Who's Online Now
10 members (Fdemetrio, VNORTH2, Gary E. Andrews, Perry Neal Crawford, couchgrouch, Sunset Poet, Guy E. Trepanier, bennash, Bill Draper, David Gill), 4,088 guests, and 270 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
ShoutChat
Comment Guidelines: Do post respectful and insightful comments. Don't flame, hate, spam.
What's Going On
Does Billy Joel belong in top 10?
by Fdemetrio - 03/28/24 11:10 PM
It Is Done
by Sunset Poet - 03/28/24 07:44 PM
Music Industry Summit, Athens Ohio
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/28/24 06:14 PM
Can you save me from me
by VNORTH2 - 03/28/24 03:11 PM
As human as yo
by ckiphen - 03/28/24 09:55 AM
Fox News Reports Stunning Archeological Discovery.
by couchgrouch - 03/27/24 08:02 PM
Wasting My Time
by David Gill - 03/27/24 07:42 AM
Song available
by JAPOV - 03/26/24 03:38 PM
YELLIN AT CLOUDS
by David Gill - 03/26/24 03:20 PM
"Reliving" the great Lou Rawls!
by Brian Austin Whitney - 03/26/24 01:49 PM
::: The Best In My Life :::
by Bill Draper - 03/26/24 01:32 PM
The show must go on
by ckiphen - 03/26/24 09:06 AM
NYC Motel 1972
by rpirone - 03/26/24 12:43 AM
usic Industry Summitt
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/25/24 11:32 PM
The Rant Arena
by JAPOV - 03/25/24 07:39 PM
Song available
by Raymond Byabazaire - 03/25/24 11:55 AM
Song available
by Raymond Byabazaire - 03/25/24 11:55 AM
Lancaster Festival, Lancaster, Ohio
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/25/24 10:51 AM
Wasting my time
by Rob B. - 03/25/24 03:45 AM
Tom Waits.. What's he building
by Fdemetrio - 03/25/24 12:09 AM
Rick Beato, bad lyrics
by Fdemetrio - 03/24/24 11:23 PM
Inspirational Videos Post Them Here
by Sunset Poet - 03/24/24 11:27 AM
Used to take a Genius to Mix
by Fdemetrio - 03/23/24 11:00 AM
She’s missing but she ain’t missing him
by ckiphen - 03/23/24 08:44 AM
"Broken Places"
by Gary E. Andrews - 03/22/24 07:45 PM
All You Are Is A Lie
by Sunset Poet - 03/22/24 06:55 PM
Pour Choices
by Gavin Sinclair - 03/22/24 05:29 PM
Billy's 30 year overdue song.
by Fdemetrio - 03/22/24 01:30 PM
Make my dreams come true
by ckiphen - 03/22/24 10:51 AM
Top Posters
Calvin 19,857
Travis david 12,264
Kevin Emmrich 10,941
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,649
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 9,003
glynda 8,683
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
couchgrouch 8,160
Colin Ward 7,911
Corey 7,357
Vicarn 6,916
Mark Kaufman 6,589
ben willis 6,114
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,608
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Fdemetrio 4,990
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,670
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,389
Roy Cooper 4,271
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,195
Cindy Miller 4,178
TamsNumber4 4,171
MFB III 4,143
Sunset Poet 4,126
nightengale 4,096
E Swartz 3,985
JAPOV 3,973
beechnut79 3,878
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,845
Dan Sullivan 3,710
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
Nigel Quin 2,891
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
MidniteBob 2,761
Nelson 2,616
Tom Tracy 2,558
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,246
Wendy D 2,235
Judy Hollier 2,232
Erica Ellis 2,202
maccharles 2,134
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,041
DukeWill 2,002
floyd jane 1,985
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,652
Noel Downs 1,633
Rick Heenan 1,608
Cal 1,574
GocartMoz 1,559
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,481
Tom Franz 1,473
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Rick Norton 1,429
Kenneth Cade 1,429
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,409
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
Deej56 1,385
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,294
lane1777 1,280
Gerry 1,280
DakLander 1,265
IronKnee 1,262
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,235
Glen King 1,214
VNORTH2 1,212
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
summeoyo 1,174
Diane Ewing 1,162
ckiphen 1,120
joro 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
9ne 1,035
David Gill 1,032
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
90 dB 964
Wolvman 960
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 829
ant 798
Juan 797
TKO 784
Dayson 781
frahmes 781
bennash 763
teletwang 762
Andy K 750
Andy Kemp 749
tbryson 737
Jackie444 731
Irwin 720
3daveyO3 704
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Pat Hardy 692
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Moosesong 668
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
R&M 614
Mel 614
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 590
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 513
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
Rob L 439
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Alek 386
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Ann_F 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
ddreuter 371
spidey 371
sweetsong 370
danny 367
Rob B. 364
Jim Ryan 360
papaG 353
Z - man 350
JamesDF5 348
John K 348
Jaden 344
TheBaz 340
Steggy 339
leif 339
tonedeaf 336
rickwork 334
Eddie Ray 332
Johnboy 328
Bob Lever 328
Helicon1 327
lucian 326
Muskie 321
kc 319
Z. Mulls 318
ptondreau 313
ONOFFON 312
Chris B. 310
trush 304
ed323 297
Ellen M 294
markus-ky 293
lizzorn 291
nicnac49 290
Char 286
ktunes 285
Top Likes Received
JAPOV 86
VNORTH2 45
bennash 38
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate Thread
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 124
Serious Contributor
OP Offline
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 124
Hey, Guys--

