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#741562 - 07/29/09 07:23 AM Is there nothing left to say? New changes  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 371
spidey Offline
Serious Contributor
spidey  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 371
Hi,

Following some suggs (see below) I have changed some of this.

Cheers

Alan

Is there nothing left to say?

Once too many times
A word or two too far
Losing track of time
Losing sight of who we are

Eyes that seldom meet
Voices raised too high
Afraid we're gonna hear
The sound of goodbye

But we both know where it's heading
We can feel it in the air
We both know that we're losing
And we're nearly there

Ch
Is there nothing left to say?
Have we said it all before?
I'm still searching for the words
That will stop the closing door

Now we're standing on the edge
Staring into pools of pain
Holding onto memories
That will never be the same
Is there nothing left to say?


Nothing stays the same
Least that's what people say
Turning to the past
Wondering how we got this way

You and I were there
Always side by side
But something up and left
Something in us died

We both knew it wasn't perfect
But we tired the best we could
Still we know we're losing
Losing what we have for good

Ch
IIs there nothing left to say?
Have we said it all before?
I'm still searching for the words
That will stop the closing door

Now we're standing on the edge
Staring into pools of pain
Holding onto memories
That will never be the same
Is there nothing left to say?

Br
Looking to tomorrow feeling lost and sad
Wondering how a love so good can turn to something bad

ch
Is there nothing left to say?
Have we said it all before?
I'm still searching for the words
That will stop the closing door

Now we're standing on the edge
Staring into pools of pain
Holding onto memories
That will never be the same
Is there nothing left to say?

Last edited by spidey; 08/16/09 07:19 PM.
#741665 - 07/29/09 02:01 PM Re: Is there nothing left to say? (Needs Music) [Re: spidey]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,682
beechnut79 Offline
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beechnut79  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,682
Villa Park IL
Good write, and sometimes that often takes place when everything has been said and you wonder, with all apologies to a hit Peggy Lee song, "Is that all there is?" I have had a similar idea rolling in my head for a time, mine to have the punchline, "There is nothing that I can do" (or more I can do). May get it on paper one day.

#742348 - 08/01/09 12:45 PM Re: Is there nothing left to say? (Needs Music) [Re: beechnut79]  
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 41
sparrow Offline
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sparrow  Offline
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 41
I like it. Was thinking of something like this today - and you've expressed what I was thinking so well in this song. Good rhyming and rhythm too :-)

#743465 - 08/06/09 12:43 PM Re: Is there nothing left to say? (Needs Music) [Re: sparrow]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,172
summeoyo Offline
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summeoyo  Offline
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Posts: 1,172
Harrisburg, PA, USA
Hi spidey. I'm glad I took the time to read this. I must say you used an appropriate technique for unresolved emotion in your chorus - that of having an odd number of lines - effectively. "Looking" seems a bits overused. So may I suggest "Peering at pools of pain" as an alternative for your chorus. Despite the alliteration, I think it sings easier. Also I'm hearing the chorus without "anymore" in L8. But I just can't get anything smooth with "anymore". But if you're hearing something thats sings better, stay with what you've got.

#743470 - 08/06/09 12:50 PM Re: Is there nothing left to say? (Needs Music) [Re: summeoyo]  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 371
spidey Offline
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spidey  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 371
Hi Sum,

Thanks for taking the time.

Looking is there a few times all right. Must look into it. Wonder should I leave looking in the chorus and try alternatives in the verse and bridge maybe, although peering is good. In my head this is a pop song, maybe pop country, so was thinking language wise with that in mind.

The use of anymore in my head was to slow it down so that the hook line at the end sits in nicely, but have doubts over that as well. I only have a head tune at the moment, maybe when it gets music, it might not need the anymore anymore.

Thanks for the suggs as well.

Alan

#743750 - 08/07/09 01:37 PM Re: Is there nothing left to say? (Needs Music) [Re: spidey]  
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,666
DonnaMarilyn Offline
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DonnaMarilyn  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,666
Netherlands
Some good imagery here. Fairly tight write, on the whole.
I'm made a couple of suggestions below. Keep-or-sweep, of course. wink

(By the way, there's no such thing as bad constructive critique. It's goal is always a better, tighter lyric and a more satisfied author. wink )

Donna

Originally Posted by spidey
Hi,

The usual, take a look and let me know what you think, good or bad, all comments welcome.

Cheers

Alan

Is there nothing left to say?

