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ANOTHER older one I am reconsidering for rewrite... any suggestions or comments would be appreciated. Thanks

It's just me
(C) Kenneth Cade.2006 All Rights Reversed

art mimic's life
TV mimics reality
the inevitable eventuality
throwing it out for yall to see

i gotta escape this prison.
made my decision to chase the vision
but the pressure keeps buildin
it says come my children till all the holes are filled in
til all the bodies are planted like seeds
no more greed and no more needs
violent fight for survival
i've already had an eyeful, shot with an assualt rifle
I graduated from the pen
swore I'd never go back again, won't hang with those that just ACT like friends
I'm gonna get out of this hell
time will tell, if I build it, WILL IT SELL

art mimic's life
TV mimics reality
inevitable eventuality
throwing it out for yall to see

the only way from here is up
thirsty but no room in my half full cup
keep climbin' the summit must be comin up
no reason to look down
I already been there and know may way around
keep it in my heart, hardship has given me my sound
I'll sing to the better day
I'll bring about a better way
all things follow the words you say
so lift up those, with uplifting words
share your gifts and let your voice be heard...

art mimic's life
TV mimics reality
inevitable eventuality
throwing it out for yall to see
It's just me...

Ken, Hi!! I like this.....It's a lot to take in.....
I'm trying to understand all the connections...I'm not 100% sure I understand it all...but I get the gist of the verses. And think they are cool!

I'm trying to connect the art and tv.....to it!...but have the feeling it's just me....

I'll bump you....and hope you get lots of other comments..and thoughts!!..

Best to you,
Kaley

if it's a half -filled cup then there's room for half more in the cup
there's some mighty deep lines of verses here and they're so deep I'm lost

Thanks Kaley,

I have been told if you have to explain a lyric, it's a bad thing, BUT i am not good a following RULES so...

art mimics life TV mimics reality... is a reference to MOST people that I talk to only being able to relate to MY LIFE through the drama they see on TV.. because MY LIFE has been likle some crazy movie or TV show..... BUT if I write songs from my experience MY art mimics MY life...


Nubbin,
I know the line seems to contradict itself, but it is a reference to an undying optimism..(HALF FULL as opposed to half empty) NO ROOM LEFT as a reference to an overabundance of blessings (MUCH LIKE MY CUP RUNNETH OVER... ) thirst freferring to my desire for more...


So know that I explained a few of the lines I have probably alienated a few potential listeners, but WHAT CAN ya do.. you can't pleas ALL The people!!!!

Afternoon Kenneth.

I am going to agree with the others in that I found the lyric confusing BUT want to comment on the way you built your rhyming pattern. That looked as if it took a lot of work and in that I tip my hat.

The fact that you could continue it throughout shows a lot of patience, while still maintaining the flow.

I felt that I understood most of what the song was conveying but would have too agree with the advice about explaining what I've written.

On a Board such as this we do have the opportunity to explain our thoughts but if you were aiming to get this out there you would not. It has to be understood right away.

Went to a Songwriting Workshop a couple of months back and part of the presentation was a live listening of presented demos. We only got to listen to the first verse and the beginning of the chorus and that was all. Like a movie or good book unless you are established and have a following you have to keep it simple. If you are not and the comercial market is your aim you only get those few seconds to make an impression.

I always like to finish rants like this with a, "What do I know?" and the answer is very little. These are observations and opinions. No one really knows what will work.

Enjoyed the ride though.

Douglas

Doug,

Thanks for your kind words, AND for your honesty. I don't necessarily agree that people have to understand the message, BUT I KNOW that i don't know TOO MUCH myself, so we are both in the same boat there! At this point I don't have much control over the way I write, I just freestyle it all over a beat, and it ends up however IT wants to.. I am trying to learn to rewrite, etc. but it is hard for me, as my INTENTION doesn't enter the picture that often...

I do really appreciate the comments, and ITRY to keep them in mind, hopefully I can learn this craft better, and IF i do I am sure it will be because people like yourself, who have constructive criticism to offer. Thanks!

I was told way back in the early 70's that the difference between a lyric and a poem is that in a lyric you paint the picture of the story in conversational words and in a poem anything goes, was I told wrong ? if so it's a little too late to reconform at my age and I'll just havta waller thru the muck with high waders on

depends on what you consider a song.. there are ALOT of GREAT songs that don't tell coherent stories... Paul SImon's "You can Call Me Al" is one of MY favorites..

