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#797820 - 02/21/10 01:06 AM The one you should love Newest version!!  
Joined: Jun 2009
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NaomiSue Offline
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NaomiSue  Offline
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This is the updated version, hope you like it.

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8801308

when is enough enough
when will you open you eyes and finally see
when is enough enough
when will you realize that the one you should love is me

i've been your best friend i've been your shoulder
i've been the one you lean on for so long
i've alway been around when you need me
i've always been the one to keep you strong

i've been waiting patiently for my turn
my turn to be exactly what you deserve
been building these walls now for so long
that it's so hard it tell you how i feel

chorus

bridge
why is it so hard to see
that i've been here all this time
you and i were meant to be baby
this is the love you crave to find

chorus

when will you realize that the one you should love is me

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=994403

When is enough, enough
When will you open your eyes and finally see
When is enough, enough
when will you realize the one you should love
is me

I've been your best friend i've been your shoulder
i've been the one you lean on for so long
I've always been there when you need me
I've always been the one to keep you strong

I've been waiting patiently for my turn
My turn to be exactly what you deserve
I've held me tongue now for years
It's so hard to tell you how I feel

Chorus

Bridge
I'll always stand strong at your side
I'll always be your shelter when times get tough

Chorus

When will you realize that the one you should love is me

Last edited by NaomiSue; 02/24/10 10:17 AM.

I do custom myspace pages! Check out my work http://www.myspace.com/naomisuemontgomery and http://www.myspace.com/nashvilleapril email me at nmontgomery1984@yahoo.com for mor info or message me on JPF!
#797823 - 02/21/10 01:18 AM Re: The one you should love (first draft) [Re: NaomiSue]  
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Little_stevie_b Offline
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Little_stevie_b  Offline
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Your voice is really nice here Naomi. Like the song and the fingerpicking is fine.

Steve

#797838 - 02/21/10 01:55 AM Re: The one you should love (first draft) [Re: Little_stevie_b]  
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glynda Offline
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this is really good and I love the lyrics and your voice and hey wish I could play guitar, or anything....glyn

#797840 - 02/21/10 02:03 AM Re: The one you should love (first draft) [Re: glynda]  
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glynda Offline
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maybe a bridge like...


How could you not see
I've been here, right here
all this time
right in front of your eyes
the one that truly loves you
and you were too blind to see

#797841 - 02/21/10 02:06 AM Re: The one you should love (first draft) [Re: glynda]  
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Polly Hager Offline
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Cincinnati, OH USA
Every time I hear a new tune from you, you have grown in leaps and bounds! Your voice is strong and steady, and your fingerpicking...I'M JEALOUS! You have gotten really good at it. You have done the work and it shows. This is a lovely write too. You said you didn't like the bridge in the shout box, and Sister G had an offering, so maybe that would work, but all around, Naomi, good job! smile


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#797884 - 02/21/10 11:03 AM Re: The one you should love (first draft) [Re: NaomiSue]  
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Joice Marie Offline
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Hi Naomi

This is the best thing that you have posted to date - imho --- just keep working it -- your pitch is good and it will just get smoother as you gain confidence on singing and picking. Well done. : ) jm


perfection is unattainable, excellence is totally within reach

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#797909 - 02/21/10 12:55 PM Re: The one you should love (first draft) [Re: Joice Marie]  
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NaomiSue Offline
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Thank you Stevie I've heard your guitar so if you say it's fine I wont argue! Thank you for listening.

Glynda I'm glad you liked this and thank you for your help on the bridge last night I needed and outside eye on it.

Polly thanks to you too for your help, and I'm really glad you like it.

Joice Thank you for the kind words. I took a break from songwriting and just started working on guitar. While I was doing that I think I realized it was quality not quantity that mattered. (I know I know lol a million people have told me this but I'm hard headed and had to find out for myself I guess) So now instead of putting down 5 songs a week I'd rather just work really hard at one no matter how long it takes to get it perfect. Thank you for listening and I'm glad you liked it.


I do custom myspace pages! Check out my work http://www.myspace.com/naomisuemontgomery and http://www.myspace.com/nashvilleapril email me at nmontgomery1984@yahoo.com for mor info or message me on JPF!
#797932 - 02/21/10 01:41 PM Re: The one you should love (first draft) [Re: NaomiSue]  
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Scott Campbell Offline
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Lakeland, FL, USA
Hey, your fingerpicking is coming along really nicely, Naomi. Good work!

I like the song alot and your vocal sounds good too. Only thing I might experiment with a little is dialing back a little on the power behind it - and make it sound as wistful as the lyric and the guitar part already do. And then maybe dial it back up at the bridge.....

Anyway - that's just how I'm hearing it. Might be different from how you do... smile

Keep punching on the fingerpicking - your improvement is dramatic.

Scott

#797948 - 02/21/10 03:12 PM Re: The one you should love (first draft) [Re: Scott Campbell]  
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Droptine Offline
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Very good job! Fingerpicking fits the prosody of this song! One little tiny nit,...I felt like the bridge should rhyme. Tough rhymes with enough in the following line,...but it left me feeling awkward in the bridge line.

One other thing!? the line, "I've held my tongue for years." Were you in a relationship when you were 4!? Ha! Ha!

Good job! Droptine

#797958 - 02/21/10 03:41 PM Re: The one you should love (first draft) [Re: Droptine]  
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,855
Kevin Emmrich Online content
Kevin Emmrich  Online Content


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Crozet, VA
Sounds quite fine to me. The singing is strong and the finger picking is coming along nicely. Keep playing.

Who said quality over quantity -- I thought it was quality and quantity!

