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#709698 - 04/10/09 11:55 AM Blown Away  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,894
Ricki E. Bellos Offline
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Ricki E. Bellos  Offline
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Wisconsin
Hi All. I've still don't have my uptempo groove on. Maybe next time. This could be about a lover leaving or a dying parent, whatever gets you through.

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7476765

BLOWN AWAY
©Ricki E. Bellos

In this window I can still see myself
As if I were somebody else
I move in no set direction
A storm brews in my reflection

Oh now the blowing wind
Begins

I could tell by the look on your face
You were stranded in some darkened place
You were leaving and I could not go
I was crying but couldnít let it show

Oh hear the wind howl
Out loud

I thought more time would make me strong
There isnít time enough to last that long
I was ready when the day had come
But not when day was done

I have dreams that do not include you
I believe they will someday come true
What I need is a redeeming diversion
To erase this latest desertion

Oh how the wind blows
So cold

Oh how the wind knows
My soul

#709751 - 04/10/09 03:50 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,107
Michael Zaneski Offline
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Michael Zaneski  Offline
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California
Hi Ricki,

The first verse has some very powerful imagery, culminating in "a storm brews in my reflection" ...a spine tingly opening for me...this really has me on the edge of my seat!

Because of the way the movie unfolds, the second verse can indeed have multiple readings; my first impression was that with

I could tell by the look on your face
You were stranded in some darkened place
You were leaving and I could not go


the singer is still referring to/addressing her reflection. An interesting development, if so, with "you were leaving and I could not go", in that ...that would mean part of the singer had died, was now dead, and wasn't hanging around...

This "reading" can exist up to "I have dreams that do not include you" which forces me into a more modest interpretation, perhaps one that you've suggested. It makes V1 a bit of a red herring, but I can see you've written it that way to show she is indeed a little "beside herself", feeling like a stranger to herself, at least with the help of a damp window pane.

This is another powerful song for me, but this time it's the serious "feel" of the music that pushes more common thematic material into someplace unique.

The singer has lived through a loss of some kind, as you suggest, and she's working her way through vulnerable moments, but she's basically strong, and has a vision of the future as a brighter place, and says all this in believable way, like a real, very tangible human person.

I thought more time would make me strong
There isnít time enough to last that long


it's an interesting way of saying that. The singer seems to disappear in the bottom line, it's an interesting effect of grammar, how that happens, I think it makes the line very strong, in that, if the singer DID attempt that longest of waits, she's intuiting perhaps that she herself WOULD somehow disappear. You seem to have said all that, with a tiny bit of "imperfect grammar", and it's another chilling moment for me smile

I was ready when the day had come
But not when day was done


The singer now reveals she has been to this dark place, that she was ready for it, but didn't expect to be "made unready"
(dismantled?) by it. Again nice writing, easy to read and sing, a little more complicated under the surface.

I have dreams that do not include you
I believe they will someday come true
What I need is a redeeming diversion
To erase this latest desertion


Now the singer ends with a resolution, a focused thought, a redemptive idea. It's the only bland writing in the lyric, imo, but I think the "flatness" more resides in the material than the presentation, and it might actually be a necessary "side effect" of the singer having to "get it all together" and make all these swimming (lyrical, poetic) thoughts "come to a head" (more prosaic)...

The music is a perfect match. It creates impressions in me of being in a very lonely or isolated or even "holy" place, and finding something worthwhile and beautiful and redemptive there, holding on to it, explore the possibilities of it; and together with the words, the possibility of a more "whole" and holy self to get through those bleak looking days to come.

