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Hi Mike, WOW! Love your idea and read some of your critiques...you sure can help someone like me! I am submitting this song to you for your honest opinion. Thanks! http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=28328&songID=6473065Rufus Taught Hank the Blues © March 21, 2008 Stan Loh Verse 1 He came from the streets of Georgiana, His home a dingy shack, Guitar, harp and red bandanna, The blues upon his back. From nowhere came a scrawny boy, Not quite eleven years old, A Silvertone his Christmas joy, Three chords he could hold. Chorus Rufus taught Hank the blues, Rufus taught Hank the blues, He taught him lifts, He taught him riffs, Rufus taught Hank the blues. Verse 2 Door to door for Greenville pennies, They shared the coins each night, Next stop were the whiskey alleys, The love of black and white, And mama didn’t care, and papa was gone, The lonesome whippoorwill, It hurt inside, his heart forlorn, He loved Jack Daniel’s still. Bridge Don’t forget Rufus Payne, When he plays you feel the pain, The Blues…oh…the blues… Rufus taught Hank, oh Rufus taught Hank the bluuueees. Verse 3 The boy became an Opry star, Indeed he fared damn well, But booze and blues began to scar, Whisky and fame are pals, Old Rufus still played the cold, cold streets, The boy played to surging crowds, There was a time they were to meet, The booze just made him proud. Repeat Chorus/ Repeat Bridge
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Dear Mr Knowitall thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule and listening to "Without A Trace"
We are so glad you like the song and your positive comments are well appreciated. This song has received acclaim from everyone who has heard it so far and it was no surprise that you also followed suit. It is a sad reflection of the times that quality music like this cannot be placed with a star performer or is deemed not good enough or appropriate enough for the current charts and top selling artists. Does this mean the death of decent music as we know it and that unoriginal, mediocre and mass-manufactured songs and cloned artists who canbarely hold a tune have taken precedence? I thank you for inviting me to submit songs more appropriate for current tastes. I am afraid I do not write such stuff and therefore have nothing else to submit. I will have to dumb down and write and record some such songs to submit to you. Give me a couple of hours.
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Dear Know It All, I'd like to have you take a look at a song that I have with 2 co-writers, and see what you think of this one, thanks glynda duncan http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7174730This is my favorite song in the world..thanks again. How These Walls Cry Through the years I've seen many things Some I wish i had not seen I've seen men come and go Some go home and some go well, you know. It's a shame it took this to bring me to my knees It doesn't matter who you are the roughest, toughest, meanest of men With all kinds of tattoos There will come a day when you'll have to bend You know when somethings going down there's any icy wicked chill in the air and it's thicker than ice you better think twice Before you show anyone that your scared it's seeping through the walls like fingers reaching out for you stops you in your tracks afraid to breathe or even move No one makes a sound As evil floats around but, at night man you should see How these walls cry. My Mama revered the Lord She said, son you'd better be good Or you'll go straight to hell well it feels like I am in this cell Mamma did what she could But she can't stop these walls from closing in At times I swear I hear them talking I pace the floors spend hours walking At anytime my life could end When my mamma cried for me i just laughed right in her face Now her wisdom I ignored Has put me in this place No one makes a sound As evil floats around but, at night man you should see How these walls cry How these walls cry (Bridge) Well, if I could get out for just one day you know what i'd do i'd get down on my knees and kiss that woman's feet Tell her I was such a fool I've seen a man kill another man just for sitting on his bed Life means nothing behind these bars just look at someone wrong and your dead Yeah they act so tough swearing, cussin' and fighting At night the damned lay still scared by a little thunder and lighting No one makes a sound As evil floats around but, at night man you should see How these walls cry How these walls cry Edited by Mike Caro
Last edited by glynda; 12/06/09 07:07 PM.
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Thank you very much for your time and comments Mike. There have been quite a few comments from other songwriters about the song lyrically coming up short. Seeing as that is my main contribution to this song, I was willing to consider it. But my co-writers insisted that they were happy with it as is. This has already been accepted by an artist development agency as a song they will shop to up and comers... That's not a hit by any stretch of the imagination... but it does assure me, as you say, that we are not far off... Thanks again!
Greg
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Thank you very much for your time and comments Mike. There have been quite a few comments from other songwriters about the song lyrically coming up short. Seeing as that is my main contribution to this song, I was willing to consider it. But my co-writers insisted that they were happy with it as is. This has already been accepted by an artist development agency as a song they will shop to up and comers... That's not a hit by any stretch of the imagination... but it does assure me, as you say, that we are not far off... Thanks again!
Greg Your very welcome. Thanks for being a pro about this. My quick question is, is this AGENCY taking money to do this shopping/pitching???
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Dear Mr Knowitall thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule and listening to "Without A Trace"
We are so glad you like the song and your positive comments are well appreciated. This song has received acclaim from everyone who has heard it so far and it was no surprise that you also followed suit. It is a sad reflection of the times that quality music like this cannot be placed with a star performer or is deemed not good enough or appropriate enough for the current charts and top selling artists. Does this mean the death of decent music as we know it and that unoriginal, mediocre and mass-manufactured songs and cloned artists who canbarely hold a tune have taken precedence? I thank you for inviting me to submit songs more appropriate for current tastes. I am afraid I do not write such stuff and therefore have nothing else to submit. I will have to dumb down and write and record some such songs to submit to you. Give me a couple of hours. Hi Jim You may have somebody deem it "not good enough" but not me, or anybody else who knows "something". Unique? Not really, This style material just hasn't been around much lately is all. It was kinda like when Los LOney Boys came out, everything about them completely has been done before, to the extreme as a matter of fact, Only this generation doesn't really know that. And they caught a nice lucky break, because other bands that sound and play like them are found only in local bars and clubs. Horns in general are "out" too bad just like guitar leads, but worse. But a few mainstream people will drop similar music style like Amy Whinehore or a Joss Stone etc... Again what you presented falls slightly under that "be the artist or band" that does this. Not so much give this song to Beyonce or Taylor, or Toby or Kelly Clarkson or etc... There are some other signed artist not in the top - top 20 that perhaps could gel with this song. But we are looking for the hits. I think this song could sell and do alright if it found it's way to the right artist. One where it would have a chance! So for a submission as "the artist" You could submit a few songs like three. I wasn't sure about the submission as far as that goes. You mentioned dumbing down and making tunes like that in a matter of hours. Now there's the thing. I have tried, can't do it. But if you can try it. It's not easy to be convincing to young people for me, when I try to imitate there generations music. It's just a completely different world... The BIG problem here and for ALL songwriters in general is.. You HAVE to write in one of three ways basically to have ANY chance whatsoever. Country, Hip Hop/Rap,or Teenie Pop Ya know Britany or Boy Band like tunes.
Other then that MANY write there own songs, and even some of those I mentioned write as well.
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The BIG problem here and for ALL songwriters in general is.. You HAVE to write in one of three ways basically to have ANY chance whatsoever. Country, Hip Hop/Rap,or Teenie Pop Ya know Britany or Boy Band like tunes.
Other then that ALL write there own songs, and even some of those I mentioned write as well. _________________________
yeah and unfortunatly most of them ( most current "stars")have little or no talent. I turn off the radio often. But these stars are in with the major lables and the major labels have all the major radio stations under their power so the songs get played over and over until people are forced to like them( the old ,keep playing it again and again and eventually the public will like it, works.) hence it then falls back unto "who you know" but, internet radio has made a little punch in the major labels grip. so there is hope for newbies.
