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Joined: May 2006
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Here is rough work tape of my FAWM song #5 about my favorite singer/songwriter friend. [color:#990000][u][size:14pt]Kelli[/size][/u][/color] Kelli Copyright © 2010 Colin Ward V1 You have much more talent than you confess, Half-rhymes scattered about, The fly on the wall wishes success, Your words scream please let me out Ch A voice in the night with unbridled soul, Sings lyrics that come from the heart, Your fingers circle rosewood and steel, As they fret and hammer and dart V2 So girl keep on singing and penning the words, Why are you still hanging here? Your music should take you as high as the birds, Press on with no doubting or fear Chorus Bridge It's tough to succeed in this world full of greed, But talent will carry you through Born with the gift that will give you the lift To show them what you can do V3 Your songs speak of things you have seen in the past, Relationships, love and hard times, The messages bring us pleasure that lasts, We join in our favorite lines Chorus
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 223
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Nice tribute to your friend. Very "English" and I like it(-: Ken
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Joined: Jul 2004
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Colin , well performed and played !! I really enjoyed the listening. Keep up the good work !!! All the best Jan
"You have to react to what's around you in the moment, whatever the music is. Just think of it as some place you have to enter and you need to find the key."
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Ken,
Thanks for listening - she is deserving of a tribute. Glad you like it.
Jan,
Glad you like it! Thanks
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Joined: Jul 2005
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Nicely written tribute, Colin - love those internal rhymes in the bridge!
Yeah, sounds like an English folk song - like something Donovan might have done early on.
It's a keeper!
Scott
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Joined: Dec 2006
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Hey Colin,
Nice imagery, and well played. A different take on the Irish gig. Especially like "rosewood and steel", really cool contrast.
If working this up further, it's hard to decide which direction it could go in. Trad would be the easy pick, but also the REM type of treatment would work equally well.
Nice work, enjoyed the listen.
cheers, niteshift
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Joined: May 2006
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Scott,
Thanks for listening. I'll take a Donovan similarity!
Geoff,
Thanks to you too. I will definitely get back to this after FAWM. I'll be shooting for a more modern sound of some sort.
Colin
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I too like this.. I did hear a little bit of pitch but all in all very nice English sounding folk tune.
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Hi Tom,
Thanks for listening and glad you like it. Just a rough work tape so no doubt it is pitchy and fumbly but with FAWM you just gotta do it and move on!
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Joined: Jul 2006
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Hi Colin,
I think V1 misses the mark. Lines 2 and 3 are kinda weak, imo. If you, Colin, are the "fly on the wall" wishing her success, perhaps "this fly on the wall/wishes success"
"Half rhymes" seems there to signify talent, but I think it's too much an insiders thing--"half rhymes" --I mean...not everyone is hip to the whole "Taylor Swift's Half-Rhyme Prowess" controversy.
Now the rest of this flows pretty good to me, and it's a nice gift for someone who sounds like they may just need some gentle nudging forward, and this is that, and a good song, to boot!
Mike
Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 02/11/10 11:58 PM.
Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice Fortune depends on the tone of your voice
-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon) from the song "Songs of Love" from the album "Casanova" (1996)
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Mike,
Thanks for listening and for your thoughts on V1. I agree it needs tightening up. Will take your ideas to the rewrite!
olin
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Joined: Oct 2005
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Colin....When I listened to this tune yesterday, my first thoughts were that I could see us in a pub in Ireland lifting a glass as this tune plays.....that was before I read the others critique......the flow of the tune is really good to me.....it keeps me listening.....I'm no writer, and a lot of times for me the words on the first go round are secondary...I have to be taken in by the music an the vocal, then I go back and listen more to the content.....that's me talking on how I do things....I think you hit the mark fine.....I know it's a work tape....so I say good job for the first round......Bob
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Joined: May 2008
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Simple and effective. It works.
Tom
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Bob,
Thanks for that - sounds like it worked for you.
Tom,
Nice to see you around again. Glad you like it.
Colin
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This is one of the most interesting things I have heard from you, sir.......for multiple reasons.
Ranging from sounds, arrangement, instrumentation choices,...........just saying, sounds good to my ears.
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Joined: Jun 2011
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A good song Colin an old un but still hitting the right spot Dire Straights influenced maybe, there's a bit of it about apparently! Yes a good listen John
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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