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Thank You to Everyone who helped with Suggestions Song. We've done a number of Re-Writes on this one and we're hoping to record a Work-Tape next week with Sarah Kirkland and post it in the Audio Section for your comments.

Sarah asked us to write a "SASSY" Up-Tempo Song with her so that's what we're aiming for here. She's going to sing this at about 165 Beats-Per-Minute.
If you have an opportunity to read through these lyrics and make suggestions for improvements we would be very grateful because we're trying to tighten this up before we record the Work-Tape.

Sincere Thanks,


David, Curt, Sarah and Melissa



This Workin’ Man Ain’t Workin’ Out For Me



Verse:
His feet hit the floor at half past ten
He called in sick to work again
But when I got home all his friends were there
Playin’ Texas Hold ‘em and drinkin’ beer
This ain’t the way it’s gonna be
This workin’ man ain’t workin’ out for me

Chorus:
While I'm out tryin’ to make ends meet he’s in my bed catchin’ up on his sleep
If he could make a livin' in his easy chair that man of mine would be a millionaire
He’s the lazy limb on his family tree this workin’ man ain’t workin’ out for me

Verse:
When we first met he was Mr. Right
He did his best work late at night
He'd work 'til the hands fell off the clock
But it didn't take long for that to stop
He’s 30 hours short of a 40 hour week
Now this workin’ man ain’t workin’ out for me

Chorus:
While I'm out tryin’ to make ends meet he’s in my bed catchin’ up on his sleep
If he could make a livin' in his easy chair that man of mine would be a millionaire
He’s the lazy limb on his family tree this workin’ man ain’t workin’ out for me

Verse:
He’s got a year old pair of brand new boots
Shiny tools that don’t get used
His buddies think he’s the man of the house
But they don’t see him with his hand stuck out
He believes the best things in life are free
This workin’ man ain’t workin’ out for me

Chorus:
While I'm out tryin’ to make ends meet he’s in my bed catchin’ up on his sleep
If he could make a livin' in his easy chair that man of mine would be a millionaire
He’s the lazy limb on his family tree this workin’ man ain’t workin’ out for me

Curt Collins, Sarah Kirkland, Melissa Evans, David Reuter © 2010 BMI

Last edited by ddreuter; 01/06/10 02:37 PM.

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David & friends,
wow again lots of great lines. The tone is less bitter this time around which fits the tone of the hook. Creative language verging on downright humor to support a matter of fact pragmatic statement. It's working out for me.

Be Merry,
John


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Season's Best to Yas, David & Co.!

Sings good in my head today...

My only crit is it's prettymuch "All About HIM" & very little of the Her That's Singing gets revealled.

I'd sug a Bridge where She tells "What She's Gotta DO" to support the bum. Ya know.."2 Jobs" AND "Kids & The Laundry"...etc.

OR..maybe a Bridge about "How Mama WARNED Her"...that might be Fun!

IS fun already...& may well bust up a few Lopsided Marriages if it's ever a hit!

Good Luck with it!
Best Christmas Wishes & Big Hugs All-Around,
Stan

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Originally Posted by "TampaStan" Good
Season's Best to Yas, David & Co.!

Sings good in my head today...

My only crit is it's prettymuch "All About HIM" & very little of the Her That's Singing gets revealled.

I'd sug a Bridge where She tells "What She's Gotta DO" to support the bum. Ya know.."2 Jobs" AND "Kids & The Laundry"...etc.

OR..maybe a Bridge about "How Mama WARNED Her"...that might be Fun!

IS fun already...& may well bust up a few Lopsided Marriages if it's ever a hit!

Good Luck with it!
Best Christmas Wishes & Big Hugs All-Around,
Stan


Thank You,

David


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Lotta great lines--here might go w/ "He's the lazy limb THE Family tree----The only thing I get stuck on really is the Hook itself...He's NOT workin--tho no doubt he's not workin for out for you...maybe a verse how he WAS workin" when U met?..Know its picky--but it is the Chorus...Tried "The only thing he's(or That's) workin' Is me...but seems short...Also, "The only thing he's workin' out is me"-- but, uhhh... could be taken the WRONG way...JMO, of course..Al


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Do believe I commented on this one already. If I have well I am getting older so shoot me.

Like what I see and read and looking forward to hearing it as well. If it sings as good as it reads you have something going on for sure.

Keep in touch.

Doug


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I love this song! I want to hear it demoed too! Hey, by the way...if the Melissa Evans is the same one who's a cousin to Sara Evans, please tell her JD (the trucker who wrote a song about her called "I Found Me A Hero"--my SoundClick page...) says hello! I miss that girl.

JD

Last edited by My Stunt Brain; 12/31/09 06:33 PM.

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Al's right...how can he be a workin man? Find a better way to hook "He's not workin for me"
liked "easy chair millionaire" bit and "lazy limb" whatever that is, but kept getting hung up on "this workin man"

have fun with it
Ray

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this verse below has to start it to work out right otherwise it's too confusing and a female has to sing it a male can't unless it's faggot(or queerish) song IMHO

Verse:
When we first met he was Mr. Right
He did his best work late at night
He'd work 'til the hands fell off the clock
But it didn't take long for that to stop
He believes the best things in life are free
This Workin’ Man Ain’t Workin’ Out for Me

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Originally Posted by Twisted Texan
Lotta great lines--here might go w/ "He's the lazy limb THE Family tree----The only thing I get stuck on really is the Hook itself...He's NOT workin--tho no doubt he's not workin for out for you...maybe a verse how he WAS workin" when U met?..Know its picky--but it is the Chorus...Tried "The only thing he's(or That's) workin' Is me...but seems short...Also, "The only thing he's workin' out is me"-- but, uhhh... could be taken the WRONG way...JMO, of course..Al



Thank You,

David


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Is she?


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Brother Gary, I hate to be the one to try to bring ya up to the 2010's, but the "f" and "q" words ya just used are as offensive to Today's Folks as the "n" word'd be in Downtown Harlem.

(I happen to know the Gay Community calls us Hetero Folks "Breeders"..but lovingly-so.)

Welcome to the 2010's....where even "They" can get Married in many a State...raise Kids...& enjoy "Equal Rights"..Believe It or Not!

Stan

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This song has a nice flow to it and I'm sure it will sound great when you put music to it. Another name for him could be deadbeat.
I wouldn't change a thing. The lyrics are workin for me.Goodluck with the song.


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Originally Posted by My Stunt Brain
I love this song! I want to hear it demoed too! Hey, by the way...if the Melissa Evans is the same one who's a cousin to Sara Evans, please tell her JD (the trucker who wrote a song about her called "I Found Me A Hero"--my SoundClick page...) says hello! I miss that girl.

JD


Thank You for taking the time to read and comment.

David, Curt, Melissa, Sara


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Degrees in Composition and Arranging Berklee College of Music

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