(this is just my opinion, but I bet most would agree)
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The BIG problem here and for ALL songwriters in general is.. You HAVE to write in one of three ways basically to have ANY chance whatsoever. Country, Hip Hop/Rap,or Teenie Pop Ya know Britany or Boy Band like tunes.
Other then that ALL write there own songs, and even some of those I mentioned write as well. _________________________
yeah and unfortunatly most of them ( most current "stars")have little or no talent. I turn off the radio often. But these stars are in with the major lables and the major labels have all the major radio stations under their power so the songs get played over and over until people are forced to like them( the old ,keep playing it again and again and eventually the public will like it, works.) hence it then falls back unto "who you know" but, internet radio has made a little punch in the major labels grip. so there is hope for newbies.
(this is just my opinion, but I bet most would agree) Sharla ExposureI agree if you play something all day over and over on the radio it's gonna stick, something's will stick more than others will. (Most current stars have little or no talent) I disagree, it's just what kind of talent, if you LIKE the music and the depth of talent or skill. BEYONCE - sings real well, she dances well, and she does a good enough job acting to keep getting work. She is talented. She does not write songs (As far as I know) she does not play instrument's or produce her own material. Hmmm sound a bit like Sinatra & Elvis and there are legends and icons, But that's not what she needs to be doing, she has "something" that the public wants besides looks... What kind of talent? And depth of it. With Hip Hop/Rap being the number one dominate force of popular music on this planet without a question, then what comes into play? Producers! Programming Producers are where it is at. The ability to sing is at half strength,half important. Rhianna can sing, Kayne West cannot, he doesn't have to. Playing instruments is almost a non factor. The Black Eyed Peas for the most part PRODUCE HIT songs more than they write hit songs one after another, JZ same thing. Whatever they do, gets popular.It seems they can have a hit every other week. There style is soooo in-bedded now to the young public. Taylor Swift has talent, and is doing extremely well. Her talents fit in the scene right now. And are the closet to the traditional approach of writing,playing,singing then anybody else on the chart top 10. For many of us, songwriters or artists it's just not our world musically. Think of like this,lets pretend it is 1940 and BIG BAND is on the pop music scene, now here along comes Lil Wayne at the same time doing exactly what he does. Does Benny Goodman let him in the band? lol to do what? His music would seem foreign just like 75% of pop radio today does too you. He is completely out of his time and element. Of course we do things based on what have heard before so we don't sound to out of it, but in reality we are. This is NOT to say what's out on the top 10 is GREAT or the way it should be,but It's the way that it is for sure. You want in? What do you do? What can you do? All the best Be you and be happy
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Dear Mike...(Sub-Guy)...
This song will surely make someone money ...lol... appreciate your comments on our tune...it is presently being musicated and I would gladly invite a new listen when you get the chance...
Trust me...she is gonna make somebody wealthy (I already have enough... so In all candor I can actually make this claim..lol...OK maybe I was fibbin a bit)...it might as well be you....LOL
Thanks for your time,
Larry
Can't find the stairway to 'heaven'...but I know where the elevator is.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us" - Albert Schweitzer.
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I don't wanna get off track and discuss too much music biz stuff. I'll try to keep the thread on it's original path, It is hard though I know But let me put it this way for now, the Country is obsessed with singers, dancers, actors and vampires,:)Sex and Looks!of course. Singing contests and dancing contests on TV.
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Mike...All in good stead...Always in fun....my friend...I always appreciate your thoughts...
Larry
Can't find the stairway to 'heaven'...but I know where the elevator is.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us" - Albert Schweitzer.
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Mike...All in good stead...Always in fun....my friend...I always appreciate your thoughts...
Larry Hi Larry My last response was to my own post not yours lol...
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Hi there Mike, Well....in the context of this thread and what you are trying to do for all of us here....could you check out Dance In The Rain (currently on this forum)? Here is a link to my soundclick. On that site you can hear both the original G/V and also the demo version. Thanks so much. Lyrics are on the song page on soundclick as well. http://www.soundclick.com/janicehopkinsJan Janice Hopkins JPF Mp3 BoardsDear Janice, Thanks for submitting "Dance In The Rain" I thought it was very well presented and the song had lots of strong elements going for it. The obstacle that I felt holding it back was something about it's arrangement. While the whole song was pleasing it felt too long before getting a hook into the listener. Even though it was sung just fine, It seemed to be long-winded. If I had the lyrics here I could almost make an appropriate edit using the words too show you more of what I mean. Your very close with this, so understand perhaps somebody else may think it fine as is. I just felt that maybe the verse could have been shorter or your second part the pre-chous/chorus could have. Just felt like it needed a better layout and use of your hooks, I never felt like I absorbed any lyric or melody in the pre-chorus/chorus section enough to really fully appreciate it. I went back for a second listen as it was definitely worthy of another listen. Naturally it stuck a bit better the second time around. But still something about it seemed to run on, sections running into the other, more space melodically perhaps? Do you feel what I'm feeling at all? This was a very nice song, and i have heard ones like it become hits. So.... lets talk about it some more and also I'll think about it some more. I wanna see if any part of it pops up into my head later on when I'm not thinking about it. Sincerely Mr Know It All Sublevel Music NYC --------------------------------------------------------
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In the last few days Jim's song (the section where the horns riff in and it sings ("Catch me if you can")etc.. keeps popping into my head. Sticking!!!
And Michele's "Hey Don't push my button line followed by that descending riff keeps coming back into my head. Can not get rid of it!
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Mike, I just saw this and really appreciate what you're doing and all the effort you're putting into it. I have one suggestion that would make it easier for readers to follow along: Include the submitter's post and song link for each one of your response posts (you already did this just once or twice). That way the reader will be able to listen to the track while reading your response. This is such a poplular thread and tracking down the submitter's post can be a lengthy process - especially when their user name and real name aren't the same! Anyway, here goes my shot... ___________ Mr. Knowitall SubStudio Today Thank you for taking the time to listen to my demo of "Guitar Girl". I appreciate and am looking forward to any response you may have. Best Regards, Rick Willingham LINK: http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8230765LYRICS - "Guitar Girl" V1 - Wanna tell you a story 'bout a long time ago, me and Suzy (she's a friend of mine, she's a good friend don't you know): I bought a guitar and I learned some chords; I played those chords 'bout ev'ry night, and then I learned some more. She's my girl, she's my girl. V2 - I wanted the big time, out in Hollywood; I wanted to be a rock and roll star, like I always dreamed I could. I packed my bags up and I grabbed my gear, I grabbed my Suzy and then I said "we're gettin' out of here". She's my girl, she's my girl. Bridge - She's my girl, she's my little baby. She don't say no and she don't say maybe. She's my guitar, she's my little girl yea-a-a-aaaah! V3 - We hit the big time, me and my guitar girl; playing here and a playing there, and playing all o'er the world. We're like a freight train, rolling down the tracks; chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, chugging along, we ain't never turning back. She's my girl, she's my girl, she's my girl.. Rick Willingham JPF Mp3 Boards
Dear Rick, Thanks for the submission, "Guitar Girl" I like Rock n Roll so I appreciated this song. Only sorry to say it's not something we could use. The first obstacle would be just the songs approach feels dated. Even rock bands don't really do this kind of R&R these days. And if they did or were close musically the lyrical subject matter doesn't seem that it would be a good fit today. Although I have seen some bands on TV and have been shocked. So! Kinda reminded me of T Rex Bang A Gong and Crocodile Rock. I just think it needed to be more substantial if even in a fun way think "Stacey's Mom" by Fountains Of Wayne or some other playful modern pop rock songs. But despite all that I can't find a single band ANYWHERE that doesn't do there own songs, so even if I could use "Guitar Girl I couldn't. This would be a band song totally. Fun song and good work Thanks Mr Knowitall Sublevel Music NYC
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But while submissions are still open, I would love feedback on this song. it is just guitar and vocals at this time, (so easy to make any changes). odviously a ballad, other than that I could go any direction with it. "felt you all night" http://www.sharlashore.com/music-23.html1st The kiss that lasted all night, dripping deep into my soul. I know I’m not supposed to jump, but I went ahead anyway. (Chorus) I felt you all night, and I laid with you alone, I felt you all night. But now I know it’s just a dream, * I’m going back to start my life. 2nd The ebb & flow I shared with you, like the waves beating on the shore. Your kiss I won’t forget and the fire that it lit. (Repeat first chorus*) (End chorus) But I felt you all night, and I laid with you alone, and I felt you all night. But now I know it’s just a dream, and I’ve gone back to start my life Sharla Mp3 Boards Hi again Sharla, This song had the same problems as the other. While I did like the chord change and mood, it was just far lacking lyrically, melodically and phrasing wise. The words were too typical and then no matter how much nice emotion you poured into them (and you did) they just came up short. The trouble starts right off the bat with your arrangement meter and rhyme scheme. here: The kiss that lasted all night, dripping deep into my soul. I know I’m not supposed to jump, but I went ahead anyway.