Once too many times
A word or two three too far (Gets rid of the repetition and introduces a novel twist to the phrase.)
Losing track of time
Losing track sight of who we are

Eyes that seldom meet
Voices raised too high
Afraid we're gonna hear
The sound of goodbye

But we both know where it's heading
We can feel it in the air
We both know that we're losing
And we're nearly there

Ch
Is there nothing left to say?
Have we said it all before?
I'm still searching for something (I'd like to see something more concrete than "something". Perhaps "searching for a moment" or "searching for a word"?)
That will stop the closing door

Now we're standing on the edge
LookingGazing into pools of pain ("Gazing" has a slower, sadder, more reflective ring to it.)
Holding onto memories
That will never be the same anymore
Is there nothing left to say?


Nothing stays the same
Least that's what theypeople say
Looking to the past
Wondering how we got this way

You and I were there
Always side by side
But something up and left
SomethingFeelings in us died

We both knew it wasn't perfect
But we tried the best we could
Still we know we're losing
Losing what we have for good

Ch
Is there nothing left to say?
Have we said it all before?
I'm still searching for something (I'd like to see something more concrete than "something". Perhaps "searching for a moment" or "searching for a word"?)
That will stop the closing door

Now we're standing on the edge
Looking into pools of pain
Holding onto memories
That will never be the same anymore
Is there nothing left to say?

Br
Looking to tomorrow feeling lost and sad
Wondering how a love so good things can turn so very to something bad

ch
Is there nothing left to say?
Have we said it all before?
I'm still searching for something (I'd like to see something more concrete than "something". Perhaps "searching for a moment" or "searching for a word"?)
That will stop the closing door

Now we're standing on the edge
Looking Gazing into pools of pain
Holding onto memories
That will never be the same anymore
Is there nothing left to say?


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

http://www.reverbnation.com/donnamarilynrichblend




#743945 - 08/08/09 12:42 PM Re: Is there nothing left to say? (Needs Music) [Re: DonnaMarilyn]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,682
beechnut79 Offline
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beechnut79  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,682
Villa Park IL
Either rewrite or original look fine to me.

#744296 - 08/10/09 02:58 PM Re: Is there nothing left to say? (Needs Music) [Re: beechnut79]  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 371
spidey Offline
Serious Contributor
spidey  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 371
Hi Donna,

Thanks for taking the time and offering some suggs. I'll look over is a bit and see, a few things to be thinking about, thanks to all the comments.

Cheers

Alan

#744660 - 08/12/09 12:33 AM Re: Is there nothing left to say? (Needs Music) [Re: spidey]  
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 8,682
glynda Offline
Top 20 Poster
glynda  Offline
Top 20 Poster

Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 8,682
Princeton Texas
Hi Alan,

I like this one alot and Donna has given you some great suggestions ..don't see anything else i'd change..this is well written and can relate to it, i'm sure alot of folks can relate to this..best of luck with it...glyn

#745626 - 08/16/09 07:20 PM Re: Is there nothing left to say? (Needs Music) [Re: glynda]  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 371
spidey Offline
Serious Contributor
spidey  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 371
Hi All,

I have incorporated the suggs given into the new lyric above.

Cheers

Alan

#769097 - 11/11/09 08:04 PM Re: Is there nothing left to say? (Needs Music) [Re: spidey]  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 30
Jerry Dearborn Offline
Casual Observer
Jerry Dearborn  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 30
Salem, Indiana USA
This is a good song.
I like the imagery

#769448 - 11/12/09 07:14 PM Re: Is there nothing left to say? (Needs Music) [Re: Jerry Dearborn]  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 371
spidey Offline
Serious Contributor
spidey  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 371
Hi Jerry,

Thanks for the comments, and for bumping it up. I had forgotten about this one.

A lot of what I write I write to head tunes, so must see if it is still there smile

Thanks for the kind words as well.

Alan

#769962 - 11/14/09 08:46 AM Re: Is there nothing left to say? (Needs Music) [Re: spidey]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,096
nightengale Offline
Top 100 Poster
nightengale  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,096
Eugene, Or USA
Alan,

This is real good. Love the song!

Geneva

#769977 - 11/14/09 11:00 AM Re: Is there nothing left to say? (Needs Music) [Re: nightengale]  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 371
spidey Offline
Serious Contributor
spidey  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 371
Thanks Geneva smile

Alan


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