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#738553 - 07/16/09 07:20 PM SHUTTERS  
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 451
Mark Cockerill Offline
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Mark Cockerill  Offline
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Scunthorpe, North Lincs, Engla...
http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7840182

Hi gang

A new song for you get your teeth into, just completed it tonight and need some feedback, I am convinced it can be improved somewhat.

Regards

Mark

Shutters Written By Mark Cockerill 10th July 2009

G Am
I AM GLAD, SOMETIMES SAD
Dm Em
HOPING THAT TOMORROW WILL BE KIND
G Am
I MAYBE MAD SOMETIMES BAD
Dm Em
TRYING HARD NOT TO BE LEFT BEHIND

F G C
AN OPEN DOOR IT GUIDES ME IN THE ROOM
F G C G Am
SECRETS BE REVEALED VERY SOON

C G Am
I OPEN ALL THE SHUTTERS ON THE WINDOWS
F G C
UNLOCK ALL THE LOCKS IN MANY DOORS
C G Am
AND HEAD AWAY TO DREAMY QUIET MEADOWS
F G Em
NOT SLIPPING ON THE SHINY WOODEN FLOOR

G Am
I AM ME, YOU PLAINLY SEE
Dm Em
CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG THIS IS MY TIME
G Am
I AM FREE, YES REALLY ME
Dm Em
IF I DROWN I’M SURE YOU’LL THROW A LINE

F G C
AND KISS MY LIPS AND BRING ME BACK TO LIFE
F G C G Am
UNLOCK MY BREATH AND TAKE ANOTHER TRY

C G Am
AND OPEN ALL THE SHUTTERS ON MY EYES
F G C
UNLOCK ALL THE CHAINS UPON MY THOUGHTS
C G Am
AWAY TO MEADOWS DREAMY CROOKED SPIRES
F G Em
WITH NOT A CHANCE OF EVER BEING CAUGHT

AND KISS MY LIPS AND BRING ME BACK TO LIFE
UNLOCK MY BREATH AND TAKE ANOTHER TRY
AND OPEN ALL THE SHUTTERS MY EYES
UNLOCK ALL THE CHAINS UPON MY THOUGHTS
AWAY TO MEADOWS DREAMY CROOKED SPIRES
WITH NOT A CHANCE OF EVER BEING CAUGHT

#738572 - 07/16/09 08:29 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Mark Cockerill]  
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lucian Offline
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Mark, really enjoyed listening to this, great mellowness and sense of listlessness in the meldody and lyric. Nice Noel Gallagherish solo at the end, I always enjoy a nicely pulled hamromic.

In terms of trying to improve it, personally I'd really try and energize the vocals more in the 2nd part of chorus, and really open up towards the end of the song. I think it would give the song a greater sense of depth.

Just some thoughts.

Lucian

#738584 - 07/16/09 09:15 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: lucian]  
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CG King Offline
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Hi Mark,

This is absolutely lovely! Such a hypnotic quality to it. The instrumentation is awesome. Wow....you've done a great job with this one! Such a pleasureable listen.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us.

Kind wishes,
Gail













#738596 - 07/16/09 10:04 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: CG King]  
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CG King Offline
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Mark.......I had to come and listen to this BEAUTIFUL song again. Thank you for making it available for download.....and thank you for sharing your amazing talent with us.

Gail












#738603 - 07/16/09 10:42 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: CG King]  
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Mark Cockerill Offline
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Mark Cockerill  Offline
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Scunthorpe, North Lincs, Engla...
I am so delighted you enjoyed this, just for once I took some time on a song and my personal thoughts are that it made for a better song. the original went though so many changes to get it like it is now and I can tell you it was hard work for me as I don't normally have the patience for taking my time over a song.

I will try to improve the song the song and I will undoubtedly take note of every constructive thoughts on it,

thanks again for listening

Dude

#738606 - 07/16/09 11:13 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Mark Cockerill]  
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Calvin Offline
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Calvin  Offline
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Hi Mark,

You're too good man, thanks for the great feeling this song gave me !

Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#738607 - 07/16/09 11:23 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Calvin]  
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Mark Cockerill Offline
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Mark Cockerill  Offline
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Scunthorpe, North Lincs, Engla...
Thanks Calvin man, I only write songs for folks on this forum and of course for myself, if only you could know how much I enjoyed putting this particular song together but I am sure you already know that.

Dude

#738616 - 07/16/09 11:44 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Mark Cockerill]  
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lucian Offline
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I came back for some more listens of this as well, Mark, and this really is a very, very good song! The stuff I've heard of yours before has often been very technically good, innovative but sometimes lacking cohesion, but this one puts the co in hesion! The lyrics you've got above are quite different from the actual song, and on the actual song they're much better and you've pretty much nailed that part of it.

The whole song gives me the sense of a someone escaping life through some kind of substance, and going to wonderful places in their mind, these meadows with crooked spires, where they can be the person they feel they really are.

Great stuff!

Lucian

#738622 - 07/17/09 12:07 AM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: lucian]  
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Mark Cockerill Offline
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Mark Cockerill  Offline
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Scunthorpe, North Lincs, Engla...
Thanks Lucian for giving it another listen, I really do appreciate it. Guilty as charged re the lyrics, there are some minor changes that were made when I came to sing the song and I just sang whatever came into my head although the basic idea was there. I type the lyrics to songs in about 10 minutes usually and that is normally all it needs. I'm not really quite sure what the song is about but I had a sense that I was floating between this world and the next in a strange kind of way and I don't even do drugs or anything. Maybe I should, God knows what I would come up with. The point you make about cohesion I see very clearly and is evident by the time I took to piece all this together, a couple of days ago it was a right mess of ideas and key changes, the discarded parts in Cubase are still there are there are many that was intended for the song but will make another song anyway.

I am genuinely pleased you like it, it is probably the best song I have ever written, time will tell.

Regards

Dude

PS I have edited the lyrics to truly represent what is in the actual song

#738638 - 07/17/09 12:56 AM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Mark Cockerill]  
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Scott Campbell Offline
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Lakeland, FL, USA
Hey Dude:

As Gail said, this has a hypnotic feel to it. Matches the lyric very nicely.

Am hard pressed to suggest anything - it worked great for me as is. Love the guitar at the end!

Scott

#738650 - 07/17/09 01:27 AM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Scott Campbell]  
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maccharles Offline
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I swear,if you added trumpet this could be an Eric Mathews tune.

Nice,

Mac.

#738662 - 07/17/09 02:19 AM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: maccharles]  
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Ricki E. Bellos Offline
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Wisconsin
Hi Mark,

Dreamy, man, like something one would sing around a camp fire! smile
"AND OPEN ALL THE SHUTTERS ON MY EYES
UNLOCK ALL THE CHAINS UPON MY THOUGHTS"
That's kind of like what music does for the soul, eh? Very cool.

Ricki

#738677 - 07/17/09 03:19 AM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
Joined: Jun 2008
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mprest Offline
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Very cool Mark, enjoyed the listen! Some great guitar playing on there too:)


MDP:)
#738731 - 07/17/09 09:29 AM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: mprest]  
Joined: Dec 2005
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Joice Marie Offline
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Joice Marie  Offline
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Cornish Flat, NH, USA
Hi Mark

Man - your so versatile - I enjoyed everything about this...... what a great talent you are ! I hope that you continue down this path of workmanship ! - you have all the chops. : ) thanks for sharing with us. jm


perfection is unattainable, excellence is totally within reach

http://www.youtube.com/joicemarie
http://www.myspace.com/lemonmcfartney
#738791 - 07/17/09 02:12 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Joice Marie]  
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Mark Cockerill Offline
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Mark Cockerill  Offline
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Scunthorpe, North Lincs, Engla...
Once again I thank you all for your very kind comments. It overwhelms me that you are enjoying it so.

Who is Eric Mathews?

Dude

#738795 - 07/17/09 02:29 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Mark Cockerill]  
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Beth G. Williams Offline
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Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Hey Mark,

I've been meaning to check this one out, since I LOVE your title. The word "shutters" evokes so many feelings in me -- maybe especially because I'm sitting at our beachhouse in Maine, for our last day of vacation, and all the houses have shutters up here. It's a seasonal community, so then everything gets "shuttered" -- which I don't thing is really a verb, but it's what we refer to as "closing everything up for the winter".

