Who's Online Now
15 registered members (Deej56, Mackie H., couchgrouch, Dave Rice, maccharles, Guy E. Trepanier, Everett Adams, 4 invisible), and 219 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
Chris Erhardt
Chris Erhardt
NYC/L.A.
Posts: 248
Joined: November 2014
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
Not really a Blog, but something I'm doing
by Rich Murray. 02/19/20 08:06 PM
::: Lucky Guy (Uke) :::
by JaneK. 02/19/20 12:56 PM
Sometimes (You Gotta Go Home)
by JaneK. 02/19/20 12:47 PM
Practical Guidelines For Guitaring: Standing
by Marc Barnette. 02/19/20 12:34 PM
Old Navy Footlocker
by couchgrouch. 02/19/20 10:17 AM
Looking for musicians who need lyrics
by Brian Austin Whitney. 02/19/20 07:02 AM
Synchronization Licensing
by Gary E. Andrews. 02/19/20 12:19 AM
$ynchronization Licen$ing.
by Gary E. Andrews. 02/18/20 11:25 PM
Crimson Red
by Deej56. 02/18/20 11:13 PM
Stop Wasting Your Time (Have A Good TIme)
by Deej56. 02/18/20 11:03 PM
DRINK WITH ME. DEEJ & Travis. ( updated)
by Deej56. 02/18/20 11:01 PM
Does this seem legit?
by Marc Barnette. 02/18/20 03:38 PM
CAGED for Guitar
by Kevin Emmrich. 02/18/20 01:51 PM
Any Friend Of Jesus
by Vicarn. 02/18/20 07:35 AM
David Olney RIP
by Brian Austin Whitney. 02/18/20 03:19 AM
New Add to Playlist
by Brian Austin Whitney. 02/17/20 09:35 PM
Child Of Nova - Instrumental
by GocartMoz. 02/17/20 10:29 AM
Somewhere South of Nowhere. Vic
by Vicarn. 02/17/20 09:41 AM
The Same Sun Shines On Us All
by Gavin Sinclair. 02/16/20 10:00 PM
low tide
by John Paragreen. 02/16/20 07:44 PM
A Master Of Reason And Rhyme
by Mackie H.. 02/16/20 12:24 PM
What will be will be
by ckiphen. 02/16/20 11:32 AM
Fiver anyone?
by Dave Rice. 02/15/20 01:55 PM
Darker side of me
by ckiphen. 02/15/20 01:05 PM
The Millionaires club
by ckiphen. 02/15/20 12:59 PM
Without You
by Gerry. 02/15/20 09:35 AM
URGENT! Our Site is being shut down on JAN 31st!
by ben willis. 02/14/20 05:32 PM
Time for me
by ckiphen. 02/14/20 04:40 PM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,815
Travis david 11,726
Kevin Emmrich 10,590
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,600
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,845
glynda 8,659
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,908
couchgrouch 7,672
Dave Rice 7,524
Corey 7,357
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
Mark Kaufman 6,568
Vicarn 6,292
ben willis 6,107
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,608
niteshift 5,591
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,653
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,372
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Roy Cooper 4,189
Tom Shea 4,179
Cindy Miller 4,178
nightengale 4,092
TamsNumber4 4,075
MFB III 3,902
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,814
Dan Sullivan 3,710
beechnut79 3,561
E Swartz 3,447
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,812
MidniteBob 2,707
Nelson 2,603
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,242
Judy Hollier 2,232
Wendy D 2,219
Erica Ellis 2,202
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,022
DukeWill 1,988
maccharles 1,984
floyd jane 1,982
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Fdemetrio 1,777
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Martin Lide 1,651
Iggy 1,650
Noel Downs 1,620
Rick Heenan 1,603
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,462
GocartMoz 1,462
Tom Franz 1,455
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Kenneth Cade 1,429
Rick Norton 1,428
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,408
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,230
Glen King 1,214
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
Deej56 1,163
Diane Ewing 1,158
Gerry 1,148
lane1777 1,145
summeoyo 1,126
joro 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
IronKnee 947
Jak Kelly 912
90 dB 892
krtinberg 890
9ne 889
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 829
Juan 797
TKO 784
frahmes 781
Dayson 774
teletwang 762
Andy K 744
tbryson 737
Andy Kemp 733
ant 732
Jackie444 731
3daveyO3 704
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
Irwin 634
Pat Hardy 625
CG King 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
Moosesong 609
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
JAPOV 562
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
R&M 496
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2
#759719 - 10/13/09 02:55 PM "Yesterday's Mirror" - Now With Musication 12/23/09  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
EDIT 12/23/09:

NOW WITH MUSICATION ON MP3, THANKS TO SERGE:

http://www.jpfolks.com/forum/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=781122

-------------------------------------------------------------

Good afternoon one and all,

Have a ton of catching up to do as always (a day late and a dollar short, that's me grin !), but thought I'd toss this one out for some feedback in the meantime.

I THINK I'm having some trouble with the hook. Usually that's where I start...and based on the story, it makes perfect sense. I'm just not sure if it's song-worthy. crazy

SO, any and all comments welcome. Thanks in advance....

Beth

P.S. My inspiration for the song is explained below lyric.....

