Hi Mike and Kristi:

Wonderful! Great subject for a song (there's one of these guys in every wedding ).

Lyric and production are superb. Your voice sounds really good on this too, Mike.

My immediate thought is that "Superman in a Tuxedo" is a better title - much more impact.

My only quibble is I'm not sure about the melody on the "Superman" line. It's so unexpected where it goes that it might just take a time or two to grow on me....I'll listen a few more times

This could be a really big thing - a natural to play when Dad dances with the bride!

Scott

Mike and Kristi,
absolutely gorgeous!I can imagine this to be played at many weddings for the father/daughter dance.destined to become a standard imo.
Michelle

Hi you too,

Well this Aussie girl has two children being very naughty at the moment, so I will be back later, when their asleep hah.

Sounds great.

Hugs
Michele

Cool song Michael & Kristi !

Hi Mike and Kristi,

I'll come back later with specifics.

My first reaction would be to write that's very good, lyrics, music, production, performance, arrangement ... I really enjoyed the listen very much.

Now, as we're supposed to help one another to grow as songwriters, I suppose it would be great if I could find one or two things to say that could be improved imho. That would help you to go to the next step.

That's why I'll come back later on, cause you guys are so good, it has become very difficult to find nits at such a level. So, kudos for the time being, and maybe a little try to help later on.

Take care,
yann

Hi Kristi/Mike,

Cool marriage of words/music/vocals, loved everything you're doing here.
GREAT ending !

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Kristi & Mike

Well, now the Kids are sound asleep, well I have to say, it's perfect to my ears, Wozah, as I said to Babette, who needs to listen to the Radio, when I can listen here.

Congratulations to both of you, YIPEE, what a site.

Hugs

Michele

This is really nice. I guess I'm in agreement with the others on the melody where the word tuxedo comes-in. Maybe all of our trained ears want the melody to resolve and go up there..

I had a thought about these lines:

Always there when she's in need
Teaching her about dignity

What about:

Always there when she's in need
A white knight on his noble steed

I think that works better with the Superman in a tuxedo line that follows.

Just what comes to mind after one listen.

Hi Wendy,

I'm glad you thought this nice.

LOL...actually, you heard the corrected version. The melody had "gone up" and that's what some folks didn't like. Now it goes down, and sounds more natural.

I think the "dignity" line works great throughout the song. It's easy to forget that "teaching" is mostly done by setting an example, and this is how I understand the line in the later verses.

Mike

Hi Scott,

Thanks !

Yeah there were competing hooks I thought, so my strategy was to downplay "tuxedo", but made the melody so awkward there, I mean it's the right notes for the chord, but the melody now resolves downward and is much better.

Mike

Kristi and Mike, I love your song. What a beautiful collaboration! he lyric has a very special magic which was brought into music in a superb way. the song stays with me now. It's not only for the weddings, it could be in a movie as well. I think in many functions it could be played with a great success. It starts so lovely with just the voice and the piano and then the instrumentation grows and he production is wonderful. So enjoyable to listen, it warms my heart. Thank you so much for sharing.
Nadia
http://www.songramp.com/homepage.php?userid=27495
http://www.showcaseyourmusic.com/nlcripps
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=936270

Terrific idea and terrific development and execution of the idea. It works together - the music and lyric and draws one in.

Tom

Hi Mike & Kristi,

You make a great team! Wonderful, heartfelt lyrics and the vocals & production are so well done. My only nit seems to be a sticking point for other listeners.

"He holds her as they go
Superman in a tuxedo"

I think they are great lines but the emphasis is on the last line, no matter how you sing it, because it is the last line. What if you reversed them?

"He's superman in a tuxedo
He holds her as they go"

Then you bookend the chorus and put more emphasis on your title/hook. Just a thought.

Ricki

Hi Kristi and Mike,

Another moving collaboration from our resident humble geniuses! This is a classic story, told in a poignant build of lyric and "musication", which yes, could easily become a wedding song standard (though I suppose you'd have to figure out how to tweak the height of the dad on an "as needed" basis!).