Here's a new one. I haven't added bass yet. Comments?

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=953661&songID=8805384


Until You Came Around

Standing on the corner in my daddy's shoes
Voices on the radio--How could I refuse?
Waited on the Greyhound bus to carry me out of town
Had the whole thing figured out until you came around
until you came around
until you came around
Had the whole thing figured out until you came around


Figured out forgiveness. Figured out regret
Figured out not to worry about what hasn't happened yet
But there's something in a young man's heart that makes an awful sound
Peace and quiet had to wait until you came around


In the light of day the simple truth is hardest to believe
And the little gifts you don't deserve are hardest to receive
Bluebird in a maple tree didn't make a sound
And morning hid behind the hill until you came around

Everything was inside out until you came around

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 12,082
Likes: 1
Top 10 Poster
Offline
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 12,082
Likes: 1
Hi Jonathan:

In all honesty, the title "Until you came around" didn't initially hook me - until I listened to the song smile

I was quickly reeled in though - the writing here is superb and it's performed really well. I would rate the lyric of this verse among the best I've seen (anywhere):

In the light of day the simple truth is hardest to believe
And the little gifts you don't deserve are hardest to receive
Bluebird in a maple tree didn't make a sound
And morning hid behind the hill until you came around

I love the song and performance. Don't know what your goals are - maybe get some pros to listen and see if they think the hook is strong enough?

Or, if you are the artist, don't bother with that and sell it when you sing it (as you did here) smile

When we have the next critique in the mentor forum, I'd encourage you to propose this one for review. If selected, Harriet might have some ideas for how to push this one over the top.

At the very least, add that bass smile

Scott

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,199
J
Top 100 Poster
Offline
Top 100 Poster
J
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,199
Duuuuude! Excellent song. Gets your attention and stays with you. Tremendous writing. Cain't wait for the bass.

Have fun,
John


Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never had an editor.
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 40
Casual Observer
Offline
Casual Observer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 40
Jonathan, great production and recording. I am not a specialist on lyrics but I enjoyed the story your telling.

Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 124
Serious Contributor
OP Offline
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 124
Thanks, gentlemen. I appreciate the feedback.

Scott, I would love to have some guidance from the mentor forum. I'm glad you think this song has merit.

Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
Top 50 Poster
Offline
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
This is freaking fantastic.
No more to say than that.

Kimberlyinnc:)

Great guitar work on the musical break.


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
http://www.littleikepublishing.com
Email for Song Business Only
littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,171
Likes: 8
Top 100 Poster
Offline
Top 100 Poster
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 4,171
Likes: 8
That was really nice!

The lyrics are great and I really appreciate your singing.

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 124
Serious Contributor
OP Offline
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 124
Thanks Kimberly & Tammy.

Here's the new version with some bass. Now I guess I should fix the drums. The tweaking process is tedious!

