Who's Online Now
22 registered members (couchgrouch, Fdemetrio, Gavin Sinclair, Dave Rice, CTthomas, Everett Adams, ckiphen, Brian Austin Whitney, 9ne, 4 invisible), and 326 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
Scott Campbell
Scott Campbell
Lakeland, FL, USA
Posts: 12,071
Joined: July 2005
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
Piano (instrumental)
by Irwin. 08/08/20 11:49 PM
This is for collaboration
by Irwin. 08/08/20 11:44 PM
I Wear My Heart
by John W. Selleck. 08/08/20 10:27 PM
How Many Fingers Am I Holdin' Up
by Dave Rice. 08/08/20 09:54 PM
Edit: ALL Corona Virus Post MUST Go Here
by Fdemetrio. 08/08/20 09:13 PM
limericks
by CTthomas. 08/08/20 04:39 PM
It’s Getting Pretty Complicated Right Now
by CTthomas. 08/08/20 03:51 PM
Hey Moonlight - Lyrics Mike Blottenberger
by Gavin Sinclair. 08/08/20 10:12 AM
"I Saw Jesus Today" Country
by Jethro Aberdeen. 08/08/20 01:39 AM
I Paint the Town
by E Swartz. 08/07/20 08:50 PM
A heart in Love never lies
by ckiphen. 08/07/20 09:28 AM
Conversations In A Minor Key
by Gerry. 08/07/20 06:09 AM
Best Moment Of My Life Original Song
by CWMusic. 08/07/20 05:02 AM
VIDEO is done...”Spread Your Wings & Fly”
by Steve Altonian. 08/06/20 09:37 PM
I Been There
by Songbird52. 08/06/20 09:16 PM
Peace of Mind
by Deej56. 08/06/20 09:13 PM
A Day In The Life
by Deej56. 08/06/20 09:12 PM
Hard World Waiting
by Deej56. 08/06/20 09:11 PM
Sea of tranquility
by ckiphen. 08/06/20 02:53 PM
Wisdom's Wildfires
by Perry Neal Crawford. 08/06/20 01:04 PM
60 Happy Years
by Dave Rice. 08/06/20 09:34 AM
Your Guitar (Now with alternate bridge)
by John W. Selleck. 08/05/20 01:35 PM
Children of the same God
by ckiphen. 08/05/20 01:25 PM
Encore in the house of the Lord
by ckiphen. 08/05/20 01:06 PM
You Touched Me
by John W. Selleck. 08/04/20 10:11 PM
ChrisWMusic
by Gavin Sinclair. 08/04/20 05:50 PM
Tell Me
by Travis david. 08/04/20 04:01 PM
Michelangelo/ re- write
by ckiphen. 08/04/20 03:38 PM
Don't Send My Ashes to My Exes /NEWER BRIDGE
by John W. Selleck. 08/04/20 01:51 PM
Natural Melodies?
by Fdemetrio. 08/04/20 09:27 AM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,834
Travis david 11,921
Kevin Emmrich 10,666
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,649
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,845
glynda 8,679
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,909
couchgrouch 7,799
Dave Rice 7,765
Corey 7,357
Vicarn 6,618
Mark Kaufman 6,584
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
ben willis 6,107
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
niteshift 5,683
Linda Sings 5,608
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,666
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,376
Roy Cooper 4,241
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,179
Cindy Miller 4,178
TamsNumber4 4,104
nightengale 4,096
MFB III 3,926
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,815
Dan Sullivan 3,710
beechnut79 3,580
E Swartz 3,518
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,846
MidniteBob 2,712
Nelson 2,603
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Fdemetrio 2,476
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,242
Judy Hollier 2,232
Wendy D 2,219
Erica Ellis 2,202
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Sunset Poet 2,050
Marty Helly 2,027
maccharles 1,988
DukeWill 1,988
floyd jane 1,985
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,650
Noel Downs 1,620
Rick Heenan 1,608
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
GocartMoz 1,552
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
Tom Franz 1,473
RogerS 1,471
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Rick Norton 1,429
Kenneth Cade 1,429
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,408
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Deej56 1,319
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,230
Gerry 1,221
Glen King 1,214
IdeaGuy 1,209
lane1777 1,184
AaronAuthier 1,177
summeoyo 1,172
Diane Ewing 1,158
joro 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
IronKnee 1,009
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
90 dB 943
9ne 931
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 829
Juan 797
TKO 784
Dayson 781
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
ant 747
Andy K 746
tbryson 737
Andy Kemp 734
Jackie444 731
3daveyO3 704
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Irwin 674
Katziis 652
Pat Hardy 641
Moosesong 640
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
JAPOV 563
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
R&M 527
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
ckiphen 437
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#812392 - 04/23/10 04:25 AM PLAINS OF HOPE - Revised - Final?  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Stan Loh Offline
Top 100 Poster
Stan Loh  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Burnaby, BC, Canada
Monday 26th...I've now revised the vocals! Hope this is now fine. Thanks all for helping!!!

