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#796731 - 02/16/10 05:22 PM One Broken Heart (acoustic)  
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Caroline Offline
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Caroline  Offline
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Texas
Hey guys...sorry for the absence...tough times here...but improving slowly!

K, here's the deal, I had this up a couple weeks ago, no music. After reading through the comments, taking the wonderful tips you guys gave, here's what I have come up with. It's a bit more uptempo, dropped a word or two here, changed another there and viola! Still me singing, and I still only know one way to strum (so Mag...send me a video of different ways and I'll get right on it) but this is closer to what I feel it may work as...yall lmk what you think.







One Broken Heart (Closer to You)
© 2010 Caroline Holder, BMI
http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8771915

At sixteen I felt the sting when he said it was over
Thought I would die from the pain
Couldn’t imagine breathing without him
I just knew I was gonna go insane

Sun rose on my cold heart the next morning
Life went on like it had before
Didn’t know that was only the beginning
Of the many heartaches time had in store

Chorus
Every night I would swear it was the last
Lonely time, sifting through an hourglass
Every tear soaked tissue brought me nearer to the truth
I was One Broken Heart Closer to You

Twenty three on my knees begging him to stay
Where did I go wrong this time
Another loser in the game of love
Wasn’t happiness meant to be mine

Chorus
Every night I would swear it was the last
Lonely time sifting through an hourglass
Every tear soaked tissue brought me nearer to the truth
I was One Broken Heart Closer to You

Bridge
At first I didn’t want to let you in
I wasn’t ready to cry again
But you showed me I could win

Chorus
Every night I would swear it was the last
Lonely time sifting through an hourglass
Every tear soaked tissue brought me nearer to the truth
I was One Broken Heart Closer to You
One Broken Heart Closer to You
I was One Broken Heart Closer to You


Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#796741 - 02/16/10 05:59 PM Re: One Broken Heart (acoustic) [Re: Caroline]  
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Robert Pickens Offline
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Caroline....lyrics are really good....the "hook" line is terrific....I have never heard this one before....you are getting better strumming that guitar....I remember way back when you were starting to learn to play...you did good....tempo wise this is right to me....your vocal is good too....a better production makes this really good....but for now bravo....Bob

#796757 - 02/16/10 06:44 PM Re: One Broken Heart (acoustic) [Re: Robert Pickens]  
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glynda Offline
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I can just barley hear it, and can't get my volume up anymore,but from what I could hear it's pretty darn good...good luck, it's coming along very nicely....glyn



BTW love the hour glass line........

Last edited by glynda; 02/16/10 06:49 PM.
#796760 - 02/16/10 06:51 PM Re: One Broken Heart (acoustic) [Re: Caroline]  
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Michael Zaneski Offline
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HI Caroline,

I like your chorus, and the song generally, the singer possesses an innocence, and the idea behind the hook is a good one, but I think the actual meat of the song could more strongly show these "broken hearts" since "broken" is in the hook, maybe your verses could refer to them, like "first one was at sixteen..." or "first time it got broken I was sixteen" --but in this latter one, you are re-using part of the hook with "broken." I'm not sure "going insane" sells me on her broken heart.

Musically, I thought your bridge needed to differentiate itself more from the chorus, perhaps with a minor chord or two.

Mike

Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 02/16/10 06:54 PM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#796761 - 02/16/10 06:53 PM Re: One Broken Heart (acoustic) [Re: glynda]  
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KevinP Offline
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Caroline,

My hats off to you. You have become a pretty much one stop shop. You deserve a round of applause for your determination and I'm glad to see it paying off.

Kevin

#796773 - 02/16/10 07:53 PM Re: One Broken Heart (acoustic) [Re: KevinP]  
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Kevin Emmrich Online content
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Look at you banging on the guitar and singing -- way to go!!!!!!!!! The volume is too low on the vocals, so it is hard to get the full feeling of the song. So now you have to work on recording quality (it is a never ending battle of things to learn, isn't it?). I think you are doing great, keep it up.

By the way, your singing voice is really good. I think playing the guitar has improved your singing confidence and it shows!

