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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Ok this is another one of my short stories and if anyone is brave enough to want to try and trim it down to a song and put it to music, i'd really be happy...thanks glyn
The Night My Innocence Was Lost
I remember the ring around the moon The night I lost my innocence To Cotton Taylor, from the other side of the creek.. Now that boy was heaven sent...
We crawled up onto the front seat of that ole' rusting, low lying hay truck, sittin out in the pasture underneath that falling mesquite tree.
To this day, I love that country air and the smell of the dusky creek scent and that oh sweet smell of the alfalfa hay.
But, now getting ahead of myself Let me tell you how I felt about becoming of age and Cotton tellin' me ther's nothin' to worry about...
I had asked my ma about sex one time and she told me to go and ask pa so since I really wanted to know I could always hear their bed springs a squeakin' most nites..
So, I stomped on out and blurted it out...
And this is what he said to me:
Gurl, you want to know about sex, Well, guess you're old enough All you gotta do is watch these barnyard critters and you'll know all you need to know..
Needless to say, from my point of view...
It all flashed in between and in front of my eyes as I swallowed hard,seeing this twelve hundred pound bull jumping up on the back of me and talk about a horse being hung...........
Watching Cotton in church that night winking and blowing kisses at me Man, ain't no way that's a happening to me.. He can wink till the cows come home....
Pa had about 6-8 coon dogs he kept in a pen by the barn out back and when the females came in heat he'd lock em' up in a dark room for about a weak.
I'd seen him a time or two throwing that dog raw meat thru a hole in the wood and givin' her water once or twice a week.
Once I became into the "woman" way, and lord , who thought this stuff up???? I tried to hide it and not say a word and when ma found out, I began to cry and she laughed when I told her why.
I said I don't want to be put into that ole' dark room in the barn for a week and pa throw raw meat in at me she said honey, that's just for animals we's don't live like that...
Well, how's I to know , what was I to think Pa said all I had to do was watch and If N ole' Cotton whooped something like that out at me, i'd comense to chopping..
don't know if comense is a real word, but pa used it alot
Pa called me Guinea pig, cause when I was little they fixed my hair up and it curled like the tail on a guinea pig once I became older , pa shorten it to just guinea
I loved to go coon hunting with pa on a Saturday nite He'd tell me, guinea shimmy on up that there tree and shake that ole' coon on down up i'd go like a circus act,swinging from limb to limb
But, then came the day that ole' fart broke my heart was sittin' on the porch, puttin' my boots on and he said I couldn't go huntin' no more wasn't proper for girls my age in the woods with the boys at night. Well, heck pa, make them boys stay home.....
To this day,I don't know why,but he called them "water top boys" and best for me to stay away from them..
Ma was gonna take me to town and for WHAT?? To buy dresses Now just what was I gonna do with a dress Sunday mornin' came and I put on that dress..
But before I could get outta the house Ma made me raise it up and made me go back and take off my jeans. Man, it made me feel naked, with the wind blowin' up and all.
Anyways, to make a long story short Cotton liked the way I looked in that dress And after church that night Asked me to go for a walk..
He held my hand, kissed me on the cheek and we both walked a lil' faster to that ole' hay truck and you know, pa was wrong and I was relieved cause Cotton didn't look nothin' like that horse...
Yep, that's the night I lost my innocence and evil was lurking about but, I came to kinda like that evil lurking about..
Yeah, I later married that ole' cotton..
Then five kids down the road...
ok, ok, that's another story.......
Last edited by glynda; 05/03/12 01:51 PM.
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Man there is some funny stuff in this! I like the way it seems written freely (like without the internal edit on! ) to me that's like someone being open enough to let someone look directly inside! even IF it is all made up and comedy, it's the WAY it is written that is cool! I am sure NOT the rigt person to try to make a song outta this, BUT I enjoyed the read! Thanks
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Hi Kenneth, i'm glad you liked it, I wrote this one at work last night during my spare time...I was even laughing as I wrote it..thanks glyn
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I love that story told in our Southern dialect. That part, I wouldn't change. I might build up to Cotton-how you asked your Ma and Pa about sex first, then add the element about how you became a woman and started wearing dresses, then I'd add Cotton in there last. Don't give him away at the beginning. Just a thought.
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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Man, I don't know about a song, but that was one fun read right there, Glynda! Sounded so truthful, I felt like I was listening in on a private conversation, or reading your diary over your shoulder as you wrote it all down. In fact, to hell with the song, go ahead and finish your story!
