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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 38
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 38 |
A friend challenged me to write a song that wasn't happy. (Seems that even when I write darker lyrics I tend to use bright chord progressions...just the way I am, I guess.) So, I wrote a jaded love rock tune. This is our rough cut, and we haven't decided how to resolve the ending...so it just be warned that it ends a little abruptly. Before we (eventually) get around to finalizing it, I wanted to get some feedback. Thanks to all in advance! - JP At Any Cost (SoundClick Link) At Any Cost © 2009, John Parker Performed by J. Parker / J. Grassman What's it gonna prove, wearing out my name all over town? Such a poor excuse to go and turn my whole world inside out. I know you've got me where you want me. Why can't you just leave me be? It's killing me the way you haunt me. Don't understand why you can't see You've already taken everything I've got. I'm down on my knees but still you take another shot. Don't know whether it makes you feel better knowing everything is lost. Once again it seems you've gotta win at any cost. So what's it gonna take to bring this situation to an end? An innocent mistake to think of you as more than just a friend. I know you've got me where you want me. Why can't you just leave me be? It's killing me the way you haunt me. Don't understand why you can't see I know you've got me where you want me. Why can't you just leave me be? It's killing me the way you haunt me. Don't understand why you can't see You've already taken everything I've got. I'm down on my knees but still you take another shot. Don't know whether it makes you feel better knowing everything is lost. Once again it seems you've gotta win at any cost. So what's it gonna be? Did this all turn out the way you planned? Now it's just you and me. Smoke rises from the pistol in my hand...
Last edited by John M Parker; 08/06/09 10:04 AM.
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 7,412
Top 30 Poster
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 7,412 |
Hey John, I believe this is a pretty good start. A bit more polishing and perhaps some adjustment of the lyrics may be in order.
On the ending I might say rather than SMOKE RISES FROM THE PISTOL IN MY HAND, NOW IT'S JUST YOU AND ME, NOW IT'S JUST YOU AND ME, NOW IT'S JUST YOU AND ME. I don't know how it will work out thru out the song but you might try it.
Ray E. Strode
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Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 294
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 294 |
Hi John, This is the first song of your I've listened to ....bein' a newbie an' all....I think you did what you set out to....the lyric and the melody are dark and heavy.
Here's my thoughts on maybe how to end it:
After the guitar solo, go right in to this part:So what's it gonna be? Did this all turn out the way you planned? Now it's just you and me. Smoke rises from the pistol in my hand...
before you bust into that last section MILK that line "Smoke rises from the pistol in my hand...with a couple of "in my hand....in my hand...in my hand.....
THEN go into the "I know you've got me where you want me. Why can't you just leave me be? It's killing me the way you haunt me. Don't understand why you can't see You've already taken everything I've got. I'm down on my knees but still you take another shot. Don't know whether it makes you feel better knowing everything is lost. Once again it seems you've gotta win at any cost
after reelin' 'em in with that line about the pistol, BAM...hit 'em with with that section and rock out! Dude, I can hear some Bon Jovi stuff workin' here! yerz, Ellen
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 38
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 38 |
Thanks to both for the suggestions! I think flipping the verse / chorus at the end is a great idea to make this work. Thanks!
- JP
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