A man walks down the street
He says why am I soft in the middle now
Why am I soft in the middle
The rest of my life is so hard
I need a photo-opportunity
I want a shot at redemption
Don't want to end up a cartoon
In a cartoon graveyard
Bonedigger Bonedigger
Dogs in the moonlight
Far away my well-lit door
Mr. Beerbelly Beerbelly
Get these mutts away from me
You know I don't find this stuff amusing anymore
If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al

A man walks down the street
He says why am I short of attention
Got a short little span of attention
And wo my nights are so long
Where's my wife and family
What if I die here
Who'll be my role-model
Now that my role-model is
Gone Gone
He ducked back down the alley
With some roly-poly little bat-faced girl
All along along
There were incidents and accidents
There were hints and allegations

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al
Call me Al

A man walks down the street
It's a street in a strange world
Maybe it's the Third World
Maybe it's his first time around
He doesn't speak the language
He holds no currency
He is a foreign man
He is surrounded by the sound
The sound
Cattle in the marketplace
Scatterlings and orphanages
He looks around, around
He sees angels in the architecture
Spinning in infinity
He says Amen! and Hallelujah!

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al
Call me Al


there are literally MILLIONS more (most BALLADS style country songs follow the conventions of story telling), but LOTS of other styles exist....
IF I AM NOT mistaken ELvis's LOVE ME TENDER doesn't really TELL a story it just expresses an emotion.. VERY poeticly...

read thru it tell me it doesn't tell a story

Love me tender,
Love me sweet,
Never let me go.
You have made my life complete,
And I love you so.

Love me tender,
Love me true,
All my dreams fulfilled.
For my darlin I love you,
And I always will.

Love me tender,
Love me long,
Take me to your heart.
For its there that I belong,
And well never part.

Love me tender,
Love me dear,
Tell me you are mine.
Ill be yours through all the years,
Till the end of time.

(when at last my dreams come true
Darling this I know
Happiness will follow you
Everywhere you go).

this will explain the difference between the 2:

Despite the many similarities, poetry and lyrics are not the same thing.

Here are some important differences between a poem and a song lyric:

A poem is designed to be read on the page—a lyric is designed to be sung by the human voice and heard with music

Just think about it for a moment. When you’re listening to a song, you don’t have the luxury of going back and re-reading. You can’t stop to dwell on every line.

A lyric writer needs to also consider the singers who will perform his work. Certain words and phrases are smooth to sing. Others can be difficult or awkward.

Phrases like “recalcitrant octopuses eat tart grapefruit” are not likely to attract many major league recording artists.

Read your lyrics aloud to see if they are easily “sing-able.” If your word sounds do not flow and sing well, there’s apt to be a problem. If your lyrical phrases prompt awkward stops and stumbles, there’s definitely a problem.

Get into the habit of vocalizing your lyrical lines. You’ll begin to hear the difference.

Poetry can be of almost any length. Lyrics must be concise.

I personally perform every song I have ever posted here... no offense meant but you should broaden you r horizons, YOUR taste doesn't speak for the entire industry...I write in a different style than you listen to.. I can show you MANY lyrics that would seem to sing awkwardly to you, but have been popularized by talented vocalists.... lyrical acrobatics is popular in some genres

I do appreciate your opinions, but you have to realize that there is room for other opinions as well..

this is another lyric I LOVE.. this artist ha a HUGE underground following, and is making waves internationally...

look at the word play... it is evocative and there is a music in the SOUND of the words.. Language is used as an instrument, much like a guitar, or trumpet , or anything else...


"Mama Had A Baby And His Head Popped Off"

Trying to lift her, pull her

Six, Six, Six in the mornin and I'm takin a nap
In the back of the car, waitin for the stars to snap
The scars on my cap remind me of the time
We went to Fargo, with a car full of anxiety
An angel's breast, and a tank top
She started at my heart, she's trying to make it stop
And if I haven't learned nothin then I've learned alot
Mama had a baby and his head popped off
Give it up turn it loose, for the sake of life
If I knew now what I knew then i'd make her my wife
I been chasin these mics for too long
Debating with God bout who's right and who's wrong
Got a new song to sing, a little happier, hurtin
That I didn't learn the words until after
The fact of the matter is a matter of fact, I doubt that
I'll ever even try, to work it out to having her back
Use to skip classes, now I skip breakfast
Never skip practice and I need to flip the mattress
To help me forget the kiss, the lips, the soft
Mama had a baby and his head popped off

