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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 586
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The Gotta Do Every Little Thing Myself Blues
I got a honey-do list But I ain't got no honey I'd hire it done But I ain't got no money
I got the gotta do every little thing myself blues
I gotta house I gotta sell Can't pay no commission Stress is getting to me My left eye is twitching
I got the gotta do every little thing myself blues
With everything that I do I keep getting stronger I won't be needing me No honey no longer
But still I got the gotta do every little thing myself blues
The nite is so long I'm feeling lonely I've worked so hard My fingers feel boney
I got the gotta do every little thing myself blues.
copyright 2009 Leanne Martin
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,461
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,461 |
good but would like to see more of the way of a chorus
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,174
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Hi Leann. It looks like you need an AABA structure for this lyric. What you have so far is rather incomplete. If you shorten your hook to "I got the "do every little thing myself blues" and add a previous line like "I guess to be me, I gotta pay some dues."- and end your "A" sections with that, you'll have the start of something. Use you 3rd verse as your "B" section, but don't end it with your hook as you need to differentiate it - as it is your bridge section. You don't have a lot of material here. But I think this one is going to be a slow song anyway. So timewise, you may be good. IMO you should get your structure in place, then start tweaking the lyrics.
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,941 Likes: 3
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Blues can be Verse-Verse-Verse-Verse with each verse in an A-A-B construction.
A.) I got a honey-do list But I ain't got no honey
A.) I'd hire it done But I ain't got no money
B.) I got the gotta do every little thing myself blues.
This song seems to be setup in classic "blues" tradition. So now that we've cleared that up, let's look at the lyrics.
"With everything that I do I keep getting stronger"
I am not sure how this person is getting "stronger", this seems at odds with the song's feel.
"My fingers feel boney"
Maybe you can think of something better here.
Just a quick opinion.
Kevin
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Joined: Mar 2003
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Thanks guys! I really appreciate your advice on this.
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 2,891 Likes: 6
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Hi Leanne
Just a note on thread names. It's better to name the thread the same as the song title. So in this case, The Gotta Do Every Little Thing Myself Blues - 'critique please' is too generic and less likely to get hits.
Nige
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Joined: Mar 2003
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Thanks for the tip, Nige.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Hey Leanne, Looks pretty good. the hook seems a little too long to flow good as indicated. I'd agree too , that you might be a little short on material Seems like it needs a little more of something. This just popped into my head as a possible nother V K O S
Know there's gonna be a dawn I can see it breakin' It's hard bein' alone I feel forsaken
Good luck with it Wy
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