Anyhow, like those who came before me, I struggled to find some teensy nits on this. After all we don't want you becoming complacent (I know, that's not exactly likely, but it helps give me some sense of worth ) !! So, I just had a couple of thoughts, which are really only matters of personal preference.

On these lines....

Six foot three, big and brave
Would trade his life to keep her safe

....I don't know that you have to shorten the "v" sound, Mike, to make "brave" sound more like "braif". Given the complexity of the overall instrumentation, I'd actually prefer the less-perfect rhyme with "safe". Interestingly though, it does give it sort of an Irish feel on that word...which I suppose is neither here nor there...but maybe lends a little more majesty to it? I'm just talking off the top of my head now.

As for "tuxedo", that part of the line I thought was actually fine the first time I listened, (though yes, I do like it better now). What I was less crazy about was the pronunciation you used on MAN in Superman. To my ear, it sounds jarringly nasal . I actually went through the rest of the lyric to look for another "short 'a' sound followed by an 'n' " , and found one with the word "band". And you pronounce that word altogether differently...so I guess there's an artistic reason for the direction you chose? I imagine you want it to be a launching pad for the rest of the line and the coming lyrics, but, gee, I dunno...

Those two teensy itty bitty things aside, I have to repeat, it's a wonderful song. Kristi, your lyrics are always so romantic, each song in it's own way...and this topic is the perfect formula for Mike's interpretation.

And Mike, aside from the stunning arrangement, your vocal is thrilling to listen to....very goose-bump-inducing! You show the range and depth and flourish of a seasoned performer on Broadway. Really.

The two of you should be very very proud of this one.

Keep up the good work!

Beth

Kudos to you both on another great collaboration ,

Hi Michelle,

"Absolutely gorgeous" is such a nice thing to say, thanks!
This might be "unique" at Taxi. Lots of weedings in movies...ah, we can dream!

Mike

Hi Michelle B.,

I hear the word "naughty" and it makes me think of the (fake) Roman name "Naughtius Maximus" in the Monty Python movie "the Life of Brian", and then I laugh for half an hour, so thanks.

Later,

Mike

Yet another collaboration, and - like the occasional marriage - "made in heaven".

A wonderful lyric beautifully sung and produced.

Good work, you two.

Donna

Hi again, Mike and Kristi,

I've racked my brains to find something I could nit. It wasn't easy. Here's what I could say, though:
- the song's a wee bit long
- I still don't find the tuxedo line quite satisfactory (melodically speaking, I mean); not that it's bad, but it's not really "obvious" ... at least to my ears.
- the melody and the arrangement are wonderful, a bit Disney-like, I mean it as a compliment, especially with this wedding theme. I think the choruses could stand out more, though. Maybe a mixing stuff, I'm waiting for some sort of crescendo when they start, maybe not a question of dynamics, maybe add some brass, or cymbals, I don't really know ... something that takes the chorus to a higher level.

That's the result of my attempting to add a little something to "I like this a lot". Still, I like this a lot.

Take care,

Yann

Hi Randy,

I really want to thank you for listening closely and helping me hear the "tuxedo" line through your ears.

Having gone over and over this, it's not a matter of it being a secondary hook, like some think, but simply that I modulate "upwards" into a remote key for the chorus, and then I go back "downwards" into the original key, on the word "tuxedo", and any downwards modulation is literally, a downer! I'm going from the key of " D " that the whole chorus is in, back to the key of " C " on the word " tuxedo ", and these things need to be set up extremely carefully, or they do not work. In my case, I did very sloppy work, simply going back to the original key without using any "earmarks" that a normal listener could grab a hold of...aka "cadence formula", or the likes...

As to "dignity", I can see what some might not like about it, but I personally like it a lot, he's teaching her perhaps more by his "presence" in that last verse, being dignified himself, at least that's how the line hits me when I sing it.

Again Randy, thanks for your detailed look at this, I may need to do more with the "tuxedo" line before we take this to Taxi and other places.

Mike

Hi Calvin,

Thank you, I bought those bell samples especially for the ending, and they came in handy.