“Yesterday’s Mirror”
ã 2009 Lyrics Beth G. Williams, BMI

She’s rolled to her spot by the window
Amid walkers and wheelchairs and gloom
She sits and she waits
Like she does every day
Til it’s time to go back to her room

But she hears that there’ll be a performance
Her heart quickens, her stomach goes tight
Then the music begins
Ten young girls flutter in
Her hands slide down and knead her dead thighs

Still she feels a sensation
Course through her, elation

In yesterday’s mirror
She’s free from this shell
In yesterday’s mirror
She dances as well
They line up to see her
The Prima ballerina
In yesterday’s mirror
She’s back, her old self

There is one girl she specially fancies
Grace in motion, she floats on her toes
She smiles as she passes
Sparks a flame in old ashes
Arms remember, sweep up to a pose

But she can’t hold it long
Now withered, once strong

In yesterday’s mirror
She’s free from this shell
In yesterday’s mirror
She dances as well
They line up to see her
The Prima ballerina
In yesterday’s mirror
She’s back, her old self

The dancing is done, the girl breaks from her friends
And turns to the woman who cried at the end
She bends down beside her, gently strokes those old knees
Saying “the heart‘s where it counts for us dancers….not these”

Chorus repeat:

Tag:
Back in her room, she grins at her mirror
A gift from the girl who brought yesterday nearer


--------------------------------------------------------------------

Back story: This song has been brewing for a long time. My daughter Samantha dances...and every year during the holidays, her dance troupe performs at a local nursing home. It means the world to the girls and the residents...but it has plagued me as well. There is always one old woman (not necessarily the same from year to year) who is clearly infirm and who looks at the young, pretty, happy, healthy girls flitting about, laughing...with nostalgia and envy. I can't help but think what she might have been doing at Samantha's age...what her life was like...and ultimately what landed her here, in her wheelchair.

So, this song is an imagined reminiscence.

***************************************************************************************

Last edited by Beth G. Williams; 12/24/09 12:05 AM.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#759742 - 10/13/09 04:52 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,828
Kristi McKeever Offline
Top 100 Poster
Kristi McKeever  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,828
USA
Hi Beth,

This is very poignant. I can see this woman and the dancers…and feel the longing she has……you tell the story very well. Thinking about your hook, I see this as more about the woman….who she is…..rather than what she was, even though this girl got her to look back and remember her youth.

To me, this line: Saying “the heart‘s where it counts for us dancers….not these”

Is the heart of the song and thus your title would do well to reflect that and to me, “Prima Ballerina” reflects that. It also gives her the dignity she most certainly deserves.

Just my vote here…see what others say…. Good writing…enjoyed it!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#759815 - 10/13/09 08:10 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Wyman Lloyd Offline
Wyman Lloyd  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Missouri
That's dang good writing Boo.
I agree, maybe for different reasons, that there may be some trouble with the hook.
To me, the hook comes in too suddenly. It seems like it needs "led into" a little.
Maybe if the C started off something like---

In yesterdays mirror
That lives in her mind
Or
She sees in her mind
Or
That shines in her mind
Or ---something like that
And maybe follow that up with
"She's the Prima Ballerina"
Maybe, following up on Kristi's crit, ent the C with
"She's the prima Ballerina again"

Just kicking ideas around
Got some good lines. These two are excellent IMO I'd have trouble hearing a young girl say that but "poetic license"

She bends down beside her, gently strokes those old knees
Saying “the heart‘s where it counts for us dancers….not these”

It's good as is. Maybe it doesn't need anything. See what some others say
Y

#759913 - 10/14/09 12:25 AM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Hi Kristi,

Thanks for stopping in on this one. I'm always happy to hear what you have to say....and in this case, your suggestions have been particularly helpful. I love this story, but the hook wasn't working for me...and I think you've helped re-direct me.

I look forward to playing with it some more....now that it's on paper...and with a clearer path ahead. In the meantime, thank you for sharing both your insight and your very generous comments.

Have a groovy evening, and stay tuned....

Beth



http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#759960 - 10/14/09 05:23 AM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,199
John Hoffman Offline
Top 100 Poster
John Hoffman  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,199
St. Peters, Mo.
Beth,
I agree that is very poignant. Yesterday's mirror works as a hook for me. Nice as a lyric but even better as a poem.

have fun,
John


Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never had an editor.
#760338 - 10/15/09 06:36 AM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: John Hoffman]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,815
Calvin Offline
Top 10 Poster
Calvin  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,815
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hi,

SAD, but well written.

I think this section is powerful...

She sits and she waits
Like she does every day
Til it’s time to go back to her room

Cavin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#760662 - 10/16/09 03:03 AM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Calvin]  
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,706
Steven August Rieck Offline
Steven August Rieck  Offline

Helping Hand

Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,706
Santa Barbara Calif. USA
Howdy Beth, Gus here. beautiful lyrics,
unfortunately in modern america our elders
are not given the attension, & cherished status
they have enjoyed for centuries, thru out the world.
Sorry for the rant...........Gus


PLEASE JOIN THE DRIVE TO HELP OUR FOUNDER, BRIAN WHITNEY, RECOVER FROM HIS STROKE! Click on the link below for more info.
http://www.jpfolks.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/797695/Main/797695/#Post797695




"One Love One Heart".....Bob Marley
#760738 - 10/16/09 01:42 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,653
DonnaMarilyn Offline
Top 100 Poster
DonnaMarilyn  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,653
Netherlands
Beth, in fact I read this within minutes of you posting it a couple of days ago. I wanted to comment at the time, but in truth the lyric had made me too depressed. tongue (And I'd had one of those ghastly nearly-sleepless nights, so wasn't feeling optimal. wink )

All of that notwithstanding, I find this a really tight write, poignant and caring, and an all-too-true observation about the plight of the elderly in today's Western society (and probably elsewhere now as well). Like John, I see this more as a poem, however, as I can't imagine it being pitched. (Nor could I envisage it being sung in a home for the elderly.)

I think it's a fine hook and story concept. I could see the work as a poem on a website that deals with aspects of aging. Don't know whether that's the kind of destination you might consider, though. It's a deeply moving - even disturbing- piece, and could serve to get people to think twice about how they treat their own elderly, as well as about how things might be for themselves one day.