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8805384

Joined: May 2001
Posts: 5,581
Top 50 Poster
Offline
Top 50 Poster
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 5,581
Really good lyric IMO and I like the groove of the performance. Nice to meet you Jonathan. I really liked this one.

Steve


I'm the only person here who is not unique.
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 124
Serious Contributor
OP Offline
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 124
Thanks, Steve!

Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,910
D
Serious Contributor
Offline
Serious Contributor
D
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,910
wonderful song outstanding performance !!!
perfect


http://www.soundclick.com/danoconnell
A Purveyor of Folk Music
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 124
Serious Contributor
OP Offline
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 124
Thanks, Dan! It's beginning to take shape. I appreciate the encouraging words.

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 4
E
Casual Observer
Offline
Casual Observer
E
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 4
I googled one of the most talented people I have ever known. One who could write a Symphony in the middle of the Sahara with just a Harmonica on him and I stumble across this thread. As always your music is Great! I wish some Label would pick you up so the world could hear your voice. Your The BEST!!!!


gregt
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,895
Top 40 Poster
Offline
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,895
Hi Jonathan,

I noticed this was posted last month. Don't know how I missed it, but glad that chickeneater above found it. smile This is really excellent, lyrically and musically. Hope you come back around and share more of your music with us.

Ricki

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 4
E
Casual Observer
Offline
Casual Observer
E
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 4
My Boys and I spent the afternoon listening to your music. We love it!!! Your music has dramatically change since the time we spent singing in a tunnel in Gibralter!!!!


gregt
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 288
Serious Contributor
Offline
Serious Contributor
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 288
Hi there!

I wish I could comment on the demo, but each time I tried listening, it faded in and out and slowed and stopped... not sure what's going on there?

Anyway - lyrically, this is just awesome. I have to agree with Scott in regards to the below verse...

In the light of day the simple truth is hardest to believe
And the little gifts you don't deserve are hardest to receive
Bluebird in a maple tree didn't make a sound
And morning hid behind the hill until you came around

Hope to hear more from you!

Heather


"Only those who dare to fail miserably can achieve greatly." - Robert Kennedy

"Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down." - Jimmy Durante
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,190
Likes: 30
Top 20 Poster
Offline
Top 20 Poster
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,190
Likes: 30
Cool tune Jonathan! Great lyrics. You do a fine job with the vocal.

I can easily hear Neil Diamond singing this. If I knew Neil personally, I'd pass it on to him.

Best, John smile

Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 124
Serious Contributor
OP Offline
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 124
Greg--Thanks for the shoutout old friend. It's been too long.

Ricki--Thanks! I'll post more tunes here as they develop. I gain a lot from the feedback.

Heather--I'm not sure why you're having trouble with the audio; I checked it after reading your post and couldn't find any problems. I'm so glad you like the lyric.


Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 124
Serious Contributor
OP Offline
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 124
John--

Thanks so much! I enjoy your work and appreciate your comments. I'm trying to write for a wider audience lately, though it's a struggle at times. Still, I think I'm making progress. And nobody does it better than Neil Diamond. Thanks for the encouragement.

Jonathan

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 4
E
Casual Observer
Offline
Casual Observer
E
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 4
Hey Let Axel Rose sing it that would be amusing


gregt
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 4
E
Casual Observer
Offline
Casual Observer
E
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 4
hey dude you should write a song about our journey together the first time we met in a church nursery and then 18 yrs later found our way to the Ca. That woukd be an interesting song!


gregt
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,404
Top 200 Poster
Offline
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,404
Jonathan...Not since Harry Chapin have I heard such a talented folk rock tune...this is truly a fine one...

Larry


Can't find the stairway to 'heaven'...but I know where the elevator is.

Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us" - Albert Schweitzer.
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 124
Serious Contributor
OP Offline
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 124
Thanks, Larry! This one is definitely going on the cd. I can't tell you how much I appreciate the kind words.

Jonathan


Link Copied to Clipboard
Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Newest Members
chriscastle, yasir252, cathennashira, Samwise, HappySousa
21,470 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums117
Topics125,717
Posts1,160,950
Members21,470
Most Online37,523
Jan 25th, 2020
Just Plain Quotes
"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
warriorgirl (2024)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5