This just didn't sing or sit well, musically or lyrically. Even if there was no rhyme it didn't flow well. Here you have this pretty guitar and voice and these lines that don't match it. Also they are short with not a lot of info or emotional info, I know I’m not supposed to jump, but I went ahead anywayNothing counted as the song developed... Even just to smooth it out a bit like: The kiss that lasted all night, Dripped deep into my soul. I went ahead and jumped in anyway Really not supposed to, I know
There just needs to be more body to the songs. I feel the best thing to try is either be out there and interestingly obscure and or clever. Or hit it on the nose with direct universal strong lyric that says it thoroughly. Like Billy Joel or The way good Country songs are written. Most importantly do NOT be plain or dull or too poem like. This chorus didn't offer nearly enough to anyone who wasn't writing it. And that's a huge key in a hit song or any solid song for that matter. Even if the title can't quite capture all the attention, the content has too... I appreciate your professional attitude with all this and your work and determination. Sincerely Mr Knowitall Sublevel Music NYC
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Hi Mike, WOW! Love your idea and read some of your critiques...you sure can help someone like me! I am submitting this song to you for your honest opinion. Thanks! http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=28328&songID=6473065Rufus Taught Hank the Blues © March 21, 2008 Stan Loh Verse 1 He came from the streets of Georgiana, His home a dingy shack, Guitar, harp and red bandanna, The blues upon his back. From nowhere came a scrawny boy, Not quite eleven years old, A Silvertone his Christmas joy, Three chords he could hold. Chorus Rufus taught Hank the blues, Rufus taught Hank the blues, He taught him lifts, He taught him riffs, Rufus taught Hank the blues. Verse 2 Door to door for Greenville pennies, They shared the coins each night, Next stop were the whiskey alleys, The love of black and white, And mama didn’t care, and papa was gone, The lonesome whippoorwill, It hurt inside, his heart forlorn, He loved Jack Daniel’s still. Bridge Don’t forget Rufus Payne, When he plays you feel the pain, The Blues…oh…the blues… Rufus taught Hank, oh Rufus taught Hank the bluuueees. Verse 3 The boy became an Opry star, Indeed he fared damn well, But booze and blues began to scar, Whisky and fame are pals, Old Rufus still played the cold, cold streets, The boy played to surging crowds, There was a time they were to meet, The booze just made him proud. Repeat Chorus/ Repeat Bridge Stan LohDear Stan, Thanks for the recent submission. I listened to "Rufus Taught Hank The Blues" I thought there were lots of good clever lines in the song. Unfortunately we'll have to pass on it. It's entire style in all regards would be too difficult to shop and place today. Thanks again Sincerely Mr Knowitall Sublevel Music NYC
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Thank you very much for your time and comments Mike. There have been quite a few comments from other songwriters about the song lyrically coming up short. Seeing as that is my main contribution to this song, I was willing to consider it. But my co-writers insisted that they were happy with it as is. This has already been accepted by an artist development agency as a song they will shop to up and comers... That's not a hit by any stretch of the imagination... but it does assure me, as you say, that we are not far off... Thanks again!
Greg Your very welcome. Thanks for being a pro about this. My quick question is, is this AGENCY taking money to do this shopping/pitching??? NO! This is totally above board through a contact I've had for a while. No fees whatsoever (for me) There may be for the "up and coming" artists... I'm not sure about that end... in fact I imagine there probably MUST be. Thanks again, Greg
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I think I will toss in a tune to get a little feed back too. Everett http://soundclick.com/share?songid=3597837HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING. SO THIS IS YOUR BIRTHDAY MANY HAPPY RETURNS MAY IT BE SO JOYOUS WITH LITTLE CONCERNS MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE WHEN YOU BLOW OUT THE FLAME YES HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING IN MORE THAN JUST NAME CHORUS YES HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING I WISH YOU MANY MORE MAY YOU ALWAYS BE HAPPY MAY YOU NEVER BE POOR I PRAY TIME TREATS YOU KINDLY LIKE IT HAS IN THE PAST MAY YOUR TROUBLES BE FLEETING MAY YOUR PLEASURES HOLD FAST (INSTRUMENTAL BREAK) YES THIS IS A MILESTONE ON YOUR JOURNEY THROUGH LIFE BE IT ALWAYS HAPPY WITH NO CAUSE FOR STRIFE MANY LITTLE PLEASURES I WISH ONLY FOR YOU YES HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING AS YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE REPEAT CHORUS TWICE (rising higher on second repeat)
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Mike (Not Mr. K...),
Thank you again for putting so much time and effort into this thread.
As a suggestion for another thread: "Writing song submission letters with evaluations by Mr. K.". I'm sure there's certain elements that really need to be included and your insight and tips on constructing the letter "properly" could be very helpful to many here (IMO).
I think with the two songs that you thought it remided you of, you nailed it "time-period-wise", late 60's early 70's. I was in high school then and paid a lot of attention to the rock music of the period, especially the crunchy rhythm guitar stuff.
As far as the song being marketable today, you're right - it doesn't fit at all. After reading you in-character response, there are a couple of things that come to mind.
First, my expections were out of line. I'll have to say that I probably felt the same way about the song but didn't know how to articulate that feeling. Also, I was so excited about the level of critiquing that you are doing here that I lost track of the main point/game of this thread: Songs for submission to be used by other artists (which mine was not).
I guess was expecting/hoping for more production / engineering / performance critiques and helpful pointers on those aspects. Which brings me to an idea for another thread / subject. Can you do a "Recording School" project review thread where Mr. K is the teacher who does the grading and helps us along the path to better recordings?
Rick...
