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Here's one of two lyrics I wrote way back on February 24th, but didn't post until now because I subsequently wrote and posted "Mr. Indecision" and "Memphistopheles" instead. I'm just picturing this one as something simple and acoustic, but in case that's not uncommercial enough to begin with, feel free to substitute the two alternate lines I have at the end.

Alternate lines or not, please tell me what you think of this one. Thanks!


I DON’T NEED YOU
©2002 Anthony Torres
All rights reserved

I don’t need these tears I’m cryin’
That’s why I’m just lettin’ ‘em fall
I don’t need the outside world
as long as I’ve got these four walls
I don’t need all our old pictures
I can just stare at one or two
I may need another shot of whiskey
but I don’t need you
No, I don’t need you

I don’t need a fragile woman
Got lots of troubles of my own
I don’t need no bitter anger
No shattered glass or throwing stones
I don’t need a fickle heart that
don’t seem to know it’s been untrue
I may need time to learn what love is
but I don’t need you
No, I don’t need you

I’ve never needed nothin’ my whole life
No mom, no dad, no friends, no wife
Need means weakness
Weakness means fear
but sometimes, I almost wish you were here

I don’t need no prayers or pity
I’m sleepin’ in the bed I made
I don’t need to hold out hope ‘cause
it’s false and only meant to fade
I don’t need to cry any longer
Not for a girl I barely knew
I may want you more than life itself
but I don’t need you
No, I don’t need you
I don’t need you


(NOTE: For an even darker version, substitute

I don't need a rope and a chair
because this gun of mine will do

for lines 5 and 6 in the last verse. )


[This message has been edited by Anthony (edited 03-09-2002).]

Anthony,

All and all I like this one quite a bit. Good visuals, all nice and dark.

Very different spin but similiar concept to the song I wrote with that name. I like the route you went quite well. Good Floyd style lyrics.

Take care pal,

Allan

As an after thought, I want to make sure you're aware that I have no issue at all that we both did a lyric with the same title. Bob Dylan and Neil Young each had pretty decent hit's with "Hurricane". Maybe it's a good omen.

Allan

[This message has been edited by GT Acoustic (edited 03-06-2002).]

[This message has been edited by GT Acoustic (edited 03-06-2002).]

Anthony,

This is pretty good. I don't think I'd bother with the darker alternate lines (which are actually pretty cool) only because I don't think there's much here to suggest that suicide is warranted. Besides, the lyric is dark and moody enough as is without going to extremes. Nice job.

Greg

WOW! After givin' this a read, I don't know why I bother chicken-pecking my weak attempts in song-writing onto this board. Yours reads well, is structured well, and even makes a lot of sense. I don't think the darkest version is needed. It grabs me without the alternate lines. Lookin' good, Anthony! Roy

Anthony,
Some really good lines here.
Especially;

"I don’t need these tears I’m cryin’
That’s why I’m just lettin’ ‘em fall"
and
"Need means weakness
Weakness means fear
but for some reason, I kinda wish you were here"
Whootah,
Bill

Hey bro. Not bad stuff! I'd definitely nuke the alternate dark version. Few cliches snuck in, but i think you can get away with them. One suggestion:

I don’t need a fickle heart that
don’t seem to know it’s been untrue

I don't need a fickle heart
That don't know it's been untrue

Hey Anthony,

Nice job on this one! I liked what you did with it although I would tend towards the version you have now rather than the darker one. Anyhows keep up the good writing!

Later,
Kevin

Pretty good Anthony.
Few over filler flushed and a couple of phrases altered and it will roll no sweat.
Don't think it needs the repeat line .
Anf know it don't need the top your self altrenative.
Glad yo lot are sleeping up there as it gives me the opportunity to edit a bit in I forgot to mention.
Reason I say to kill the repeats is because i see it as a great opportunity to let the guitar say them lines.
Hope i didn't type to heavy annd wake you all.
Paste thoughts here "cos it's easier than typing.
I DON’T NEED YOU
©2002 Anthony Torres
All rights reserved

I don’t need these tears I’m cryin’
That’s why I let them fall
I don’t need the outside world
as long as I’ve got these four walls
I don’t need all our pictures
I can stare at one or two
I may need another whiskey though
To help me not need you


I don’t need a fragile woman
Got troubles of my own
I don’t need no bitter anger
No suppers all alone
I don’t need a fickle heart
That beats to be untrue
I may need time to love again
Once I don’t need you


I’ve never needed much in life
No friends, no dog, no wife
Need are born of weakness
And weakness grows to fear
But now.
For some strange reason.
I feel it.
Now you're not here

I don’t need no prayers or pity
To sleep in a bed I made
I don’t need to hold out hope.
That's false and will soon fade
I don’t need to cry any longer
For a girl I thought I knew
I may want you more than life itself
But I.
Sure Don't
Need you.
( can ad lib I don't need you's til the cows come home for an outro.)
That floats better.
Regards.
Graham

------------------
http://artists3.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/Graham_Henderson/

[This message has been edited by Graham (edited 03-07-2002).]

Allan-- Hi. I'm glad you like this one! I think I had your CD before I started writing this, so I think that title might've stuck in my head. Anyway, thanks for stopping in!

Greg-- Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate it. I'll have a look at your lyric once I'm done here.

Roy-- Hey, thanks! Don't be discouraged, though. Were you the one that wrote that "Margie" lyric? That one was pretty good. Thanks for the look-see!

Bill-- The lines you listed are my exact favorites. Thanks for lookin' and likin'! I appreciate it.

