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#748113 - 08/28/09 07:36 PM Swim for It (2nd verse itis)  
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,513
Kay-lynn Carew Offline
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Kay-lynn Carew  Offline
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Nashville, TN
I've been banging my head against the wall for awhile now regarding finding a second verse for this song.
Any help would be appreciated. co-writing credit offered.

SWIM FOR IT

If all the good ones are taken
why am I still here
and if there's someone for everyone
I'm standing on the pier
Maybe she got lost along the way
on that ship that's comin in someday

CHORUS

So I'm ... gonna swim for it
leave the house, talk to friends
keep the lighthouse lit
so when she comes, she'll see me in the dark
and then I won't have to swim so far






"It Mattered to THAT One"
#748214 - 08/29/09 01:27 PM Re: Swim for It (2nd verse itis) [Re: Kay-lynn Carew]  
Joined: Apr 2001
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Wyman Lloyd Offline
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Missouri
Howdy Kay-Lynn,
It sounds like it's set up for a guy singer.
About the only thing I got for another verse was, if you went in a more "fanciful' direction, when she comes she turns out to be a mermaid and he can't quite--keep up with her..
Maybe someone else has some ideas on it
Good luck with it regardless
Wy

#748231 - 08/29/09 02:11 PM Re: Swim for It (2nd verse itis) [Re: Wyman Lloyd]  
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beechnut79 Online content
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beechnut79  Online Content
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Villa Park IL
In response to Wy's post, it's not all that uncommon for one gender to write songs for the opposite one. A case in point was the Forester Sister's hit from the 1980's "Talkin' 'bout Men" which was actually written by two men. And John Prine's "Angel from Montgomery" which was about an old woman.

As for your lyric, can't think of add on verse at this time, but may take a look at it later.

Peace,
Brian

Wait a minute! I think I've come up with at least the first line. How about this?

So I'll just jump in the water
And swim on toward the shore
And remain active and on the move
Till I find one I'll adore
And if I have to swim several miles
It'll be worth it when I see her smile

#748242 - 08/29/09 03:33 PM Re: Swim for It (2nd verse itis) [Re: beechnut79]  
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Kay-lynn Carew Offline
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Kay-lynn Carew  Offline
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Nashville, TN
Thanks for looking guys. I think the first verse is really the attention getter, then the chorus reflects real life things he's gonna do to "put himself out there" instead of just waiting for her to show up.

To that end, I think it might need some more real life examples.

The next time that waitress smiles at me, I'm gonna get her number.
or...
or examples of when he DIDN'T take the opportunity
like
when his buddies told him to come out to the honky tonk and a girl asked him to dance and he said no.

Any thoughts?


"It Mattered to THAT One"
#748246 - 08/29/09 03:49 PM Re: Swim for It (2nd verse itis) [Re: Kay-lynn Carew]  
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Pete Larsen Offline
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Hi Kay-lynn,
this might sound disorganised, but; what if you used that first verse for a chorus?
Pete


Here we are wracking our brains today
to write lyrics that rhyme
and if we succeed, they'll end up in time
as tommorrow's cliche's...
Pete
#748249 - 08/29/09 04:20 PM Re: Swim for It (2nd verse itis) [Re: Pete Larsen]  
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Kay-lynn Carew Offline
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Kay-lynn Carew  Offline
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Nashville, TN
Pete, I usually would consider that, except it's pretty much a melody driven song, especially the chorus.

See if you don't agree...
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=39466&content=music

it's just a work tape.


"It Mattered to THAT One"
#748296 - 08/29/09 08:01 PM Re: Swim for It (2nd verse itis) [Re: Kay-lynn Carew]  
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Wyman Lloyd Offline
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Missouri
Hey again,
this would be more "general" than your suggestions but this is what I got

I let some good ones get away
While I tried to get ahead
Instead of gatherin' up green stuff
Gonna' gather love instead

KOS
Wy

#748469 - 08/30/09 11:08 AM Re: Swim for It (2nd verse itis) [Re: Wyman Lloyd]  
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Michele Howlett Offline
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Michele Howlett  Offline
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Hunter Valley NSW Australia
Hi Kay-lynn

You have a very pretty voice, smile just listened. Looks like you're getting lots of idea's here, good luck with your song.