Kevin


"Good science comes in peer reviewed journals. Conspiracy theories come in YouTube videos. "
Kevin @ bandcamp: Crows Say Vee-Eh (and Kevin @50/90 2019)
#798041 - 02/21/10 09:00 PM Re: The one you should love (first draft) [Re: Kevin Emmrich]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 601
NaomiSue Offline
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Posts: 601
Scott Thank you for complimenting my finger picking. I've been working really hard to learn new styles so it's nice to know that its starting to pay off. I do agree with you on dialing back the voc some, maybe leaving the chorus a little more powerful than the verse.

Droptine - with the help of Polly and Ms. Glyn the bridge has been rewritten I'll go ahead and show the lyrics even though I don't have the recording to post just yet.

Bridge:
Why is it so hard to see
I've been here all this time
You and I are meant to be
This is the love you crave to find

Tank you for listening!

Thanks Kevin for the compliments. I wish I could focus on both quantity and quality but my multi-tasking skills aren't all that great. I get side tracked to easily, lol.


I do custom myspace pages! Check out my work http://www.myspace.com/naomisuemontgomery and http://www.myspace.com/nashvilleapril email me at nmontgomery1984@yahoo.com for mor info or message me on JPF!
#798580 - 02/23/10 04:18 PM Re: The one you should love (first draft) [Re: NaomiSue]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 601
NaomiSue Offline
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NaomiSue  Offline
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Posts: 601
Here's the updated version. . . Feedback plz grin

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8801308


when is enough enough
when will you open you eyes and finally see
when is enough enough
when will you realize that the one you should love is me

i've been your best friend i've been your shoulder
i've been the one you lean on for so long
i've alway been around when you need me
i've always been the one to keep you strong

i've been waiting patiently for my turn
my turn to be exactly what you deserve
been building these walls now for so long
that it's so hard it tell you how i feel

chorus

bridge
why is it so hard to see
that i've been here all this time
you and i were meant to be baby
this is the love you crave to find

chorus

when will you realize that the one you should love is me


I do custom myspace pages! Check out my work http://www.myspace.com/naomisuemontgomery and http://www.myspace.com/nashvilleapril email me at nmontgomery1984@yahoo.com for mor info or message me on JPF!
#798587 - 02/23/10 04:40 PM Re: The one you should love (first draft) [Re: NaomiSue]  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,998
Robert Pickens Offline
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Robert Pickens  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,998
Georgia
NaomiSue....nice job...if you have the capability with your recorder you should add a slight amount of reverb to your vocal, this will soften the sound alittle more....not alot....your voice is good.....

It's a very nice tune....the bridge change lyric wise was good....keep up the good work....Bob

#798588 - 02/23/10 04:58 PM Re: The one you should love (first draft) [Re: NaomiSue]  
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,650
WriterTomYeager Offline
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WriterTomYeager  Offline
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Harrisonburg,Virtginia
good job Naomi

you are just a mighty fine singer girl.........your guitar pickin is coming along-as others have said......now why in the world dont you just chuck it all and move to Nashville to be a demo singer? no no I dont wanna hear quality of life and personal happiness with your current life-lol............give me some better excuses-everyone uses those....


Tom

#798589 - 02/23/10 05:08 PM Re: The one you should love (first draft) [Re: WriterTomYeager]  
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NaomiSue Offline
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Thank Robert I'll have to try that, thank you for the tip.

lol Tom my reason for not moving is simple. I'd miss the beach waaaaaaay to much. When its at your backdoor everyday its hard to live without it. laugh Thanks for the compliments.


I do custom myspace pages! Check out my work http://www.myspace.com/naomisuemontgomery and http://www.myspace.com/nashvilleapril email me at nmontgomery1984@yahoo.com for mor info or message me on JPF!
#798599 - 02/23/10 05:37 PM Re: The one you should love (first draft) [Re: NaomiSue]  
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 3,865
Caroline Offline
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Caroline  Offline
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Posts: 3,865
Texas
Love the updated version! Sounds great, all of it, you're awesome, lady, enjoyed it very much!!


Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#798611 - 02/23/10 06:46 PM Re: The one you should love (first draft) [Re: NaomiSue]  
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,650
WriterTomYeager Offline
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WriterTomYeager  Offline
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Harrisonburg,Virtginia
lucky gal Naomi

living right on the water like that............Nashville doesnt even have an oceanfront...I was really pissed off when I found that out after I had already moved here..

Tom

#798613 - 02/23/10 06:51 PM Re: The one you should love (first draft) [Re: Caroline]  
Joined: Feb 2004
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Bill Robinson Offline
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Curmudgeonville, Tn
Naomi
This is very well done. I can't add much to what the folks have already said.
My only nit is there is not much difference musically and melody between the verse and chorus. It might sound stronger if the chorus is kicked up a notch.

Last edited by Bill Robinson; 02/23/10 06:52 PM.

Bill
http://www.soundclick.com/billrobinson
http://www.dreamqueststudio.com
Skype; bill.robinson12

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not." --Thomas Jefferson didn't say it

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#798760 - 02/24/10 01:51 AM Re: The one you should love (first draft) [Re: Bill Robinson]  
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NaomiSue Offline
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Thank you Caroline I'm glad you enjoyed it love


Tom you got it wrong the ocean front property is in Arizona not Tennessee silly.

Thanks Bill I hear what you're saying, I'll have to work on it and see what I can do.



I do custom myspace pages! Check out my work http://www.myspace.com/naomisuemontgomery and http://www.myspace.com/nashvilleapril email me at nmontgomery1984@yahoo.com for mor info or message me on JPF!

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