Once again, enjoying your music, Ricki smile

Mike



Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 04/10/09 04:29 PM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#709807 - 04/10/09 07:40 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Joice Marie Offline
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Hi Ricki

The writing on this is so super. As I read Mike's notes I could only agree with every word. Real fine job you are doing. Guess it was Easier for me to think of it as a Lover - but maybe that's personal too. smile jm


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#709816 - 04/10/09 07:59 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: Joice Marie]  
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Louis Offline
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Well Mike beat me to it. I was gonna say what he said, lol, just kidding.. Enjoyed. smile


http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
#709828 - 04/10/09 08:53 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: Louis]  
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Ricki E. Bellos Offline
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Ricki E. Bellos  Offline
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Wisconsin
Hi Mike,

Wow! You put more into that critique than I did into writing the song! It never dawned on me that someone would think V2 was directed at the singer. I try not to make a habit out of talking to myself in the third person smile Anymore!
Your analysis of the lyrics isn't right or wrong. I don't want to be too terribly specific, beyond getting across the feeling of isolation, dealing with a difficult loss, trying not to fall apart but doing so anyway, and then seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. If that much is understood, I'll consider it a success. Thanks for taking so much time with this and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Ricki

#709881 - 04/11/09 03:05 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Ricki E. Bellos Offline
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Ricki E. Bellos  Offline
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Hi JM,

Thanks so much for listening and sharing your thoughts. It means a lot.

Ricki

#709882 - 04/11/09 03:06 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
Joined: Apr 2008
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Ricki E. Bellos Offline
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Ricki E. Bellos  Offline
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Wisconsin
Hi Louis,

Haven't seen much of you around here lately. Thanks for having a listen and I'm glad you enjoyed.

Ricki

#709896 - 04/11/09 08:03 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
Joined: Apr 2002
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Calvin Offline
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Calvin  Offline
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Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hi Ricki,

I don't care if you EVER get uptempo.
BLOWN AWAY, that's me, thanks !
I really like what you're doing here.
Very sad, but your voice is sooooo peaceful.

I liked it all but liked this the best..

You were leaving and I could not go
I was crying but couldnít let it show


and this...
I was ready when the day had come
But not when day was done


Proud to know somebody as talented as you.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#709928 - 04/11/09 04:04 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,107
Michael Zaneski Offline
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Michael Zaneski  Offline
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California
Hi Ricki,

I think you spent more than half an hour writing your song, lol!

Maybe my reading of V2 is over-influenced by Cinema; but in well made movies, nothing is there accidentally. Every scene, every word, has a purpose in pushing along the narrative.

And so your first verse is spent setting up a scene where the singer sees her own reflected "face" during a storm, and like it's "another person". Then, the very first line of the second verse is "I could tell by the look on your face". So, thinking that "everything is written the way it it for a reason, with purpose", I easily thought that the singer was either talking to her reflection or to herself. The way you have set up that transition makes my reading a natural one!

I'm doing no such serious thing as "critiquing" this particular lyric; I consider you an "artist" and so try to steer away from "craft talk"...just sharing with you, my impressions of what your writing says to me, and by no means am I asking you to reveal any secrets behind the words. Quite the opposite, actually. The lyric loses much, it's universality for one, if one knows the personal details driving the words smile

Best wishes,

Mike

Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 04/11/09 06:50 PM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#710016 - 04/12/09 12:31 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: Michael Zaneski]  
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,235
Ian Ferrin Offline
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Ian Ferrin  Offline
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Close to WalMart
Hi Ricki,

I think the melody of the verses and chorus is pretty brilliant. Very deliberate and the interplay of the melody with your guitar is VERY interesting.

I don't care much about the verse with "redeeming diversion" and "latest desertion". I think your song might be stronger if you eliminated this verse. Also if you eliminate this verse, your departing, before the last chorus words would be "I was ready when the day had come But not when day was done". That might be a far stronger close than "latest desertion".

Regardless, super nicely done,

Peace,

Ian


Soundclick http://www.soundclick.com/ianferrin
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#710021 - 04/12/09 01:01 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ian Ferrin]  
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Polly Hager Offline
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Cincinnati, OH USA
I'm not as schooled as everyone else...all I can say is...I'm blown away! Wow! smile


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#710030 - 04/12/09 02:06 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: Polly Hager]  
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Letha Allen Offline
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Michigan
Ricki,

Hauntingly beautiful song and rendition. Going in to listen again,evokes my emotions and that is a great song to me.