Loved listening. whistle

Off to bed now, I'm exhausted, goodnight. sleep

Aussie fan
Michele

Last edited by Michele Bolton; 08/30/09 11:09 AM.
#748470 - 08/30/09 11:36 AM Re: Swim for It (2nd verse itis) [Re: Michele Howlett]  
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Colin Ward Offline
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Saint Petersburg. FL
If all the good ones are taken,
why am I still here,
She slipped through my fingers,
when her number disappeared,
I've got to do my part to reel her in,
Swimming with the strength that lies within


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#748556 - 08/30/09 08:40 PM Re: Swim for It (2nd verse itis) [Re: Colin Ward]  
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Kay-lynn Carew Offline
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Kay-lynn Carew  Offline
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Nashville, TN
ok.. how about this.. Could be verse one, but I'm not sure it's strong enough.



Have I already met her
and didn't even know
was she right there in front of me
I'll probly never know
maybe I'm the one who lost my way
so I'm setting a new course today

(one of those "know" lines has to change)
OTHER SCRAPS


I never gave her my number
I didn't get her name
looking back on that time
what a stupid mistake
she could have been the one
and now I"ll never know

argggg.... still banging my head. LOL



"It Mattered to THAT One"
#748768 - 08/31/09 01:32 PM Re: Swim for It (2nd verse itis) [Re: Kay-lynn Carew]  
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Kay-lynn Carew Offline
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Kay-lynn Carew  Offline
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Nashville, TN
Does any of this make sense?


"It Mattered to THAT One"
#748771 - 08/31/09 01:39 PM Re: Swim for It (2nd verse itis) [Re: Kay-lynn Carew]  
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Wyman Lloyd Offline
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Missouri
I think this verse is pretty good Kay Lynn
Maybe on one "know"
------------
Have I already met her
LIKE A FOOL LET HER GO
was she right there in front of me
I'll probly never know
maybe I'm the one who lost my way
so I'm setting a new course today
Wy

#748822 - 08/31/09 05:06 PM Re: Swim for It (2nd verse itis) [Re: Wyman Lloyd]  
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Caroline Offline
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Caroline  Offline
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Texas
I liked you're original first verse. It worked for me. I wrote this down a couple days ago, but thought these fine folks fixed you up, but now that I'm reading, I'll go ahead and post it, you may be able to piece it with something else here.

v2
if all the good ones are taken
how is the sea still full
i see them everywhere but they never stop
maybe i'm just a fool
but i have to believe she'll come along
and like a siren, i'll get lost in her song


OK, I know, it was just a minute of my time, so it's not exactly good, but it's something. maybe even useable. lmk


Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#748961 - 09/01/09 02:43 AM Re: Swim for It (2nd verse itis) [Re: Caroline]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,139
Michelle Chapman Offline
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Michelle Chapman  Offline
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Posts: 1,139
Martinsburg,WV
Its not that the good ones are hard to find
they're just so hard to keep
and i find her nearly every night when I fall asleep
thats why I am standing here on this pier
in hope thats I will some day see
the one I love standing on the deck
when my ship comes in for me......sorry,I tend to get more dramatic and poetic when I'm sleepy...lol


*****You know I'm a dreamer,but my heart's of gold*****Motley Crue


#749511 - 09/03/09 03:48 AM Re: Swim for It (2nd verse itis) [Re: Michelle Chapman]  
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,513
Kay-lynn Carew Offline
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Kay-lynn Carew  Offline
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Nashville, TN
Thanks for the comments guys... I had forgotten all about he word "fool".. I might be able to use that actually.

It's much appreciated.!!

Kay-lynn


"It Mattered to THAT One"
#749562 - 09/03/09 01:00 PM Re: Swim for It (2nd verse itis) [Re: Kay-lynn Carew]  
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,199
John Hoffman Offline
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John Hoffman  Offline
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St. Peters, Mo.
KL,
did you ever get another demo done for "I Love it When You Do That"? Love that one. Set this one aside for a while before you drive yourself nuts.

have fun,
John


Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never had an editor.

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