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#738301 - 07/15/09 10:57 PM Another Fight Coming- Countryattitude for female-Changes7-16  
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KimberlyinNC Offline
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Attitude country song similiar to Gretchen Wilson, Kellie Pickler or Miranda Lambert style CHANGES made 7-16... due to comments

Another Fight Coming

I burned my hand cooking for you last night
But when I asked for help you started a fight
You asked me what I’ve been doing all day
Buddy, that was the wrong thing to say

Chorus
You got another fight coming and it’ll be with me
But next time I will win, I guarantee
I’ll pack your bags, send you on your way
If you ask me one more time, what I did all day


I fed your loud mouth brats rowdy kids that act like you
I washed and dried your stinky clothes that belong to you and ironed them too
I mopped where your cronies missed the can last night
I don’t think you are one that should be starting a fight I don't think you should start a fight tonight

Chorus
You got another fight coming and it’ll be with me
But next time I will win, I guarantee
I’ll pack your bags, send you on your way
If you ask me one more time, what I did all day

Musical Break

Bridge
I work circles ‘round you making a home,but you will end up alone, if you don't stop this chauvinistic disrespect
But you’re heading down the road of being alone
If you don’t stop your chauvinistic neglect
And show me a little more well deserved respectDarling, you know I love you, you know my commitment's for real
but I didn't sign up for this part of the deal

Chorus
You got another fight coming and it’ll be with me
But next time I will win, I guarantee
I’ll pack your bags, send you on your way
If you ask me one more time, what I did all day

Tag- SPOKEN-
You better believe
I ain’t jokin
Cause you got another fight coming and it’ll be with me

What did you say?
You're gonna wash the dishes and then rub my feet?
Give the kids a bath too, oh, darling, you know what
I like!


copyright 2009- little ike publishing- Kimberly Hales Kime


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
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#738312 - 07/15/09 11:19 PM Re: Another Fight Coming- Country with attitude for female [Re: KimberlyinNC]  
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Michelle Chapman Offline
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Hi Kimberly,
I like this.I love songs that say all of the things that i shoulda said,but didnt.The only problem that I see is with lines 5 and six ...you've used you and you as a rhyme(im also not sure how some might take you calling the kids loud mouth brats,although I CAN sympathize at times...lol)you might try something like:

I've fed all of the kiddies(they're becoming alot like you)
I've washed and dried the clothes(I even ironed them too)....

not exactly that,but something along those lines....but that's juszt me,maybe its fine how it is(I hate this...i just like saying "great song")...lol...anyway..."great song",Kimberly,I like it very much.
michelle


*****You know I'm a dreamer,but my heart's of gold*****Motley Crue


#738338 - 07/16/09 01:05 AM Re: Another Fight Coming- Country with attitude for female [Re: Michelle Chapman]  
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Patti Smith Offline
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I like the attitude too but agree with Michelle that "brat" may be offensive to some. Good luck with it.
Patti


Patti Smith-Lyric writer Wanted CO-WRITERS
#738344 - 07/16/09 01:58 AM Re: Another Fight Coming- Country with attitude for female [Re: Michelle Chapman]  
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KimberlyinNC Offline
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Hi Michelle, I was unsure about the two things you mentioned too.. I said they are HIS brats..LOL.. I will prob. change that.. thanks so much for your advice. KIM:)


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
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Email for Song Business Only
littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
#738345 - 07/16/09 01:59 AM Re: Another Fight Coming- Country with attitude for female [Re: Patti Smith]  
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KimberlyinNC Offline
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Patti- thanks, I may indeed change that. thanks for the read and comment:) Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
http://www.littleikepublishing.com
Email for Song Business Only
littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
#738375 - 07/16/09 07:53 AM Re: Another Fight Coming- Country with attitude for female [Re: KimberlyinNC]  
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Kolstad Offline
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Kim,

I like this a lot! It comes across with loads of attitude, but with the right artist sung with a glimpse in the eye, I think it'll work.