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Thanks Ken I'll get to these asap. The code was fine Some record label and publishing people if they like your work and are enthused to hear more and are expecting your package will tell you to put there secret code on the envelope. The very first time I ever sent out packages with cassettes of my songs, one slipped through at a Major Publishing/Label Motowns!. I didn't know about "solicitation" so it should have been mailed back or tossed out like the others. After being shocked to no end that the guy called my house and we spoke on the phone. According to him I was so close to something he could use, "a hit song" he said. He was literally deciding about it over the phone, he kept leaning back and forth and my heart was in my throat. If i had even realized how rare this was then like i do know, I don't think I would have EVER hung up LOL He didn't take the song, and couldn't put his finger on why, he had no advice or suggestions. He was new to that label and maybe hadn't developed a way to constructively crit the tunes yet. Anyway he said, "Any songs you have, you send them to me anytime, right down this code and put it on the envelope so it will come straight to me and not be lost or tossed". I'll get back to you afterwards. This guy was EXTREMELY cool. I sent another package but drifted away from what he was looking for musically. He then left and went on to a bigger job change in the music biz. I never forgot about that it was very cool, so I thought the code use in this thread would be a nice touch, to share that feeling in a tiny tiny way. Thanks Mike Thanks Mike for taking your time to reply to all of us. Now I get the idea of a code atached. I sure can imagine you sitting with that Motownfella on the phone. That call could have changed your whole life, but after all every little detail in our life contains the possibility of a complete change of life-circumstances. Thanks again for throwing light on the subject of hitmaking. Best vibes. Ken
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Would love to get my one and so far only demo into the mix. I have it saved on my flash drive. How do I get the MP3 into the system here? Please adivse. Thank you.
Brian B
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Mike thank you! I see what you mean, I will work on changing the lyrics around and making the chourus stronger. thank you! sharla
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this is a more specific song, with alot of rhymes. a happy song about a sad subject. more pop in nature. ( I have a feeling I know what you are going to say, but maybe I will be suprised) http://www.sharlashore.com/music-13.htmlThe monkey song Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead. Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead. Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead tonight. Tell the lion that the forest is gone. All the little bitty creatures have gone. Tell the lion that the forest is gone tonight (tonight , tonight) I just don't know and I don't understand, why we have to tear up this land. Tell the natives they have no more homes tonight. (tonight , tonight) Tell the river that its source has run dry, no more rainfall coming down from the sky. Tell the river that its source has run dry tonight. (tonight, tonight) Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead, all the leaves and trees and flowers have fled. Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead tonight. (tonight, tonight) I just don't know and I don't understand, why we have to tear up this land. Tell the natives they have no more homes tonight. (tonight, tonight) Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead, tell the monkey that the jungle is dead, tell the monkey that the jungle is dead tonight I just don't know and I don't understand, Why we have to tear up this land. Tell the people survivals at hand, its up to us too- I just don't know and I don't understand, why we have to tear up this land Tell the people survivals at hand, it's up to us too. Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead, Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead, Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead tonight.
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Thank you Mike about Rufus Taught Hank The Blues being a difficult song to sell! I understand! It's sticks out as a strange kind of song in today's market.
Your time is much appreciated...and I like what you are doing!
Stan
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Dear Sir, I respectfully submit this song for consideration for a female singer in the rock/punk genre. The lyrics are below and this is a home made mp3, but hopefully enough to give you an idea of how it would sound.I look forward to your thoughts. Thank you for your time. Sincerely, Kimberly Hales Kime http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7565680Take Me like A Man Pin me against the wall Wrestle me to the floor Don't care where we do it Just wanna do it more Make my body want you And rock my world for me I'm your love slave I'll follow where you lead Take me like a man Hungry for more Take me like a man Make my passions soar Up above the clouds Into outer space Take me like a man Take me to that place Inhibitions gone Let me hear your pleasure Love me like the first time Make it an adventure Find my hidden treasures Dont ride my curves too slow I want satisfaction Reve your engine and go-go Take me like a man Hungry for more Take me like a man Make my passions soar Up above the clouds Into outer space Take me like a man Take me to that place Musical Break Bridge Love me baby, love me like no other SUPERMAN- you're my hero undercover Come on, come on let's do it Come on baby, come and do it, come on baby come on, get down to it and Take me take me take me take me take me take me take me Take me like a man Hungry for more Take me like a man Make my passions soar Up above the clouds Into outer space Take me like a man Take me to that place Tag To that place, yeah, to that place © 2009 Little Ike Productions/Kimberly Hales Kime, BMI
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Yo Mr. K., I'm a sendin' you this lil' ol song o' mine fer yer listenin' pleasure. It features my mad skills on the geetar as well as some of my "down-home" hollerin' Please let me know ahead of time which label wants to pick up my song, as I'll need time for the tattoo of their logo to heal before I land on the scene. I'm also missin' a front tooth and will need to borrow my cousin's if any close up shots are required. Seriously Mike, here's maybe the third song I ever wrote, circa 2003, It's an upbeat and positive song....not my normal area of expertise. My husband always thought it was too long...but at least it's shorter than "American Pie"! yerz, Ellen thought I'd squeeze this one in before the deadline! http://www.box.net/shared/ua9jrlg410Writin’ My Own Rules I. a little child is wild and free made up of individuality until they become aware of brand-name clothes and styles of hair suddenly it ain’t okay just to be yourself you pack up the “real” you and hide it in a box on a closet shelf II .as a teen I tried to make the scene by hangin’ with those gals tryin’ out for cheerleading anything to be their pal what a mortifying mess that turned out to be ‘cause in the garden of life, I’m a thorny briar rose what you get is what you see CHORUS: so I cut the cord, smash the mirror step out of the box don’t you tell me I’ve gotta be something that I’m not I’ll step on a crack, break your mother’s back while wearing silly shoes one thing you can count on I’m writin’ my own rules III. proper, proper, proper was how I was raised to be cross your legs, fold your hands and place them gently on your knee but I learned a different way by calling my own shots one, two, three get ready I’m pullin’ out all the stops CHORUS BRIDGE: so don’tcha try to fit into someone else’s idea of how to be it won’t fit right, it’ll be way too tight way smaller than it needs to be CHORUS
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Mike (Not Mr. K...),
Thank you again for putting so much time and effort into this thread.
As a suggestion for another thread: "Writing song submission letters with evaluations by Mr. K.". I'm sure there's certain elements that really need to be included and your insight and tips on constructing the letter "properly" could be very helpful to many here (IMO).
I think with the two songs that you thought it remided you of, you nailed it "time-period-wise", late 60's early 70's. I was in high school then and paid a lot of attention to the rock music of the period, especially the crunchy rhythm guitar stuff.
As far as the song being marketable today, you're right - it doesn't fit at all. After reading you in-character response, there are a couple of things that come to mind.
First, my expections were out of line. I'll have to say that I probably felt the same way about the song but didn't know how to articulate that feeling. Also, I was so excited about the level of critiquing that you are doing here that I lost track of the main point/game of this thread: Songs for submission to be used by other artists (which mine was not).
