Who's Online Now
23 registered members (couchgrouch, Dave Rice, CTthomas, Brian Austin Whitney, ckiphen, Everett Adams, Fdemetrio, Chris Wood, 5 invisible), and 494 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
joyceonthekeys
joyceonthekeys
Chicago, IL
Posts: 34
Joined: February 2006
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
Edit: ALL Corona Virus Post MUST Go Here
by Moosesong. 08/10/20 11:12 PM
I was only me
by ckiphen. 08/10/20 05:25 PM
"I Saw Jesus Today" Country
by Steve Altonian. 08/10/20 02:50 PM
Hang On To Yourself
by Steve Altonian. 08/10/20 02:33 PM
I Paint the Town
by couchgrouch. 08/10/20 10:56 AM
How Many Fingers Am I Holdin' Up
by kevinism. 08/10/20 06:45 AM
Best Moment Of My Life Original Song
by E Swartz. 08/09/20 07:43 PM
Piano (instrumental)
by Irwin. 08/08/20 11:49 PM
This is for collaboration
by Irwin. 08/08/20 11:44 PM
I Wear My Heart
by John W. Selleck. 08/08/20 10:27 PM
limericks
by CTthomas. 08/08/20 04:39 PM
It’s Getting Pretty Complicated Right Now
by CTthomas. 08/08/20 03:51 PM
Hey Moonlight - Lyrics Mike Blottenberger
by Gavin Sinclair. 08/08/20 10:12 AM
A heart in Love never lies
by ckiphen. 08/07/20 09:28 AM
Conversations In A Minor Key
by Gerry. 08/07/20 06:09 AM
VIDEO is done...”Spread Your Wings & Fly”
by Steve Altonian. 08/06/20 09:37 PM
I Been There
by Songbird52. 08/06/20 09:16 PM
Peace of Mind
by Deej56. 08/06/20 09:13 PM
A Day In The Life
by Deej56. 08/06/20 09:12 PM
Hard World Waiting
by Deej56. 08/06/20 09:11 PM
Sea of tranquility
by ckiphen. 08/06/20 02:53 PM
Wisdom's Wildfires
by Perry Neal Crawford. 08/06/20 01:04 PM
60 Happy Years
by Dave Rice. 08/06/20 09:34 AM
Your Guitar (Now with alternate bridge)
by John W. Selleck. 08/05/20 01:35 PM
Children of the same God
by ckiphen. 08/05/20 01:25 PM
Encore in the house of the Lord
by ckiphen. 08/05/20 01:06 PM
You Touched Me
by John W. Selleck. 08/04/20 10:11 PM
ChrisWMusic
by Gavin Sinclair. 08/04/20 05:50 PM
Tell Me
by Travis david. 08/04/20 04:01 PM
Michelangelo/ re- write
by ckiphen. 08/04/20 03:38 PM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,834
Travis david 11,921
Kevin Emmrich 10,676
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,649
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,845
glynda 8,679
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,909
couchgrouch 7,801
Dave Rice 7,765
Corey 7,357
Vicarn 6,620
Mark Kaufman 6,584
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
ben willis 6,107
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
niteshift 5,683
Linda Sings 5,608
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,666
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,376
Roy Cooper 4,241
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,179
Cindy Miller 4,178
TamsNumber4 4,104
nightengale 4,096
MFB III 3,926
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,815
Dan Sullivan 3,710
beechnut79 3,580
E Swartz 3,519
Dottie 3,427
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,846
MidniteBob 2,712
Nelson 2,603
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Fdemetrio 2,478
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,242
Judy Hollier 2,232
Wendy D 2,219
Erica Ellis 2,202
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Sunset Poet 2,065
Marty Helly 2,027
maccharles 1,988
DukeWill 1,988
floyd jane 1,985
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,650
Noel Downs 1,620
Rick Heenan 1,608
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
GocartMoz 1,552
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
Tom Franz 1,473
RogerS 1,471
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Rick Norton 1,429
Kenneth Cade 1,429
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,408
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Deej56 1,319
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,230
Gerry 1,221
Glen King 1,214
IdeaGuy 1,209
lane1777 1,184
AaronAuthier 1,177
summeoyo 1,172
Diane Ewing 1,158
joro 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
IronKnee 1,009
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
90 dB 944
9ne 931
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
Drifter 886
Petra 883
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 829
Juan 797
TKO 784
Dayson 781
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
ant 747
Andy K 746
tbryson 737
Andy Kemp 734
Jackie444 731
3daveyO3 704
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Irwin 674
Katziis 652
Moosesong 642
Pat Hardy 641
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
CG King 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
JAPOV 563
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
R&M 527
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
ckiphen 440
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#697878 - 03/02/09 03:00 PM The Sun Over Sinner's Bridge  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 840
Brenda152 Offline
Serious Contributor
Brenda152  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 840
San Antonio,TX USA
Here is a rewrite:
The Sun Over Sinner's Bridge
© 2008 Brenda McBryde

