Who's Online Now
20 registered members (AntonyRobWells, glynda, CTthomas, JAPOV, couchgrouch, Dave Rice, Gavin Sinclair, Dayson, Guy E. Trepanier, Andy K, 1 invisible), and 908 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
Ellen M
Ellen M
Saint Augustine, Florida
Posts: 294
Joined: July 2009
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
Adios Amigo
by niteshift. 12/09/19 04:29 AM
Life and Death Out Here In Da Sticks. ..glyn
by glynda. 12/09/19 02:29 AM
Christmas In Our Home Town by Lowell Gaines
by glynda. 12/09/19 02:22 AM
Still getting over you
by glynda. 12/09/19 02:20 AM
Soldiers Field now musicated. Travis and Vic
by glynda. 12/09/19 02:16 AM
Runaway Train
by glynda. 12/09/19 02:07 AM
ANYONE CARE FOR A DRINK WITH ME
by Dave Rice. 12/08/19 09:39 PM
Affordable High Quality Music Production
by LarryMagee. 12/08/19 06:37 PM
Any suggestions
by Dave Rice. 12/08/19 04:24 PM
Loss
by lane1777. 12/08/19 01:15 PM
"Over The River Tonight" Copyright 1979
by Gary E. Andrews. 12/08/19 10:25 AM
Has anyone worked with EastCraft Recording?
by Dave Rice. 12/08/19 09:12 AM
The Bunkhouse, Bulls Gap, TN.
by Gary E. Andrews. 12/08/19 12:59 AM
The Lost Church, Dec. 8, 2019, 4 PM.
by Gary E. Andrews. 12/08/19 12:58 AM
Your Underrated Songwriters
by Fdemetrio. 12/07/19 02:27 PM
"Early Morning Blues."
by MFB III. 12/07/19 12:46 PM
Nashville Don't do Country Anymore
by John W Selleck. 12/07/19 04:59 AM
FREE Demo for Christmas - ENDS in 6 DAYS
by Roy Cooper. 12/07/19 02:21 AM
Wallflower
by John W Selleck. 12/06/19 10:48 PM
Still Getting over you
by the_lyricwriter. 12/06/19 08:40 PM
America I Know Weíre Strong
by CTthomas. 12/06/19 06:44 PM
America I Know Weíre Strong
by CTthomas. 12/06/19 11:23 AM
I remember
by CTthomas. 12/06/19 10:53 AM
Right Under Your Nose
by beechnut79. 12/06/19 10:51 AM
The Accidental Hero
by beechnut79. 12/06/19 10:47 AM
THE LOST CHAD SONG
by Ray E. Strode. 12/06/19 10:42 AM
Mexico
by MFB III. 12/06/19 12:44 AM
"The Gangster Trap."-by-J.A. Prod.Beat & Me!
by MFB III. 12/06/19 12:41 AM
All you get is me
by JAPOV. 12/05/19 11:35 PM
"If The Stars Can't Wait!.
by MFB III. 12/05/19 10:23 PM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,789
Travis david 11,640
Kevin Emmrich 10,568
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,600
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,844
glynda 8,619
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,907
couchgrouch 7,622
Dave Rice 7,415
Corey 7,357
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
Mark Kaufman 6,561
Joe Wrabek 6,403
Vicarn 6,184
ben willis 6,106
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,608
niteshift 5,520
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,652
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,363
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,179
Cindy Miller 4,178
Roy Cooper 4,166
nightengale 4,092
TamsNumber4 4,075
MFB III 3,865
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,813
Dan Sullivan 3,710
beechnut79 3,523
Dottie 3,427
E Swartz 3,420
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,812
MidniteBob 2,707
Nelson 2,581
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,242
Judy Hollier 2,232
Wendy D 2,218
Erica Ellis 2,202
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,022
DukeWill 1,987
floyd jane 1,982
maccharles 1,961
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,650
Noel Downs 1,620
Martin Lide 1,604
Rick Heenan 1,597
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Fdemetrio 1,531
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,462
Tom Franz 1,455
GocartMoz 1,441
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Kenneth Cade 1,429
Rick Norton 1,428
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,408
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,230
Glen King 1,214
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
Diane Ewing 1,158
Gerry 1,144
summeoyo 1,126
lane1777 1,121
Deej56 1,095
joro 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
IronKnee 947
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
9ne 887
Drifter 886
Petra 883
90 dB 870
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 829
Juan 797
TKO 784
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
Andy K 744
tbryson 737
Andy Kemp 733
ant 732
Jackie444 731
3daveyO3 704
Dayson 703
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
Irwin 630
CG King 622
Pat Hardy 621
douglas 621
Mel 614
Moosesong 604
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
R&M 493
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
JAPOV 470
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#827593 - 06/27/10 07:39 PM "Until Then" lyrics - help!  
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 222
Kitty84 Offline
Serious Contributor
Kitty84  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 222
Montana
Well this lyric ended up in a completely different place from where it was supposed to go. Started out as a depressing, slow ballad and now it's HAPPY and I don't know what to do. It seems a little, idk, cliche as a result. Made the mistake of showing somebody with the original music and it just plain did not work. Anybody have ideas for how to fix?


