Young female singer...

He Touched Me (And I Liked It)
© MAY 4, 2009

V
First car date
A roller coaster
Puts his arm
Across my shoulders
All these feelings
Running through me
Sixteen years
I thought I knew me
Dad will shoot me
V
Every nerve is
At the border
Waiting for his
Marching orders
Time is passing
Need to hurry
Curfew is
Eleven-thirty
Passion's fury
C
He touched me and I liked it
I told him not to do it
It really felt exciting
He touched me and I liked it
But if my Father knew it
He'd ground me for a lifetime
V
Sunday morning
Dad is staring
Notices
The look I'm wearing
Eat a piece of
Toast with gravy
Off to church
The Lord will save me...
Someday, maybe
V
Cell phone vibrates
Late that evening
Asking if I'd
Like to see him
Through the window
At ten-thirty
Suddenly start
Feeling dirty...
Says "Don't worry"

He touched me and I liked it
I told him not to do it
It really felt exciting
He touched me and I liked it
But if my Father knew it
He'd ground me for a lifetime
BRDG
The smell of liquor, have I lost my mind
Seen this movie half a dozen times
And at the end the young girl always cries
I say, "Drive safely, this won't be the night"
FINAL C
He touched me and I liked it
I told him not to do it
It really felt exciting
He touched me and I liked it
But if I'd followed through with it
By now I might lay dying

Interesting story... makes me pause and nod :-)

I agree with Sparrow. You had me smiling as I read and sadden at the end. Quite an interesting story.

Douglas

Thank you Sparrow and Doug.

fnf

Hate to say it, but I'd lose the car crash at the end. You had a hit song going, and the hook is exactly what the title is...so how does that twist at the end relate to that? After hearing it, the listener might remember the hook, or might remember the tragic ending...what, a morality tale on the dangers of drinking and driving...or a cute and obsessive song about young lust...?

I really like everything before that, but I think the song would benefit by keeping it simple.

By the way, I LOVE breaking the "rules" and suddenly departing from something that's expected...it's just that in this case, I think it dilutes your song rather than strengthens it.

Good stuff!

-Mark

I was getting into this, makes me think of the song, I kissed a girl and I liked it as far as some of the meter... but the car crash stopped it cold. jmho. If you leave that part out, I think you have a winner. Kimberly

Hey Mark, Hi Kim,

Hey, I'm easy. If something isn't working (even if it's true), consider it excised! I almost posted it without the end, figuring I would get feedback. Took a week, but I'm pleased to hear something from you folks.

Thanks!
fnf

I'm with Kaufman and Kimberlyincc. Liked the whole story line, didn't like the end. The song isn't about a public service announcement, it's about being young and naughty (something we can ALL relate to...I think...anyone else with me here? LOL). If you want to write a drinking and driving song, I'd set the scene earlier. Other than that, it's just teens having hot fun!

Polly,

I have heard enough! The comicradgy will be only a hot teen tale.

Thanks!
fnf

fnf,
then I definitely wont tell you that I agree with the others...i will just sit back quietly and say nothing until you do the right thing...lol
Michelle

MC,

Looking at the time of your post, I had already excised the last bit...meaning "done the right thing". Grunchies...seems like I have more people reading the reviews than I do my (so-called) lyric! (Maybe I'll start writing lyrics about reviews )

Thanks,
fnf

FNF,
sorry bout that lol...this is what happened...i read your lyric,then I read the comments...i typed in my reply and I had an emergency situation(before I could send it)...honestly.my mother had to call the ambulance for me and everything.I had a pretty bad asthma attack.That comment was supposed to be sent much earlier,but apparently someone(Im guessing one of my kids) thought that they were doing me a favor and sent the comment,then proceeded to sign in to thier myspace accts.sorry bout the timing thing.I read your lyric and i like it very much.
as far as your idea on writing lyrics about reviews...you never know,it just might catch on.....i was talking to a friend only yesterday about how many misunderstandings must occur because of computers and texting....sorry if this was another case of that very thing.

Frank,
I can't comment on the lyric. I've only read the replies. They have been very entertaining.

Actually I htink this will make a great song.

Have fun,
John

Oh, TELL me about it gal! I've been on the verge of world war 3 many times over what proved to be complete misunderstandings, for any # of reasons, including SENT mails that WEREN'T sent, as well as sent mails that wouldn't have been sent had the next mail been opened..well, u know how it goes!

Hey, I am so sorry about your asthma. That's a frightening thing. All the best, and thanks for re-responding...well, actually, this would qualify as your official FIRST response, wouldn't it?
fnf

John,

You nut case. You should ALWAYS comment on the comments before bothering with the lyric! Now, your comment (on the comments) was?

Thanks, John
fnf