It's always nice to hear from you. Take care.

Mike

Hi Michelle,

Thanks! A "perfect", a "YIPEE", and a "Wozah" -- and I confess I have absolutely NO idea what that last one means, but I like the way it sounds, , I appreciate you stopping by again!

Mike

My daughter's only 12 so I don't want to think about marriage yet. I'm wondering if the 6'3 reference needed -- it may actually limit the broader applicability of the tune and therefore the commerciality. Just a thought.

Might want to re-cut the pronunciation on super-man, seems a trifle different to me.

Good tune and production.

Kevin

Mike And Kristi,

I just tried to listen. This is one of three I have tried to listen to tonight but was unable to do so. The Soundclcik player simply doesn't load the song. All I get is the blank, white java script window where the player should be loading. I waited three minutes and the song never loaded. I'll try later. Just wanted to let you know I tried!

Alan

Hi Mike and Kristi

Go Team ! : ) -- I love this all the way through -- especially the ending. Normally I would say shorten a song of this length -- but IN This Case - no because EveryOne at the wedding wants that dance to last !..

I love how you build the arrangement here as the verses progress. Guess i missed the first edit on the superman line... but what you have here works for me....

If I Can give you ANy thought for production -it's Only from a personal taste and standpoint -- so with that in mind - I would really play Up a string section where

you begin the last verse of " he holds her' ... right on through building to the end....

Anyway Nice work

Kristi -- this is my favorite part in this.... the writing all the way through is classically appealing for the traditional white lace crowds. Well done !

When the band plays their song
They get up where they belong
He keeps her close with every step
But leads the way

Hi Nadia,

Thanks for the kind words, it means a lot to me that you love this song. I'm glad it "sticks with you", cuz then I know a little better than I wasn't being "biased" when I noticed that it was "sticking to me" too.

Mike

Hi Tom,

I'm glad you were drawn in and found that everything worked together and yes. Kristi has an eye for the "idea less traveled", and her idea's execution was very inspiring to me, and this was truly a joy to set.

Mike

Hi Ricki,

Thanks! I think we make a wonderful team, too!

After puzzling over "tuxedo" for a while, I've figured it out and no, it's not that the line steals hook power from the title or any lyric issue whatsoever, but--and you can appreciate this being a musician yourself...The chorus modulates "up" a whole step from C to D, and then must "come back down" to C, and I had chosen a "direct modulation" to do that...IOW, after a whole chorus in D major, suddenly, on the word "tuxedo", we are back in C, right before the next verse, and it feels like a "let down", and that's because of what happens when you "modulate downward" in a strong fashion, as in a fourth or a whole step. These are strong "backwards movements", and there is nothing wrong with that, just we need to keep in mind that any modulation, with a little care, can be set up to be pleasing to the ear. I was intuitively trying to do this when I gave the little "superman" section a Neil Diamond/Holly Holy chord riff of I/bVII IV/I or D/C G/D ...cuz I HAVE, then prepared the listener for the key of C by "flashing chords that are in common with C major...but an improvement, one I have made that is waiting in the wings, is to use a full on cadence formula of "C/G Gsus4 G", after that "Holly Holy" thing, to really make sure a listener feels "back home" in C, before the next verse begins.

In any case, I slipped a little here because the line bothered me too, and I'm glad you spoke up. This process works!

Thanks again, Ricki

Mike

Hi Beth,

Haha, easy enough:

__ __ __ (insert height here), big and brave

..although if the dad is 5 foot two, big and brave, the results might be less than satisfying.

"Resident humble geniuses" LOL, that's sweet of you, the humble especially. Keeping that is so important, in terms of being creative. If I think I "know something", I lose all my creative powers. I can only write going into a project "tabula rasa" and a little nervous. That, for some reason, works for me.

Looking back on why I chose to sing words the way I did. I do choose a rather short take on "brave" huh? ...and yet, to me, it just feels right...like a truly brave person doesn't need to "strut around like a peacock"...and so perhaps I'm singing the word that way to convey a shade of "humility" upon "brave"..."a humble shade of brave" LOL, as it were...hey, I think I'll go steal some Bach and go write that, you'll have to excuse me.