Donna


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

http://www.reverbnation.com/donnamarilynrichblend




#760803 - 10/16/09 04:07 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Wyman Lloyd]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by Wyman Lloyd
That's dang good writing Boo.
I agree, maybe for different reasons, that there may be some trouble with the hook.
To me, the hook comes in too suddenly. It seems like it needs "led into" a little.
Maybe if the C started off something like---

In yesterdays mirror
That lives in her mind
Or
She sees in her mind
Or
That shines in her mind
Or ---something like that
And maybe follow that up with
"She's the Prima Ballerina"
Maybe, following up on Kristi's crit, ent the C with
"She's the prima Ballerina again"

Just kicking ideas around
Got some good lines. These two are excellent IMO I'd have trouble hearing a young girl say that but "poetic license"

She bends down beside her, gently strokes those old knees
Saying “the heart‘s where it counts for us dancers….not these”

It's good as is. Maybe it doesn't need anything. See what some others say
Y


Hiya Etc!

While some might find it hard to believe, we both know you can be a bit tough on me at times shocked (and vice versa, but ultimately I think we're like each other's musical cod liver oil: yucky at first, but ultimately good for ya!). Imagine my surprise then to read such a nice opener -- THANK YOU!

As for this hook conundrum, I also think I'm leaning in your direction. I still LIKE the idea of the hook, but it does sort of come out of nowhere. By better explaining what "yesterday's mirror" IS...it should smooth out the chorus set-up.

Thanks too for your comments about the young girl talking to the old woman. If truth be known, I got a little ferklempt when reading those lines aloud to my family. cry blush So, I guess I do think it's reasonable for someone to use those words. Even Samantha -- with 8 years of dancing under her belt now -- nodded sagely at this section (though perhaps that's neither here nor there, bless her heart!).

Anyhoo, WY, I appreciate your feedback on this piece. Seeing as how I work hard for your praise love ... I'm glad my efforts seem to have paid off at least in part!

Thanks again,
Boo


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#761055 - 10/17/09 01:06 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: John Hoffman]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by John Hoffman
Beth,
I agree that is very poignant. Yesterday's mirror works as a hook for me. Nice as a lyric but even better as a poem.

have fun,
John


Hi there John,

Gosh, feel like I haven't talked to you in ages. How the heck are ya?

Anyhoo, thanks for your kind thoughts about this one. It's interesting that both you (and later Donna) bring up the idea of a poem version. The story has been sitting on my shoulder for some time, and I thought a musical expression might be warranted....but you may be right. Perhaps both?

Regardless, I especially appreciate your feedback about the hook. I'm trying to think of a way to set it up a bit better...but I already have a lift, so I reckon I'll have to tap into my noggin again!

Have a great day, and thanks a lot for the visit.

Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#761113 - 10/17/09 03:28 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 265
gkwaters Offline
Serious Contributor
gkwaters  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 265
I agree, sad but powerful. I would love to hear this to music.

Great line Saying “the heart‘s where it counts for us dancers….not these”

Thank you for sharing.

Gary

#761121 - 10/17/09 03:45 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: gkwaters]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Wyman Lloyd Offline
Wyman Lloyd  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Missouri
I agree that the lines the young girl speaks are excellent lines.
And I understand Samantha agreeing on the lines, but I think you may be overlooking that the average listener is probably thinking of the average girl that age.
I mean, with Samantha's background, upbringing and parentage and all, this is no doubt an EXCEPTIONAL girl!!!
Y
ETC
<G>

#761169 - 10/17/09 07:28 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Wyman Lloyd]  
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,706
Steven August Rieck Offline
Steven August Rieck  Offline

Helping Hand

Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,706
Santa Barbara Calif. USA
Howdy Beth, Gus here. Seems like a good start. enjoy what you got
going. Getting lots of good help!


PLEASE JOIN THE DRIVE TO HELP OUR FOUNDER, BRIAN WHITNEY, RECOVER FROM HIS STROKE! Click on the link below for more info.
http://www.jpfolks.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/797695/Main/797695/#Post797695




"One Love One Heart".....Bob Marley
#761260 - 10/18/09 12:43 AM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Calvin]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by Calvin
Hi,

SAD, but well written.

I think this section is powerful...

She sits and she waits
Like she does every day
Til it’s time to go back to her room

Cavin

Hi there Calvin,

Thanks a bunch for stopping by on this one. I do think the sadness you mention and uniqueness of the scenario might have deterred some readers, but as I've mentioned, it's a story I've wanted to share for some time.

The lines you picked out were some of my favorites too. It took me a long time to figure out how to "set the stage" -- figuratively and literally...but this seemed to work.

In truth, while I have truly enjoyed these holidays performances, and chatting with some of the residents (I know, hard to believe ), I still found myself leaving with a pit in my stomach. The girls are too removed from it to understand how important and yet poignant there dance is for these people...and it almost seems cruel to dangle this reminder of their youth in front of them, and just as quickly snatch it away. I know that's not how it's presented -- and hopefully not how it's interpreted...but it is just a sad sad place. A glorified waiting station, really.

Anyway, that's why I was compelled to write this. To give some dignity back to this woman, and to leave her with something more significant than a brief look in "Yesterday's Mirror".

I guess too, my "angst" about this topic is heightened by the slow but steady decline of my 103 year old Nonni. Even though she's at home with my parents, it's HARD!

Ah, I've digressed, Calvin, I'm sorry. Thank you for letting me rant, thank you for the feedback, and I hope the kids find a nice old folks home for ya when the time comes (hee hee hee!).