I guess was expecting/hoping for more production / engineering / performance critiques and helpful pointers on those aspects. Which brings me to an idea for another thread / subject. Can you do a "Recording School" project review thread where Mr. K is the teacher who does the grading and helps us along the path to better recordings? Hi Rick Your welcome,thanks for being a pro about it. You have a knack for taking these threads and making more good ideas from them. I think like that alot but sometimes they catch on and sometimes they don't. On the recording/production stuff I have done threads where I even posted videos to explain and teach stuff, took a load of work and hardly anyone participated. So I don't think I'll revisit that area. The "letter" submissions is a nice subject thread. Again I'm not equipped info in grammer etc.. to instruct a proper letter. Only good at thinking a bit about what to say or what not to say. It would make a good thread though and discussion. So perhaps. I'm glad you got excited about submitting, that was a BIG part of starting this thread, another was to help people 1- Realize! What's going on, what they are submitting,and where they are at. We feel we deserve to be in the business, yet we are not offering anything of what that business is all about in many cases. Doesn't make them right or great but it doesn't put money in our pocket or food on our table either. Music/Songs - We as people have a tendy to throw it all together into one clump. It's such a game and there are so many factors and tangibles. Like I when I say to someone, see that guy? he plays BASS in a band, he wrote a bass line and the band splits the songs evenly.or he wrote a bass line and the two lines for the bridge. He has decent success with his band, ASCAP and BMI pays him ROYALTIES as a songwriter. He is considered songwriter who gets paid a PRO. You write 500 songs or 5,000 songs fully, by your self and you got paid ZERO! A singer insists on having his or her name put down as a songwriter credit on their CD, even though they only contributed some small moves in the melody on one or two lines, the label wants to make there star or want to be star happy. YOU are now giving up percentages for no reason but oppurtunity and that's fine by you as you have NO CHOICE. Does not make it right. This is a business, like a job and people will hold stuff over your head as not only do they think,We'll I'm potentially paying you, but also "Hey everybody wants this DREAM,this position, so.... next! Anyway sorry for the rant.... But you gotta show you have a lot to offer song wise or biz wise. The fact that we just play,write or sing is not going to be nearly enough.
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I think I will toss in a tune to get a little feed back too. Everett http://soundclick.com/share?songid=3597837HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING. SO THIS IS YOUR BIRTHDAY MANY HAPPY RETURNS MAY IT BE SO JOYOUS WITH LITTLE CONCERNS MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE WHEN YOU BLOW OUT THE FLAME YES HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING IN MORE THAN JUST NAME CHORUS YES HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING I WISH YOU MANY MORE MAY YOU ALWAYS BE HAPPY MAY YOU NEVER BE POOR I PRAY TIME TREATS YOU KINDLY LIKE IT HAS IN THE PAST MAY YOUR TROUBLES BE FLEETING MAY YOUR PLEASURES HOLD FAST (INSTRUMENTAL BREAK) YES THIS IS A MILESTONE ON YOUR JOURNEY THROUGH LIFE BE IT ALWAYS HAPPY WITH NO CAUSE FOR STRIFE MANY LITTLE PLEASURES I WISH ONLY FOR YOU YES HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING AS YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE REPEAT CHORUS TWICE (rising higher on second repeat) Everett Adams JPF Mp3 BoardDear Everett, Thanks for submitting "Happy Birthday Darling" The demo sounded good and the song had warm genuine sentiments. It had a feeling to it like if a star from the past had a hit with it and played it at each concert for gracious and loyal fans. Had a very traditional way about the whole song approach, being it near the holidays the first thing to come to mind was John Lennon's singing "and so this is Christmas" Heartfelt,well written and well done Everett,but not really something we can use in today's market. Thanks Sincerely MR Knowitall Sublevel Music NYC
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Mr. Knowitall,
Thank you very much for your recent review and reply to my submission, "Piano Purgatory". I fiound your review to be thoughtful and constructive.
I shall be looking a newer percussion samples in the near future. In fact, my entire orchestration library could use some revamping. That is on the agenda for a future project.
I also agree with your comment about being more repetitious. That would better establish a main theme around which the rest of the music could refer. Thank you for bringing that oversight to my attention.
I had thought, and it seems you agree, that this would be a nice piece for the credits.
Again, thank you very much. Should I find anything else in my catalogue that might meet your requirements and quality, I shall be in contact, per your suggestion.
Respectfully,
Al David
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Thanks Ken I'll get to these asap. The code was fine Some record label and publishing people if they like your work and are enthused to hear more and are expecting your package will tell you to put there secret code on the envelope. The very first time I ever sent out packages with cassettes of my songs, one slipped through at a Major Publishing/Label Motowns!. I didn't know about "solicitation" so it should have been mailed back or tossed out like the others. After being shocked to no end that the guy called my house and we spoke on the phone. According to him I was so close to something he could use, "a hit song" he said. He was literally deciding about it over the phone, he kept leaning back and forth and my heart was in my throat. If i had even realized how rare this was then like i do know, I don't think I would have EVER hung up LOL He didn't take the song, and couldn't put his finger on why, he had no advice or suggestions. He was new to that label and maybe hadn't developed a way to constructively crit the tunes yet. Anyway he said, "Any songs you have, you send them to me anytime, right down this code and put it on the envelope so it will come straight to me and not be lost or tossed". I'll get back to you afterwards. This guy was EXTREMELY cool. I sent another package but drifted away from what he was looking for musically. He then left and went on to a bigger job change in the music biz. I never forgot about that it was very cool, so I thought the code use in this thread would be a nice touch, to share that feeling in a tiny tiny way. Thanks Mike Thanks Mike for taking your time to reply to all of us. Now I get the idea of a code atached. I sure can imagine you sitting with that Motownfella on the phone. That call could have changed your whole life, but after all every little detail in our life contains the possibility of a complete change of life-circumstances. Thanks again for throwing light on the subject of hitmaking. Best vibes. Ken Ken JPF Boards Dear Ken, Thanks for the fast reply and requested second submission. I listened to all three songs, and before I get into ideas big dreams and possibilities. Lets get grounded in something certain We are happy to say we are accepting your material as is for film and TV placements. So a congratulations on that. You are just too musical to pass by and that musicality is very emotional as well. Your material sets mood big time all by itself so just imagine what it's gonna feel like behind a film scene of equal emotional nature. I can! Your musicality is the key. Now just to play out the whole hand here. As far a selling songs by themslves, your style is far to singer/songwriter the lyrics by themselves are not the selling point. Think of Norah Jones if she didn't perform hers songs with great musicality she would not be selling them to Carrie Underwood or anybody I can think of on top 40 radio. I like your voice for your songs and like I said they go "As is to film placement" If you were going for the more hit based artist goal, I would suggest getting a partner, a singing partner mostly. While there are many artist's who have that "style" sound to there vocal today, I don't see many lasting very very long. If you had Sting's voice you could really take off even more. Springsteen had that, but also tremendous lyrics and a very very strong live voice, people don't even realize so. Paul Simon can sing, but it was Garfunkel's voice that paved the way to the public much more quickly. I know about the harmony aspect but you get my point. So I could picture you having a hit with somebody else singing then down the road people saying hey I like him as the artist,the singer,maybe as much or more than the original singer... I can hear the range and pitch limitations in your voice straight off, it even stops the songs from having even more dynamic melodies and sections to match the wonderful chord changes you have. But again your warm musical feel and emotion overrides that. So even though we want to sign you for reasons stated, It would be wonderful for you to stretch out even more and collaborate and grow even more, have a girl sing some of your songs go with all the ranges you can that are out there, with your feel and creativity you should feel rewarded musically and hopefully career wise. We are sending forms and paper work for you to look over and fill out. Talk Soon Thanks Mr Knowitall Sublevel Music NYC Ken - I NEVER sat down once during that phone call with Motown And it did change my life after that I never left my house hardly and worked twice as hard as I did before, also went out and spent my life's savings on better equipment to record on for demo's to submit. Within a years time I got to an independent label and they took one of those songs and made a record.