ANYWAY, sorry for the digression. I thought this song was terrific. Loved the imagery...and your voice has a very serene quality to it. For sure, now I'm looking EXTRA forward to your contributions at the Great Camp Fire!! wink

Thanks for sharing,
Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#738805 - 07/17/09 03:08 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
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Mark Cockerill Offline
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Mark Cockerill  Offline
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Scunthorpe, North Lincs, Engla...
Thanks Beth, I have just finished school today for 6 whole weeks and will undoubtedly write some more songs for that great camp fire and guess what, it's raining, bloody typical, ha ha, I feel another song coming on.

All the best

Dude

#739528 - 07/20/09 05:57 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Mark Cockerill]  
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Mark Cockerill Offline
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Mark Cockerill  Offline
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Scunthorpe, North Lincs, Engla...
I have decided to do some tweaking to the song and will post a new version tomorrow. I bet you can't wait.

later friends

#739529 - 07/20/09 06:05 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Mark Cockerill]  
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CG King Offline
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You are "spot on" with that Mark! I can't wait!! I totally love this!

See 'ya later,
Gail













#739537 - 07/20/09 06:49 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Mark Cockerill]  
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Michael Zaneski Offline
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California
Hi Mark,

I like this, very nice. I was worried with the simplistic opening rhymes, but repeating the simplicity idea later in V2 (me/free) makes "glad/sad" work better.

I'd consider making "drown" drowning, otherwise that life line that was thrown won't help much. grin

I really like the texture of your vocals on this one, like Graham Nash meets David Gilmour.

Other than tightening the vocal, this was a satisfying listen for me. smile

Mike

Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 07/20/09 06:53 PM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#739603 - 07/21/09 02:37 AM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Michael Zaneski]  
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Mark Cockerill Offline
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Mark Cockerill  Offline
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Scunthorpe, North Lincs, Engla...
Thanks Gail, my number 1 fan you.

Michael, I am delighted you like my song. I will have a look at the lyrics again, but I think the "kiss me back to life" bit that follows the drown bit is quite correct even though throwing a line to drowned man ain't. I guess we could also split hairs all day about folks being revived when technically drowned etc. Well spotted though. Anyway, it's only words and just another song. Besides, I really do not consider myself a great lyricist, on the contrary and if you could see the speed at which I rattle out the words then you can see why. I am foremost a guitarist and I have to be careful not to over indulge that element when piecing together songs.

Anyway, we'll see what I can do with it now I have had a few pointers from you kind folk.

Later

#739625 - 07/21/09 04:53 AM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Mark Cockerill]  
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Charles Kirkland Offline
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Mark, I have to agree with all that has been said already! This is really good!!! I enjoyed this very much. Some awesome guitar work in there!

Charles

#739636 - 07/21/09 08:19 AM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Charles Kirkland]  
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Two Singers Offline
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Mark,

This is damned good! As I listened, I was captivated by the music. The lyric equalled the feel. When a song moves me that much, I don't find it necessary to do a tech critique. Who cares if you could add a tom here or a hi-hat there?! I don't. The songs holds its own as is. When I'm thoroughly captured by music, as I was with this song, it's fine as is. Just grab my emotions and move me, is all I ask in a song...and you did. No nits or suggestions. Well, one suggestion...and that is, everyone here out to listen to this. But, that's for all of them, not you. Super job! Great guitar outro!!!!

Alan

Last edited by Al David; 07/21/09 08:20 AM.
#739716 - 07/21/09 03:58 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Two Singers]  
Joined: Dec 2006
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niteshift Online content
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Fiji
Hey Mark,

The structure is all there. The sound is there. The lead is great. I'd spend some time on instrumentation, with reference to phrasing and accents especially. There's enough movement in the chord structure to stay away from block chording, and be able to work around the lead vocal. The opening has intersting sonics, then dies away to a flat wash. And you will replace the drums right ? wink

Nice piece. I'd work it up some more and make it shine.

cheers, niteshift

#739757 - 07/21/09 07:22 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: niteshift]  
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lucian Offline
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Hey Mark, don't play around with it too much it, I think this is just about my favourite song I've ever heard on here. Babette's better looking than you, and West River is still a great song, but this just "speaks" to me more. I don't actually listen to a lot of music generally, but when I find a track I really love, I tend to play it over and over again, and I played this over and over again the other night while working on my computer, - 7 times in a row maybe - the about the same the following night. There's just something wonderful, undefinable and downright existential about it.