Ciao for now,
Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#761526 - 10/19/09 02:01 AM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,706
Steven August Rieck Offline
Steven August Rieck  Offline

Helping Hand

Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,706
Santa Barbara Calif. USA
Howdy Beth, Gus here. tho the situ here is less than perfect,
you cast a bright light of possibilities on it....TTYS


PLEASE JOIN THE DRIVE TO HELP OUR FOUNDER, BRIAN WHITNEY, RECOVER FROM HIS STROKE! Click on the link below for more info.
http://www.jpfolks.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/797695/Main/797695/#Post797695




"One Love One Heart".....Bob Marley
#761662 - 10/19/09 04:04 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Steven August Rieck]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by Steven August Rieck
Howdy Beth, Gus here. beautiful lyrics,
unfortunately in modern america our elders
are not given the attension, & cherished status
they have enjoyed for centuries, thru out the world.
Sorry for the rant...........Gus

Hiya Gus there!

Thank you so much for your kind words and your generous re-visits. It is fun to go back to a thread after you've posted to see if others are like-minded, or how the writer interpreted your post and/or perhaps considered your suggestions. As I'm sure you're finding out...sometimes it depends on the day of the week.... wink

So let's see, it's Monday...hmmmm.....yup, we're good! bite

Kidding aside, I didn't think your early comments qualified as a "rant" at all. You are absolutely right about how the elderly are viewed/treated in our country. I spent a short stint working for a "marketing" company which held/sold nursing homes around the country...and let me tell you...the conditions in some of these places are reprehensible!! Even in the places where the staff and accomodations are lovely, ugh, it's simply a waiting station. My grandmother ("Nonni") is 103 and still lives with my mom and dad. It's not easy...even though she has her wits about her (for the most part), is able to shower and dress herself, etc.... But if we ever put her in a home, she'd be dead within the week, I guarantee it....

Course, not everyone has that luxury, and sometimes it's the only alternative, so I don't judge anyone who utilizes these facilities. It just makes me SAD!!

Okay, now I'll stop MY rant! smile

Again, thank you for your comments about the song. I hope to get it musicated, but I'm not quite sure what I'd do with it at that point. I sorta feel I've done what I was meant to do just by writing it, ya know?

Anyhoo, have a groovy day.

Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#761682 - 10/19/09 04:51 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 3,865
Caroline Offline
Top 100 Poster
Caroline  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 3,865
Texas
Ok, I finally can comment on this (I've had a ton of rain so my net wasn't working very well, dry til Wed. YAY!)

I like the message...it makes sense to me...I don't care for the hook. Yesterdays mirror...not sinking my mind to where it should go...I understand the hook, but not sure about it.

Here's a sugg...may spark an idea, if you haven't already gotten a flurry of them.

In the mirror, just yesterday
she was the ballerina, center stage
he heart was in the dance
and the audience she'd engage
her body was graceful,
not crippled by age
in the mirror, just yesterday


ok, anyway...kos, I do like the verses very much, my daughetr took dance for several years, as well as my mother working at a nursing home, so this really does make perfect sense to me.


Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#761683 - 10/19/09 04:51 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 3,865
Caroline Offline
Top 100 Poster
Caroline  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 3,865
Texas
Ok, I finally can comment on this (I've had a ton of rain so my net wasn't working very well, dry til Wed. YAY!)

I like the message...it makes sense to me...I don't care for the hook. Yesterdays mirror...not sinking my mind to where it should go...I understand the hook, but not sure about it.

Here's a sugg...may spark an idea, if you haven't already gotten a flurry of them.

In the mirror, just yesterday
she was the ballerina, center stage
he heart was in the dance
and the audience she'd engage
her body was graceful,
not crippled by age
in the mirror, just yesterday


ok, anyway...kos, I do like the verses very much, my daughter took dance for several years, as well as my mother working at a nursing home, so this really does make perfect sense to me.


Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#762331 - 10/21/09 04:09 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: DonnaMarilyn]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by DonnaMarilyn
Beth, in fact I read this within minutes of you posting it a couple of days ago. I wanted to comment at the time, but in truth the lyric had made me too depressed. tongue (And I'd had one of those ghastly nearly-sleepless nights, so wasn't feeling optimal. wink )

All of that notwithstanding, I find this a really tight write, poignant and caring, and an all-too-true observation about the plight of the elderly in today's Western society (and probably elsewhere now as well). Like John, I see this more as a poem, however, as I can't imagine it being pitched. (Nor could I envisage it being sung in a home for the elderly.)

I think it's a fine hook and story concept. I could see the work as a poem on a website that deals with aspects of aging. Don't know whether that's the kind of destination you might consider, though. It's a deeply moving - even disturbing- piece, and could serve to get people to think twice about how they treat their own elderly, as well as about how things might be for themselves one day.

Donna

Hey DM,

Sure didn't mean to get you depressed eek . But how ironic was it that we both wrote about an old woman nearing the end of her days? (read: two great minds thinking alike!! bite )

Anyhoo, I'm so glad you thought it was well-written. You are officially the uber-lyricist around here, so your feedback is especially appreciated. And alas, I agree that the plight of the elderly in this country is just that -- a plight.

I do find it interesting both you and John could envision this more as a poem. I can see that too....but in either medium, I'm still not sure where it's home would be.

I suppose writing it was the first step on path to that discovery...

As always, thanks for your time and input!

Ciao for now,
Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#762334 - 10/21/09 04:20 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,653
DonnaMarilyn Offline
Top 100 Poster
DonnaMarilyn  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,653
Netherlands
Further to "great minds thinking alike", I was intending to upload a new avatar as well...of me as a 3-year-old! laugh Looks like we were on that same wave length too. wink (Though our lyrics were written a few months apart.)

As to whether your piece is lyric or poem, no reason it can't be both. Might be fun to contact one or two websites that deal with aging and problems facing the elderly. Perhaps they'd be interested in using your lyric/poem.

Donna

PS: Love your avatar, by the way. smile


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

http://www.reverbnation.com/donnamarilynrichblend




#762367 - 10/21/09 05:33 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: DonnaMarilyn]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by DonnaMarilyn
Further to "great minds thinking alike", I was intending to upload a new avatar as well...of me as a 3-year-old! laugh Looks like we were on that same wave length too. wink (Though our lyrics were written a few months apart.)