Thanks for the input guys...sound cancer now removed! LOL!

+++++++++++++++++

Hi friends ... just wrote this one with a friend, Joe Fielding. Hope you like it. Critique away please!

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=28328&songID=9052961

Plains of Hope
© Joe Fielding and Stan Loh 04-12-10
Verse 1 - Capo – 2nd Fret
The days are slow,
The nights are fast,
Outlook on life,
Is overcast.
If we’re the makers,
Let’s use our brains,
If we can do anything,
We could build plains …

Chorus
The Plains of Hope …
Plains where the dying,
Plains where the sick,
Plains of no crying,
Where there’s no hell,
No evil, no pain, no chains …

Verse 2
If we could take back time,
Fix what we broke,
Our skies will unwind,
The lies we spoke.
No one must give up.
No one say “never”.
In our quest for justice,
In our quest for hope …

Chorus
The Plains of Hope …
Plains where the dying,
Plains where the sick,
Plains of no crying,
Where there’s no hell,
No evil, no pain, no chains …
Bridge
For the sake of our children,
For the sake of the trees, bees, and geese,
For the sake of the poor people looking for peace …

Chorus
Build Plains of Hope …
Plains where the dying,
Plains where the sick,
Plains of no crying,
Where there’s no hell,
No evil, no pain, no chains …
Repeat Chorus

Last edited by Stan Loh; 04/26/10 11:02 PM.
#812400 - 04/23/10 04:47 AM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Stan Loh]  
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,429
Rick Norton Offline
Top 200 Poster
Rick Norton  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,429
St. Augustine, FL
This is excellent Stan. Love the guitar. The lyrics are fantastic and it has a very engaging melody. You and Joe wrote a nice one. My only nit is on production where you have a nice background guitar on the verses, but the chorus loses that nice sound. I do like the separated vocals on the chorus though.

Rick

#812498 - 04/23/10 01:58 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Rick Norton]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Stan Loh Offline
Top 100 Poster
Stan Loh  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Burnaby, BC, Canada
Rick ... your comments are noted. In the choruses I was trying to make it different from the verses. I guess I failed to make the grade on that! Not sure if we will redo it, but if we do, I will take note.

Thanks for the critique.

Stan

#812615 - 04/23/10 09:25 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Stan Loh]  
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1
Joe Fielding Offline
Casual Observer
Joe Fielding  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1
Rochelle,IL,61068
Hay Stan, I love working with you on songs. It's so much fun and you have a way of bringing the best out of a set of lyrics and bringing the melody and all around mood out with your fabulous singing and additions to the lyric. I truly enjoyed this project and can not wait to do more. Have a great weekend my dear friend. God bless you and your family and your new Little June Grand Baby.