"Until Then" - C. 2010

V. 1
Iím not saying that itís easy
Iím just telling you the truth
And Iím not sure that youíll believe me
Even though I really need you to
Cause Iím not staying here forever
Iím not ready for that part
You know that someday Iíll be leaving
But for now you have my heart

V. 2
Never planned on staying this long
Life just caught us by surprise
And I still find it amazing
That weíve lasted all this time
I canít promise you forever
Only ďtill death do us partĒ
It could be over in an instant
But until then you have my heart

V. 3
When I fade into a memory
If tomorrow never dawns
Even though you cannot find me
Know I wonít be truly gone
I canít stay with you forever
Our whole lives are just the start
But I will wait for you to join me
And you will always have my heart.



Kate <3

Ė "The strongest drive is not love or hate. It is one person's need to correct/modify/alter/edit/change/rewrite another's copy."
#827609 - 06/27/10 11:43 PM Re: "Until Then" lyrics - help! [Re: Kitty84]  
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,324
Michael LeBlanc Offline
Top 10 Poster
Michael LeBlanc  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,324
Louisiana
cool write but a chorus is needed.bring out the "until then" in it.

#827625 - 06/28/10 12:33 AM Re: "Until Then" lyrics - help! [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 222
Kitty84 Offline
Serious Contributor
Kitty84  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 222
Montana
Thanks!


Kate <3

Ė "The strongest drive is not love or hate. It is one person's need to correct/modify/alter/edit/change/rewrite another's copy."
#827628 - 06/28/10 01:09 AM Re: "Until Then" lyrics - help! [Re: Kitty84]  
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,526
Polly Hager Offline
Helping Hand
Polly Hager  Offline
Helping Hand

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,526
Cincinnati, OH USA
Until Then c. 2010 Kitty 84

Chorus:

Until then we've todays and tomorrows
Until then we can love like we'll never regret
Until then we can steal time once borrowed
Until then we'll be loving like our hearts never wept


http://www.soundclick.com/pollyhager
http://www.facebook.com/polly.wilmot
http://www.reverbnation.com/rockcandycincy
You're supposed to be grooving as hard as you can, all of the time. - Stephen Gaskin
#827656 - 06/28/10 05:55 AM Re: "Until Then" lyrics - help! [Re: Kitty84]  
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 20
Christine Hagar Offline
Casual Observer
Christine Hagar  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 20
United States
Hi Kitty,
You have a good idea there,
on vs 1, maybe dropping the word 'that' altogether would give it more punch if you are going for a strong woman getting stronger style country songOn vs 2 changing "only" to "or till death do us part".
V3, changing "when" to "If I fade into a memory".
Our whole lives are just the start
But I will wait for you to join me
And you will always have my heart.
All of the underlined words at the end dont go with the song for me, I think if you would write in more words of warning to this man instead of insuring him you'll be around for him it will be much stronger as a song..Maybe telling him that "You can have a place in my heart but my heart and mind do not agree, my heart may belong to you boy but someday Im gonna be free"...
If you like those words, you have my heart to use em...LOL
Love and Hugs and Best Wishes to You!
Christine Hagar cool

#827657 - 06/28/10 05:58 AM Re: "Until Then" lyrics - help! [Re: Christine Hagar]  
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 222
Kitty84 Offline
Serious Contributor
Kitty84  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 222
Montana
Thanks Christine. That's actually more in line with where it was supposed to go originally. :-)


Kate <3

Ė "The strongest drive is not love or hate. It is one person's need to correct/modify/alter/edit/change/rewrite another's copy."
#827658 - 06/28/10 06:05 AM Re: "Until Then" lyrics - help! [Re: Kitty84]  
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 20
Christine Hagar Offline
Casual Observer
Christine Hagar  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 20
United States
Well that's great Kitty!
I can hear your song playing!
Hope you have many many successes with it!
Love and Hugs,
Christine Hagar cool

#828233 - 07/01/10 12:39 AM Re: "Until Then" lyrics - help! [Re: Kitty84]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 3,005
Terry G Offline
Top 100 Poster
Terry G  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 3,005
Salt Spring Island, B.C.
Hi Kate,

Seemed like it could have a melody like that of,
"I'm Not Sayin" by Gordon Lightfoot

I had an idea pop up that I personally would do.
I hope you can appreciate that "I can't leave without my heart" is a good Country hook that I've given you.:

Iím not saying that itís easy
Iím just telling you the truth
And Iím not sure that youíll believe me
Even though I really need you to
Cause Iím not staying here forever
Iím not ready for that part
You know that someday Iíll be leaving
BUT I CAN'T LEAVE WITHOUT MY HEART

CHORUS
YES for now you have my heart
HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN'T SAY
BUT YOU STOLE IT FROM THE START

(or for a longer chorus three more lines and a Chorus rhyme scheme of ABACDC)

ETC., ETC.