Kevin


"Good science comes in peer reviewed journals. Conspiracy theories come in YouTube videos. "
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#796783 - 02/16/10 08:23 PM Re: One Broken Heart (acoustic) [Re: Robert Pickens]  
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Caroline Offline
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Texas
Hey. Bob, thank you so much for taking time to read and listen. Seems like only yesterday I couldn't make a C chord to save my life...oh wait, that was yesterday, thankfully I didn't use one here...lol!
I have a long way to go but I'M having fun with the journey. It's so great to be able to do at least some of my own songs, takes a lot more work than I like, being lazy comes easy for me, but its fun so I can get over it.

Thanks again!!


Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#796784 - 02/16/10 08:27 PM Re: One Broken Heart (acoustic) [Re: glynda]  
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Caroline Offline
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Glyn, I don't know what the deal is with the volume, I'll try to figure that out. It played fine for me and also plays well on my cd player. Hmmmm....techhnology is not my thing.


Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#796786 - 02/16/10 08:32 PM Re: One Broken Heart (acoustic) [Re: Michael Zaneski]  
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Caroline Offline
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Hi Michael, Minor chords? O.K., I will look into that. I knew it needed something, thanks! This is my second musical trial, my playing is coming along but apparently I do need more than the seven chords I've learned so far.
I will also look at those points in the lyric, add some meat if I can find the words. Thanks so much for your time and input, I appreciate it!

Last edited by Caroline; 02/16/10 08:34 PM.

Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#796793 - 02/16/10 08:51 PM Re: One Broken Heart (acoustic) [Re: Caroline]  
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Caroline Offline
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Wow! Two of my favorite Kevins in one day, I'm truly blessed!

KP, thanks for the encouragment,it does feel good to be getting somewhere with this, even if its only a baby step, farther than before, right?!?! I love playing and have finally found a way to use a pick that works for me. I started to learn with one, kept dropping it in the hole so I stopped but then was using my nails and that was just tearing them up, layer by layer. Now I use a thumb pick positioned on my pointer so I can keep hold of it and use it, yay!!! Anyway, thanks for the encouragment. Next step is to get real recording equipment, not just a pc mic.

KE!!! Yes, playing and singing....you can take the blame for that. (Ummm folks, any complaints of injuries or suffering should be referred to Kevin Emmerich)

I'm getting ready to look into better equipment so any suggestions (of easy to use)for what I should get are welcome. Not sure what the deal is with the volume, I'll see if I can fix it here.
Anyway....I will be working a bit more on this so we'll see. I think that playing has definately helped my singing, I love to sing along and when I have no music, its not easy, being able to pluck out a few chords has helped with my timing too so maybe now I can finish Its Love and get the timing right.

Thanks again for being pushy, I needed that!


Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#796810 - 02/16/10 10:47 PM Re: One Broken Heart (acoustic) [Re: Caroline]  
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Joice Marie Offline
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Hi Caroline

WoW

I think you have come a Long way in a short time - with making a lyric into a song.. Way to go !! Nice job and work tape ....... keep working it --- and isn't playing fun?

yeah go girl ! jm


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#796811 - 02/16/10 10:47 PM Re: One Broken Heart (acoustic) [Re: Caroline]  
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Dan O'Connell Offline
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You know how much I love your voice and your song writing, This is a wonderful song, your strumming is coming along Caroline. This is a terrific write, I think your hook is amazing. You are an amazing writer and very talented person. I love this song.

Yes the volume is pretty low, but I can hear it fine on my machine with my volume turned up high ...

Great job

Dan


http://www.soundclick.com/danoconnell
A Purveyor of Folk Music
#796838 - 02/17/10 12:37 AM Re: One Broken Heart (acoustic) [Re: Caroline]  
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Wendy D Offline
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Keep working at this one, Caroline. It's a cool idea. Sort of counting off the broken hearts to get to the soul mate. I think the lyric needs some work. I would really try to work the countdown idea. I liked that shift into the chorus. Guitar playing is coming along well. Your timing sounds pretty good. You do need to turn up the mic a bit. Your voice has appeal. It shouldn't be lost in there behind your geetar.