Blake-- Consider the alternate lines nuked. I just put 'em in for the hell of it anyway. I like your suggestion, provided it would work with music. I simply wrote that line the way it is to fit with the meter in my head. Thanks for dropping by!

Kevin-- Hi. Okay, one more vote for the "light" version duly noted. Thanks for the visit and the kind words!

And Graham-- Your version of this, minus a couple things I quibble with (like not having a refrain), is fine in its own right. And I'd be fine with dropping the repeat of the refrain in my version. Yeah, the guitar could say that line just as expressively. Thanks for your thoughts as always. I'm glad you stopped in.

Anthony

Anthony: I've been having one of those nights where I couldn't get excited enough about anything to critique, UNTIL I got to this! Really great writing! My only nits come in the bridge. I just read all the other comments and noone else mentioned these things, but I've never let that stop me. There are a couple of lines in that bridge that I think are too light and distract from the dark feel of this lyric. The first is "No mom, no dog, no friends, no wife". Please, please change that one. The other is "but for some reason, I kinda wish you were here". I think you could get the same idea across much more powerfully without having to change much. With just a little tweaking, this is gonna be fantastic!

Ricki

Boy, this board has been slooow lately! Stan's pretty much gone, Bob Young isn't very active, haven't seen Tink or Frank Williamson around much lately...... I might as well just catch up with this posting. Soooo......

Ricki! Hi. I'm glad you stopped in. I actually pretty much like the bridge as-is. The only word that I can see maybe breaking the mood is "kinda", for some reason. Maybe I could say "really" there instead. But I'm glad you really liked the rest of it! Thanks as always for stopping in.

Anthony

I just changed a couple lines in the bridge cuz Ricki didn't like 'em.

Anthony

Hi Anthony... you noticed I've been AWOL! Yeh, I've had ISP problems, a sick dog, a migraine headache, a torn contact, a cracked lense in my glasses, a getaway in Omaha, and an ice storm... nothin much.

I read this a couple of days ago actually, but never had a chance to respond to it. I had two favorite parts in this lyric.

1) The two opening lines

and

2) The bridge, as is.

The bridge is so sweet, cause it starts off with this tough guy attitude and ends with the , "Yah, but I wouldn't complain if she decided to come back and make me feel all better, cause even though I won't admit it, I'm feeling pretty awful cause she's gone." I thought it was pure brilliance. And very conversational.

I have no nits, I really like it, Anthony. Wonderful writing!!

Tink

Tink! I'm happy to "see" you again. Geez.... a torn dog, a cracked contact, an ice storm at your ISP-- you *have* had problems! I'm really glad you like this lyric. Yeah, you've got the bridge down to a T. I'm glad it came across that way to you. Thanks for stopping in as always.

Anthony

Do you mean to say that you weren't missing me?

I really like this. I don't think you need the bridge at all and nix on the darker version.
Except that I think the bridge is unnecessary, I have no nits at all.

JeanB

[This message has been edited by JeanB (edited 03-09-2002).]

Hi, Jean. Thanks for the bump-up. I don't know what you mean, though. *Should* I be missing you? I'm always glad to see ya stop in, if that's any help.

Perplexedly (is that a word?),

Anthony

Well, gee Anthony, you mentioned Stan, and Frank and Bob and Tink. Sniff … I feel left out. (Kidding) I like the song a lot. I was late in getting to it. Sorry.

JeanB

Hey Anthony,

Skip the alternates. Add the darker lines and you might start a movement. Just kidding!

Instead of fickle heart

I don't need a cold heart or
I don't need a cruel heart

Jean-- LOL! Ohhhhh. To be perfectly honest, I didn't know you were gone. You're a fairly steady presence on the board-- especially lately, thanks to that "Half Past Life" lyric. Thanks for lookin' and likin'!

And jdruss-- Either one of those lines would work well. I'm usually picky about people messing with lines, but not so much when it comes to changing adjectives. Thanks for your thoughts!

Anthony

Hey Anthony,

Thanks for the warning. Sure not out to offend you in any way. Glad I didn't stray away from the adjectives. LOL
Sorry

Anthony, this is excellent.
Please don't use the darker lines...

Kaley

Hi Anthony,

What I was hoping for was something similar to 10CC's "I'm Not In Love" where irony takes the front seat. I can't fault the bridge nor any other part of it - everything works well and there's a bit of irony tagged on with the line "I may want you more than life itself".

I also tried switching the first two verses around and that worked a little better for me. But you might want to try switching lines in and out of verses to see how they work. Personally, I want that "tears" line to come after the bridge to start the last verse. Get all your most visceral images packed into that last salvo...

hobes

jdruss-- You can change any words you want in my lyrics. I was just saying that I'm more likely to like any changes that just involve adjectives.

Kaley-- Thanks for your kind (and almost ellipsis-free! ) words.

And Hobart-- I value your judgment, so I especially appreciate you liking this one. Your idea for switching lines around is intriguing. I just wrote it all as it came to me, but you might have a good point. Thanks for stopping in!

Anthony

Anthony...
When I put you in one of the animal songs..as a MAJOR character...are you gonna sue me for defamation of character ...
and will you sign a contract stating ya won't?????

Kaley

OMG, Kaley-- I had forgotten all about you putting me in one of your songs! Uh oh..... I can see it now-- "Danny the Disagreeable Duck." I won't sue for defamation of character. After all, that implies I have a character to defame.

Can't wait for the song!

Anthony