God love's music so much he sprinkled it's gift down on the world!
#812618 - 04/23/10 10:07 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Joe Fielding]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 424
Steve Cooke Offline
Serious Contributor
Steve Cooke  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 424
Stockton-on-Tees, UK
Sorry to break with the consensus regarding the guitars, but I found the heavily panned electric guitar playing countermelodies quite distracting in a way that didn't help the song. I'm not sure whether they were separately recorded tracks or it was just that the panning knob got moved around while mixing the final master, but this part started on the right side and then appeared to move to the left later and from one side to the other at various points in the song.

I listened to the recording on headphones. A decent quality set of Sennheiser's. So perhaps those who've listened to the song on regular speakers won't have noticed the same issue.

As for the song, I think it's a good 'un. Not quite my sort of thing, admittedly, but it's tuneful, well-structured and the vocals are very good. That's a case where the panning does work, by the way - on the backing vocals, I mean.


Steve Cooke
Stockton-on-Tees, UK
http://wwww.soundcloud.com/stevecooke
#812711 - 04/24/10 02:57 AM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Steve Cooke]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Stan Loh Offline
Top 100 Poster
Stan Loh  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Burnaby, BC, Canada
Steve ... oh you burst my bubble! LOL! I thought the panning of the electric guitar was a good idea! Hahaha! What do you other guys think? It's easy enough to hard pan them all to one side.

#812715 - 04/24/10 03:15 AM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Stan Loh]  
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,473
Tom Franz Offline
Top 200 Poster
Tom Franz  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,473
Northern California
Hi Stan,
I think the main guitar sounds like a nylon string just left of center sounds ok as far as I can tell.
But man the hard left guitar I don't know if it is out of tune or what but man it's rough to listen to.
There are some wanky notes too on the right.
Perhaps you were going for a discordant sound. I am not sure.
This is certainly heart felt. That comes through for sure.

Tom

#812723 - 04/24/10 03:46 AM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Tom Franz]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 762
Shirley E Matthews Offline
Serious Contributor
Shirley E Matthews  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 762
Georgia /native



Hell;o Stan: ~~~
it;s good to see ya:)

smile..Ah---- Stan,,what A Beautiful way
to serenade me..i;m listening to this Piece''
and I Have my Eyes Closed..it's so peaceful
I luv the guitar..it;s subtle but very
endearing..you and Joe sing so heavenly
This is a tight Piece..Stan smile I luv reading the Lyrics
Excellent..



SEE you in a few;o
Shirl;o

#812747 - 04/24/10 07:53 AM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Tom Franz]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 424
Steve Cooke Offline
Serious Contributor
Steve Cooke  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 424
Stockton-on-Tees, UK
Originally Posted by Tom Franz
I think the main guitar sounds like a nylon string just left of center sounds ok as far as I can tell.
But man the hard left guitar I don't know if it is out of tune or what but man it's rough to listen to.
There are some wanky notes too on the right.
Perhaps you were going for a discordant sound. I am not sure.



Did you mean to write wonky notes there?

Whatever, I too felt that some of the countermelodic guitar parts contained duff or out-of-tune notes.



Steve Cooke
Stockton-on-Tees, UK
http://wwww.soundcloud.com/stevecooke
#812749 - 04/24/10 07:59 AM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Stan Loh]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 424
Steve Cooke Offline
Serious Contributor
Steve Cooke  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 424
Stockton-on-Tees, UK
Originally Posted by Stan Loh
Steve ... oh you burst my bubble! LOL! I thought the panning of the electric guitar was a good idea! Hahaha! What do you other guys think? It's easy enough to hard pan them all to one side.



Sorry about that. Just played it back again on my monitors - rather than the headphones I used last time - and it's not the panning that's the problem, unfortunately. It's the notes being played and/or the tuning.

Nothing wrong with the song, mind. Or the vocal. Or the central guitar rhythm guitar.

It's just the countermelodic stuff.