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Why thank you Tricia, I will rewrite it and like Bass x2 mentioned to finished the story...so, give me some time and i'll see what I can come up with...i'm sureeeeee I can ...just watch me.....man, I do have alot of ideas to put in, like what happened in the ole' milk house, maybe I should just start a series of Ma and Pa and the ole' farm. Pa and Ma were not the parents, they were the grand parents...and how about up in the hay loft....maybe i'll just write one every week...oh well, we'll just see..and i'm so happy ya'll like the way I write..like i've been there, but never been in a hay truck, or in a milk house, but I sure have alot of ideas.......thanks again..glyn
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Bass2x, well thank you so much for enjoying my lil' story..it was fun writing it..ok, ok, i'll see what else I can come up with..and if'N you got any ideas..(in her language) just let me know i'd appeciate...just gotta get in that mood again..thanks again...glyn
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There's so much stuff in here for songs, glyn. This is a resource you can draw titles from, for years!
I'd just post some ideas for you, working from the title.
One that comes to my mind would be, taking the line "Cotton liked the way I looked" to start from, as the catchy hookline.
This allows for a double meaning payoff as the lyric unfolds, with how well cotton, the fabric fits your body, and how much Cotton, the husbond, liked it.
You could make a nice lil' fun uptempo country pop ditty with that lil' turn, I think.
Anyway, this is the way I would approach songwriting, if derived from this piece.
Other titles could be:
"The Boy From the Other Side of the Creek" - a story song about how you fell in love with Cotton " "The Alfalfa Hay" - a sweet ballad using the alfalfa hay as a romantic metaphor for the country side" "As the Bed Springs a Squeakin" - a fun uptempo song, about parents difficulties teaching their child about moral issues. "Coon Dogs" - a uptempo country blues on how to get things done around the farm using the dogs as a metonyme (simile) for working. Could also be a song about huntin' for love. "She raised me up" - a song about how your mom always wanting you to look your best. Inpiration could come from Dolly Parton :-) Title sound initially a little too much Josh Groban, though. But It'll probably change when writing. "Not too much innocence" - a song starting from the perspective of a child wanting to have some fun, and not being too much restricted in that efforts.
Well just some quick ideas, for anyone to follow up. Mostly just to provide ways to approach this short story, from a songwriters perspective..
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Just a suggestion. You could perhaps make a song challenge, with you (perhaps with help from Caroline) teaming up 7 co-writers for these titles. All then work, in threes on the lyrics. Musicators could then comen aboardDeadline in one month, having demoready tracks. I'll be glad to go with you on one of'em. But can't go with you for 7!
Ups gotta go, I'll scetch it with you later, if you'd like..
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ok My hero...let's go for it and hey, why don't you start that challenge for me, you being my mentor and all...and hey I love this idea and just which one would you like to do???thanks gives me alot to think about..and this would be fun if everyone else wanted to do it too.....i'm game on it..thanks glyn
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That was hilarious! The things we think as kids because we don't know better.
Reminds me of a commercial I once saw.(Cant find it on the internet.) A mother hears her two sons talking and one says to the other, "What would you do if you had $10?" "I'd buy O.B. Tampons." "What's O.B. Tampons?" I dunno, but I saw on the commercial it says "If you have OB Tampons you can go swimming and ride horses and play tennis and go to the beach!"
Another version:
Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asks the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replies.
The man continues, "Do you know what these are used for?"
"Not exactly," the boy says. "But they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now he can't do either one."
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Glynda, You have some wonderful writing going on here.... and I believe Magne is steering you right...about having enough material for various songs. I thought this was excellent: I loved to go coon hunting with pa on a Saturday nite He'd tell me, guinea shimmy on up that there tree and shake that ole' coon on down up i'd go like a circus act,swinging from limb to limb But, then came the day that ole' fart broke my heart was sittin' on the porch, puttin' my boots on and he said I couldn't go huntin' no more wasn't proper for girls my age in the woods with the boys at night. Well, heck pa, make them boys stay home..... You gave a lot of color...a lot of images.... well you did that throughout actually.... Just wanted to tell you I enjoyed my read...and thought you had, indeed, a lot of good material. Best to you this mornin/afternoon... Kaley
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DannyM. well, sir first thank you for liking my lil' story and then to tell you, you're stories were funny as well..this kind of stuff when I write it, I don't know it comes to me as I go along and I do love it...can't help it, I'ves got it in me...glyn
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Hey Kaley, yeah I think Magne has me thinking here, and hey what he is saying and suggesting could be rather fun..the more I think of the idea he has, the more I like it...and like I said , man, i've got alot of these yet to come out..thanks for liking it, and the part about guinea pig and pa shortening it to just guinea was true..every once in a while you'll catch someone in my family calling either one...thanks again...glyn
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Hi glyn,
Three more songtitle suggestions from this story.: "(They're so) Sweet" - Song about southern hospitality, family values, and girls growing up country side. "Proper girls don't hunt" - Uptempo song about what girls and boys are 'supposed' to do, trying to revert the 'proper' roles a little. "Five kids down the road" - Song about the change a mother's going through one kid at a time, beginning with her hopes and dreams for life.