Mama had a baby and his head popped off
We did all that we could to try and re-attach it
I couldn't do it so I picked it up and threw it
Off the building, just to see if all the children
Were quick enough to catch it

So I'll tear down these walls, let the chips fall
Let's all go outside and play a game of kick ball
Laugh a little, and live alot
She squeals and giggles when I hit that spot
If you give me a minute and I can finish my beer
And move a tad bit closer to the limits of here
And when it gets clear, and the sun comes back
We can drive too fast, we can fly off the tracks
Tuck in your shirt, hike up your skirt
Welcome to the jungle where the tigers give birth
I only took my time because she looked so fine
And it makes me crazy trying to pay em no mind
You should save your spine and stay on the struggle
Shoot the trouble and keep the temper subtle
My rent just doubled, because they took my roomate
And I'm keepin these movies cause they all past the due date
Close, cover, before striking
Lick a missle at the bird and try to cripple it's right wing
and I end every sentance with a dot dot dot. . .
Mama had a baby and his head popped off

Mama had a baby and his head popped off
We did all that we could to try and re-attach it
I couldn't do it so I picked it up and threw it
Off the building, just to see if all the children
Were quick enough to catch it

Say out loud, we must network
Should have been, more specific
Now have this, daily pressure
Some of them, just don't get it
Leave me at, the beginning
Start over and do it well
Shut my trap, stop complaining
Stay sober and step on shells
My oh my, yours oh yours (oh yours, oh yours)
And when it snows it pours
And when I'm running out of fire I just open the doors
And go sit on the porch and watch the neighborhood wars
But I've got the sun, and I've got my son
And I've got my will to run until I'm dead and done
And this is for the love we found and the love we lost
Mama had a baby and his head popped off

Mama had a baby and his head popped off
We did all that we could to try and re-attach it
I couldn't do it so I picked it up and threw it
Off the building, just to see if all the children
Were quick enough to catch it

Atmosphere
"MOMMA HAD A BABY AND HIS HEAD POPPED OFF"

I DON'T think love me tender tells a story.. there is NO plot line, NO HAPPENING, It is just a freeze frame snaphsot of an emotion.. a very eloquent one, but TELL ME WHAT STORY THERE IS...

A guy is in love IS NOT A STORY!

P.S> if you had started ANY of your post with the words "I THINK" or MY OPINION IS" all I would be able to say is O.K> thank you.. but you seem to want to state them as UNIVERSAL TRUTHS!!! there are people who feel differenty.. that's my only point.. thanks again for your comments and opinions...

Hi Ken...I just wanted to reiterate....I definitely Feel this sounds like a song!!.... Sometimes I think we come with a mindset that a song has to be this or that....but there is room in the world for different STYLES of songs....

very best to you this evenin'
Kaley

Kaley,

THANKS ! I agree, the hard part for me is that I have an open mind, and LOVE all the stuff that he has told me about that is in HIS style.. I did some internet searching and was turned on to some GREAT music, only I know he is totally close minded to anything that I appreciate that is outside his style.. OH well.. what can ya do.. I do respect everyone's opinion, I just don't agree when people think their opinion is the ONLY one.

those weren't my words they were the words of a writer in the industry so how could I put in saying that it was in my opinion if you'd like the website to those words here it is read for yourself as I did, like I said I was taught the way I do over 30 yrs ago and ain't nobody gonna change my way of thinking either !

http://www.songlyricist.com/lyricorpoem.htm

but they ARE people that agree with the way you think.. so it is YOUR opinion (just because it is a shared opinion doesn't make it NOT yours, and doesn't make it the ONLY opinion)

so if I site a reference source on one of my opinions does it become GOSPEL? I don't think it works that way... this site tells you all about the COMMON CONVENTIONS , that doesn't mean it is the END ALL set of rules..

THERE are MILLIONS of GREAT songs that don't follow those rules.. and I would NEVER try to change the way you are.. be yourself.. if you want to have narrow horizons, ROCK ON.. just do me the favor of NOT trying to impose those same limits on me..

I UNDERSTAND your argument, and i disagree.. you CAN continue to use that as a reason to look down on me and my beleifs if you want, but I will still state my opinions when it is an open forum, and I will still intellegently debate that which I DON'T agree with...

Have you ever heard of "Rocky Racoon", by the Beatles,

can you tell me WHAT the heck the STORY is there?

Is that NOT a song, because I always thought that it was..

Nubbin'

IF you are still here ..this is from that SAME site you sited

(in the future you should site the author when reposting copyrighted material, just a "heads up")

I am reminded of a philosophical debate I heard about God. The premise was, "If God is omnipotent and can do anything, he can build an indestructible wall."