Letha

#710067 - 04/12/09 10:15 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: Letha Allen]  
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Mark Schuessler Offline
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Lockport, NY, USA
Ricki:

This is just fantastic! I listened several times. I loved it the first time and then it grew on me! Seriously, this is a very well crafted song that connects with the listener...and that's the goal. Congratulations.

Mark


"In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not."
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=756982
#710174 - 04/13/09 12:06 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: Mark Schuessler]  
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Ricki E. Bellos Offline
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Ricki E. Bellos  Offline
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Hi Calvin,

Thanks so much for stopping by for a listen. Your comments always make me smile.

Ricki

#710177 - 04/13/09 12:15 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Ricki E. Bellos Offline
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Ricki E. Bellos  Offline
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Hi Mike,

It always takes me by surprise when people can't read my mind and figure out what I'm thinking. I get frustrated with my husband because even after 30 years he still can't do it! smile I'm happy that you like the song, whatever you take away from it. Thanks.

Ricki

#710178 - 04/13/09 12:21 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Ricki E. Bellos Offline
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Ricki E. Bellos  Offline
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Hi Ian,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Your comments are always welcome.
I don't agree with eliminating the last verse though. I'm open to a re-write if a better idea comes along, but I want a light at the end of a very long tunnel and feel that this verse gives that. I'm glad you like this one.

Ricki

#710179 - 04/13/09 12:22 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Ricki E. Bellos Offline
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Ricki E. Bellos  Offline
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Hi Polly,

Wow! Thanks! Keep grooving!

Ricki

#710180 - 04/13/09 12:36 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Greg C. Brown Offline
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Greg C. Brown  Offline
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Just a beautiful melody, plain and simple, Ricki! I was carried away from the very first note.

Lyrically, you've created something subtle and dramatic at the same time. I especially liked this section:

I thought more time would make me strong
There isnít time enough to last that long
I was ready when the day had come
But not when day was done


Wonderful writing!

Greg


If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding.
#710243 - 04/13/09 12:01 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: Greg C. Brown]  
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Tom Shea Offline
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The bais of the song is the intro melody that keeps developing through the song - it catches my attention right from the start - very effective. The interplay of the lyrics (their sounds), the melody and the guitar are quite something - subtle interplays that work so well. Nicely crafted.

Tom


Thomas Shea

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#710247 - 04/13/09 12:16 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: Tom Shea]  
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Jean Bullock Offline
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Hi, Ricki!

I like the chorus on this one. I felt the melody of the verses could use some more dramatic movement, especially in the second line of the verse.

Good luck to you.

Last edited by Jean Bullock; 04/13/09 12:44 PM.

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#710248 - 04/13/09 12:17 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: Tom Shea]  
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John Lawrence Schick Offline
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PA
Bravo Ricki! You couldn't have captured it better. You show the power of a simple guitar/vocal arrangement.

Oh hear the wind howl
Out loud


Unique chorus. I love what you do with the melody here.

Best, John

#710259 - 04/13/09 01:05 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: John Lawrence Schick]  
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Vicki Shields Offline
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Ricki- Nice job...I like the subtle changes in the chorus and especially the third verse...nice writing.


Open to co-writers and collaborations with other lyricists and/or musicians.
#710268 - 04/13/09 01:48 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: Vicki Shields]  
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Ricki E. Bellos Offline
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Ricki E. Bellos  Offline
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Hi Letha,

Thanks for giving this a listen. Evoking emotions means my mission is accomplished!

Ricki

#710270 - 04/13/09 01:49 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
Joined: Apr 2008
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Ricki E. Bellos Offline
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Ricki E. Bellos  Offline
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Wisconsin
Hi Mark,

Thanks for the "fantastic"! I appreciate your listening and letting me know.

Ricki

#710271 - 04/13/09 01:52 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Hi Greg,

Thanks so much for taking time to listen and let me know. I appreciate the beautiful and wonderful comments!