Of "superman"...I tried a hundred "voices" to sing that line, and it worked singing it like Neil Diamond. So blame Neil for the nasal quality, there. My conception was that these two lines got different music and singing cuz the lyric spotlites him right there, right there a listener envisions that he is a kind of "Superman in a tuxedo", and so I create a "fanfare" with a musical idea similar to a section of Neil Diamond's "Holly Holy" and the singing of the line must penetrate through all the music, and so I tweaked my voice just like Neil would there, so it would cut through the mix. I guess it's not everyone's cup of tea!

I'm glad that our work has induced goose bumps, Beth! That's such a nice thing to say.

Mike

Hi Randy,

Thanks for the return visit.

Another thing that happens: sometimes when we get real familiar with a piece...real close to it, we can come to like certain details "in spite of them being less than perfect", especially if the team effort is otherwise good...

Hopefully Kristi will drop by and chime in as to the intentionality of these words on her part.

I know when I write, I let a lot of what I'm doing "happen" on a "magic" level, without too much analysis, and then only much later put on that hat!

Thanks again,

Mike

Hey everybody…

Scott, Michelle C, Michele B, Randy, Yann, Calvin, Michele B (!) Wendy, Nadia, Tom S, Ricki, Beth, Randy (!), Donna, Yann (!), Kevin, Alan, & Joice…….

Thanks so much for your comments and wonderful “eyes and ears”!

I have to admit, this song hits me in a soft place….and as with any song, would like to make it the best possible song, so I really appreciate hearing all your feedback. (I’m still waiting to hear my dad’s reaction to it!) You all have such keen ears…I am amazed!

Specifically, I’ll address those w/lyric ideas as Mike has addressed the music.

Scott – “Superman in a tuxedo” as the title is something I hadn’t thought about, I guess because I wrote it with the idea in mind that he’s “holding her” (on every level) and finds the strength to also let go (on certain levels)….Superman is her view of him but I can see how that line makes an impression. Hmmmm….. Thanks for the food for thought and your very generous comments!

Randy –The “but” you mention…I went back to my original draft and you know what? It says, “And leads the way!” Then, on one draft I simply put a line thru “And” and wrote in “But". Ha ha So, you see, my mind went various places there. (I think, though, it came down to his strength…but (lol) I'd hate to tell people how to interpret something....) ....I’ll tell you what I told Stan about the dignity line: I think teaching that is not limited to young girls…..always room to keep teaching a bit of dignity! Your crits always have depth to them and I appreciate the time you take to offer help. Thanks for your very nice comments…this was critiqued on Lyric 3 about a year ago and I received a LOT of help with it.

Wendy – Yeah, that dignity line, I’m kind of partial to….note what I tell Randy above….although your idea certainly would fit very nicely. Thanks for your input!

Ricki – Flipping the Superman line with the “he holds her” line is a good idea, although I like how it kind of sneaks in there for added impact. But I see what you mean about bookending the chorus…..appreciate the suggestion, Ricki!

Beth & Kevin – You guys mention the 6’3” line….remember, this is HER perception of him…not necessarily a literal line there….(cuz he’s not really Superman either….!)

Alan – Thanks for letting us know you tried! I do appreciate that!

Joice –....always appreciate knowing your perspective!

Thanks again all….very much appreciated!

Kristi

Hi Mike:

I like that line much better in this version! Very cool!

Your voice on "Superman" actually sounds more like Springsteen (on his more recent stuff) to me than Neil Diamond. But I'm a huge Springsteen fan so it worked for me.

Scott

Hi Wendy & Mike,

I finally got it to stream at the GarageBand site.

This is so nicely done. It's a great lyric with perfect music. And Mike your voice is wonderful on this. Your pitch is near perfect and the delivery works. I didn't hear the version before you "corrected" whatever was wrong.

I can find but one tiny nit, and that is the length. I wonder if that would dilute its appeal to the commercial market. I don't know. Just a thought, FWIW.