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To Richard Myers Richard, Please check out the last post to Ken, and listen to his song "Drifting Away"This is a perfect example of what I was talking about with you and film placement. Notice how the sections change some but that consistency is always there like one big part,hook that keeps going round and round. He never lets the strongest part of his song get too far away. The part that captures the listener. Here is the link for that song "Drifting Away"http://www.songramp.com/mod/mps/viewtrack.php?trackid=55851 All the best Mike
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To Jim Merriless JPF Boards
Dear Jim,
After further consideration we wanted to inform you would accept your song submission "Without A Trace"
Even though it was hard to figure a placement with a current artist and not having enough to go on to sign the artists associated with the song pitch, I came to this conclusion. There's more than one way to skin an apple.
The top of the songs chorus has been stuck in my head for two days or so now. That means as a TV theme song it will stick for certain. So we have a a legal lawyer based show, sound familiar where between the tune and the "catch me line" will go perfectly!
Tv is a great way to get a song exposure. AC 3 was dropped by there label, good thing for them, They have the theme for the Sopranoes and that paid a lot more and a lot longer than a number one gone tomorrow hit!
We'll be in touch with you, Congratulations!!
Sincerely Mr Knowitall Sublevel Music NYC
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Hi Mike. Thanks for accepting my material as is for film and TV placements. I just can't wait to walk up there to lift my Grammy with Nicole Kidman on my left and Harrison Ford on my right accepting my musical award of the century in front of Obama&wifey. I'll thank my mother and you for supporting me when others turned their back on me.
End of kidding!
I'm deeply honored by your response Mike. You are hitting the very spot about my voice. I never performed singing any of my songs live for the very reasons you've described in your reply. I've made my bread for many years as a sideman guitarist in Scandinavia but writing lyrics, singing and composing music is quite new to me. Therefore I'll swallow your advices like a hungry wolf and learn the best I can from them. I actually talked to pro singers who are friends of mine asking if they would sing some of my songs. Their reply was, that they could or would not sing my songs, because the lyrics were too personal. Now your advices makes me decide to walk that road again and find real singers to work with. After all I've been on the road long enough to wish only to sit at home writing songs, walking smiling to my bank, throwing parties to friends and get up next day before sun is down and work another 24 hours with music.
Looking forward to receive forms and paper work from you to look over and fill out.
Ps... I had a feeling that you were ignited even more after that Motown call, and I know you did well(-:
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Hi Mike Well I sang out my street today,(In the garage) haven't sung "Don't push my button" for a while now, so I thought today I would give it a whirl, hah, I still sing it just fine, and I reckon I could get the crowds roaring singing it hey, so much fun. Thanks for all your encouraging words. Now where is Dolly and Tanya???? Hugs Michele
Last edited by Michele Bolton; 12/08/09 08:25 AM.
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Thanks Mike for you kind words. I know the sound is dated and would never fit into todays country sound (as is THIS ANNIVERSARY YEAR) but the content is never dated when wishing loved ones a greeting for special occasions. I appreciate your time in listening. http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8447908THIS ANNIVERSARY YEAR. BLACK AND WHITE IVORY WEAVING IT'S MAGIC, NOTE BY NOTE CANDLE LIGHT AND WINE GIVES A WARM GLOW TO THE LOVE SONG I WROTE THE SCENT OF ROSES AND THE HINT OF PERFUME JUST PERMEATES THE AIR CELEBRATING THE TIME THAT YOU BECAME MINE, ON THIS ANNIVERSARY YEAR CHORUS I'VE OFTEN WONDERED WHO BLESSED MY LIFE THE DAY THAT I FOUND YOU WHEN YOU CONSENTED TO BECOME MY WIFE, ALL THINGS BECAME BRAND NEW THE SUN SHONE BRIGHTER, THE CLOUDS WERE WHITER, THE SKY A DIFFERENT BLUE AND I COULD SWEAR THAT I COULD HEAR ANGELS SINGING TO YOU THE BOW AND THE STRINGS ROMANTICALLY SINGS MELLOW TONES BRINGS BACK MEMORIES OF PLEASURES PAST, THAT TOGETHER WE'VE KNOWN THE CHILDREN WE RAISED AND OUR GOD THAT WE PRAISED, JUST ADDED TO OUR BLISS STILL NOTHING COMPARES TO THESE GOLDEN YEARS AND THIS ANNIVERSARY KISS REPEAT CHORUS TAG: YES ANGELS SINGING TO YOU HAPPY ANNIVERSARY LOVE AND MANY MORE (c) Everett Adams
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Dear Mr Knowitall
Thank you very much for your kind words and for accepting the song. I will inform the writers at once that the song meets with your approval. They will be over the moon.
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Dec. 08, 2009 Brenda McBryde BMI Dear Mr. Knowitall, Thank you so much for the opportunity to submit a song for your consideration. I have chosen a male vocal country ballad that I hope hooks you. All my best, Brenda McBryde www.tunesmithpro.ning.com/profile/brendamcbrydeGet To Your Heart written by: James Ryce/Brenda McBryde I keep waiting for a day that never comes And I keep pretending there's love when there's none I always let you go to watch you fly But it's better then saying goodbye I can't get to your heart though for years you know I've tried And you can't force a feeling and still be satisfied You know that I would beg and plead, to hell with lovers pride I can't get to your heart, but I can't say goodbye You call me with plans so mine get rearranged Then later you tell me your mind has changed And even when my heart gets cast aside Its still better then saying goodbye I can't get to your heart though for years you know I've tried And you can't force a feeling and still be satisfied You know that I would beg and plead, to hell with lovers pride I can't get to your heart, but I can't say goodbye Everyone has to finally draw the line When there's no hope left in sight I'll let the light of a new day shine I Guess I'm saying goodbye I can't get to your heart so I'll just say goodbye 'Cause you can't force a feeling and still be satisfied I'll no longer beg and plead, I'll hang on to my pride I might get to your heart, when you hear me say goodbye yeah, I might get to your heart, when you hear me say goodbye
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Dear Mr. Know-it-all. I'm a 23y/o, blond, blue eyed, vampire vixen, who is also very cool. I heard your needing some tunes so I thought I'd send this one in, cause everybody tells me I look good when I sing it. Just hit my cell phone and I'll tell you where to send the money... "Old Tire Swing" http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=100639&songID=8215651Lyrics Just you and me with a breeze in our face the memory won't fade takes me to the same place just you and me what a wonderful thing swinging on that old tire swing it's where we dared to dream and make believe it's where we both had our first kiss it was a magical midsummers eve when we were swinging on that old tire swing sweet summer days we'd both share in the shade listening while birds sing their sweet serenade just you and me with no reason or rhyme we always had a real good time it's where we dared to dream and make believe it's where we both had our first kiss it was a magical midsummers eve when we were swinging on that old tire swing you went away broke my heart I recall I guess we both changed summer had to turn fall sometimes at night I still drive by that place hoping just to see your face it's where we dared to dream and make believe it's where we both had our first kiss it was a magical midsummers eve when we were swinging on that old tire swing
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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could you please listen to "southbound train" it is one I wrote an performed Thank you Dan http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6990924
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Would love to get my one and so far only demo into the mix. I have it saved on my flash drive. How do I get the MP3 into the system here? Please adivse. Thank you.
Brian B Brian - Is your song on your computer? Can you post a link to it here? Try using Soundclick it's very easy to operate.