Structure wise, I think you need the traditional verse-chorus form, perhaps dividing first verse into two verses. The verse-chorus form does also provide a neccesary repetition in verse melody within the song. You would also have a better chance of reaching the title hook within 35-45sec with an intro and just four lines, which is the industry standard for the targetgroup of (country)pop songs.

I think the last couplet of the bridge also got a little abstract and political, and IMO it's better used to bring the singer in a positive light (perhaps with a little 'bling' in her eyes :-), like this..

You know, there are a hundred guys begging me for a call
So Im the one in demand, don't have to put up with you at all

..or something :-)

But, you have a great start here! KOS

I forgot the 'brat' issue. Jonas Brother's have just indicated the word "bitch" in one of their latest songs (according to Billboard because they want to be percieved as more mature!). Well, just to say that I don't think 'brat' is a big issue word, and that you might even go more edgy on that one, finding the male equivalent to the popular word 'bitch' :-)

Last edited by the songcabinet; 07/16/09 11:52 AM.

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#738377 - 07/16/09 08:07 AM Re: Another Fight Coming- Country with attitude for female [Re: Kolstad]  
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My kids asked me once what a brat was, and I told them to go look in the mirror............ I like this, ya did good lady........................glyn

#738401 - 07/16/09 10:54 AM Re: Another Fight Coming- Country with attitude for female [Re: glynda]  
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Wyman Lloyd Offline
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Hi Kimberly,
Right in the swim of things in general,Good hook, but coming off too harsh to me ,even for Gretchen, etc. I think it needs some more humor injected into it.
Some of the things I see have already been noted
Yeah, the first V needs split into two verses.
In the first 2 verses you have 2 "You" endings, two "fight" ending and two "you" endings. I don't mean to be hard on you but I think a publisher would toss it before they even got to the C the way it's set up now. A person might get 20 seconds listen on a song if they're lucky
Unless, I done ticked you off already <G>, I'll come back after while and see if I've got any possibly helpful suggestions
It's all KOS naturally
Wy

#738489 - 07/16/09 04:12 PM Re: Another Fight Coming- Country with attitude for female [Re: Kolstad]  
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KimberlyinNC Offline
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KimberlyinNC  Offline
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Song- I changed some things now, maybe it works. If you have a chance to check it out again, thanks!! Kim:)


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
http://www.littleikepublishing.com
Email for Song Business Only
littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
#738490 - 07/16/09 04:13 PM Re: Another Fight Coming- Country with attitude for female [Re: Wyman Lloyd]  
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KimberlyinNC Offline
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Wyman, I have changed some things, see what you think now and I appreciate your comments. Kim:)


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
http://www.littleikepublishing.com
Email for Song Business Only
littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
#738508 - 07/16/09 04:59 PM Re: Another Fight Coming- Countryattitude for female-Changes7-16 [Re: KimberlyinNC]  
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Coming along nicely, Kim. wink Reads much better lightened up some.
I'd suggest a bit of tightening in places and adding detail in others. (I've made suggestions below. KOS. wink I hope they're useful.)

Donna


wink
Originally Posted by Kimberlyinnc
Attitude country song similiar to Gretchen Wilson, Kellie Pickler or Miranda Lambert style CHANGES made 7-16... due to comments

Another Fight Coming

Burned my hand frying chicken for you last night (Details will help the scenario come alive.)
But when I asked for help you started a fight
You asked me what I&#146;ve been doing at home all day
Buddy, that was the wrong thing to say

Chorus
You got another fight coming and it&#146;ll be with me
But this time I will win, I guarantee
I&#146;ll pack your bags, send you on your way
If you ask me one more time, what I did all day


I fed your loud mouth brats [color:#000099]three rowdy kids [/color], who act like you (Mentioning the number of kids adds to the texture.)
Washed and dried [color:#000099]all your stinky jeans[/color]that belong to you and ironed them too
I mopped where your cronies buddies missed the can last night ('Cronies' sounds too formal.)
I don&#146;t think you are one that should be starting a fight I don't think you should start a fight tonight