Very enjoyable! Good luck with it.

Alan

Hi Mike/ Kirsti,

Went back to listen to this wonderful song. I just love the chorus melody you did for this, just fantastic!

Funny how Scott mentioned the Disney like quality.. First time I listened, untill I got to second verse, I actually got the idea that this was about a boy. Hence the line "Superman in a tuxedo" made sense to me :-) lol

It still does, but I can't stop thinking about what impact this would give if the story really was about a boy :-) Of course, that would suggest somewhat major changes in the lyric as the development now is quite different, and also works very cleverly. So just a fun thought.

Im not sure the melody/harmony part of the line "Superman in a Tuxedo" works for me yet. I wanted to compare it with the first version, but You'd took it down I think, as I couldn't find it?
Anyway, Im not the writer here, I know, but I still feel responsible for my comment, so I think I need to keep at it, so you at least can say 'no, that's not the way to go' :-)

In the chorus, I would have liked to hear the downward motion continue all the way down to A (on the superman line) instead of doing the modulation and end the chorus on C. With A the chorus get's an ending in D, and then you can put in a transitional chord (eg Am7) to get back to C (or you can stay in D, and then modulate to E for the next chorus - that would be in line with the lyric course of the song). Sorry, just throwing up some ideas, that's my nature. I know A is the subdominant (and the marriage has just started), but it still sounds like it finishes the progression (and lyrically, her time before the marriage) in D before moving on. That way that 'superman' line would not sound like a transitional line, but feel like the last part of a chorus (and you could still sing the tonic D in the melody). (I did try it myself, but had difficulties pulling it off).

Anyway, you'd probably not want too many changes at this point, and you could play it and see if it catches on. If not, I just had some fun listening closely to your song, as well as enjoying your wonderful performance on this as well as the slick production.

Take care.

Hi Gang, told ya I'd Be Baack..heh!

OK..I'm growing Fonder by The Minute. It's Potential "Classic"..for-sure.

MIGHT wanna add "HE's six foot three, big & brave" to that last chorus.

I'd also sug "The man with promises..he'll keep" insteada that "dignity" line which STILL has a Draconian Mist to it, every time I hear it. ;-)>

Back to the "Length" Issue. Maybe a few Less "Dramatic Pauses" per-verse/chorus, Amigo. This Baby takes 1-second-shy of a Full Minute to hit Chorus One. 2 Min's to run 1V-to-Chorus 1 end. 3:24 to end Chorus 2.
The Mod-Up-Excitement begins at 3:33, by which time MOST songs are over & done-with. 4:00 it begins the Last Chorus...Dad "Lets Go" at 5:10 & it comes-in a second shy of a Whopping 5:30.

Yes, It's Dramatic & Moving. As-Is, "Movie Cut" comes to mind..but for that "Commercial Hit"..think Somehow a Minute's-Worth of Something's gotta Go. BET ya can whack 30-45 Seconds'-Worth off with Smaller-Gaps in the Singing/a scosh more speed in the Music. No need to "Hurry" it..but Condense..somehow?

Anyways, I'm Moved..It's a Good One, real Close to Great. & this is Just One Man's O.

Big Good-Luck Hugs, Guys!
Stan

Looks like there have been plenty of nits, so I'll just say I like this song. It's really nice and could very well be a sandard at weddings.

Hi Donna,

"Made in heaven"...

Thanks,

Mike

Hi Yann,

Well, thank goodness you didn't rack your brains and then shoot a game of pool with them, that might have been painful!

But seriously, I appreciate you taking the time. Yes, the "tuxedo" line needs a proper cadence formula in C, to give the listener the signpost he's back in the "home key"...I've got some strings and pianos doing just that, and we may post it.

Yes, string crescendos in the chorus would be something to add, but I didn't want to spend three months on the demo, not all at once at least, so made some decisions as to what was essential and what was "bells and whistles"...

Thanks again Yann,

MIke

Thanks Kevin,

The superman line was difficult to melodicize. Melodicate? lol...