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Making a total of 10 songtitles and suggestions derived from this shortstory:
1. "Cotton liked the way I looked" - Fun uptempo country with a double meaning that pays off as the lyric unfolds, with how well cotton, the fabric fits your body, and how much Cotton, the husbond, liked it. 2. "The Boy From the Other Side of the Creek" - a story song about how you fell in love with Cotton " 3. "The Alfalfa Hay" - a sweet ballad using the alfalfa hay as a romantic metaphor for the country side" 4. "As the Bed Springs a Squeakin" - a fun uptempo song, about parents difficulties teaching their child about moral issues. 5. "Coon Dogs" - a uptempo country blues on how to get things done around the farm using the dogs as a metonyme (simile) for working. Could also be a song about huntin' for love. 6. "She raised me up" - a song about how your mom always wanting you to look your best. Inpiration could come from Dolly Parton :-) Title sound initially a little too much Josh Groban, though. But It'll probably change when writing. 7. "Not too much innocence" - a song starting from the perspective of a child wanting to have some fun, and not being too much restricted in that efforts. 8. "(They're so) Sweet" - Song about southern hospitality, family values, and girls growing up country side. 9. "Proper girls don't hunt" - Uptempo song about what girls and boys are 'supposed' to do, trying to revert the 'proper' roles a little. 10. "Five kids down the road" - Song about the change a mother's going through one kid at a time, beginning with her hopes and dreams for life.
Will try to line out a songwriting challenge based on this, and post it to you, glyn. Then you change what you want, and have one of the moderators post it, where they see fit.
Could be a lot of fun to colab on this, and certainly productive for your portfolio, glyn.
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Thanks so much Magne, you are so sweet to take your time to work this out for me...and I do thank you alot for doing it..can't wait to get started on it....glyn
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Hi Ya'll I found this way back here and I'd like to pursue what Magne was talking about, if anyone wants to cowrite with me on one of the subjects or song titles he has listed above, please let me know and we'll go for it...thanks so much...maybe this could end up being a best seller book...and all of us will be in it...ya never know...thanks...glyn
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post deleted.
Last edited by glynda; 05/03/12 02:00 PM.
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post deleted
Last edited by glynda; 05/03/12 02:01 PM.
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Very funny and good glynda,I especially enjoyed the dialect. yahey
I can tell you what I am not I just can't tell you what I am I am just slippin' down this road no longer with any plan stoney rohde
by stoney rohde
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Thanks I'm so happy you liked it...glyn
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Great story Glynda.
I might have a go at putting this story to song if you don't mind.
would be fun
God Bless Roy and Helen
Last edited by Roy Cooper; 04/05/11 05:25 AM.
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Was just reading my short stories and ran across this one, thought I'd bump it and let others see my warped mine when I'm writing...may make this one a series...what do ya think and put my stories in a book.....tks glyn
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Made me think of "Strawberry Wine" by Deana Carter.
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Thanks Jim for checking my story out...and yes, it does....lol
glyn
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Hello,
This thing absolutely rocks! The narrator is likeable, funny, and all sorts of other good things. I hated that it moved along so rapidly. I was right there with her, had visuals of her and the scenery and didn't want to lose contact so quickly. My only complaint would bet he sex part. I had just gotten to know the sweet thing and she goes and does that right under my nose!
Since the rhyme/meter is sporadic, I'd suggest making this gem a few thousand words longer, turning it into a real short story - one that should be salable. Most pleasant read I've had in a coon's age!
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Wow! Mags has given you an album trilogy to write.
Let me get the kids back to school and if my oldest will let me, I'll come back and see if I'm actually still useful to anyone.
Great story.
Last edited by Caroline; 08/24/12 06:58 PM.