As to whether your piece is lyric or poem, no reason it can't be both. Might be fun to contact one or two websites that deal with aging and problems facing the elderly. Perhaps they'd be interested in using your lyric/poem.

Donna

PS: Love your avatar, by the way. smile


Wow, you look very sophisticated for a three year old! I was actually thinking about starting a thread on Visual Arts for "Halloween Pics of JPF'ers" -- tis the season and all that. So keep an eye out for it...

My avatar picture is from when I THINK I was three. My grandmother (you know, 103-year-old Nonni grin ) was always calling me "her little gypsy", because I was the only one of the four kids with brown eyes (I know, I know, full of $hit up to here and all that....). And that's what I'm supposed to be. And yet, I have a lot of black lace goin' on, which I think is a bit more flamenco dancer, and the little cat's eye eye-liner, which is, maybe geisha? Anyway, it's a creative interpretation.

As you might imagine, my favorite accessory is the SMIRK! smirk

Anyhoo, thanks again DM....I'll check out your suggs on the elder websites...

Beth, the little gypsy girl


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#762375 - 10/21/09 06:06 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 8,659
glynda Offline
glynda  Offline

Top 20 Poster

Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 8,659
Princeton Texas
This is such a wonderful song and story..brings back so many memories, no I wasn't a dancer, but was in sports and stuff, can't do any of that anymore...

You have brought so much life out into this song and it is so cleverly written..I have read it for many days now and still don't know how to express the feelings it has given me...

So I guess I'll leave it at that. I'm sure you know how I feel..that pleasant, calm feeling, just feels good..smiled all through it..

That must mean this is GREAT MY LADY...don't know what else to say..makes me feel good, can see all this taken place...best with this great one..glyn

Last edited by glynda; 10/21/09 06:07 PM.
#762518 - 10/22/09 10:44 AM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: gkwaters]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by gkwaters
I agree, sad but powerful. I would love to hear this to music.

Great line Saying “the heart‘s where it counts for us dancers….not these”

Thank you for sharing.

Gary


Hey there Gary...

Thanks a bunch for stopping by and taking the time to comment on this. I'm not sure everyone is comfortable expressing his/her reaction to the story since it is so sad.

Perhaps as we're all getting older every day, it hits a bit too close to home.

Still, I'm glad you pulled out that particular line, as it really is -- as Kristi mentioned earlier -- the crux of the piece. I was very cognizant of trying to avoid melodrama, but I'm not sure that can be entirely eliminated in this particular scenario.

Finally, I'd love to hear this with music too. But no takers so far!! cry wink Oh well, all in good time I suppose....

Thanks again,
Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#762545 - 10/22/09 12:29 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,561
beechnut79 Offline
Top 100 Poster
beechnut79  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,561
Villa Park IL
This is a great write. I can picture somebody such as Reba covering this one. The girl obvious brought back memories of her own younger days, and obviously she was a dancer. I hope I never get in that shape, but many of us do if we see enough years. I broke two bones in a fall in March 2008. Recovered in two months but haven't completely been able to take my life back although I have no physical effects from it left today. My mom longed to be a dancer in her youth, but when the Great Depression his my grandfather couldn't afford lessons. And, despite the popularity of the Dancing with the Stars TV show, it seems as if fewer of us are going dancing these days, which I feel is a shame. We are far from dead yet, so I wonder why.

Peace,
Brian

#763781 - 10/26/09 11:39 AM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
"Tampa Stan" Good (D) Offline
Top 10 Poster
"Tampa Stan" Good (D)  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
Tampa, Florida since 1973
Ah, Mz O....'Tis Indeed a Sad One on Old Age....which is perhaps Why It Took Me So Long to check it out.

Yet, as I'd expected, it DID Mist Me Up..(which I always dread)..and has Much Mighty Fine Writing involved. "Sparks a flame in old ashes"...Lordy..who can TOP a fine line like THAT?

It even has a Thoughtful KID in it...(Rare Commodity in These Days) & Ends With a Dandy Aphorism!

If ever there was a Song to Melt a Curmudgeon's Heart, this is IT!

"KUDOS" from the Resident Old Guy...& Good Luck with it. It's Beautiful Sentiment, first word to the last.

Best Wishes, Big Hugs, & a Wee Forehead Smooch,
Stan

#764071 - 10/27/09 01:41 AM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: ]  
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 8,845
Mackie H. Online content
Top 20 Poster
Mackie H.  Online Content
Top 20 Poster

Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 8,845
NASHVILLE, TN
Beth,

Very touching, with keen insight. I am married to a dancer--I'm 71 now-- I go occasionally to a REHAB center and Play Guitar and visit with several patients--It is saddening and so true--My wife's dance studio does the same-- such a seemingly little thing allows them to go BACK IN TIME..

NICE!

Respectfully,

Mackie Humphries (MJH)

Last edited by MJH; 10/27/09 01:47 AM.
#764124 - 10/27/09 09:05 AM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Mackie H.]  
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,541
Michele Howlett Offline
Top 100 Poster
Michele Howlett  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,541
Hunter Valley NSW Australia
Hi Beth

Off to bed now, my little girl has a school excursion very early in the morning, she's off to the Aquarium, so I will check it out tomorrow.

Hugs Michele

#764193 - 10/27/09 01:04 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: glynda]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by glynda
This is such a wonderful song and story..brings back so many memories, no I wasn't a dancer, but was in sports and stuff, can't do any of that anymore...

You have brought so much life out into this song and it is so cleverly written..I have read it for many days now and still don't know how to express the feelings it has given me...