I like it, though, it is different. I like to think it's nicely unique, though it does remind me of how Neil Diamond might phrase that.

Thanks,

Mike

Hi Joice,

Your thoughts and support mean a lot to me.

I agree about the strings, and have already done a little more with them.

Thanks again, Joice!

Mike

Hi Scott,

I love Bruce, and I envy his husky yet sensitive voice.

I'm still "tweaking" the tuxedo line a little bit. I believe things that start out the weakest can end up the strongest, this particular line needed time, cuz I had never put myself in the position of having to modulate back to " C " from " D ", and was rather stymied.

Thanks for the return visit and the support!

Mike

Hi Al,

I'm glad you were finally able to listen, and enjoyed what you heard. It runs a little long for certain formats; we'll consider ideas about shortening it, for sure.

Mike

I'm glad I didn't hear this one until now.. I just walked my little girl down the aisle saturday, and yep I was wearing a tux., then they drove off.....but I'm gaining a son Nice one you guys.

Hi Magne,

I'm glad you enjoy and hear enough potential in playing through it yourself to come back and relate what you've been hearing.

I think it's the F|C/E|F|C/E (E in the bass), over "six foot three...)" that makes the chorus. I first noticed that in a Nick Drake piece called "Fly", some 35 years ago, and made a mental note to use it some day, when it seemed appropriate.

I like the idea of going directly to am7 from D, instead of to C. am7 relates to both keys better, and would probably sound good. I probably wouldn't have to redo everything right there to get that either, simply have the bass focus on " a " right there...

I'm trying all kinds of things there, but think I'll sleep on it--on any drastic change to the music at this point. It'll sound great, though, when it's finally finished, that's all I know for sure.

Mike

Hi Stan,

Thanks for coming back again and your always thoughtful input.

"Draconian mist", ey? I don't think you mean Upper case, literally enforcing "Draco's law", but small case "draconian", meaning exceedingly harsh or severe, and if so I understand where you're coming from, still do.

I just don't get that feeling myself there. I think the word "teaching" is what may be causing some problems, because for some, teaching means teachers and schoolbooks and pointy fingers and lectures, etc...whereas for others "teaching" has a wider berth, can mean "by example" and certainly fathers teach their offspring more by "being who they are", and setting examples for their children, both good AND bad, since the dawn of "the family". I don't think the word "dignity" is the problem, cuz in this context it means having self-respect, and carrying oneself with a respectful demeanor, certainly important things that dads have been teaching daughters and sons alike, simply by being living, breathing examples of such "dignity".

Certainly most dads are not literally (school) teachers, and I don't get a feeling this tall dad is walking around with his "Notes on Dignity", with which he lectures his daughter with, in Draconian fashion. But I respect you are saying this is just how the line "hits" you, and I know you are not alone here.

Stan, if Kristi and I have a conversation about what our goals for this piece are, and we decide that having commercial success with it is important, then maybe "length", at that point, would become an issue, and we would then "whack" a few seconds off here and there.

Until then, it's going over to Taxi and looking for a home in a nice movie or TV show!

I'm glad you're think this is a good one, and respect your opinions on the matters we've discussed.

Mike

Good solid work Kristi & Mike! Lots of chords, just how I like a song. Number one wedding song of 2009? Could be!

I know; the song holds up even without a wedding, but it would make a great bride & groom dance song.

Thumbs up!

Best, John

Hi Roy,

Thanks for the kind words!

A "wedding standard" boggles my mind. That would be great!

We'll be trying out various avenues of marketing with this one, for sure.

Mike

Hi Louis,

Congrats on the new addition to the family!

That musta been a little strange listening to a "recount" of recent events in a song!

Thanks Louis.

Mike

Hi John,

There's that modulation in the chorus, and so yes, some variety harmonically. My one thought while composing was to use the "up a third" rule a lot in the harmonic progression, so you get C | Em and D | F#m in the verses and chorus respectively, and kinda sets the mood and tells me what chords to use from there.

Thanks for the thumbs up!!!

Mike