The argument in response was, "If God is omnipotent and can do anything, he can also destroy that wall."

The moral: Anything is possible.

If you fear the competition, the criticism, the sheer overwhelming enormity of the goals you have set for yourself, then they will become an insurmountable wall. But tell me, are you going to let a li’l ole insurmountable wall stop you?

I say you can build your insurmountable wall in your mind, and you can also climb over it, walk around it, or knock it down.

You have to recognize that you are a unique being with your own talents and abilities. You have the force of your own will and the strength of your own personality to work with. You have as much right to be successful in your chosen pursuits as anybody else has.

Success or failure is not about what you do, it’s about how you think.

If you do what you love, with your whole heart in it, then every moment you spend experiencing your life will be worthwhile.
Every worthwhile moment you spend experiencing your life will lead to another, and it to another, and so on without end.

Sooner or later, you will realize that your greatest accomplishment is the joy of living your life and experiencing your process.

Don’t get sidetracked by fear, don’t doubt yourself or feel left behind when you see others achieve their goals around you.

Stay with what you’re doing. Each of us has our own path, our own timetable. Don’t fear failure or you will fail. Believe in what you are doing, immerse yourself in your creative passions and joys.

It will be a sweet revelation to discover that your creative efforts are their own reward, and that always, you have nothing to fear but fear itself.


© Pamela Phillips Oland

http://www.songlyricist.com/fear.htm

you can read it for yourself..

Rocky Racoon", were the beatles in a frame of mind that you would consider normal when they wrote this and I am the walrus and obla dee obla di and the rest on that album, maybe some songs are understandable under the influence of drugs or alcohol????

how about the police... da doo doo doo da da da da...

I could go on with this all day. my point is there are GREAT songs that DON'T follow common convention...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Take_Me_Back_To_Tulsa

I don't know if you know , or like that song, but check out what the authors said about it!


They would know!!!


AS TO being under the influence... alot of the people you sited as PEOPLE YOU LIKE were ALSO alcoholics and USERS at the time that they wrote alot of the songs you like... so that doesn't rule out good creativity or art production.. just speaks to questionable personal judgement, and WHO am i to judge another... I just know what music I like... and there are MANY different types some follow the common rules of thumb SOME don't!!! (you should look up the origin of that phrase as well!!! "RULE OF THUMB" NOT trying to change you , I JUST find it as interesting stuff!!!)

I wouldn't believe them or any wikipedia thing to be fact, and we could argue the point till we're dust but you have your opinions and I have mine , and like someone once said if you break the rules and it works that's good but if you break the rules and it don't work then you've broken the rules.

I agree ...

It's funny how you don't beleive the sites that you don't agree with, but you site the ones you do, as if it has to be true because you site a source... IF I found that same story about THAT song somewhere else would you be more inclined to agree that it is true?

All I am saying is:

What do I know? There are songs out their in my opinion that should not see the light of day and yet they get air time.

If you are established and have a following then it is easier to get your material heard. Whether I think it works or not.

If you are not I will not say you can't but it is just harder.

First: Write for yourself.
Second: Write for others and

God willing, and it that is your goal, someone who matters will take a chance with it.

I hope I did not start something.

Keep writing.

Douglas

No apology necessary! I actually enjoy ALL my conversations with the people that post here! I agree about geting your stuff heard, but I think it really depends on your goals... The world of marketing music is B+VERY different than it used to be.. there are alot of young artist that have HUGE underground followings, and they are not WILDLY successful in commercial standard commercial terms.....

personally I play what I like, so FINDING people that like what I like seems to be the way to go for me.. I play HORRIBLY and I HATE IT when I play stuff I don't like.. I used to play in a cover bans, and we were BOOKED, but I was hating life.. NOW i play on benches at tourist trap beaches, and once i a while at an open mic, and i LOVE it, so it's all about your definition of success.. I (LUCKILY) pay my bills working for my own company as the day job)and spend the rest of my time doing what I am MORE passionate about... I'm not sure where it will lead, but frankly I am not sure WHERE i want it to lead... so for know.. I just want to write better , play better... make better music..

I LOVE tom waits, and I think he went the direction he did with his music out of PERSONAL taste (without regard to commercial success or popularity) but I think I would have to say he has had an AMAZING career and has produced some AMAZING art!

Thanks again for commenting, and I hope you will continue to give your opinions !!!