Went to say his last prayer that night on Sinner's Bridge
His head and a bottle in hand hung over the edge
Because of all the empty bottles and empty affairs
She never knew how much he really cared
She finally had her fill and left for good this time
He would finally drowned himself in wine

(chorus)
The sun over Sinner's Bridge
Shines a new light for those still standing on the edge
But in the darkness of so many nights
Before she has had the time to rise
There is a lonely splash into the depths
And so many souls who'll never rest
Another cross placed upon the ridge
Calling for the sun over Sinner's Bridge

As he stood there deep in thought a ray of light
Hit the bottle hard and shot right into his eyes
His hands went straight to his eyes to block the blazing glow
The splash he heard meant he'd let the bottle go
It was only half empty he wasn't ready
Not drunk enough to have the guts and angry

(chorus)
The sun over Sinner's Bridge
Shines a new light for those still standing on the edge
But in the darkness of so many nights
Before she has had the time to rise
There is a lonely splash into the depths
And so many souls who'll never rest
Another cross placed upon the ridge
Calling for the sun over Sinner's Bridge

(bridge)
He opened his eyes and white wings of a dove fluttered by
A sign to him on how to begin his life again
The only peace he'll find is to leave the bottle behind

(chorus)
The sun over Sinner's Bridge
Shines a new light for those still standing on the edge
But in the darkness of so many nights
Before she has had the time to rise
There is a lonely splash into the depths
And so many souls who'll never rest
Another cross placed upon the ridge
Calling for the sun over Sinner's Bridge






Not finished by any means with this, but I need to know if it is even worth working on. Is it just too "same old story"?

The Sun Over Sinners' Bridge
© 2008 Brenda McBryde

Because of all his empty bottles and affairs
She never knew how in his heart he really cared
And when she finally did leave
It brought him to his knees
A whole life drowned in wine
with no second chance in sight
He walked the plank called Sinners Bridge
His head and a bottle in hand hung over the edge

As the sun began to fight the dark
A ray of light hit the bottle hard
A spark shot right into his eyes



Darkness comes to an end
Thanks to the sun over sinner's bridge
The sun rises higher
Than the bridge towers over the water
Shining a light on the view
Helping to light the way for God's fallen few

His hands went to his eyes to block the blazing glow
When he heard the splash he knew he'd let the bottle go
It was his dawning moment
That Heavenly light sent
A subtle sign to him
On just how to begin
To walk away and live a new life
Leave the bottle behind and pick up The Bible each night

Last edited by Brenda152; 03/04/09 01:29 PM.
#698001 - 03/02/09 09:38 PM Re: The Sun Over Sinner's Bridge [Re: Brenda152]  
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,461
Gary Gray X Offline
Gary Gray X  Offline


Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,461
TEXAS
it is the same old story but it could be tuned and tweaked to be something newly said

#698017 - 03/02/09 10:36 PM Re: The Sun Over Sinner's Bridge [Re: Gary Gray X]  
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,676
Kevin Emmrich Online content
Kevin Emmrich  Online Content


Top 10 Poster

Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,676
Crozet, VA
Brenda: I would start off with this line: "He walked the plank called Sinners Bridge" mainly because it is a strong visual and captures the imagination right away. The current starting lines are sort of "fluffy" (that's a technical term). Build the verse and story from there.

One problem though, a "plank" has an end and you walk off, but a bridge connects two things so you can cross over something. So you have a mixed metaphor that is going to be difficult to resolve.