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Hi Caroline...yep, anytime I'm always excited when you co-write with me.....so just jump on in...
glyn
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Frank N Furter,,
Yeah, I'm thinking of writing a whole book on this....hopefully...thanks...with different chapters of things that happened.....like coon hunting, giving the cows and horses medicine....hauling hay....lots of different things...
Thanks so much for reading it and liking it..
glyn
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Glynda,
Did you get around to working more on this?
Brian Austin Whitney Founder Just Plain Folks jpfolkspro@gmail.com Skype: Brian Austin Whitney Facebook: www.facebook.com/justplainfolks"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney "It's easier to be the bigger man when you actually are..." -Brian Austin Whitney "Sometimes all you have to do to inspire humans to greatness is to give them a reason and opportunity to do something great." -Brian Austin Whitney
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No, not yet, but hope to...why do you have any ideas to add with it and we can be co-writers?????? smile....
glyn
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And Brian Roy Cooper and I have a short story that I wrote and we also made 2 songs out of it and Midnight is working on making it into a short play some day..the short story is called Ole' Kelly Of Cutters Creek thanks glyn
Last edited by glynda; 08/11/13 01:58 PM.
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It makes for interesting reading, glynda!
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Thanks Jim...but I do want to work on it a bit more and make it longer...
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OKKKK MOST OF YOU KNOW ME..I'M SURE SOME DON'T LIKE ME...SOME LOVE ME AND SOME ARE SITTING ON THE FENCH.. I HAVE BEN GOING THROUGH A LOT OF HEALTH ISSUES....BUT I AM FEELING BETTER THAN I HAVE EVER FELT..I NO LONGER TAKE HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE MEDS.NO MORE INSULIN SHOTS....BURIED THAT CPAP MACHINE...MO MORE WALKING WITH A CANE.....................................AND THE BEST PART FOR ME IS...MAYBE NOT FOR YOU IS......
WARNING....WARNING.....WARNING
STAND BACK FROM THE SCREEN
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
GLYN'S BACK
AND I HAVE A GREAT CHALLENGE.....IN ABOUT 2009 I WROTE A SHORT STORY FROM THIS STORY CAN BE SOME BRILLANT SONGS OR WHATEVER.......I'D...LIKE TO CHALLENGE ANYONE THAT WOULD LIKE TO TAKE ONE OF THE TITLES BELOW...OR YOU COULD EVEN MAKE YOUR OWN TITLE.. AND IF YOU WOULD LIKE WE COULD DO A CO-WRITE.....JUST SOME THOUGHTS
IF YOU WOULD CHECK THESE POST ABOVE AND SEE IF YOU MAY BE INSTERESTED...................THANKS......glyn
PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.....THIS IS A GREAT WAY.....FOR MY COME BACK.....YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I REALLY THINK HIS COULD BE FUN....................
Last edited by glynda; 02/04/18 04:16 AM.
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SORRY I FORGOT TO SAY THAT KOSTAD HAS LISTED 10 SONGS ETC. THAT COULD POSSIBILTY BECOME MORE SONGS FROM THIS STORY................THANKS GLYN
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HI Brian.....I'm getting more thoughts in my head for some serial stories from this one story......i do know i will be thinking on this one more i left you sir a pm about maybe getting my interviews up and going again....and if i need more equipment??? anyway....i am so happy to be back...love glyn
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Ok now...here is another of my series of Jackson Kelly....after he died who knows when he wrote it.....anyways he wrote him self a letter to his Dear Jessie...the woman of his dreams....the woman of his life....she was his whole world..................... MY DARLIN' JESSIE This story is mostly all make believe since I never met Ole' man Kelly's wife, but wanted to write something along the lines of what I could see in his face and eyes when he'd sing and play at that creeks water edge. I'm pretty sure her name was Jessie, cause sometimes when I'd hear him play,, he'd lay on that creek bank and cry so hard calling out Jessie, Jessie, oh why Jessie... There also is the main story, Ole' Kelly Of Cutter's Creek and Roy Cooper and I have 2 songs written in Jackson Kelly's honor...thanks glyn My Darlin' Jessie As I sit here tonight, by candle light, and try to put my feelings into words, girl, you were my life, my heart, you and our kids were my whole world. I close my eyes and can see so clear of how you looked. I loved your long blonde hair, green eyes and your face, like an angel's face. Girl I swear you had the beauty of a true pure angel. There wasn't nothin' I wouldn't have done for you, and our kids, well, they were all the spitin' image of you Jessie... I know I promised on your grave to keep going on till we meet again, but darlin', each day it feels harder for me to breathe. I buried ya'll there ...just fore' the path that goes down to the creek... so you can over look the water and remember all the good times we shared there... We use to take our shoes off and roll up our britches and wade up and down that creek till almost dark and we'd laugh and sing.....wait a minute, gotta wipe my eyes......do