Steve Cooke
Stockton-on-Tees, UK
http://wwww.soundcloud.com/stevecooke
#812794 - 04/24/10 12:42 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Steve Cooke]  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,998
Robert Pickens Offline
Top 100 Poster
Robert Pickens  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,998
Georgia
Stan...this is a wonderful song....but I would re-work the guitars....this will be good with better music....my guitar playing sucks so I shouldn't be giving you advice on this...but this is what I'm hearing....your vocal is very good....you are on the right track....Bob

#812808 - 04/24/10 01:30 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Robert Pickens]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Stan Loh Offline
Top 100 Poster
Stan Loh  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Burnaby, BC, Canada
Steve, Tom,

You are both right. It's the out of tune electric guitar! LOL! I have a $99 electric guitar that doesn't stay in tune. And is made worse because I had to capo it for this tune as well! Oooppps...I felt it too, but thought it might pass...obviously didn't. I will rework it with something else.

Shirley, Robert, ... thanks so much for the very encouraging words.

#812820 - 04/24/10 02:27 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Stan Loh]  
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 6,343
Bill Robinson Offline
Bill Robinson  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 6,343
Curmudgeonville, Tn
I can't add much. I really liked the lyric, the melody, the vocals and harmonies but, yep, I listened through a decent set of headphones and that Electric was certainly having some problem.
It actually sounded like the stuff I play smile smile

I'd forget the electric anyway. I think lead with an acoustic would be more effective.
I really liked the title and I would have liked to hear it in a more prominent place. More of a Hook if you will.


Last edited by Bill Robinson; 04/24/10 02:30 PM.

Bill
http://www.soundclick.com/billrobinson
http://www.dreamqueststudio.com
Skype; bill.robinson12

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not." --Thomas Jefferson didn't say it

http://voidnow.org/
http://www.americansworking.com/
#812827 - 04/24/10 02:48 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Bill Robinson]  
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 331
Kevin Miller Offline
Serious Contributor
Kevin Miller  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 331
Stanwood, WA -- USA
I like your song, Stan. I'm not good at production, so I won't be able to help. But the song will sound better with a less wonky guitar sound, I'm sure.

What does wonky mean, anyway? I thought all electric guitars sounded the same?

#812828 - 04/24/10 02:53 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Kevin Miller]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Stan Loh Offline
Top 100 Poster
Stan Loh  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Burnaby, BC, Canada
Hi Bill, Kevin ... thanks guys! Yes you are all right. thanks Steve, Tom, Robert, Shirley.

I have now taken the wonky guitar out!

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=28328&songID=9052961

Thanks!

Stan

#812829 - 04/24/10 02:56 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Stan Loh]  
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 331
Kevin Miller Offline
Serious Contributor
Kevin Miller  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 331
Stanwood, WA -- USA
Bingo!!! I love it this way. Great vocals!

#812839 - 04/24/10 03:32 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Kevin Miller]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,894
Ricki E. Bellos Offline
Top 40 Poster
Ricki E. Bellos  Offline
Top 40 Poster

Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,894
Wisconsin
Hi Stan,

I didn't hear any wonky stuff. smile This sounds great vocally and musically. Nice message as well. Just a small nit in the chorus.

"The Plains of Hope …
Plains where the dying..."

What does this mean? Plains where the dying do what? Do you mean to say Plains OF the dying? And if so, why would you want that?

"Plains where the sick..."

Again, do you mean Plains OF the sick and why would you want that either?

"Plains of no crying,
Where there’s no hell,
No evil, no pain, no chains"

I get the last lines but I'm not sure what you're trying to say in the beginning. Did I miss something? Just some thoughts.

Ricki

#812846 - 04/24/10 03:48 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE - wonky guitar removed!!!! [Re: Stan Loh]  
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,242
PeteG Offline
Top 200 Poster
PeteG  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,242
Portland, Oregon
I really like the message of your song and I have a musical suggestion. The song is a minor modality throughout, I'm guessing around an Em. I think the chorus would get a big lift if it went to major on the chorus. So if the verse is in Em the chorus could be C///G////D///Em///. Just a thought and nice work on this one.

#812859 - 04/24/10 04:31 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Stan Loh Offline
Top 100 Poster
Stan Loh  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Burnaby, BC, Canada
Ricki ...

