Ive never shown my songs to anyone before my family and friends dont even know i write and never really studied the art of song writing so i was look for some feedback and tips so here is on of my songs. i hope you enjoy

Destruction

Here comes the pain
The shame
The blackness and the rain
The blood trickles as we all know the name
Death, destruction, were all to blame

People dying, children crying
Animals straying, buildings falling
The world turning as we all start learning
Its never gonna stop
Theirs nowhere to hide

(chorus)
From this destruction
From this knife
Cutting so deep
Feeling it in my soul
Destruction all around taking its toll

Afraid to sleep
Afraid to be awake
Not knowing if its my life its going to take
Danger around every corner
Only hoping to make it through the day
Just to remember it will never change

(chorus)
From this destruction
From this knife
Cutting so deep
Feeling it in my soul
Destruction all around taking its toll

Will their be a day
Where I will not be afraid
Where I will feel safe
Under my skin
I try not to show
What I know
One day the world will crumble



(chorus)
From this destruction
From this knife
Cutting so deep
Feeling it in my soul
Destruction all around taking its toll





All we can do is try to survive
We will fight for our lives
The strong will rise
The weak will fall
The sun will die
The moon will rise
Into the night
As we all remember the day of destruction

I like the rhyming, especially the first stanza, where everything rhymes. was trying to work on the 2nd stanza (where the 2nd line doesn't rhyme so well with the first), but couldn't think of anything ;-) On the whole, good rhyme and rhythm, I'd say :-)

Hey switch, Welcome to the board.
It works pretty good as poetry. You've got some good thoughts and good lines.
Doesn't work as good as a song.
Ordinarily the lines that rhyme in one verse. rhyme in all verses.
The verses are usually all sung to the same melody and due to an extreme difference in line length and syllables, that would be hard to do here.
Nevertheless, you have good thoughts although very much on the serious, even "dark" side. There's a place for that too though somewhat limited.
It might help as far as structure, rhyming, etc to look at some of the songs posted by folks with several hundred or a few thousand posts. (Probably mostly on board 3.)
You have talent but at present your stuff is more poetry
That's all just my opinion .
Write on
Wy

Switchblade,

IMO--I am still learning too!

Back in the 50's and 60's, the cold war had us in a mind set of an all out war.
The possibility now would be for a rogue state to launch a sneak attack.
Of course, in a short time, things can change in the blink of an eye.

I think the song would work as a folk song. You need to narrow the focus of D Day just in the place you live. A descriptive picture of chaos as it unfolds before your eyes--happening in a sequence that is believable.

A stronger chrous

Bombs Falling in the distance--Nuclear attacks would have to be in a distance for you to be telling the story--keep the attack in the neighborhood--what you can see with your own eyes--as the fallout, etc.

D Day would be pure hell--stronger language.

Chaos, Nuclear, Blood, Twisted, Smoking, Cooked Flesh, Burning, Toxic, Pungent....

Welcome!!!!!! with your D Day.

Mackie Humphries