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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 12
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 12 |
For those of you that aren't familiar with Stockholm Syndrome, here's a little background on what the term means. In Stockholm, Sweden back in 1973 there was a bank robbery where the bank employees and customers were held captivein the bank for a few days in the midst of the robbers standoff with the police. They actually grew fond of the robbers and after it was over pleaded for light sentencing. More similar cases of this have occured since then and ofcourse psychiatrists had to put an official title on the disorder and it was dubbed "Stockholm Syndrome." I referrenced it to a horrible 5 year relationship I was in and wrote this song shortly after it ended.
Anyways, enjoy....
Stockholm Syndrome
(Verse 1) I was a fighter 'til you taught me to surrender You said give up Cause you would never walk away I was a lover 'til you said I was to tender Now I'm stuck in Your web of sensuality
I was a leader 'til you made me have to follow You told me all you Had to say should be believed I had some substance Now I think I might be hollow I guess your right I am so easily deceived
(chorus) Now I'm in love I am in love with you my captor Don't let me go Don't let me ever get away I am in love I'm so in love with you my captor Please keep me here To be forever at your bey
(Verse 2) I was a victim 'til you blessed me with your guidance You made me see I was the luckiest alive I was a rebel 'Til I showed you some abidance It started off As just a longing to survive
(Chorus) Now I'm in love I am in love with you my captor Don't let me go Don't let me ever get away I am in love I'm so in love with you my captor Please keep me here To be forever at your bey
(Solo Break)
(Verse 3) I was a user But on you I'm so much higher I'm so addicted To your power over me I was a prophet 'til you dubbed me as a liar And now I question Every vision I foresee
Fin. haha
"Life is what happens while you're busy makin' other plans."
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 356
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 356 |
Hey Ben,
I like this lyric. The only thing that jumps out at me as I read through it is the last word in your chorus. You use the word "bey." Under your "reign" or something similar might work better. Verse one does a good job of drawing the listener's attention.
Hope to hear this one soon.
Peace, Nathan
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 117
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 117 |
Hi, Ben, I really like the concept of your song. You get to some strong mixed emotions in fresh language. Like Nathan hinted, you use some words in strange ways. I won't say "wrong" because you do have poetic license, but the words that confused me were "bey" "abidance" and "'foresee". If you changed those stumbling blocks the listener could be drawn into your portrait of hurtful love fully. I foresee great things from you Pam
a portfolio of my other writing is at: pambowen.wordpress.com
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 424
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 424 |
It's an original and interesting topic for a song. However, you might unwittingly find that yourself developing a sadomasochist fanbase with this lyric.
The same could be said, I suppose, of my own song 'Obeying Orders', which I recently posted here. In that case, though, I don't think the actual lyric reinforced that impression, even if the title suggested it, whereas yours could definitely be interpreted in an S&M way.
That doesn't invalidate it, though.
I could imagine this lyric working well in a song that was part of a concept album, where listeners already had some idea of what to expect from you.
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275 |
HiDee New Brother Ben, & "Welcome to Da Boards!"
VERY Interesting & Good Write, OhiaGuy! LOVE this Angle! You're also VERY Adept at coining Great Rhymes, lemmie praise ya Right Off The Bat! "Guidance/Abidance" comes ONLY from a Brilliant Mind.
DO wanna nail ya for a bit of "Pompitous-ness" on that "Bey" Word. I Googled/Wiki'd that bon mot...& came up with "A Turkish title for chieftain"...and "Bay"...waal, we all know what that is.
DID come off as Nicely-Poetic, and by Song's End, we'll all be Bey-ing Along Witcha, I'm sure, when-sung. ;-)>
Lemmie give ya a Rare "KUDOS" for this one, OK...then it's ON to some Finer Points of Lyric Writing/Advice from an Old Guy:
DO proofread your stuff. DO know when to use "to" and when it's "too"...(then check Line 6, V). Also know the diff between "your" and the Contraction "You're"...(& check V2, Line 7). IF you're out to impress a few Publishers along-the-way-up. (I confess I usually misspell "deceived", and you did GREAT on that one, Amigo!)
Final Mention: DO put (C) 2010 by Your Name Here...so it STAYS Your Song...and ya might wanna add "All Rights Reserved" since Europe & the Rest of the World requires it, too..to maintain "Ownership".
Looking Forwards to More of Your Songs, Best Wishes, Big Guy-Hug, & Welcome, Amigo! Stan
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