you remember that Jessie.... I can see you laughing so hard and almost fallin'. Girl how can you ever be replaced in my life. I know we said we'd find someone else if anything happened to the other, but girl.. I just can not let you go, as long as I have your memories in my head, I feel I still have you, and I'm not ready to let you go. If anything ever happens to me, I pray to God down on my knees, please Lord.... don't take my memories. I put flowers on your grave everyday, hoping you'll know they're there, you loved those little yellow daises so much and as long as I'm alive girl, you'll have them. I go down to the creek now and then and play all the songs you loved to hear, I can see you dancing around, so silly, never will I ever forget your smile on that beautiful face. Today I went into town to get supplies, I hate to go into town, I hate going anywhere any more. I always walk, I feel that's my thinking time. And as every thing I do, I talk to you all the way there and back..girl you're what gets me through. If I could have you back like the way things were, I'd give anything to just to get to hold you one more time..just hold you. Anyway, in town I can feel and see out the corners of my eyes, folks pointing fingers at me and the kids throw rocks at me too, but I just keep on walking act like I don't see. But I want to scream, I'm not blind I can see. Jessie, there's not a day or night that I still don't relive that day, when you were taken away, girl, I did'nt know what to do. I didn't want to eat or breathe, I wanted so bad to be with you, why couldn't I have been right there by your side in that house. To this day, I still don't understand why on God's green earth did he take all of you and leave me. Well, I promise you I'll make you so proud of me. I'm gonna still be the best husband you could ever want, don't know what else to do. I for sure don't want no other but you and I can't change the way I feel, just how it is. At times when I go to bed at night I pray to let tonight be the night I come to you, but I wake in the morning, and I have to make myself get through each day and every thing I do is for you. Well, girl, you gave me so many wonderful dreams, you were a dream come true to me. I can't see why someone like you would even go with someone like me. I had nothin' to offer you, but you kept on and no matter how hard I tried to turn you away, you kept on coming back. I knew from the first that you were the one my heart wanted. One thing I can't figure though, if God loves us like the good book says, then why let things happen like they did. At first I hated God... if there really is a God ...how can he let innocent folks and babies die like they do.... But me and God had a long talk one day, and I realized this is just a part of living and we will be together again one day. But girl, some days it's so hard to git through. Folks that know me tell me to git on with my life, but girl you were my life. That day I fought so hard to get ya'll out of that house...it took a long time for the skin to grow back on my fingers.. and everytime I tried to close my eyes, I'd see that house taken over by that fire and smoke ...and hear your screams to "git my babies out.".... We got you out one time but I couldn't hold you... you were like a wild woman...you broke outta my grip ...and ran back in...through that smoke bellowing out, how could you see, I was on the floor trying to feel for you... or anyone... but someone was pulling me out by my feet. I don't know how long it took for me to even close my eyes and sleep, mostly only minutes at a time, my soul was so restless. But as the years passed by it became a little easier to lay down and rest. One night you came to me and told me everthing was all right and you kissed me on the cheek and you know Jessie, that helped some. And to tell the truth it did calm me inside a bit. But not one day goes by girl that I don't think of you and see you standing by the creek smiling back at me and again it gives me one more day of happiness in my heart. Well, I reckon' I best git on, got stuff to do and feed the animals, but wanted you to know I was here putting these here flowers on your grave... and I'm sending you all my love in this here letter..till tomorrow sweetheart, your beloved husband till the day I die. Jackson B. Kelly Last edited by glynda; 08/14/11 08:15 AM. http://www.youtube.com/GlyndasInterviewshttp://soundclick.com/songsbyglynhttp://www.youtube.com/user/GlyndaDuncan
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Hi Brian....I have added with the challenge I made above the letter Jackson Kelly wrote to his darlin' Jessie.. don't know how long after she died...of course I wrote this one soon after I wrote the Jackson Kelly story....thanks glyn
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Gonna take a deeper look at this and may lead me to another story..
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You are born to story teller, Glynda and can bring a tear to one's heart.
Vic
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Glynda,
I enjoyed reading your story very much. Funny, sad (loss of innocence) and thoroughly entertaining.
Thank you for sharing.
Mike.
Write on, Man, Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Mahatma Gandhi
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