That's all I have to say about that - I'm feeling very Forrest Gump this evening. smirk


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#797370 - 02/19/10 05:21 AM Re: One Broken Heart (acoustic) [Re: Wendy D]  
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Howdy Caroline, this is showing potencial. Good to see that you're back online etc..............I'll be back....Gus


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#797439 - 02/19/10 02:11 PM Re: One Broken Heart (acoustic) [Re: Steven August Rieck]  
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Kolstad Offline
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Caroline,

I think you are doing really good here! The song as you imagine it, comes through right and clear.

My distinction between traditional and contemporary country is not a judgement of those styles, but a distinction of grooves and rhythms that characterizes those genres.

If you want to learn how to do any style, just by strumming your guitar, I suggest you pick up Jai Josefs' audio course in grooves (you can learn that while driving!). Actually all of them are tremenduously useful for a songwriter who'd like to be able to convey a style to the demostudio, or just understand what separates different syles in music (and different artists!). The level you are doing here will be just fine!

Also great for learning how to pitch your songs right http://www.jaijomusic.com/id6.htm

(I should get percentages of off this!)

#797476 - 02/19/10 04:30 PM Re: One Broken Heart (acoustic) [Re: Kolstad]  
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mprest Offline
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Hey Caroline,
I think you've already got some valid suggestions on the lyric. I thoroughly enjoyed your performance, a country voice in every sense! I think you got the making of a really nice song. Keep up the good work on the guitar, youtube is also a great resource for free guitar lessons etc. Have a great weekend!


MDP:)
#797722 - 02/20/10 05:42 PM Re: One Broken Heart (acoustic) [Re: mprest]  
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Stan Loh Offline
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Even tho your recording was barely audible I did get it! Nice tune! Think it has a lot of potential!

The chorus was the most attractive part of your song. It is memorable!

Good writing!

Stan

#797825 - 02/21/10 01:26 AM Re: One Broken Heart (acoustic) [Re: Stan Loh]  
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I am wearing headphones and can hear it very clearly. Great progress, Caroline.

Try playing along with your recording (don't sing along with it and concentrate on the playing) and experimenting with your up and down strokes.
Also, when you are playing chords, you don't have to play all the strings each time. You can play just some of them as a variation.


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#797832 - 02/21/10 01:40 AM Re: One Broken Heart (acoustic) [Re: Jean Bullock]  
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Sounds awesome Caroline. Very catchy song. I agree that the recording is really low but I don't think I had to turn mine up quite as high as others did. And your voice sounds beautiful.

Naomi Sue


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#798071 - 02/21/10 10:15 PM Re: One Broken Heart (acoustic) [Re: NaomiSue]  
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John Hoffman Offline
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Caroline,
this is a wonderful song. Mike's suggs would strengthen it. My only suggestion would be a new line to end the bridge that leads into the chorus better. It was a fight I couldn't win or something like that maybe.

have fun,
John


Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never had an editor.
#798294 - 02/22/10 08:12 PM Re: One Broken Heart (acoustic) [Re: John Hoffman]  
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Caroline Offline
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Wow! You guys are great!

I'm so glad that its coming across well, I know I have some work to do, I see some spots to add some minor chords, I'm having fun trying to play them along with what I've already got, thanks for that advice, btw.
I think as far as my own singing goes, it has to be traditional, I don't have the range to get anything else...ugh! But, I will keep trying.

I'll also be back tomorrow to say more, right now I'm uploading a new song and gonna have it posted in a few minutes. Yall feel free to give some input there too. I will be back tomorrow though and listening and reading more. Thanks again!


Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#798298 - 02/22/10 09:06 PM Re: One Broken Heart (acoustic) [Re: Caroline]  
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DonnaMarilyn Offline
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DonnaMarilyn  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,666
Netherlands
Good suggestions have already been made. Just wanted to chime in and say how much I love the concept. smile Really nice, Caroline.
Your voice sounds good as well, and way to go with the guitar! wink

Donna


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

http://www.reverbnation.com/donnamarilynrichblend





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