midnight air--I like this line!!!
I thank the lucky stars above
that you were sent to me
and i'll be here for you
through every little thing--maybe on this line, you can lift it up another note..go up a bit....and hold on thing?

Unselfish and strong
right from the start
a love that runs deep
straight to my heart

Yeah, you are my angel
sent from above
to change my life
and fill me with love

Chorus x2


Naomi, it is good to see you on the site again, you know I have missed you. I know this is about your daughter, right? It is a lovely sentimental song. The only small nit I would have it to come up with a few more original lines....where some are a tiny bit more cliche'....I know what a good writer you are, I read your short story, or the beginnings of it, and I know how good you are...so work that imagination a bit more, and dig deeper on some of the lines like..
Yeah, you are my angel
sent from above
to change my life
and fill me with love

how is another way you can say this...and really hit a nerve to moms? and teen ager angst? I just feel this could really soar if you went more into that feeling of a mother' the hard things to say and say them in this song...the fears? the wondering if she will have a better life than you. the prayer you whispered when she came? a secret prayer, no one but you and God know....this is my hope for this lyric...and I only say it because to just say this is good and leave it at that, is not enough, I feel because I believe in your talent and your ability to make this into a better lyric than good...
HUGS girlfriend. you know what I think about ya.
Kimberly


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
http://www.littleikepublishing.com
Email for Song Business Only
littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
#841086 - 08/31/10 12:27 AM Re: Angel (Daytona's Song) [Re: KimberlyinNC]  
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,526
Polly Hager Offline
Helping Hand
Polly Hager  Offline
Helping Hand

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,526
Cincinnati, OH USA
Naomi, so nice to see you! You just get better and better! smile This sounds really lovely. The only thing I'd try to do is make the chorus more different than the verses, as much as possible. Otherwise, really enjoyable listen and your playing is really nice! Your voice is beautiful...and as someone else said, you're developing a really warm, unique style to it. Good job!

I still think of that song you did, "Take My Hand"...always LOVED that one! smile

Last edited by Polly Hager; 08/31/10 12:28 AM.

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