I pondered over the second and third lines of the chorus somewhat as I rewrote Joe's version. What I was trying to say was we, the human race, should build a Plains of Hope where the dying and sick could survive. In a poetic/lyrical way I think the chorus conveyed that message.

Thanks for your input.

Stan

#812966 - 04/24/10 11:31 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Stan Loh]  
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 12,071
Scott Campbell Offline
Scott Campbell  Offline

Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 12,071
Lakeland, FL, USA
Hey Stan:

The wonkiness has been removed I guess smile

This is a beaut - such a great feel to it. Nice work!

Only nit is that the lines "plains where the sick, plains where the dying" seem to have an unfinished thought.

Is a real nice song with great match between lyric and music....

Scott

#812967 - 04/24/10 11:36 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Scott Campbell]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 424
Steve Cooke Offline
Serious Contributor
Steve Cooke  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 424
Stockton-on-Tees, UK
You know, as I was listening to this again, I thought it would sound really great with an acoustic piano accompaniment.

A nice big sound on that would give it an epic kind of feeling.


Steve Cooke
Stockton-on-Tees, UK
http://wwww.soundcloud.com/stevecooke
#812970 - 04/24/10 11:52 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE - wonky guitar removed!!!! [Re: Stan Loh]  
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 5,577
Little_stevie_b Offline
Top 50 Poster
Little_stevie_b  Offline
Top 50 Poster

Joined: May 2001
Posts: 5,577
Hickory, North Carolina USA
Hi Stan. Good melody and message in the lyric. Has a nice atmospheric feel to it. I really like your vocal on this one.

Steve

#812972 - 04/25/10 12:03 AM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE - wonky guitar removed!!!! [Re: PeteG]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Stan Loh Offline
Top 100 Poster
Stan Loh  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Burnaby, BC, Canada
Pete ... the chorus is peppered with major chords (G/C and D)... it's the verse(s) that are on minor scale.

Yes, I did try to make the chorus soar a bit more, hence the wonky electric guitar (which is now removed) LOL!

Thanks so much for your thoughts. Much appreciated.

Stan

#812990 - 04/25/10 01:12 AM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE - wonky guitar removed!!!! [Re: Stan Loh]  
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,429
Rick Norton Offline
Top 200 Poster
Rick Norton  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,429
St. Augustine, FL
Much better Stan. Wonky is only good with Willie Wonker and the Chocolate Factory. Fantastic song and performance.

#813015 - 04/25/10 02:51 AM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Scott Campbell]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Stan Loh Offline
Top 100 Poster
Stan Loh  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Burnaby, BC, Canada
Scott ...

You got it right. The 2nd and 3rd lines of the chorus are left hanging.

Not sure how to change it without major surgery! LOL! Any ideas?

Stan

#813025 - 04/25/10 03:39 AM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Stan Loh]  
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,429
Rick Norton Offline
Top 200 Poster
Rick Norton  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,429
St. Augustine, FL
Stan..

Just saw Scott's nit. How about changing line 4 to complete 2 & 3.

Such as:

The Plains of Hope …
Plains where the dying,
Plains where the sick,
Are no longer crying,
Where there’s no hell,
No evil, no pain, no chains …

Just a quick thought.

Rick

#813026 - 04/25/10 03:39 AM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Stan Loh]  
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 6,343
Bill Robinson Offline
Bill Robinson  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 6,343
Curmudgeonville, Tn
Well since you asked

The Plains of Hope …
Plains where the dying,
Plains where the sick,
Plains of no crying,
Where there’s no hell,
No evil, no pain, no chains …

The Plains of Hope
Hope for the sick
Where there's no hell
Hope for the dying
No evil no pain no chains
Plains of no crying

I'd have to try to sing this with your current music but it was hard to do while your current vocal was on. A minor change might be needed to fit the meter/prosody exactly but this sounds close.
I would change the title to Plains of No Crying.

All JMHO of course. You can use this if you like if not toss it like an old shoe.

I do like the way you perform this. The acoustic has a little Spanish feel o it.