So I guess I'll leave it at that. I'm sure you know how I feel..that pleasant, calm feeling, just feels good..smiled all through it..

That must mean this is GREAT MY LADY...don't know what else to say..makes me feel good, can see all this taken place...best with this great one..glyn

Hiya Glyn,

Boy, you sure know how to make a gal feel good! In truth, I'm glad to see there's been a little more activity on this one, 'cause I sorta liked it too -- and was curious how the different story-driven lyric would work out for me.

So thanks a bunch for stopping by (at least twice, apparently!!) with your generous feedback. It makes ME feel good that I was able to stir up some old memories...that is such a compliment.

Finally, I do hope to get it musicated, but in the meantime, I'm eager to hear if anyone has additional comments before I proceed in that direction.

Have a grand day!!
Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#764344 - 10/27/09 07:33 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,541
Michele Howlett Offline
Top 100 Poster
Michele Howlett  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,541
Hunter Valley NSW Australia
Hi Beth

Love the title "Yesterday's Mirror", smile very clever with what you have Beth, and I think it's real cute your daughter & girls go dancing for the elderly. Beautiful Beth! whistle

Looking forward to listening to this Beth, I reckon it could be MUSICATED,LOL, Beth a squiggly line came up under MUSICATED, laugh LOL, but honestly I can hear a Piano in this, and a Violin. smile

Good luck, hugs Michele.

Last edited by Michele Bolton; 10/27/09 07:33 PM.
#764364 - 10/27/09 08:25 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: beechnut79]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by beechnut79
This is a great write. I can picture somebody such as Reba covering this one. The girl obvious brought back memories of her own younger days, and obviously she was a dancer. I hope I never get in that shape, but many of us do if we see enough years. I broke two bones in a fall in March 2008. Recovered in two months but haven't completely been able to take my life back although I have no physical effects from it left today. My mom longed to be a dancer in her youth, but when the Great Depression his my grandfather couldn't afford lessons. And, despite the popularity of the Dancing with the Stars TV show, it seems as if fewer of us are going dancing these days, which I feel is a shame. We are far from dead yet, so I wonder why.

Peace,
Brian

Hi there Brian,

Thank you so much for your kind comments and thoughtful insight. It is a treat to see the "revival" of dancing (in both old and new forms) in recent years....but as you said, it's not the same as "back in the day". Growing up, we watched all the old "That's Entertainment" hoofer movies....with the likes of Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, etc. So light on their feet!

While I'm not sure this old woman was the Ginger Rogers of her day, there's something so terribly sad about moving beyond one's prime....knowing it...and lamenting it. I hoped to communicate that experience without being too melodramatic. So I'm glad it worked for you.

Also, I'm grateful to you for sharing some of your own back-story on this subject. Both your Mom's unrealized dream to be a dancer -- AND your broken bones -- made me feel bad. But it is a part of your history, and therefore important to acknowledge every now and again. Is your mother still living, if I may ask?

Finally, as far as your relatively speedy recovery from your fall...all I'll say is "kids today -- you're so resilient!"

Thanks again Brian. You take care....

Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#764439 - 10/27/09 10:40 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 57
SergeAMH Offline
Serious Contributor
SergeAMH  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 57
Mexico City
Beth,

A beautiful lyric that flows very musically, without even the need for music to be heard. The structure of the verses being limerick style (AABBA, even though it goes more into an ABCCB-structure, due to the first line's lack of rhyme with the rest) makes the song flow SO easily. That coupled with the fact that the images are strong and able to be seen by most of us who have seen our relatives fade from past glories makes your lyric stand out in a pedestal.

Congratulations on a beautiful set of lyrics.

Serge


Sergio Mendoza Hochmann

"Maybe I'm singing off-key, but that's ok, you see, I've come to terms with my own voice."

http://www.identidadsonica.com

http://www.facebook.com/sergeamh
#764444 - 10/27/09 10:48 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,706
Steven August Rieck Offline
Steven August Rieck  Offline

Helping Hand

Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,706
Santa Barbara Calif. USA
Howdy Beth. This one started off good, but it progressed a long way from there. Thanks for sharing........Gus


PLEASE JOIN THE DRIVE TO HELP OUR FOUNDER, BRIAN WHITNEY, RECOVER FROM HIS STROKE! Click on the link below for more info.
http://www.jpfolks.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/797695/Main/797695/#Post797695




"One Love One Heart".....Bob Marley
#764454 - 10/27/09 11:09 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Steven August Rieck]  
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 313
April Johns Offline
Serious Contributor
April Johns  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: May 2008
Posts: 313
bowling green, ky
this was beautiful reminded me of my granmother


Fifty years from now, when you're looking back at your life, don't you want to be able to say you had the guts to get in the car?
http://www.myspace.com/nashvilleapril
http://www.soundclick.com/apriljohnsdamselindistress
http://artist.to/damselindistress/
#764462 - 10/27/09 11:20 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: April Johns]  
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 10,330
Jean Bullock Offline
Jean Bullock  Offline

Top 10 Poster

Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 10,330
Anaheim, CA, USA
Maybe true self instead of old self.

Very sweet story. Moved me.


Please visit my facebook EZ3D PopUps for free papercraft templates. Great for beginners of all ages.

Favorite Sites:
http://facebook.com/EZ3DPopUps
http://ez3dpopups.blogspot.com/
http://harrietschock.com
http://jpfolks.com
http://phillipmartin.com


#764475 - 10/27/09 11:56 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Jean Bullock]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,859
John W. Selleck Offline
Top 100 Poster
John W. Selleck  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,859
NJ
Hi Beth,

Thank you. For me, this is your best and really touches my heart. My mother spent the last 11 years of her life in a nursing home after her stroke. When the dancers and singers came in she loved it. I am sure she danced and sang with them in her heart and in her dreams. I sure she would have loved this.