Kevin


"Good science comes in peer reviewed journals. Conspiracy theories come in YouTube videos. "
Kevin @ bandcamp: Crows Say Vee-Eh (and Kevin @50/90 2019)
#698022 - 03/02/09 10:45 PM Re: The Sun Over Sinner's Bridge [Re: Kevin Emmrich]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Wyman Lloyd Offline
Wyman Lloyd  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Missouri
That's a dang good hook Brenda.
Worthy of puttin in some work on
The story is pretty loose as of now but there's a good song in there
Yeah, I think the plank needs to go.
I'll try to get back and look better
I wish I'd have thought of that hook myself.
It's got lots of potential IMO. Stay with it
WyMud

#698239 - 03/03/09 12:57 PM Re: The Sun Over Sinner's Bridge [Re: Wyman Lloyd]  
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,199
John Hoffman Offline
Top 100 Poster
John Hoffman  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,199
St. Peters, Mo.
Brenda,
a story of salvation is definitely worth working on. What a great idea you have. Forget about poetry in this one. It's pure story. Sinner's bridge is a real place at the center of the story. Don't give away the ending too quickly.

have fun,
John


Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never had an editor.
#698244 - 03/03/09 01:16 PM Re: The Sun Over Sinner's Bridge [Re: John Hoffman]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 840
Brenda152 Offline
Serious Contributor
Brenda152  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 840
San Antonio,TX USA
Thank you for the great feedback Gary, Kevin, Wy, and John!!
I will keep at this one. Think I will start with him at the bridge, Kevin. I used plank to get across that he was planning on jumping off, but I can come up with another way. Wy, I'm going to rewrite and rearrange the story, thanks! You are right, John, do away with the poetry. The first write was extremely poetic (this was a rewrite of that so hopefully the next write will be closer). I've decided to rewrite the chorus too.

#698292 - 03/03/09 03:08 PM Re: The Sun Over Sinner's Bridge [Re: Brenda152]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 840
Brenda152 Offline
Serious Contributor
Brenda152  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 840
San Antonio,TX USA
Here is a rewrite:
The Sun Over Sinner's Bridge
© 2008 Brenda McBryde

Went to say his last prayer that night on Sinner's Bridge
His head and a bottle in hand hung over the edge
Because of all the empty bottles and empty affairs
She never knew how much he really cared
She finally had her fill and left for good this time
He would finally drowned himself in wine

(chorus)
The sun over Sinner's Bridge
Shines a new light for those still standing on the edge
But in the darkness of so many nights
Before she has had the time to rise
There is a lonely splash into the depths
And so many souls who'll never rest
Another cross placed upon the ridge
Calling for the sun over Sinner's Bridge

As he stood there deep in thought a ray of light
Hit the bottle hard and shot right into his eyes
His hands went straight to his eyes to block the blazing glow
The splash he heard meant he'd let the bottle go
It was only half empty he wasn't ready
Not drunk enough to have the guts and angry

(chorus)
The sun over Sinner's Bridge
Shines a new light for those still standing on the edge
But in the darkness of so many nights
Before she has had the time to rise
There is a lonely splash into the depths
And so many souls who'll never rest
Another cross placed upon the ridge
Calling for the sun over Sinner's Bridge

(bridge)
He opened his eyes and white wings of a dove fluttered by
A sign to him on how to begin his life again
The only peace he'll find is to leave the bottle behind

(chorus)
The sun over Sinner's Bridge
Shines a new light for those still standing on the edge
But in the darkness of so many nights
Before she has had the time to rise
There is a lonely splash into the depths
And so many souls who'll never rest
Another cross placed upon the ridge
Calling for the sun over Sinner's Bridge







Last edited by Brenda152; 03/04/09 01:33 PM.
#698304 - 03/03/09 03:37 PM Re: The Sun Over Sinner's Bridge [Re: Brenda152]  
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,461
Gary Gray X Offline
Gary Gray X  Offline


Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,461
TEXAS
Brenda how 'bout something in your chorus like this?

That sun over sinner's bridge
casts shadows of doubt along it's edge
for those who hope to see the way
It races against the dark
to open up minds and hearts
of those who have somehow lost their faith

#698432 - 03/03/09 09:37 PM Re: The Sun Over Sinner's Bridge [Re: Gary Gray X]  
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,199
John Hoffman Offline
Top 100 Poster
John Hoffman  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,199
St. Peters, Mo.
Brenda,
I think this is closer. I really like in v2 the ray of sun hitting the bottle and him dropping it.