Hmmm I just saw Rick's idea. that's pretty good too. Maybe better.

Last edited by Bill Robinson; 04/25/10 03:43 AM.

Bill
http://www.soundclick.com/billrobinson
http://www.dreamqueststudio.com
Skype; bill.robinson12

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not." --Thomas Jefferson didn't say it

http://voidnow.org/
http://www.americansworking.com/
#813102 - 04/25/10 03:26 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Steve Cooke]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Stan Loh Offline
Top 100 Poster
Stan Loh  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Burnaby, BC, Canada
Steve ... great suggestion. Can you play the piano? Could you do it for us? Would be great to have strings too. But my skills are very limited as this board can tell you (all these years folks have pointed out that my musicianship is lacking!).

Cheers,

Stan

#813130 - 04/25/10 05:15 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Stan Loh]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Stan Loh Offline
Top 100 Poster
Stan Loh  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Burnaby, BC, Canada
Rick, Bill, Scott,

I've now made the minor surgery (thanks to Rick for his economical solution) on the lyric. Thanks guys!

Here's the revised version.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=28328&songID=9052961

Thanks all for your valuable input!

Stan

#813254 - 04/26/10 02:34 AM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Stan Loh]  
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 6,343
Bill Robinson Offline
Bill Robinson  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 6,343
Curmudgeonville, Tn
Hi Stan
That simple change made a world of difference. Very good.
I liked the way your last line of the verse feeds into the chorus.
Good job.
I still think there are some minor meter or phrasing issues.

Verse 2 Line one (If we took back time) that one word might make a difference.
verse two line 5 ( stress seems to be on the wrong word?).

Usually I wouldn't mention these because they are minor but if this is a finished song I would address those.

Last edited by Bill Robinson; 04/26/10 02:42 AM.

Bill
http://www.soundclick.com/billrobinson
http://www.dreamqueststudio.com
Skype; bill.robinson12

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not." --Thomas Jefferson didn't say it

http://voidnow.org/
http://www.americansworking.com/
#813266 - 04/26/10 03:27 AM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Bill Robinson]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Stan Loh Offline
Top 100 Poster
Stan Loh  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Burnaby, BC, Canada
Thanks Bill...

I know what you are talking about in Line 1 or Verse 2. Hmmm I did purposely add the word "could" there to break up the monotony. It could easily come out. I will try it to see if it would be monotonous.

Somehow I can't hear where I am stressing the wrong word on Line 5. Could you please point out which word?

Thanks!

Stan

#813269 - 04/26/10 04:22 AM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Stan Loh]  
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 6,343
Bill Robinson Offline
Bill Robinson  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 6,343
Curmudgeonville, Tn
Hi Stan
It just seemed to me you were forcing the first three words
If We Could into the same number of notes as the first word of verse 1.
I see what you are trying to do and really there is not a thing wrong with it. I am just wearing the songwriter critiquer hat and need to look at every syllable, every note, in the song.
To be honest I think it is a great song. I love the way it's done. And love the message.

I've listened to the "No one must give up". line several times and every time I hear it different, LOL
It seems ok one time but not the next.
First I want the stress on "one" and "up" then I want it on "must" then I want in on "Give" so I obviously don't know what I want to hear. So leave it alone. smile


Last edited by Bill Robinson; 04/26/10 11:38 AM.

Bill
http://www.soundclick.com/billrobinson
http://www.dreamqueststudio.com
Skype; bill.robinson12

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not." --Thomas Jefferson didn't say it

http://voidnow.org/
http://www.americansworking.com/
#813275 - 04/26/10 08:09 AM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Bill Robinson]  
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 411
Randy P. Gendron Offline
Serious Contributor
Randy P. Gendron  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: May 2008
Posts: 411
.



#813278 - 04/26/10 08:50 AM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Randy P. Gendron]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,834
Calvin Offline
Top 10 Poster
Calvin  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,834
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hi Stan,

Well you've gotten some great advice & the song is certainly progressing.
I like what you're doing here.
Here's my small nit...