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this is a more specific song, with alot of rhymes. a happy song about a sad subject. more pop in nature. ( I have a feeling I know what you are going to say, but maybe I will be suprised) http://www.sharlashore.com/music-13.htmlThe monkey song Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead. Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead. Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead tonight. Tell the lion that the forest is gone. All the little bitty creatures have gone. Tell the lion that the forest is gone tonight (tonight , tonight) I just don't know and I don't understand, why we have to tear up this land. Tell the natives they have no more homes tonight. (tonight , tonight) Tell the river that its source has run dry, no more rainfall coming down from the sky. Tell the river that its source has run dry tonight. (tonight, tonight) Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead, all the leaves and trees and flowers have fled. Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead tonight. (tonight, tonight) I just don't know and I don't understand, why we have to tear up this land. Tell the natives they have no more homes tonight. (tonight, tonight) Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead, tell the monkey that the jungle is dead, tell the monkey that the jungle is dead tonight I just don't know and I don't understand, Why we have to tear up this land. Tell the people survivals at hand, its up to us too- I just don't know and I don't understand, why we have to tear up this land Tell the people survivals at hand, it's up to us too. Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead, Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead, Tell the monkey that the jungle is dead tonight. Sharla Shore Mp3 Boards Hi Sharla, You are very persistent that is a good quality. I'm pleased to say that "The Monkey Song" is the BEST submission you have made so far. See? What didn't you submit that first. It gives a much much better impression and shows wgat your capable of. It was the most original song you sent, and it was the most musical. It really had a nice groove and it flowed steady and smooth. You should "soul" here and It was a pleasant listen. Not a hit song but a good enjoyable one, because you could feel it. The only thing I would look at to help make it even cooler is on the section I just don't know and I don't understand, why we have to tear up this land. Tell the natives they have no more homes tonight. (tonight , tonight)Maybe ever section does not have to end with "Tonight" I know it's part of the hook but you use it so much the real "hook" would be not to use it. Lyrically I would love it stopped on a new sound like this line I just don't know and I don't understand, why we have to tear up this land. Or do what needs to be done to have the best meter of phrasing but let it sound different than the word "tonight" Sharla, this is nice work, simple catchy and effective, with musical hooks as well as lyrical ones. Make this the first song you show somebody when pitching for something. Sincerely Mr Knowitall SublevelMusic
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Thank you Mike about Rufus Taught Hank The Blues being a difficult song to sell! I understand! It's sticks out as a strange kind of song in today's market.
Your time is much appreciated...and I like what you are doing!
Stan Stan Your welcome and very kind thanks! Don't forget sometimes to take a song and give to an artist who is off beat and well a bit strange lol.. in today's market. There is a show on SHOWTIME called "Weeds" they have some of the strangest songs I have ever heard on it. And they get PAID royalties okay! So try to find your nice your angle. Throw a wrench into your own works and see what come out, All the best Mike Sub
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Dear Mr Knowitall
Thank you very much for your kind words and for accepting the song. I will inform the writers at once that the song meets with your approval. They will be over the moon. Thanks Jim It is too catchy in that section not be on TV at least! And TV is a good place to be. I think your vocal needs to be the one although both were very good.
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Dear Sir, I respectfully submit this song for consideration for a female singer in the rock/punk genre. The lyrics are below and this is a home made mp3, but hopefully enough to give you an idea of how it would sound.I look forward to your thoughts. Thank you for your time. Sincerely, Kimberly Hales Kime http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7565680Take Me like A Man Pin me against the wall Wrestle me to the floor Don't care where we do it Just wanna do it more Make my body want you And rock my world for me I'm your love slave I'll follow where you lead Take me like a man Hungry for more Take me like a man Make my passions soar Up above the clouds Into outer space Take me like a man Take me to that place Inhibitions gone Let me hear your pleasure Love me like the first time Make it an adventure Find my hidden treasures Dont ride my curves too slow I want satisfaction Reve your engine and go-go Take me like a man Hungry for more Take me like a man Make my passions soar Up above the clouds Into outer space Take me like a man Take me to that place Musical Break Bridge Love me baby, love me like no other SUPERMAN- you're my hero undercover Come on, come on let's do it Come on baby, come and do it, come on baby come on, get down to it and Take me take me take me take me take me take me take me Take me like a man Hungry for more Take me like a man Make my passions soar Up above the clouds Into outer space Take me like a man Take me to that place Tag To that place, yeah, to that place © 2009 Little Ike Productions/Kimberly Hales Kime, BMI Kimberlyinnic JPF Mp3 Boards Dear Kimberly, Thanks for submitting. Listen to "Take Me Like A Man" Good work here, I'm a bit indecisive about it at the moment. It has very good elements for pitching today, the feel and style work, the subject matter works and it' well arranged song wise. I know it's a rough and a good one, also i can certainly here past that only, never assume anybody will. This song needs to be sung and sung big. The second time you did the chorus was a bit more effective if you have the means to cut and paste do it. make sure that first chorus is every bit as present powerful. In a song like this as in any song really how you present it is key. Use all the bait you can to hook the listener in. One thing is for certain I think the song is worth investing time,effort and money into. There is a nice tiny resurgence of Pop stars female one s doing more rock based edgier songs. This could work as one with singer like Pink or other pop artists as well. I think were it may need a bit of help is in just making it a bit more effective lyrically in spots. You have all the ingredients in this song you just need help tweaking it perhaps. Too many notes were out of pitch here so it hurt your melody. Again it could be a lot in the way it's delivered, and the dynamics of the song in general. Mess with the melody a bit and maybe shorten a few phrases when they are singing. Less holding notes. Maybe a bit more catch in that lyric Take me like a man followed with a solid ending both singing wise and lyrically. Let the music stop for the last line with a sexy voice alone to carry the last line. Take me like a man Hungry for more Take me like a man Make my passions soar Up above the clouds Into outer space Take me like a man Or don't take me at allJust and example... I know the other line makes sense and it rhymes but it doesn't POP! Up above the clouds Starts right here on the floor Take me like a man Or don't take me at all Something like that, or that. But as effective sounding as you can be as well as lyrically. Your first verse had a a bit more bite than the chorus, keep it strong all the way. Don't forget attitude is whats gonna sell this song. I have heard it done before, words that are sold to you by style. Please feel free to re-submit this when it's totally ready. get help with it to give it what it's lacking, and build on the good stuff. The code is 1864 so it will get right too me. Nice work Sincerely Mr Knowitall Sublevel NYC
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Yo Mr. K., I'm a sendin' you this lil' ol song o' mine fer yer listenin' pleasure. It features my mad skills on the geetar as well as some of my "down-home" hollerin' Please let me know ahead of time which label wants to pick up my song, as I'll need time for the tattoo of their logo to heal before I land on the scene. I'm also missin' a front tooth and will need to borrow my cousin's if any close up shots are required. Seriously Mike, here's maybe the third song I ever wrote, circa 2003, It's an upbeat and positive song....not my normal area of expertise. My husband always thought it was too long...but at least it's shorter than "American Pie"! yerz, Ellen thought I'd squeeze this one in before the deadline! http://www.box.net/shared/ua9jrlg410Writin’ My Own Rules I. a little child is wild and free made up of individuality until they become aware of brand-name clothes and styles of hair suddenly it ain’t okay just to be yourself you pack up the “real” you and hide it in a box on a closet shelf II .as a teen I tried to make the scene by hangin’ with those gals tryin’ out for cheerleading anything to be their pal what a mortifying mess that turned out to be ‘cause in the garden of life, I’m a thorny briar rose what you get is what you see CHORUS: so I cut the cord, smash the mirror step out of the box don’t you tell me I’ve gotta be something that I’m not I’ll step on a crack, break your mother’s back while wearing silly shoes one thing you can count on I’m writin’ my own rules III. proper, proper, proper was how I was raised to be cross your legs, fold your hands and place them gently on your knee but I learned a different way by calling my own shots one, two, three get ready I’m pullin’ out all the stops CHORUS BRIDGE: so don’tcha try to fit into someone else’s idea of how to be it won’t fit right, it’ll be way too tight way smaller than it needs to be CHORUS Ellen JPF Mp3 BoardsThanks for the second submission. Plain and simple, I liked it! Not a hit radio song in humble opinion but a good one and good for film/TV placement certainly. This submission was much closer first of all it felt real good. That's one thing a song can do that will always be effective. The chorus stuck, very good work here. My only suggestion mainly would be to iron out the ends of the verses. It kind of goes out of meter and the phrasing feels a bit uncertain there. I don't mind a bit of a twist I encourage it, but it felt off a bit in those spots like it went out of the 4/4 beat but wasn't supposed to perhaps. The bridge was okay but could have used a slight more of something there, in the melody perhaps. Just too be a bit more effective. But the change was good and the songs arrangement was fine. If you can get this one tightened up a bit with a real solid recording it can be pitched for film placements. Get the vocals to really nail it down with dynamics, so this was a good vocal but don't be afraid to try others a s well. Vocal will sell it even more! Enjoyed the style and I'm still humming the chorus. If and when you re-submit the code is 1864 to get it straight to me. Sincerely,good work Mr Knowitall Sublevel & Missinteethincorporated NYC
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Hi Mike. Thanks for accepting my material as is for film and TV placements. I just can't wait to walk up there to lift my Grammy with Nicole Kidman on my left and Harrison Ford on my right accepting my musical award of the century in front of Obama&wifey. I'll thank my mother and you for supporting me when others turned their back on me.