Cheers Lucian

#739759 - 07/21/09 07:27 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: lucian]  
Joined: Feb 2007
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Kevin Emmrich Offline
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Crozet, VA
This is a good song with tight production and a fine delivery. Someone mentioned a trumpet -- that would be a worthwhile addition. But, I think you've capture a good mood as it is now. Enjoying the ending guitar!

Kevin

P.S. I wouldn't call this one 80's (LOL!).


"Good science comes in peer reviewed journals. Conspiracy theories come in videos. "
Kevin @ bandcamp: Crows Say Vee-Eh (and Kevin @50/90 2019)
#739826 - 07/22/09 12:46 AM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Kevin Emmrich]  
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Mark Cockerill Offline
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Scunthorpe, North Lincs, Engla...
http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7840182

The wait is over, my edited version is now available.

Things I have done:

Full drum edit and remix
Added some brass as suggested
Removed some amount of reverb especially on guitar solo
Quietened the synth pad
reduced mix amount of added guitar to the end of solo playing in 5ths
Reduced spaciness on solo a tad
Not touched the vocals, I don't think I can improve them anyway if I sang it a million times.

Anyway, many thanks indeed for all your wonderful comments without which I would not be as inspired to write and improve my recording and writing technique, I have learned an aweful lot since I came on this forum and hopefully put it to good use.

I hope you enjoy my new version

Regards

Mark

#739961 - 07/22/09 04:14 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Mark Cockerill]  
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niteshift Online content
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Fiji
Hey Mark,

Yep, from what I remember from yesterday, it's certainly sounding more alive. Especially the drums. They still need arrangement, but much better. Try a boost at about 1.2 k , and a small amount of reverb on the snare, it'll bring more punch, and depth. The toms need to be rolled of in the higher EQ to give a more solid sound. For the vocal, if you nudge at about 650k, and then a 2-4 db boost at about 2.4 k, it will give the vocal line some crispness. ( A little loud at the opening ? )Guitar lead is spot on. Clean and vibrant. If you put a stereo delay slap ( 10/20 m/s ) on the pad/wash, without too much wide stereo, it will seprate, and glide lightly in the background.

Time for Mix No 237 ? grin Keep goin, it's getting there.

cheers, niteshift

Last edited by niteshift; 07/22/09 04:22 PM.
#739976 - 07/22/09 05:39 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: niteshift]  
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CG King Offline
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Nashville
Hi there Mark,


OH....MY.......GOSH.......I truly didn't see how you could improve this breathtaking song.....but leave it to you!

This does sound "crisper" and "richer".....this is absolutely STUNNING!!!

I just can't begin to tell you how much I truly L...O...V...E this beautiful piece of "musical art".

You are such a talent!! Thank you so much for sharing this with us.


Number 1 fan, (thank you for this "proclamation" !!)
Gail















#739977 - 07/22/09 05:43 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: CG King]  
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KevinP Offline
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KevinP  Offline
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Ohio
Mark,

Truly outstanding. Thanks for sharing.

Best Wishes
Kevin

#739982 - 07/22/09 05:52 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: KevinP]  
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Janice Hopkins Offline
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Mark....very beautiful indeed.....what a great musician you are. I love this lyric....should be in a movie soundtrack for sure.

jan

#740240 - 07/23/09 05:28 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Janice Hopkins]  
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Mark Cockerill Offline
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Mark Cockerill  Offline
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Thanks for the positive comments on the new version. I have begun work on my next song and you guessed it, completely different again.

Thanks again to all those who had a listen even if you didn't comment. I know, sometimes it's best to keep your trap shut.

Regards

Mark

#740256 - 07/23/09 06:05 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Mark Cockerill]  
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Mark....I think your voice has such an etheral quality to it,,and I thought I heard something like a Prophet synth and maybe a short Hammond B3 part in there....guitar work was stellar.