Chorus
You got another fight coming and it&#146;ll be with me
But this time I will win, I guarantee
I&#146;ll pack your bags, send you on your way
If you ask me one more time, what I did all day

Musical Break

Bridge
I work circles &#145;round you making a home,but you will end up alone, if you don't stop this chauvinistic disrespect (Again, too formal a word. I think 'disrespect' is enough.)
But you&#146;re heading down the road of to being alone
If you don&#146;t stop your chauvinistic ongoing neglect (The reader/listener knows its chauvinistic. No need to spell it out.
And show me a little more well deserved earned respect[color:#000099]('well earned' will sing better than 'well deserved'.) Darling, you know I love you, you know my commitment's for real
but I didn't sign up for this part of thekind of deal[/color]

Chorus
You got another fight coming and it&#146;ll be with me
But this time I will win, I guarantee
I&#146;ll pack your bags, send you on your way
If you ask me one more time, what I did all day

Tag- SPOKEN-
You better believe
I ain&#146;t jokin
Cause you got another fight coming and it&#146;ll be with me

What did you say?
You're gonna wash the dishes and then rub my feet?
Give the kids a bath too, oh, darling, you know what
I like [color:#3333FF]need
![/color] (Maybe set up a rhyme here, e.g. feet/need.)

copyright 2009- little ike publishing- Kimberly Hales Kime


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

http://www.reverbnation.com/donnamarilynrichblend




#738515 - 07/16/09 05:31 PM Re: Another Fight Coming- Countryattitude for female-Changes7-16 [Re: KimberlyinNC]  
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Hiya Kimberly,

Well, I'm glad I didn't stop by on this earlier, b/c I would have had to go with the "too harsh" comment as well. frown But NOW, with all the fine tweakin' you've done -- and additionally, with Donna's recently-suggested comments -- this is turning out just fine and dandy. grin When I read it the first time thru, the "you know I love you line" felt improbable given the way the singer was ranting.

Yup, this is good Kimberly.

Also, I wondered about turning that tag into a full-fledged spoken Outro, ala Joe Wrabek. And really go overboard...so that at first she's thankin' him for all he's offerin' to do for her, but then she's havin' some second thoughts.... Again, all KOS....

OUTRO- SPOKEN-
What did you say?
You're gonna wash the dishes and then rub my feet?
Give the kids a bath too, oh, darling, you know what
I need!
What else? You're gonna quite playin' poker, well sure, that'd be nice...But no more beer in the house, well honey, I'm not sure that's right.....And you wanna stay home, and do all the chores...while I take a break by working the store? And you figure since your momma's due visit, she'd be happy to help, you'll call her this minute? Now hold on here, honey.....


Regardless, a fun romp Kimberly. Keep up the good work!

Beth




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#738525 - 07/16/09 05:53 PM Re: Another Fight Coming- Countryattitude for female-Changes7-16 [Re: DonnaMarilyn]  
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KimberlyinNC Offline
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Donna, you gave me some great suggies, on the one thing to change it to buddy, I had buddies first, but buddy is already in the first verse, so I changed it.. maybe something else besides buddies or cronies, ??

I think you may have accidently commented on some of it that was marked through, but I still get what you mean and thanks!!! Kimberly


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
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#738526 - 07/16/09 05:55 PM Re: Another Fight Coming- Countryattitude for female-Changes7-16 [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
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KimberlyinNC Offline
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Beth you had some good suggies and the added romp, though I wonder if it would make it too long, of a spoken part... ?? just a thought. I will keep tweaking, hopefully, get it better, thanks so much!
Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
http://www.littleikepublishing.com
Email for Song Business Only
littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
#738531 - 07/16/09 06:12 PM Re: Another Fight Coming- Countryattitude for female-Changes7-16 [Re: KimberlyinNC]  
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Oh heck, you're right, I did accidentally comment on areas that had been struck through. I thought I'd made a mistake and accidentally hit the strike-through button. So I removed the strike-though lines! grin

Not to worry. I'm glad some suggies were useful.
I take the point about 'buddies'. How about 'chums'?