THIS LINE sounds too cluttered/rushed
[color:#3333FF]If we can do anything
[/color]
I think you should edit the word IF and just sing this..

[color:#009900]We can do anything[/color]

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#813297 - 04/26/10 11:26 AM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Calvin]  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,998
Robert Pickens Offline
Top 100 Poster
Robert Pickens  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,998
Georgia
Stan....much better to me....no more wonky guitar...leave that in your closet...lol...Bob

#813350 - 04/26/10 04:56 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Randy P. Gendron]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Stan Loh Offline
Top 100 Poster
Stan Loh  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Burnaby, BC, Canada
Randy ... I think you are right regarding the pitch on the chorus after the bridge.

I think I will have to resing this one after the other stuff are finally changed. Thanks for your very keen ears!

Stan

#813430 - 04/26/10 11:03 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Stan Loh]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Stan Loh Offline
Top 100 Poster
Stan Loh  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Burnaby, BC, Canada
Hello all ... I've now re-sung the song. Think I fixed most of the problems. Please let me know if this is now better than before.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=28328&songID=9052961

Thanks!!!!

Stan

Last edited by Stan Loh; 04/26/10 11:04 PM.
#813437 - 04/26/10 11:24 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Stan Loh]  
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 6,343
Bill Robinson Offline
Bill Robinson  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 6,343
Curmudgeonville, Tn
Stan
Sounds good. I'm not sure you need to do anything else.
You have addressed all the issues raised.
Good song and a good message.


Bill
http://www.soundclick.com/billrobinson
http://www.dreamqueststudio.com
Skype; bill.robinson12

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not." --Thomas Jefferson didn't say it

http://voidnow.org/
http://www.americansworking.com/
#813438 - 04/26/10 11:27 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Bill Robinson]  
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,910
Dan O'Connell Offline
Serious Contributor
Dan O'Connell  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,910
PERFECT TO MY EARS STAN !!
NICE JOB


http://www.soundclick.com/danoconnell
A Purveyor of Folk Music
#813469 - 04/27/10 04:16 AM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Dan O'Connell]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Stan Loh Offline
Top 100 Poster
Stan Loh  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Burnaby, BC, Canada
Thank you Bill, Dan, Tom, Shirley, Scott, Pete, Calvin, Randy, Robert, Ricki, Steve, Kevin, Stevie, and most of all Joe!

This has been a rewarding experience.

Stan

#813481 - 04/27/10 09:32 AM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Stan Loh]  
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 411
Randy P. Gendron Offline
Serious Contributor
Randy P. Gendron  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: May 2008
Posts: 411
.




#813543 - 04/27/10 03:30 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Randy P. Gendron]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Stan Loh Offline
Top 100 Poster
Stan Loh  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Burnaby, BC, Canada
Randy ... what more can I say...oh, let's say I went to school (musically) at JPF, and I had very good teachers! Thanks guys!

#813578 - 04/27/10 06:11 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: Stan Loh]  
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
KimberlyinNC Offline
Top 50 Poster
KimberlyinNC  Offline
Top 50 Poster

Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
North Carolina
Hi Stan, I didn't get to hear the first one, but I did enjoy this version...very pretty lyrics and sound..love the vocals on it too..very nice!!!!

Kimberly


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
http://www.littleikepublishing.com
Email for Song Business Only
littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
#813609 - 04/27/10 09:05 PM Re: PLAINS OF HOPE [Re: KimberlyinNC]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Stan Loh Offline
Top 100 Poster
Stan Loh  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,263
Burnaby, BC, Canada
Thank you Kimberley! Your opinion lifts me!

Stan


Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Newest Members
Dean_McAlister, CWMusic, CBAY, mrpeepshow, Craig Allen
21286 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics120,612
Posts1,135,013
Members21,286
Average Posts Daily35
Most Online37,523
Jan 25th, 2020
Just Plain Quotes
"The music industry is filled with risk takers, but not so filled with people who educate themselves before taking the leap." –Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
Rick Harris (62)
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0