10 members (couchgrouch, Fdemetrio, VNORTH2, Gary E. Andrews, Perry Neal Crawford, Sunset Poet, Guy E. Trepanier, bennash, Bill Draper, David Gill),
4,251
guests, and
265
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 371 Likes: 2
Top 500 Poster
|
OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 371 Likes: 2 |
Thank You to Everyone who helped with Suggestions Song. We've done a number of Re-Writes on this one and we're hoping to record a Work-Tape next week with Sarah Kirkland and post it in the Audio Section for your comments.
Sarah asked us to write a "SASSY" Up-Tempo Song with her so that's what we're aiming for here. She's going to sing this at about 165 Beats-Per-Minute. If you have an opportunity to read through these lyrics and make suggestions for improvements we would be very grateful because we're trying to tighten this up before we record the Work-Tape.
Sincere Thanks,
David, Curt, Sarah and Melissa
This Workin’ Man Ain’t Workin’ Out For Me
Verse: His feet hit the floor at half past ten He called in sick to work again But when I got home all his friends were there Playin’ Texas Hold ‘em and drinkin’ beer This ain’t the way it’s gonna be This workin’ man ain’t workin’ out for me
Chorus: While I'm out tryin’ to make ends meet he’s in my bed catchin’ up on his sleep If he could make a livin' in his easy chair that man of mine would be a millionaire He’s the lazy limb on his family tree this workin’ man ain’t workin’ out for me
Verse: When we first met he was Mr. Right He did his best work late at night He'd work 'til the hands fell off the clock But it didn't take long for that to stop He’s 30 hours short of a 40 hour week Now this workin’ man ain’t workin’ out for me
Chorus: While I'm out tryin’ to make ends meet he’s in my bed catchin’ up on his sleep If he could make a livin' in his easy chair that man of mine would be a millionaire He’s the lazy limb on his family tree this workin’ man ain’t workin’ out for me
Verse: He’s got a year old pair of brand new boots Shiny tools that don’t get used His buddies think he’s the man of the house But they don’t see him with his hand stuck out He believes the best things in life are free This workin’ man ain’t workin’ out for me
Chorus: While I'm out tryin’ to make ends meet he’s in my bed catchin’ up on his sleep If he could make a livin' in his easy chair that man of mine would be a millionaire He’s the lazy limb on his family tree this workin’ man ain’t workin’ out for me
Curt Collins, Sarah Kirkland, Melissa Evans, David Reuter © 2010 BMI
Last edited by ddreuter; 01/06/10 02:37 PM.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,199
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,199 |
David & friends, wow again lots of great lines. The tone is less bitter this time around which fits the tone of the hook. Creative language verging on downright humor to support a matter of fact pragmatic statement. It's working out for me.
Be Merry, John
Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never had an editor.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275 |
Season's Best to Yas, David & Co.!
Sings good in my head today...
My only crit is it's prettymuch "All About HIM" & very little of the Her That's Singing gets revealled.
I'd sug a Bridge where She tells "What She's Gotta DO" to support the bum. Ya know.."2 Jobs" AND "Kids & The Laundry"...etc.
OR..maybe a Bridge about "How Mama WARNED Her"...that might be Fun!
IS fun already...& may well bust up a few Lopsided Marriages if it's ever a hit!
Good Luck with it! Best Christmas Wishes & Big Hugs All-Around, Stan
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 371 Likes: 2
Top 500 Poster
|
OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 371 Likes: 2 |
Season's Best to Yas, David & Co.!
Sings good in my head today...
My only crit is it's prettymuch "All About HIM" & very little of the Her That's Singing gets revealled.
I'd sug a Bridge where She tells "What She's Gotta DO" to support the bum. Ya know.."2 Jobs" AND "Kids & The Laundry"...etc.
OR..maybe a Bridge about "How Mama WARNED Her"...that might be Fun!
IS fun already...& may well bust up a few Lopsided Marriages if it's ever a hit!
Good Luck with it! Best Christmas Wishes & Big Hugs All-Around, Stan Thank You, David
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 297
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 297 |
Lotta great lines--here might go w/ "He's the lazy limb THE Family tree----The only thing I get stuck on really is the Hook itself...He's NOT workin--tho no doubt he's not workin for out for you...maybe a verse how he WAS workin" when U met?..Know its picky--but it is the Chorus...Tried "The only thing he's(or That's) workin' Is me...but seems short...Also, "The only thing he's workin' out is me"-- but, uhhh... could be taken the WRONG way...JMO, of course..Al
"The difference between the right word & nearly the right word is the difference between a lightning bug & lightning"--Mark Twain
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,325 Likes: 4
Top 40 Poster
|
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6,325 Likes: 4 |
Do believe I commented on this one already. If I have well I am getting older so shoot me.
Like what I see and read and looking forward to hearing it as well. If it sings as good as it reads you have something going on for sure.
Keep in touch.
Doug
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
Top 500 Poster
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957 |
I love this song! I want to hear it demoed too! Hey, by the way...if the Melissa Evans is the same one who's a cousin to Sara Evans, please tell her JD (the trucker who wrote a song about her called "I Found Me A Hero"--my SoundClick page...) says hello! I miss that girl.
JD
Last edited by My Stunt Brain; 12/31/09 06:33 PM.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 20
Casual Observer
|
Casual Observer
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 20 |
Al's right...how can he be a workin man? Find a better way to hook "He's not workin for me" liked "easy chair millionaire" bit and "lazy limb" whatever that is, but kept getting hung up on "this workin man"
have fun with it Ray
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,461
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,461 |
this verse below has to start it to work out right otherwise it's too confusing and a female has to sing it a male can't unless it's faggot(or queerish) song IMHO
Verse: When we first met he was Mr. Right He did his best work late at night He'd work 'til the hands fell off the clock But it didn't take long for that to stop He believes the best things in life are free This Workin’ Man Ain’t Workin’ Out for Me
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 371 Likes: 2
Top 500 Poster
|
OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 371 Likes: 2 |
Lotta great lines--here might go w/ "He's the lazy limb THE Family tree----The only thing I get stuck on really is the Hook itself...He's NOT workin--tho no doubt he's not workin for out for you...maybe a verse how he WAS workin" when U met?..Know its picky--but it is the Chorus...Tried "The only thing he's(or That's) workin' Is me...but seems short...Also, "The only thing he's workin' out is me"-- but, uhhh... could be taken the WRONG way...JMO, of course..Al Thank You,
David
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957
Top 500 Poster
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 957 |
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275 |
Brother Gary, I hate to be the one to try to bring ya up to the 2010's, but the "f" and "q" words ya just used are as offensive to Today's Folks as the "n" word'd be in Downtown Harlem.
(I happen to know the Gay Community calls us Hetero Folks "Breeders"..but lovingly-so.)
Welcome to the 2010's....where even "They" can get Married in many a State...raise Kids...& enjoy "Equal Rights"..Believe It or Not!
Stan
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 499
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 499 |
This song has a nice flow to it and I'm sure it will sound great when you put music to it. Another name for him could be deadbeat. I wouldn't change a thing. The lyrics are workin for me.Goodluck with the song.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 371 Likes: 2
Top 500 Poster
|
OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 371 Likes: 2 |
I love this song! I want to hear it demoed too! Hey, by the way...if the Melissa Evans is the same one who's a cousin to Sara Evans, please tell her JD (the trucker who wrote a song about her called "I Found Me A Hero"--my SoundClick page...) says hello! I miss that girl.
JD Thank You for taking the time to read and comment.
David, Curt, Melissa, Sara
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,717
Posts1,160,950
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|