Donna


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

http://www.reverbnation.com/donnamarilynrichblend




#738903 - 07/17/09 07:50 PM Re: Another Fight Coming- Countryattitude for female-Changes7-16 [Re: DonnaMarilyn]  
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KimberlyinNC Offline
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I am gonna think on it, chums sounds English.. maybe just when your boys ... many people say this is my boys. meaning friends. thanks Donna! smile
Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
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Email for Song Business Only
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#739053 - 07/18/09 01:00 PM Re: Another Fight Coming- Countryattitude for female-Changes7-16 [Re: KimberlyinNC]  
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D) Offline
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G'Mornin' Mz Kim!

Like your Hook, & Your Concept here, M'LadyChum!

Here comes some line-by-line Sugs:

V1:
(Delete-I) Burned my hand cookin' for you last night/
(Delete-But) When I asked for help, Y'GOT NASTY INSIDE/
(Delete-You) Asked me what I'D been doin' all day/
AND BROTHER WAS THAT the wrong thing to say

CH:
You Got Another Fight Comin' (Delete-and), It'll be with me/
AND THIS ONE YOU'RE LOSING, I CAN Guarantee/
I'll BE packin' your bags, send you on your way/
(Delete-If) You ask me one more time what I did all day

V2:
I fed THREE THOUGHTLESS kids that act like you/
(Delete-I) Washed ALL your stinky clothes & ironed 'em too/
I mopped UP where your cronies missed the BOWL last night/
IF YOU WON'T HOLD YOUR TONGUE, I'LL KICK YOUR ASS tonight...

(CH Again)

BR:
WORK MY FINGERS TO THE BONE..making you a home..I CAN LIVE ALONE..And I'M READY...
SO GIVE ME A SQUEEZE..A THANK-YOU OR THREE..NONE OF THIS DUMB "THIRD DEGREE" YOU JUST FED ME...

I agree, ya should do an Extended Rap on the way out to emphasize that he's Seen The Light & things are Gonna Work Out.

K-O-S the Sugs, & Good Luck with what feels like a Hit!
Big Hugs,
Stan

#739324 - 07/19/09 08:27 PM Re: Another Fight Coming- Countryattitude for female-Changes7-16 [Re: ]  
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
KimberlyinNC Offline
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KimberlyinNC  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
North Carolina
Great suggies Stan!!:) thank you. I used a couple of your suggies on the song You Know it, *shag with me* and it is in musical production now. smile
Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
http://www.littleikepublishing.com
Email for Song Business Only
littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
#739329 - 07/19/09 08:48 PM Re: Another Fight Coming- Countryattitude for female-Changes7-16 [Re: KimberlyinNC]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,404
in2piano Offline
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in2piano  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,404
Oregon, USA
Kim...like the attitude but good sugs here....something just came to me on this line...

From: if you don't stop this chauvinistic disrespect

To: It's high time you stepped down from your throne...lol

Sorry...just having some fun....

Liked this one...like to here it produced.

Good Luck....

Larry


Can't find the stairway to 'heaven'...but I know where the elevator is.

Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us" - Albert Schweitzer.
#739337 - 07/19/09 09:52 PM Re: Another Fight Coming- Countryattitude for female-Changes7-16 [Re: in2piano]  
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
KimberlyinNC Offline
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KimberlyinNC  Offline
Top 50 Poster

Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
North Carolina
In2- Good suggie and good line:) I hope to have someone here want to give it a try. smile that would be super cool.

Kim


*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
BMI Member All Rights Reserved
http://www.littleikepublishing.com
Email for Song Business Only
littleikeproductions@hotmail.com

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