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost

http://www.soundclick.com/johnsings
http://www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
http://www.soundclick.com/johnselleck
#764715 - 10/28/09 03:28 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: ]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by "TampaStan" Good
Ah, Mz O....'Tis Indeed a Sad One on Old Age....which is perhaps Why It Took Me So Long to check it out.

Yet, as I'd expected, it DID Mist Me Up..(which I always dread)..and has Much Mighty Fine Writing involved. "Sparks a flame in old ashes"...Lordy..who can TOP a fine line like THAT?

It even has a Thoughtful KID in it...(Rare Commodity in These Days) & Ends With a Dandy Aphorism!

If ever there was a Song to Melt a Curmudgeon's Heart, this is IT!

"KUDOS" from the Resident Old Guy...& Good Luck with it. It's Beautiful Sentiment, first word to the last.

Best Wishes, Big Hugs, & a Wee Forehead Smooch,
Stan

Hi again Stan,

Boy, we just can't keep away from each other lately, can we?!

Having said that, I'm so glad you were able to stop in for a visit on this one. I know it seems silly and not a little "braggy" to say, but I wanted it to be a moving experience...so I appreciate your willingness to confess you got a bit misty.

Thank you too for your overall generous and heartfelt remarks. We'll have to get Wyman back over here to test out your Curmudeon-Busting Theory!!

Forehead smooch kindly accepted,
Jackie


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#764779 - 10/28/09 07:34 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,706
Steven August Rieck Offline
Steven August Rieck  Offline

Helping Hand

Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,706
Santa Barbara Calif. USA
Howdy Beth, this latest version is so concise. Joy to read
Thanks for sharing..........Gus


PLEASE JOIN THE DRIVE TO HELP OUR FOUNDER, BRIAN WHITNEY, RECOVER FROM HIS STROKE! Click on the link below for more info.
http://www.jpfolks.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/797695/Main/797695/#Post797695




"One Love One Heart".....Bob Marley
#764887 - 10/28/09 11:38 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Mackie H.]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by MJH
Beth,

Very touching, with keen insight. I am married to a dancer--I'm 71 now-- I go occasionally to a REHAB center and Play Guitar and visit with several patients--It is saddening and so true--My wife's dance studio does the same-- such a seemingly little thing allows them to go BACK IN TIME..

NICE!

Respectfully,

Mackie Humphries (MJH)

Hey Mackie (what do you like to go by? Mackie, Mack, MJH?),

Thanks so much for stopping by with such an interesting perspective on this. Given your unique combination of circumstances, your positive feedback is especially meaningful to me.

I suspect your visits to the Rehab are very-well-received also. It does take a certain type of person to go into those "glorified waiting rooms" to do what you do, and clearly you have the open heart to do so. That's surely when the gift is in the giving.

Thank you again,
Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#764997 - 10/29/09 09:12 AM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,186
Joice Marie Offline
Top 10 Poster
Joice Marie  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,186
Cornish Flat, NH, USA
Hi Beth

You've done a good job smoothing this. I'll look forward to hearing what Wendy does musically. ; ) jm


perfection is unattainable, excellence is totally within reach

http://www.youtube.com/joicemarie
http://www.myspace.com/lemonmcfartney
#765095 - 10/29/09 01:37 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Joice Marie]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,697
Janice Hopkins Offline
Top 50 Poster
Janice Hopkins  Offline
Top 50 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,697
Michigan
Beth....this is just too beautiful for words....your lines are stellar....and reach out a grab you while leaving us with a very non-preachy message. I intentionally didn't read much of what others said. I like to let it hit me right on the spot with true emotion. I think your hook is outstanding. I have some suggestions for the chorus to make that hook a bit stronger, perhaps...all for KOS. BTW....I hear a melody on this for sure. Think Sarah McLachlan...ish. Or....in a slightly different genre for sure...but Mary Chapin Carpenter.

Here is a chorus idea....

She looks in Yesterday's Mirror
There she sees her old self
Dancing ever so lightly
Completely freed from her shell
They line up to watch her
The Prima ballerina
As the end's drawing ever so nearer
But not....in Yesterday's Mirror


Beth...to me, this is a beauty of a lyric....emotion packed and powerful....as songwriter's, what we try to do is to touch another person and make them think...you have surely done that here. And....to me...it is a song...not a poem(although it would surely be a lovely one) but with the right music...piano and some strings...it would be even more poignant. Good luck with this one, Beth....beautiful.

Jan

#765366 - 10/30/09 10:41 AM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Michele Howlett]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by Michele Bolton
Hi Beth

Love the title "Yesterday's Mirror", smile very clever with what you have Beth, and I think it's real cute your daughter & girls go dancing for the elderly. Beautiful Beth! whistle

Looking forward to listening to this Beth, I reckon it could be MUSICATED,LOL, Beth a squiggly line came up under MUSICATED, laugh LOL, but honestly I can hear a Piano in this, and a Violin. smile

Good luck, hugs Michele.

Hi Michele,

Sorry I've been so long in getting back to people on this thread...I appreciate your patience.

Anyway, thanks a bunch for your kind words here. As you suggest, the song is a testament to both the young girl(s) and this elderly woman. For them, the DANCE represents the Circle of Life.

As to musication, someone is in fact playing around with it (I'm not sure if I should say?), so I'm looking forward to hearing it too! Stay tuned....

Hope things are calming down for you some....
Beth

P.S. I believe the reason you get the squiggly under "musication" is that it is a made-up word!


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#765371 - 10/30/09 11:07 AM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: SergeAMH]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by SergeAMH
Beth,

A beautiful lyric that flows very musically, without even the need for music to be heard. The structure of the verses being limerick style (AABBA, even though it goes more into an ABCCB-structure, due to the first line's lack of rhyme with the rest) makes the song flow SO easily. That coupled with the fact that the images are strong and able to be seen by most of us who have seen our relatives fade from past glories makes your lyric stand out in a pedestal.