Ricki

#710388 - 04/14/09 03:44 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Ian Ferrin Offline
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Ian Ferrin  Offline
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Close to WalMart
I still love this tune Ricki,

Originally Posted by Ricki E. Bellos

I want a light at the end of a very long tunnel and feel that this verse gives that.

To me, "latest desertion" implies you're going to stick around in this awful relationship. The "day was done" verse, to me, leans more toward really leaving.

Regardless, nice job.

Peace,

Ian


Soundclick http://www.soundclick.com/ianferrin
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'Hammers don't build houses. People build houses' - Me

What happened before the big bang? What's the universe expanding into? Did you know the speed of gravity is the speed of light?
#710397 - 04/14/09 04:41 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ian Ferrin]  
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ant Offline
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California
RIcki,

NIce tune. I like your lyrics, but I've mostly been impressed with your melodies, and I see a good start here.

On this one, I think you're not taking advantage of a great melody on the chorus.

From

-- Oh now the blowing wind

you wrap it up too soon and fall back to

-- Begins

Honestly, most of the song is a bit monotone, which is not necessarily bad. But that line -- "Oh now the blowing wind" -- if you built on it, would make this a much better song. That's the line that lifts the song, but you let it fall back to soon. I hear that line repeated at least once, with perhaps a 3rd line before the wrap up line "Begins". Or better yet, end the chorus with a bit more interesting melody.

On the verses, it seems you're a little melodically uncommitted. I suggest thinking of lines 3/4 on the verses as a small "lift" before the chorus.

..ant




My albums "Rhythms of Life" and "Out On The Road" are on Bandcamp, Spotify and Apple Music.
#710593 - 04/14/09 08:16 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: ant]  
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Hi Tom,

Thanks so much for stopping by to listen and comment. I'm glad it worked for you.

Ricki

#710594 - 04/14/09 08:23 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Hi Jean,

Thanks for listening and commenting. I know what you mean about more dramatic movement and I usually try to do that. I guess I was going more for a barely contained calm on the surface keeping all the emotion boiling underneath.
"I was crying but couldnít let it show"
Anyway, thanks for taking time with it.

Ricki

#710596 - 04/14/09 08:25 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Hi John,

I don't think I ever got a "bravo" before. Thanks for listening and I'm glad you liked it.

Ricki

#710597 - 04/14/09 08:26 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Hi Vicki,

Thanks for listening and commenting. I appreciate the praise on the writing.

Ricki

#710673 - 04/15/09 01:11 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Hi Ant,

Thanks for giving this a listen and for commenting. I'm glad you like the lyrics. You're not the only one that feels the melody is a bit bland. I wasn't "uncommitted", just trying to keep it simple and understated. Win some, loose some!

Ricki

#710707 - 04/15/09 08:10 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Kevin Emmrich Online content
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Crozet, VA
Yea, I thought you were going to do a rocker next (LOL)! Another well thought out and composed tune from you. The lyrics are well written, but "vague" enough to be interpreted as we wish. Nice job, as usual.

Kevin


"Good science comes in peer reviewed journals. Conspiracy theories come in YouTube videos. "
Kevin @ bandcamp: Crows Say Vee-Eh (and Kevin @50/90 2019)
#710840 - 04/15/09 04:28 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Hey Ricki,

Better late than never, I suppose. The problem is, I'm running out of accolades for your songs!! grin

I suppose I could succumb and check out that Thesaurus.com business...but it simply comes down to you being a tremendous, intuituve and talented singer/songwriter. It's such a pleasure knowing that I will NEVER be disappointed with where you take us...I just open my ears, sit back and enjoy the ride.

With this lyric in particular, I enjoyed the fact that the scenario/players are left to the imagination of the listener. Regardless, these passages in particular are my favorites:

You were leaving and I could not go
I was crying but couldnít let it show


and this whole verse is stellar:

I thought more time would make me strong
There isnít time enough to last that long
I was ready when the day had come
But not when day was done


Truly, exceptional use of the different elements of time...