End of kidding!
I'm deeply honored by your response Mike. You are hitting the very spot about my voice. I never performed singing any of my songs live for the very reasons you've described in your reply. I've made my bread for many years as a sideman guitarist in Scandinavia but writing lyrics, singing and composing music is quite new to me. Therefore I'll swallow your advices like a hungry wolf and learn the best I can from them. I actually talked to pro singers who are friends of mine asking if they would sing some of my songs. Their reply was, that they could or would not sing my songs, because the lyrics were too personal. Now your advices makes me decide to walk that road again and find real singers to work with. After all I've been on the road long enough to wish only to sit at home writing songs, walking smiling to my bank, throwing parties to friends and get up next day before sun is down and work another 24 hours with music.
Looking forward to receive forms and paper work from you to look over and fill out.
Ps... I had a feeling that you were ignited even more after that Motown call, and I know you did well(-: Your welcome Ken, Thanks for this reply and for "getting all this" This thread has done very well, and no fights at all yet, I'm kinda disappointed LOL I'm as sweet as can be I think? After all I save little mice from being eaten alive by giant snakes Besides who's silly enough to argue with an all Italian lifetime time New Yorker combo? Well? they are out there... Yes work with others Ken, you can always do and have your OWN thing.I know I can do it all myself but much rather do with others and I'm BETTER with others as well personally. My best work always had other people involved even if in some cases they just stared at me with their mouth open lol Meant to ask you if you ever saw my friend play in Denmark ever Gary Owen? Figured a slight possibility. Thanks Mike
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Dec. 08, 2009 Brenda McBryde BMI Dear Mr. Knowitall, Thank you so much for the opportunity to submit a song for your consideration. I have chosen a male vocal country ballad that I hope hooks you. All my best, Brenda McBryde www.tunesmithpro.ning.com/profile/brendamcbrydeGet To Your Heart written by: James Ryce/Brenda McBryde I keep waiting for a day that never comes And I keep pretending there's love when there's none I always let you go to watch you fly But it's better then saying goodbye I can't get to your heart though for years you know I've tried And you can't force a feeling and still be satisfied You know that I would beg and plead, to hell with lovers pride I can't get to your heart, but I can't say goodbye You call me with plans so mine get rearranged Then later you tell me your mind has changed And even when my heart gets cast aside Its still better then saying goodbye I can't get to your heart though for years you know I've tried And you can't force a feeling and still be satisfied You know that I would beg and plead, to hell with lovers pride I can't get to your heart, but I can't say goodbye Everyone has to finally draw the line When there's no hope left in sight I'll let the light of a new day shine I Guess I'm saying goodbye I can't get to your heart so I'll just say goodbye 'Cause you can't force a feeling and still be satisfied I'll no longer beg and plead, I'll hang on to my pride I might get to your heart, when you hear me say goodbye yeah, I might get to your heart, when you hear me say goodbye Hi Brenda Could not find the song.. every time I clicked this link a different song just starts playing/ lmk Thanks
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Dear Mr. Know-it-all. I'm a 23y/o, blond, blue eyed, vampire vixen, who is also very cool. I heard your needing some tunes so I thought I'd send this one in, cause everybody tells me I look good when I sing it. Just hit my cell phone and I'll tell you where to send the money... "Old Tire Swing" http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=100639&songID=8215651Lyrics Just you and me with a breeze in our face the memory won't fade takes me to the same place just you and me what a wonderful thing swinging on that old tire swing it's where we dared to dream and make believe it's where we both had our first kiss it was a magical midsummers eve when we were swinging on that old tire swing sweet summer days we'd both share in the shade listening while birds sing their sweet serenade just you and me with no reason or rhyme we always had a real good time it's where we dared to dream and make believe it's where we both had our first kiss it was a magical midsummers eve when we were swinging on that old tire swing you went away broke my heart I recall I guess we both changed summer had to turn fall sometimes at night I still drive by that place hoping just to see your face it's where we dared to dream and make believe it's where we both had our first kiss it was a magical midsummers eve when we were swinging on that old tire swing Louis Twinn JPF Mp3 Boards Hi Louis, I must say I was disappointed by your picture after reading your letter. However I was not disappointed with this song. I personally really really like it. It was very well crafted and I enjoyed the melody and feel very much. This is yet again one of those times where I wish current artists would take more outside songs. A while back I heard a song by Alan Jackson that was so bland in every regard it was so obvious that his name meant everything not the song. This song for pitching would be a bit tough as in it's a great "you are the artist song" These days only certain sing about such sentiments and angles,and values. Everyone basically on the charts is just trying to be forceful in showing how clever they can be by fitting everything they see in front of there face into a song. When there were wonderful artists like say James Taylor or Cat Stevens on the radio every single day, a song like this would be a great fit. I remember hearing "Oh Very Young" for the first time. And being absorbed by the melody feel and tone, and wondrously intrigued by the words. I'd buy this Lois but I'm not sure I can sell it. And I'm ashamed to say I'm part of business that has to think that way. If however it can be put across a bit stronger there is a a slight chance of film placement or catching a singer/songwriter who will TAKE ONE IN so to speak. Will have to pass for now, but I LOVED the work here. To coin an old phrase it's always business never personal. ----------------- Congratulations! Your song "This Old Quilt" however is on hold here. It is also an artist type song a bit but has many many strengths that are appealing to me and would be for many singers. The one you sent in was good enough for TV/film placement but I'm thinking album cut at least as well. It's strong in every regard. Will be in touch on that! Thanks Mr Knowitall Sublevel Music NYC
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"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
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