I'm really enamored with the distinction between what happens after sundown (to give the bridge its nickname) and what happens at sunrise (dropping the bottle).

John


Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never had an editor.
#698572 - 03/04/09 01:31 PM Re: The Sun Over Sinner's Bridge [Re: John Hoffman]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 840
Brenda152 Offline
Serious Contributor
Brenda152  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 840
San Antonio,TX USA
Thanks again Gary and John! This really is not as good as it could/should be, not sure I can do it myself but you are helping!! I rewrote the chorus and a bit on the bridge.

#698577 - 03/04/09 01:59 PM Re: The Sun Over Sinner's Bridge [Re: Brenda152]  
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,199
John Hoffman Offline
Top 100 Poster
John Hoffman  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,199
St. Peters, Mo.
Brenda,
I think this chorus is better. The dove in the bridge is kind of a surprise. The ray of light makes him drop the bottle. The ray of light is his ray of light.

otherwise you might just let it sit a while. Come back to it later and see if it satisfies you. If not why not?

looking good,
John


Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never had an editor.
#702247 - 03/17/09 08:08 AM Re: The Sun Over Sinner's Bridge [Re: John Hoffman]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,096
nightengale Offline
Top 100 Poster
nightengale  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,096
Eugene, Or USA
Brenda. I really like the sinner's bridge, I think it's great to tell your story around, and it tells a good story whichever way you go with it. I would change plank to something like, "walked the path to sinners bridge". The path to get to this bridge, I think it fits better. Good job.

#702618 - 03/17/09 11:33 PM Re: The Sun Over Sinner's Bridge [Re: nightengale]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 225
Vicki Shields Offline
Serious Contributor
Vicki Shields  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 225
Northwest Pennsylvania
Brenda- I like this. Verse two touches me and I think it is well written. I think the bridge, "he opened his eyes and white wings of a dove..." is perfect.


Open to co-writers and collaborations with other lyricists and/or musicians.
#702749 - 03/18/09 12:19 PM Re: The Sun Over Sinner's Bridge [Re: Vicki Shields]  
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 288
Heather N. Orwig Offline
Serious Contributor
Heather N. Orwig  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 288
Pennsylvania
I really like the idea of this song! I don't know if you'll like them or not, but I had some ideas.

Went to say his last prayer that night on Sinner's Bridge
BOTTLE IN HAND, AND HIS HEAD hung over the edge
WITH ALL the empty bottles, MEANINGLESS affairs
She never knew how much he really cared
She finally had her fill and left for good this time
COULDN'T WATCH HIM drown himself in wine

(chorus)
The sun over Sinner's Bridge
Shines IT'S light for those still on the edge
But in the darkness of so many nights
THAT SUN RAN OUT OF time to rise
THE lonely splash into the depths
OF so many souls who'll never rest
Another cross placed upon the ridge
Calling for the sun over Sinner's Bridge

As he stood there deep in thought a ray of light
Hit the bottle hard and shot right into his eyes
His hands HIS DEFENSE to block the blazing glow
A SUDDEN SPLASH meant he'd let the bottle go
It was only half empty he wasn't ready
Not drunk enough to have the guts, STILL angry


"Only those who dare to fail miserably can achieve greatly." - Robert Kennedy

"Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down." - Jimmy Durante
#702751 - 03/18/09 12:26 PM Re: The Sun Over Sinner's Bridge [Re: Heather N. Orwig]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 840
Brenda152 Offline
Serious Contributor
Brenda152  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 840
San Antonio,TX USA
Thank you all so much for the comments and suggests, we are working on the music and it is coming along really well!


Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Newest Members
Dean_McAlister, Chris Wood, CBAY, mrpeepshow, Craig Allen
21286 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics120,614
Posts1,135,092
Members21,286
Average Posts Daily36
Most Online37,523
Jan 25th, 2020
Just Plain Quotes
"If you are stuck in your musical composing, be unreasonable. Change your environment. If you are stuck in your lyrical efforts, instead of forcing the same old words out, force yourself to do unreasonable things." -Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
No Birthdays
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0