SO, yeah, I guess, this was a pretty good one too, Limey. wink

Thanks for sharing! I'm so glad I finally made the time to take a listen....

Ciao for now,
Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

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"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#710987 - 04/16/09 12:29 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
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Ricki,

I loved the melody to this. To me, the words and the melody fit like a glove and it gave me this wistful melancholy feeling. I didn't pay much attention to the words. I loved the melody on your chorus too. I liked the last two lines, the wind blows cold, the wind knows my soul..fantastic. Another really fine one by you.


http://www.reverbnation.com/wendydumond

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You think I'm just another jive folk singer but I'm a master in the art of criminology..Tom Russell
#710995 - 04/16/09 12:48 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: Wendy D]  
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Lakeland, FL, USA
Hi Ricki:

"I thought more time would make me strong
There isnít time enough to last that long"

That line is heartbreaking - and may be one of the single best lines I've heard here.

The others are great too - you write some powerful stuff and this is at the top of the list. Perfect delivery too...

Scott

#711025 - 04/16/09 05:12 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: Scott Campbell]  
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Ricki,

You are the "Queen of Prosody"! Such a beautiful marriage music and lyric. And your delivery is so wonderful.

I haven't read the other reviews, but I suspect I'm not the first one to say that the title pretty much sums up how I feel about this song. I don't think sadness has been written this eloquently before. If so, I've not heard it yet.

This is a wionderful song, performed equally well. All the best.

Alan

#711175 - 04/16/09 04:42 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: Two Singers]  
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Hi Kevin,

Thanks for listening and commenting. A rocker. Yeah. That's a good one. smile

Ricki

#711179 - 04/16/09 04:45 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Hi Beth,

Thanks so much for stopping to listen and comment. I know you have a lot on your plate right now so I feel doubly honored that you took the time. Your accolades are always welcome. You can repeat any of them as often as you wish. smile

Ricki

#711180 - 04/16/09 04:49 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Hi Wendy,

Thanks for listening and I'm glad you liked it and took the time to tell me.

Ricki

#711181 - 04/16/09 04:54 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Hi Scott,

Thanks for the warm fuzzies. This one is on my list of favs. I'm glad you took the time to listen.

Ricki

#711185 - 04/16/09 04:59 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Hi Alan,

Thanks for stopping by and commenting. "Queen of Prosody" I like that! No one has mentioned that the title doesn't appear in the song. I'm glad that isn't an issue. Once that phrase entered my mind, I couldn't shake it and now can't imagine any other title.
I'm glad you like this one.

Ricki




#711186 - 04/16/09 05:00 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Sam Wilson Offline
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Nashville, TN USA
Y'know what, Ricki?

I read through this piece and then I saw your little siggy down at the bottom of the page.......

Keep or sweep, but I thought that it might make a neat little outro/tag......


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#711218 - 04/16/09 06:14 PM Re: Blown Away [Re: Sam Wilson]  
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france
Hi Ricki,

I'm late to the party, but I guess it won't hurt if I say that I really enjoyed this listen. Thanks. Take care,

Yann.


"Honey, I know, I know, I know times are changin' / It's time we all reach out 4 something new" (Prince)

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Yann-Causeret/113543418669413?ref=nf
#711388 - 04/17/09 02:18 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: yann]  
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Hi Sam,

Thanks for stopping by with that cool suggestion. I didn't see the connection. Might be interesting. Thanks.

Ricki

#711389 - 04/17/09 02:19 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Hi Yann,

Thanks for coming to the party, better late than never. I'm glad you enjoyed your stay and it never hurts to say so!

Ricki

#711390 - 04/17/09 02:23 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Ricki,

One of the greatest songs of the 60s didn't have the title anywhere in the song and it did pretty good: "Unchained Melody". That's not bad company!

Alan

#711391 - 04/17/09 02:24 AM Re: Blown Away [Re: Two Singers]  
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And there was another one in the 80s on the country charts by Rosanne Cash: "Blue Moon With Heartache". The words appear in the lyric, but not in the context of the title.

Alan


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