This one neede to heard..

Larry



Can't find the stairway to 'heaven'...but I know where the elevator is.

Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us" - Albert Schweitzer.
#740259 - 07/23/09 06:18 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: in2piano]  
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Mark Cockerill Offline
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Thanks Larry, the Hammond B4 Virtual Instrument runs throughout but gets stomped on by all the other instruments that introduce themselves as the song gets going. The synth I use is the amazing Korg X50 which has replaced the old X5D. For the guitar work I used a Warmoth Super Strat with EMGs running into a Pod X3 Pro.

Hope that helps.

Mark

#740261 - 07/23/09 06:31 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Mark Cockerill]  
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niteshift Online content
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Fiji
Hey Mark,

Up to you mate. I'm one of those guys that will hang you up by your toenails and belt you with a soggy newspaper until you scream. But that's just me.

You haven't finished this song. It's a great song, and should be deserved the attention which it needs.

Focus, and finish. JMHO

cheers, niteshift




#740264 - 07/23/09 06:47 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: niteshift]  
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Thanks Mark...I been outta the music thing for over 6 years now...I used to play a Kurzweil PC-88 and K2000 synth...
and long ago I seem to remember a D4 keyboard...damn it's tuff gettin old...really enjoy your stuff brother..

Larry


Can't find the stairway to 'heaven'...but I know where the elevator is.

Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us" - Albert Schweitzer.
#740282 - 07/23/09 08:21 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: in2piano]  
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Mark Cockerill Offline
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Thanks nightshift, I can always depend on you for the kick up the rectum, I'm working on it dude.

ta Larry, get stuck in again mate, the gear is so much better now.

Mark

#740340 - 07/24/09 03:29 AM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Mark Cockerill]  
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Michelle Chapman Offline
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Martinsburg,WV
Hi Mark,
I agree with the others,it does have a hypnotic quality.kinda psychedelic feel.It reminda me of California Dreaming only with a much more current sound.Awesome song ,Mark!
Michelle


*****You know I'm a dreamer,but my heart's of gold*****Motley Crue


#740477 - 07/24/09 10:25 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Michelle Chapman]  
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Mark Cockerill Offline
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Mark Cockerill  Offline
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Thanks Michelle, pleased you like it.

Regards

Mark

#740920 - 07/26/09 09:11 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Mark Cockerill]  
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lucian Offline
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Hmm, Mark, the 2nd version is a lot crisper overall, but the drums were too busy for the song's ambiance, and that synth bit around 2.30 was just horrible, it was better how it was before at that part, with just that kind of Native American sounding chord sequence. On the first "secrets" there a lot of sibilance, probably best to red-do it.

I'm in the niteshift camp of perfectionism, when you get a good one, it's best to spend the time getting it just right.

Lucian

#740941 - 07/26/09 10:44 PM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: lucian]  
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Mark Cockerill Offline
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Scunthorpe, North Lincs, Engla...
Thankyou Lucian

I am pleased there is more than one of you and I say that genuinely. There is a mark 3 version on my website which I have not submitted to soundclick and please take a listen to that version, if at all you read this. My website address is http://scunnydude.com you will find the song easy enough. I really do look forward to hearing further comments other than the slap on the back well done kind.

Dude

#740960 - 07/27/09 12:11 AM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Mark Cockerill]  
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Hey Mark,
I'm a "Newbie", posted my first song on JPF today! This is a very cool song, awesome guitar solo at the end. Really like the"Shutters off my Eyes" line. I think the song would be stronger and have more impact if you lift the vocals and push them a little harder from the middle of the song to the end. The same way you push those awesome riffs at the end. Waaaay cool song!

Droptine

#741016 - 07/27/09 07:06 AM Re: SHUTTERS [Re: Droptine]  
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Mark Cockerill Offline
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Mark Cockerill  Offline
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Scunthorpe, North Lincs, Engla...
Many thanks Droptine for popping by and your kind comments

Mark 3 version now uploaded to Soundclick

Another major overhaul and hopefully a response to some of the suggestions from you nice folk.

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7840182

Anyway, let me know your thoughts

Regards

Mark


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