Cheers,
Terry

P.S.
Went back and looked at Polly's contribution.
If you used my idea the song title might become "I can't Leave Without My Heart"
or "Without My Heart" in which case
Polly's section could become a nice bridge.

#828398 - 07/02/10 12:02 AM Re: "Until Then" lyrics - help! [Re: Terry G]  
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 222
Kitty84 Offline
Serious Contributor
Kitty84  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 222
Montana
Well you guys have certainly given me some thoughts for a rewrite. I tend not to post stuff I'm actually done with & this one has been a particular source of aggravation. I believe the only other individual to see this - who will not be welcomed to offer comment on anything else - compared trying to do an edit to "taking a hunk of rust out of the junkyard."


Kate <3

Ė "The strongest drive is not love or hate. It is one person's need to correct/modify/alter/edit/change/rewrite another's copy."
#828448 - 07/02/10 02:21 AM Re: "Until Then" lyrics - help! [Re: Kitty84]  
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,172
Kathy Bampfield Offline
Top 200 Poster
Kathy Bampfield  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,172
Norristown, PA, USA
Hi Kitty,

Here's a twist put a bridge in it and retitle it "Now you've got my heart" and yes its up tempo and that is commercial so I would go for it.....

Thanks for letting me take a peek at your creation.

Happy writing.

#828491 - 07/02/10 10:20 AM Re: "Until Then" lyrics - help! [Re: Kathy Bampfield]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,126
summeoyo Offline
Top 500 Poster
summeoyo  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,126
Harrisburg, PA, USA
Hi Kitty. You could go several ways with this structurally. Terry and Polly seem to favor the addition of a chorus - which musically should work with most genres. But that would leave you with ABABAB - which is okay perhaps with a musical solo between Ch2 and V3. You could also modify that structure to replace V3 with a bridge(you could use some lines in your current V3)and go ABABCB. Another way to go is AABA. I'd use "But for now you have my heart" at the end of both V1 and V2 and only change it at the end of V3. The AABA would go better with a Blues/Jazz slower type of song. So you would write your bridge accordingly. Best wishes.

#828532 - 07/02/10 01:23 PM Re: "Until Then" lyrics - help! [Re: summeoyo]  
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 222
Kitty84 Offline
Serious Contributor
Kitty84  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 222
Montana
Yeah I was going for more the blues/jazz style originally. Thanks for the AABA suggestion, that definitely helps!


Kate <3

Ė "The strongest drive is not love or hate. It is one person's need to correct/modify/alter/edit/change/rewrite another's copy."
#828733 - 07/04/10 12:23 AM Re: "Until Then" lyrics - help! [Re: Kitty84]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 288
Heather N. Orwig Offline
Serious Contributor
Heather N. Orwig  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 288
Pennsylvania
Hi Kitty,

I really like what you've got going on here. I have a tendency to think that EVERYTHING needs a chorus... so I would agree with the others that you should add one. I also think your hook should be "You Have My Heart"... then I would use your current Verse 2 as Verse 1 , your current Verse 3 as Verse 2, and I would take a few lines from Verse 1 and turn it into a chorus... or you could come up with an entirely new chorus to support the hook and use some of the lines from verse one to form a bridge.

Good stuff, here. Keep at it smile

Heather





"Only those who dare to fail miserably can achieve greatly." - Robert Kennedy

"Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down." - Jimmy Durante
#828808 - 07/04/10 02:34 PM Re: "Until Then" lyrics - help! [Re: Heather N. Orwig]  
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,226
Douglas Murphy Offline
Top 40 Poster
Douglas Murphy  Offline
Top 40 Poster

Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,226
Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Just wanted to say hello and welcome. So, "Hello and Welcome."

You have received enough feedback so far that I will look forward to any re-write. As to you "cliche" worries IMO if you see them, and they are there, then recognize them and begin seeing how to say what you are saying and say it differently. Listing ideas has worked for me in the past.

Good luck, have fun and we will see you around the Board.

Doug


"Is this a practice? They are all practices." John Denver

www.soundclick.com/dougmurphy

Skype Contact: douglas.murphy8
#828821 - 07/04/10 04:16 PM Re: "Until Then" lyrics - help! [Re: Douglas Murphy]  
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 222
Kitty84 Offline
Serious Contributor
Kitty84  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 222
Montana
Hi Doug & thanks for all the great suggestions everybody!


Kate <3

Ė "The strongest drive is not love or hate. It is one person's need to correct/modify/alter/edit/change/rewrite another's copy."

Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Membership
Join Just Plain Folks
to receive the free
JPNotes Newsletter!
*this is separate from
message board registration*

Newest Members
ClarkFord, bethanykoubsky, David_Pulizzi, LarryMagee, wpaul2999
21237 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics119,576
Posts1,127,041
Members21,237
Average Posts Daily31
Most Online3,244
Nov 8th, 2019
Just Plain Quotes
"It is amazing how much there is to learn when we think we know it all!" -Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
Darrell House (69), Randy Barnette (54), Roy Harris (85), Russell Campbell (67)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0