Congratulations on a beautiful set of lyrics.

Serge


Hey there Serge,

If I haven't communicated this to you well enough already...let me reiterate how much I appreciate your feedback about this song. Even the way you shared your comments is lovely and artful -- I bet you would do very well with prose too.

I'm especially glad you feel that it "flows very musically". There had been some discussion about whether the subject/tone might be better suited for a poem...and though I didn't entirely disagree, I was anxious to hear someone try to take a musical stab at it.

So again, thanks a bundle Serge. I look forward to talking with you more about this...

Cheers,
Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#765375 - 10/30/09 11:18 AM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Steven August Rieck]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by Steven August Rieck
Howdy Beth. This one started off good, but it progressed a long way from there. Thanks for sharing........Gus


You are too nice Gus. But don't feel the need to change on my account!!

Thanks again,
Beth here


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#765503 - 10/30/09 05:04 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 8,845
Mackie H. Online content
Top 20 Poster
Mackie H.  Online Content
Top 20 Poster

Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 8,845
NASHVILLE, TN
Beth,

Mackie is OK.

MACKIE

#765685 - 10/31/09 01:59 AM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Mackie H.]  
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,706
Steven August Rieck Offline
Steven August Rieck  Offline

Helping Hand

Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,706
Santa Barbara Calif. USA
Howdy Beth, Gus here. You know I'm biased about Janice, but I
think her suggs for the chorus finish the picture you've been
after...............JMHO


PLEASE JOIN THE DRIVE TO HELP OUR FOUNDER, BRIAN WHITNEY, RECOVER FROM HIS STROKE! Click on the link below for more info.
http://www.jpfolks.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/797695/Main/797695/#Post797695




"One Love One Heart".....Bob Marley
#765935 - 11/01/09 08:27 AM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Caroline]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by Caroline
Ok, I finally can comment on this (I've had a ton of rain so my net wasn't working very well, dry til Wed. YAY!)

I like the message...it makes sense to me...I don't care for the hook. Yesterdays mirror...not sinking my mind to where it should go...I understand the hook, but not sure about it.

Here's a sugg...may spark an idea, if you haven't already gotten a flurry of them.

In the mirror, just yesterday
she was the ballerina, center stage
he heart was in the dance
and the audience she'd engage
her body was graceful,
not crippled by age
in the mirror, just yesterday


ok, anyway...kos, I do like the verses very much, my daughetr took dance for several years, as well as my mother working at a nursing home, so this really does make perfect sense to me.


Hey Caroline,

Thought I forgot about ya, huh? Nah, just a day late and a dollar short all the way around....

Anyhoo, I do thank you for stopping by with your suggestions. I'm feeling a bit better about the hook these days...but I'm always open to new/different/better ideas.

I'm glad the story itself resonated with you, too. For what I originally thought was a very specific lyric, it does seem to have some reasonable "legs" (pun intended!).

Hope all's well with you. I'm up early with a sick Charlie...but I've got him plopped in front of "Find Nemo", so he's good for a bit.

See ya, and thanks again....
Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#765936 - 11/01/09 08:29 AM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: April Johns]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by April Johns
this was beautiful reminded me of my granmother

Thanks April. That means a lot to me. smile

Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#765937 - 11/01/09 08:32 AM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Jean Bullock]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by Jean Bullock
Maybe true self instead of old self.

Very sweet story. Moved me.

Hi there Jean,

I sure appreciate you stopping by with your suggestion and kind comments. If I've moved ONE person with this lyric, then I've done okay in my book (or course, I don't count as the ONE person... wink )...

Seems I have a lot of great ideas to consider for the chorus, so stay tuned!

Thanks again,
Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#767163 - 11/05/09 03:45 PM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Hey [color:#3333FF]John S. , Gus (x2) , JM, Janice , and Mackie,

Please know I haven't forgotten about'cha. We've all been down and out with that dadgum Swine Flu , and being vertical for any length of time to post remains a challenge.

So let me give you a sweeping thank you for your generous comments right now, and when I can, I'll be back to respond to you more graciously.

In the meantime, you might want to wash your hands after reading this...WE BE CONTAGIOUS!!

Take Care,
Beth

P.S. Also, thanks in advance to SERGE who has offered to musicate this one! Can't wait to hear what he comes up with...
[/color]

Last edited by Beth G. Williams; 11/05/09 03:47 PM.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#767671 - 11/07/09 06:09 AM Re: "Yesterday's Mirror" (too much of a tongue-twister already?) [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,541
Michele Howlett Offline
Top 100 Poster
Michele Howlett  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,541
Hunter Valley NSW Australia
Hi Beth

So sorry to hear you are all sick, frown so you all have the SWINE FLU?? eek Golly gosh Beth, us two always seem to have something going on in our lives hah. crazy

Beth I used to get real sick every year with a bad flu, but now I take (GARLIC, HORSERADISH, with Vitamin C capsules), and I haven't been sick for months now, so thats a good thing, I missed the flu this winter. smile

Thinking of you all Beth, so get well soon, and I'm missing you on the boards. Big Hugs.

Aussie friend cool
Michele

Last edited by Michele Bolton; 11/07/09 06:11 AM.
Page 1 of 2 1 2

Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Membership
Join Just Plain Folks
to receive the free
JPNotes Newsletter!
*this is separate from
message board registration*

Newest Members
flowerdesignwi, mrjack7857, ChiTownTaurus, RANDY_CLARK, ellekene
21259 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics119,834
Posts1,129,271
Members21,259
Average Posts Daily30
Most Online37,523
Jan 25th, 2020
Just Plain Quotes
"Quality = Longevity." –Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
No Birthdays
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0